I had a pretty sleepless night. DH was all over the place trying to be close to me and he's got a cold so he was snoring really loudly. This morning he says I didn't cuddle enough. We've been sleeping in the same bed for 5 years, he knows I'm not a fan of cuddling through the night. So, I want to know-
Me: 27 DH: 35 MFI, failed vas-reversal TTC since 2011 Met RE 7/2012 6 failed IUIs 9/2014 IUI BFP, MMC @12 weeks, natural mc @ home 11/18/2014 01/2015 IUI, BFP, CP 2/2015 IUI, BFP, due 11/14/15 delivered 9/8/15 via emergency CS for severe preeclampsia. Currently in the NICU.
we wrap ourselves together in one big vom-worthy ball of cute til we fall asleep.... but if i wake up halfway through the night and we're up close and personal, i make sure we return to our own private corners. separation please!
Post by pantaloons55 on Jan 22, 2015 8:18:01 GMT -5
If we go to bed at the same time we start off cuddlers and move away, but we often go to bed at different times. In that case, I often snuggle in once he gets there.
Post by towerclimberswife on Jan 22, 2015 8:31:33 GMT -5
We cuddle/spoon for a few minutes, but for me... sleeping is an individual activity. If we could fit and afford a California king we'd have one. I like to sleep as far as humanly possible from anything touching me.
I guess I should answer my own poll! Sometimes we cuddle and then separate but other times I'm way too hot and I need my space so our feet touch throughout the night instead. I cannot sleep if I'm too hot. I would snuggle H more if I didn't get all sweaty doing it.
Me: 27 DH: 35 MFI, failed vas-reversal TTC since 2011 Met RE 7/2012 6 failed IUIs 9/2014 IUI BFP, MMC @12 weeks, natural mc @ home 11/18/2014 01/2015 IUI, BFP, CP 2/2015 IUI, BFP, due 11/14/15 delivered 9/8/15 via emergency CS for severe preeclampsia. Currently in the NICU.
Dh hates that I do not cuddle. It makes me way too hot. This is bad...but I end up kicking in my sleep if he touches me (even if it is his foot). He laughs about it when he tells me the next day.
We'll spoon/reverse spoon for a bit but if it's warm, I just can't!! I'm also a sprawler so I take up about 85% of the bed. If he gets up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, he'll come back to his space being taken up by yours truly
DH has PTSD and horrible nightmares, so he doesn't sleep well. We spent years trying to sleep in the same bed, but he's afraid of hurting me so he sleeps on the couch most of the time. He also gets up crazy early, so this arrangement also lets me sleep a little longer.
Diagnosis: Endometriosis and PCOS 5/23/2011 - Twin boys born 2/15/2013 - Daughter, lost due to T21 6/24/2014 - Twin boys, lost at 13 weeks 12/21/2015 - Boy born
My dh works out of town so M-F we don't even sleep in the same house. :-( BUT on the weekends I'm a cuddler. We normally start off spooning and I'll normally turn around and throw my arm over his chest and snuggle close. Plus my furbaby will get as close as humanly possible to me on my other side...we always kinda end up a human/doggie sandwich. Lol
DH has PTSD and horrible nightmares, so he doesn't sleep well. We spent years trying to sleep in the same bed, but he's afraid of hurting me so he sleeps on the couch most of the time. He also gets up crazy early, so this arrangement also lets me sleep a little longer.
I'm sorry to hear that. It's good that you've found something that works for you though. MH has horrible nightmares sometimes that are hard to wake him from. They always wake me up though.
Me: 27 DH: 35 MFI, failed vas-reversal TTC since 2011 Met RE 7/2012 6 failed IUIs 9/2014 IUI BFP, MMC @12 weeks, natural mc @ home 11/18/2014 01/2015 IUI, BFP, CP 2/2015 IUI, BFP, due 11/14/15 delivered 9/8/15 via emergency CS for severe preeclampsia. Currently in the NICU.
Post by pantaloons55 on Jan 22, 2015 9:14:56 GMT -5
LOL! That's true, I forgot to mention that its sort of a one way street with us.
Its ok if I want snuggles (I snuggle into his back), but him spooning me? Not happening. Like I can do it for cuddles, but not to sleep. I can't handle the breathing directly in my ear -- I would punch him.
DH has PTSD and horrible nightmares, so he doesn't sleep well. We spent years trying to sleep in the same bed, but he's afraid of hurting me so he sleeps on the couch most of the time. He also gets up crazy early, so this arrangement also lets me sleep a little longer.
Post by sarcaztic10 on Jan 22, 2015 9:20:29 GMT -5
H and I both hate to cuddle. Neither of us can fall asleep if we are touching which is a problem because both of us like to spread out when we sleep and our bed isn't huge. We have actually been debating about getting a really big bed or buying two larger beds and pushing them together to give us both the space we desire.
I'm always the bid spoon when we cuddle so when i start getting hot and he's asleep I can roll away and stop sweating. Our feet will usually touch throughout the night though.
rmpar29, sorry to hear about YH's PTSD. It's awesome that you are understanding and are there for him
AFM: We start off with cuddling...and it lasts for about 3 minutes, then it's off to our own side of the bed. Sometimes I am woken up by a big "poke" on my butt to find he's spooning me. I get way hot though so snuggles all night is a no go for me.
The only time I get close to him during the night is when I hit or kick him because he's snoring.
Married 01-04-2013 *AMA* 40 in June 2015 **1-19-15 Childless, not by choice" 1st EDD- 12-02-13 MC 5/1/13 @4w6d 2nd EDD 11-13-14 MC 4/15/14: discovered 1st twin @5w 2nd twin @10w 3Rd BFP- 10-10-14 EDD 6/16/15: MC 10-16-14 @5w2d
Post by AmazingTulip on Jan 22, 2015 9:31:46 GMT -5
Thank goodness for king size beds. I don't want that sweaty monster anywhere near me in the middle of the night! I usually separate us with a body pillow. Then the kitty and I snuggle.
sweetcali - I'm sorry that you are in a similar situation. It sucks! Do you try to wake him up, or just let him have them?
Thanks agpjt413, bluejoan and nikolie93 - It really sucks, but just something that I've accepted. I used to try to hold him and be there for him when he woke up, but that just increased his panic that he'd hurt me. It's just easier on both of us this way, but the lack of intimacy because of it sucks.
Diagnosis: Endometriosis and PCOS 5/23/2011 - Twin boys born 2/15/2013 - Daughter, lost due to T21 6/24/2014 - Twin boys, lost at 13 weeks 12/21/2015 - Boy born
rmpar29 That sounds hard. I'm glad the solution allows you to get a little more sleep tho!
We actually don't start off cuddling usually, sometimes if for some reason we are in bed before I am dead tired, but when I wake up, we usually are.
It's not just for DH tho, I've basically snuggled every person who has ever shared a bed with me. I just do it naturally in my sleep! I've also never been down with sleeping alone- if DH is out of town, I either stay up until 2 am or sleep on the couch. I'm fine in hotels though, which is good bc I travel a decent amount for work.
Post by mrsoscarfelix on Jan 22, 2015 9:39:59 GMT -5
My H works midnights, so the only time I get to sleep with him is Tue/Wed nights when he's off. Even then on Wednesday he goes out with his boys (I don't know how but it turns out that most of his friends ended up with Thursday day/Wed nights off) and doesn't come home until late, so I don't even realize he's there. I have to be touching him with my feet when he is there but when he's gone, I take up the whole bed. He is a huge cuddler but is seriously like a furnace so I wake up in the middle of the night and tell him to scoot over because I am dying!
MH sometimes tries to spoon or cuddle, but he is like a human heater. I'll wait a few minutes and then roll him over to his side. We also usually end up with a dog or 2 in between, so that limits the snuggling.
Diagnosis: Endometriosis and PCOS 5/23/2011 - Twin boys born 2/15/2013 - Daughter, lost due to T21 6/24/2014 - Twin boys, lost at 13 weeks 12/21/2015 - Boy born
sweetcali - I'm sorry that you are in a similar situation. It sucks! Do you try to wake him up, or just let him have them?
Thanks agpjt413, bluejoan and nikolie93 - It really sucks, but just something that I've accepted. I used to try to hold him and be there for him when he woke up, but that just increased his panic that he'd hurt me. It's just easier on both of us this way, but the lack of intimacy because of it sucks.
If I notice a nightmare I always wake him up. I know sometimes when I have bad dreams they can turn into nightmares if I realize, in my dream, that Im dreaming and I'm unable to wake myself up (does that even make sense?) I totally panic. So because of my desire to be woken up I started waking him and he appreciates it. I have to give him space at first for him to realize where he is and what's going on. I don't touch him after my initial "wake up" nudges because he has grabbed me hard before, but the space helps. Then I comfort him and we talk it out. This doesn't happen often but it's awful when it does.
I'm sorry you have to deal with this too. It sounds like it's worse for YH. It must be so hard.
Me: 27 DH: 35 MFI, failed vas-reversal TTC since 2011 Met RE 7/2012 6 failed IUIs 9/2014 IUI BFP, MMC @12 weeks, natural mc @ home 11/18/2014 01/2015 IUI, BFP, CP 2/2015 IUI, BFP, due 11/14/15 delivered 9/8/15 via emergency CS for severe preeclampsia. Currently in the NICU.
sweetcali - I'm glad you've found what works for you and YH. For MH, it's worse if I wake him up. If I leave him sleeping he can get through the nightmare and stay sleeping sometimes. If I wake him up in the middle of it he takes him a long time to calm down and be able to move past it.
Diagnosis: Endometriosis and PCOS 5/23/2011 - Twin boys born 2/15/2013 - Daughter, lost due to T21 6/24/2014 - Twin boys, lost at 13 weeks 12/21/2015 - Boy born
rmpar29, ((hugs)) to you and YH, that must be hard
It depends on our mood, but DH usually goes to bed later than I do. Plus I throw off insane body heat according to him, so we don't cuddle too often, except after sexy time.
Diagnosis: Endometriosis and PCOS 5/23/2011 - Twin boys born 2/15/2013 - Daughter, lost due to T21 6/24/2014 - Twin boys, lost at 13 weeks 12/21/2015 - Boy born
DH has PTSD and horrible nightmares, so he doesn't sleep well. We spent years trying to sleep in the same bed, but he's afraid of hurting me so he sleeps on the couch most of the time. He also gets up crazy early, so this arrangement also lets me sleep a little longer.
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