January Book Club Discussion - This Is Where I Leave You

[risscaboobs]

I still have one hour left in the audiobook - so I will answer when I am done. But for those of you who are better at meeting deadlines than me:

1. Discuss Judd Foxman, the novel's protagonist, from his very ironic and dry sense of humor (shared also by his brothers and sister), to his anger and vulnerability regarding his wife's infidelity, to his conflicted emotions regarding his immediate family. What was your first impression of the protagonist/narrator of this novel? What did you find the most engaging aspect of his character? Did you find any aspect of him off-putting?

2. What was your first impression of Judd's wife, Jen? Because you see her almost entirely from Judd's perspective, was there any chance to see her as a sympathetic character before Judd finds her so? Do you think that Judd and Jen have a chance at salvaging their relationship, with or without a baby girl to raise?

3. Discuss Judd's mother and her relationship with each of her children. Do you think that Hillary Foxman was truly a bad mother? Was there any real irony in her being a child-rearing guru? What was your opinion of her character?

4. One of the largest subjects of the book is parenting. Discuss the various parents in the book (Judd and Jen; Wendy and Barry; Hillary and Mort; Linda) and consider the statement (or statements) that Tropper makes about the responsibilities of a parent to his or her child, and, conversely, the responsibilities of a child to his or her parent.

5. Similarly, what comment is Tropper making about the role of trauma and tragedy in our lives? Almost every character in this book suffers or has suffered: Phillip from his neglected/overindulged childhood; Judd from his wife's infidelity; Horry from his brain damage; Paul from the Rottweiler attack; Wendy from her unhappy marriage; and Alice from her infertility. What does their unhappiness, and the way each person copes with that unhappiness, teach us?

6. Most of the characters in this novel struggle against living up to an ideal established either by themselves or by a friend, family member, or spouse. Judd fails to be the perfect husband, brother, and son; Jen fails to be the perfect wife; Wendy fails to be the perfect mother and Alice fails to become a mother at all. Mort and Hillary Foxman, it turns out, fail their children spectacularly in some ways while succeeding in others. What do the lives of these characters reveal to us about perfectionism, ideals, and our expectations for ourselves and others?

7. Also, compare and contrast the various romantic relationships in this book: who, do you think, had the most admirable or lasting relationship? Who had the most realistic one? Who had the most insurmountable problems? (Is there such a thing as an insurmountable problem, especially looking at problems from Phillip's point of view?)

8. For all of their faults, is the Foxman clan a likeable group of people? What makes them an endearing group of people? Who did you like the most, and who did you find the least appealing, and why? Were there any characters you would have liked to see developed further?

9. Throughout the book Judd has recurring nightmares that often involve a prosthetic limb. Discuss the way these dreams acted as elements of foreshadowing and symbolism throughout the narrative. Consider, too, how they reflected Judd's emotional state as the novel progresses.

10. What did you think of Judd's exit at the end of the shiva? Was his disappearance in Phillip's Porsche realistic? Appropriate? Did you find it a satisfying resolution to the book?

[longhornwino0907]

I'm a failure! I'm only halfway through the book. Hoping to finish up while DH works this Saturday, so I'll come back and post then!

[mustloveerica]

Yay book club day. I answered half thee questions and then my app crashed!!! So I'll try again later. I will say I liked this book a lot more than I thought I would. If like to see the movie now.

[wanderingheart]

Finished reading this morning! I'll respond tonight when I'm not on mobile. I really enjoyed it though, but I'm eager to discuss the ending with others!

[Deleted]

I'm at work all day. I'm going to try wholeheartedly to get home at a decent time so I can participate. It's my first month in the book club and don't want to miss out.

[whatsit]

Yeay! I'm not the only one who left this till the last minute!




I finished at 3 this morning.....

[risscaboobs]

Jan 22, 2015 14:54:10 GMT -5 @saveourship said:

Can I still participate? Or is that a board no-no?

Sure, if you've read the book, feel free.

[getzystark]

FFTC I cheated and watched the movie. I was only about 1/3 of the way into the book. I blame DH.

[westisleflower]

I still have one hour left in the audiobook - so I will answer when I am done. But for those of you who are better at meeting deadlines than me:


1. Discuss Judd Foxman, the novel's protagonist, from his very ironic and dry sense of humor (shared also by his brothers and sister), to his anger and vulnerability regarding his wife's infidelity, to his conflicted emotions regarding his immediate family. What was your first impression of the protagonist/narrator of this novel? What did you find the most engaging aspect of his character? Did you find any aspect of him off-putting?
I really really like Judd. He was one of the most real characters I've ever read about. My first impression was that he was going to be a depressing wet blanket the whole time, but with all that he went through who could blame him? I didn't really find anything about him off-putting. The only time I thought he was a little douchey was how he treated his brother Paul after the accident, but he even came around to how bad it was towards the end. I really liked how his family shared his sense of humor, it was sort of a reminder about how close they once were.

2. What was your first impression of Judd's wife, Jen? Because you see her almost entirely from Judd's perspective, was there any chance to see her as a sympathetic character before Judd finds her so? Do you think that Judd and Jen have a chance at salvaging their relationship, with or without a baby girl to raise?
Honestly, my first impression of Jen was that she has great taste in cake (no pun intended). I can understand where she was coming from with cheating on Judd (not that it was right, and she shouldn't have done it). However, it sounds like Judd wasn't there for her in the way that she needed, so she found it (or so she thought). I think they do have a chance to get back together (baby or not), but I really don't think it would happen. Not for a long while at least, Judd really needs to find himself again.

3. Discuss Judd's mother and her relationship with each of her children. Do you think that Hillary Foxman was truly a bad mother? Was there any real irony in her being a child-rearing guru? What was your opinion of her character?
I really enjoyed Hillary. I don't think she was a bad mother. Should she have written about every aspect of ther children's lives in a book? Maybe not, but it wasn't ill-intentioned. I mean aside from Phillip, they all seem to be well adjusted adults. They were all situated at a weird point in their lives with the death of their father, stress of baby-making, and seeing their first love, but I really don't think she did a bad job.

7. Also, compare and contrast the various romantic relationships in this book: who, do you think, had the most admirable or lasting relationship? Who had the most realistic one? Who had the most insurmountable problems? (Is there such a thing as an insurmountable problem, especially looking at problems from Phillip's point of view?)
I think Linda and Hillary had the most admirable and lasting. They had been friends for years and seem to have a real connection. The most realistic.... probably would be Wendy and Barry, just because its a little sterotypical rich guy/bored wife thing, which also makes them have the most problems.

8. For all of their faults, is the Foxman clan a likeable group of people? What makes them an endearing group of people? Who did you like the most, and who did you find the least appealing, and why? Were there any characters you would have liked to see developed further?
I don't think they are likable, at least to other people around them. I think people liked certain individuals (those people who gave condolences and spoke to only one or two people at a time), but as a group I think people saw them as a messed up family, which made it awkward. As a reader, I really liked them.

10. What did you think of Judd's exit at the end of the shiva? Was his disappearance in Phillip's Porsche realistic? Appropriate? Did you find it a satisfying resolution to the book?
I really liked the ending. It left the reader to fill in the blanks and I thought it was very realistic. It wouldn't have been possible for him to choose between Penny and Jen in the timeline the book laid out, so the only option for him was to take a break or get a fresh start somewhere. The only thing that was kind of weird and unrealistic is that he took out all that money from the checking account and is carrying it around with him. I feel like normally that wouldn't happen,

[longhornwino0907]

Jan 22, 2015 15:11:47 GMT -5 getzystark said:

FFTC I cheated and watched the movie. I was only about 1/3 of the way into the book. I blame DH.

I watched the movie last night. I just couldn't wait anymore! I'm still reading the book but man did I love the movie! Tina Fey was phenomenal, I thought.

[risscaboobs]

Okay, Work sucked... here we go:

1. Discuss Judd Foxman, the novel's protagonist, from his very ironic and dry sense of humor (shared also by his brothers and sister), to his anger and vulnerability regarding his wife's infidelity, to his conflicted emotions regarding his immediate family. What was your first impression of the protagonist/narrator of this novel? What did you find the most engaging aspect of his character? Did you find any aspect of him off-putting?

Judd is a complex character. I felt that he definitely was a little messed up, probably due to his completely fucked up mom and the way she raised him. The way he just "falls in love" with women he sees in cars and stuff... it's weird. Anyway, my first impression was that he was definitely depressed. When it was revealed why, I didn't blame the poor guy. The most engaging part of his character to me was just that he was very likable. He felt real to me. I could feel the struggle of still being in love with his wife even though she had betrayed him so horribly. Like I already mentioned, the neediness of a woman to love him was a little off-putting for me.

2. What was your first impression of Judd's wife, Jen? Because you see her almost entirely from Judd's perspective, was there any chance to see her as a sympathetic character before Judd finds her so? Do you think that Judd and Jen have a chance at salvaging their relationship, with or without a baby girl to raise?

My first impression of Judd's wife was that she was a fucking bitch. I have trouble finding sympathy for cheaters, so she didn't make a good impression with me.  I am also an empathetic person, however, so I think I started to sympathize with her a little more before Judd did when she explained how he handled their miscarriage versus how she did. I found that part gut-wrenching. I do feel that Judd & Jen have a very good chance of salvaging the relationship. It was clear to me throughout the whole book that Judd is still in love with his wife.

3. Discuss Judd's mother and her relationship with each of her children. Do you think that Hillary Foxman was truly a bad mother? Was there any real irony in her being a child-rearing guru? What was your opinion of her character?

Judd's mother was a very interesting character. I do not think she was a bad mother, per se, she just made some decisions I do not agree with.  Her way of handling Judd walking in on her and her husband having sex, for example... just weird. I did find it ironic that she is a child-rearing guru. I feel that she was doing the best she could. I found it endearing that she ended up being in love with her best friend.

4. One of the largest subjects of the book is parenting. Discuss the various parents in the book (Judd and Jen; Wendy and Barry; Hillary and Mort; Linda) and consider the statement (or statements) that Tropper makes about the responsibilities of a parent to his or her child, and, conversely, the responsibilities of a child to his or her parent.

This book had a large variety of parents in it.  I think the statement Tropper was trying to make was that parents greatly impact the way that a child turns out. It is their responsibility to do their best to shape the child into the best person they can.  The child's responsibility is to love the parent, despite any flaws they may have.

5. Similarly, what comment is Tropper making about the role of trauma and tragedy in our lives? Almost every character in this book suffers or has suffered: Phillip from his neglected/overindulged childhood; Judd from his wife's infidelity; Horry from his brain damage; Paul from the Rottweiler attack; Wendy from her unhappy marriage; and Alice from her infertility. What does their unhappiness, and the way each person copes with that unhappiness, teach us?

This book had a little bit of trauma for everyone. I felt that each character's ways of dealing with this was very realistic. What I took away from this is that everyone deals with the traumas of their lives in different ways.  Sometimes it effects their ability to love. Sometimes it makes them make really stupid decisions. Sometimes it makes them angry and distant.

6. Most of the characters in this novel struggle against living up to an ideal established either by themselves or by a friend, family member, or spouse. Judd fails to be the perfect husband, brother, and son; Jen fails to be the perfect wife; Wendy fails to be the perfect mother and Alice fails to become a mother at all. Mort and Hillary Foxman, it turns out, fail their children spectacularly in some ways while succeeding in others. What do the lives of these characters reveal to us about perfectionism, ideals, and our expectations for ourselves and others?



7. Also, compare and contrast the various romantic relationships in this book: who, do you think, had the most admirable or lasting relationship? Who had the most realistic one? Who had the most insurmountable problems? (Is there such a thing as an insurmountable problem, especially looking at problems from Phillip's point of view?)

The most admirable relationship to me was probably Mort and Hilary's. I found it really sweet when Judd ends up with his father's watch at the end of the movie and finds the inscription from his mother on it. They were together for many years and loved each other through it all. Mort even knew of Hilary's growing feelings toward Linda at the end and was happy that she wouldn't be alone after he died. I felt that Alice and Paul's relationship was the most realistic. It was clear that they truly loved each other, but Alice's infertility caused her to make a horrible decision. It just seemed really real to me. And I understand it. Phillip and Tracy have the impossible relationship to me. He can't stop cheating. How is that ever going to work?

8. For all of their faults, is the Foxman clan a likeable group of people? What makes them an endearing group of people? Who did you like the most, and who did you find the least appealing, and why? Were there any characters you would have liked to see developed further?

I did think the family was likable. They were real and you could tell that deep-down, the love they have for each other is strong. The character I liked the most was Judd because I was able to know what he was thinking and feeling, and that made him more relatable to me. The least endearing to me was Wendy because I felt like we didn't really learn much about her. So she is also my choice for who should have been developed further.

9. Throughout the book Judd has recurring nightmares that often involve a prosthetic limb. Discuss the way these dreams acted as elements of foreshadowing and symbolism throughout the narrative. Consider, too, how they reflected Judd's emotional state as the novel progresses.

To me, the prosthetic leg (or lack of it) made me feel that Judd felt stuck in the situation he was in.  He felt he had lost something huge and now he was stuck. At first I thought it was his relationship with Jen he was mourning, but with his dad being in the last dream, I realized he was actually mourning his father. It was sweet.

10. What did you think of Judd's exit at the end of the shiva? Was his disappearance in Phillip's Porsche realistic? Appropriate? Did you find it a satisfying resolution to the book?

I was okay with the end of the book. I think Judd just needed a chance to be alone for a while. He went straight from his wife cheating on him to his father's death. He needs a few days to just be alone and think about what he wants to do. In my mind, he will end up going back to Jen and trying to work it out. I found the ending satisfying.

[wanderingheart]

1. Discuss Judd Foxman, the novel's protagonist, from his very ironic and dry sense of humor (shared also by his brothers and sister), to his anger and vulnerability regarding his wife's infidelity, to his conflicted emotions regarding his immediate family. What was your first impression of the protagonist/narrator of this novel? What did you find the most engaging aspect of his character? Did you find any aspect of him off-putting?
I liked Judd a lot too. He was very real and genuine. I liked how the book showed the constant battle between Judd still being in love with his wife despite everything, and trying to hate her. I feel like he came a long way with his relationship with Paul. All those years he blamed Paul for the distance between them, when he was just as much a contributing factor to their strained relationship.

2. What was your first impression of Judd's wife, Jen? Because you see her almost entirely from Judd's perspective, was there any chance to see her as a sympathetic character before Judd finds her so? Do you think that Judd and Jen have a chance at salvaging their relationship, with or without a baby girl to raise?
Ugh, I hated Jen. Bitch. I don't think I ever really grew to like her, or feel sorry for her. Maybe it's an UO, but I just struggle to understand cheating, especially in a marriage. Yes, how Judd treated her after the miscarriage was awful, but everyone grieves in their own way. His intention was never to hurt her, whereas she knew that cheating on him would hurt him. The only sympathy I felt for her was when she was rushed to the hospital, and she thought she was going to lose their second baby. It was short lived though. I felt like she was heartless and bitchy when she was with Wade, but as soon as Wade left, she was trying to win Judd back. It was like she couldn't be alone either.

3. Discuss Judd's mother and her relationship with each of her children. Do you think that Hillary Foxman was truly a bad mother? Was there any real irony in her being a child-rearing guru? What was your opinion of her character?
I don't think Hillary was a bad mother, just slightly misguided. She loves her children deeply, that much is evident. She just handled some situations poorly, as she thought it best to be completely open with her children. My family is pretty open regarding sex, but this family took it to an extreme. It was slightly creepy how often they commented on each other's sex lives.

4. One of the largest subjects of the book is parenting. Discuss the various parents in the book (Judd and Jen; Wendy and Barry; Hillary and Mort; Linda) and consider the statement (or statements) that Tropper makes about the responsibilities of a parent to his or her child, and, conversely, the responsibilities of a child to his or her parent.
I think one of the biggest statements in the book was near the end, when Hillary admitted to staging the whole shiva because she needed her kids to be there for her. Children typically need their parents and depend on them for the majority of their lives. Then there's those like Horry and Philip, who depend on their parents even into adulthood, whether it's completely (Horry), or financially to bail them out (Philip). But in the end, it was the mother who needed her children to rely on their strength.

5. Similarly, what comment is Tropper making about the role of trauma and tragedy in our lives? Almost every character in this book suffers or has suffered: Phillip from his neglected/overindulged childhood; Judd from his wife's infidelity; Horry from his brain damage; Paul from the Rottweiler attack; Wendy from her unhappy marriage; and Alice from her infertility. What does their unhappiness, and the way each person copes with that unhappiness, teach us?
It was interesting how each character had their own battle to face. Like others have stated, each person handled their baggage differently. I think part of the reason behind the distance between each sibling was that they all handled their trauma differently, but expected everyone else to handle it the same as them. Similar to Jen and Judd and the miscarriage - both parties handled the same situation differently, and it tore them apart. Communication is key here, people.

6. Most of the characters in this novel struggle against living up to an ideal established either by themselves or by a friend, family member, or spouse. Judd fails to be the perfect husband, brother, and son; Jen fails to be the perfect wife; Wendy fails to be the perfect mother and Alice fails to become a mother at all. Mort and Hillary Foxman, it turns out, fail their children spectacularly in some ways while succeeding in others. What do the lives of these characters reveal to us about perfectionism, ideals, and our expectations for ourselves and others?
I think it shows just how desperate we are to be that perfect/ideal image we have in our heads. I mean, Alice pretty much forced her brother-in-law to have sex with her because she was so desperate to be a mother. 

7. Also, compare and contrast the various romantic relationships in this book: who, do you think, had the most admirable or lasting relationship? Who had the most realistic one? Who had the most insurmountable problems? (Is there such a thing as an insurmountable problem, especially looking at problems from Phillip's point of view?)
Mort and Hillary's was my favorite relationship. I teared up when Judd put the watch on and read the inscription. Seriously. Also, I love how he was concerned about how she would be able to get on, even when he was on his deathbed. They seemed like opposites in a lot of ways, but they truly loved each other despite all the trauma their family endured. The most realistic one to me was Paul and Alice, but maybe because that's the one I identify with the most. Judd even pointed out they loved each other, the strain of infertility just weighed on them emotionally. For me, Philip and Tracy  had the worst/most insurmountable problems. They were together for all the wrong reasons. He was trying to be the man she wanted him to be, but could never live up to. She was trying to fix him.

8. For all of their faults, is the Foxman clan a likeable group of people? What makes them an endearing group of people? Who did you like the most, and who did you find the least appealing, and why? Were there any characters you would have liked to see developed further?
I feel like I would be best friends with this family. They're eccentric and blunt, and yes, slightly crazy, but they're loveable. Even though Judd painted the picture of the family being torn apart and distant, you could still tell they loved each other.

9. Throughout the book Judd has recurring nightmares that often involve a prosthetic limb. Discuss the way these dreams acted as elements of foreshadowing and symbolism throughout the narrative. Consider, too, how they reflected Judd's emotional state as the novel progresses.
I'll be honest, I didn't get the dreams. Hopefully someone else is smarter than me

10. What did you think of Judd's exit at the end of the shiva? Was his disappearance in Phillip's Porsche realistic? Appropriate? Did you find it a satisfying resolution to the book?
So this morning, I hated the ending. I'm one of those types of readers who like a clean resolution. But after thinking about it throughout the day, I think a clean resolution would have failed Judd. There's no way he could have made a decision about his marriage and Penny in a week, especially considering all the crazy that he just went through with his family. He had a few breakthroughs about himself and love after talking with Paul and Wendy, and I think his driving off to give himself some time is exactly what he needed. I still want to know what he's going to do though.


Edit: because I forgot to answer some questions. Ooops.

[akraus2015]

Jan 22, 2015 17:55:03 GMT -5 longhornwino0907 said:

Jan 22, 2015 15:11:47 GMT -5 getzystark said:

FFTC I cheated and watched the movie. I was only about 1/3 of the way into the book. I blame DH.

I watched the movie last night. I just couldn't wait anymore! I'm still reading the book but man did I love the movie! Tina Fey was phenomenal, I thought.

I watched the movie back in December, with every intention of reading the book, and then January was a shitstorm of nonsense and I have done nothing but sleep and work this month. I'm afraid I'm going to have to lurk this discussion, but I promise to be better with next months pick!

[butlerfan]

I'm a failure...I got the nook finally but haven't had a chance to read it. I was hoping earlier this week but didn't happen. I will read it tjough.

[whatsit]

I'm sadly not going to answer all the questions, as its 10;30 and I'm 2 glasses of wine into the evening.

1. Discuss Judd Foxman, the novel's protagonist, from his very ironic and dry sense of humor (shared also by his brothers and sister), to his anger and vulnerability regarding his wife's infidelity, to his conflicted emotions regarding his immediate family. What was your first impression of the protagonist/narrator of this novel? What did you find the most engaging aspect of his character? Did you find any aspect of him off-putting?

Judd to me seemed like he ended up in this place in life and had no clue how he got there. He ended up with this wife who - when he met her - he thought was way out of his league. It seemed like he continued on with the relationship because he was more in love with the idea of being with someone like her.

2. What was your first impression of Judd's wife, Jen? Because you see her almost entirely from Judd's perspective, was there any chance to see her as a sympathetic character before Judd finds her so? Do you think that Judd and Jen have a chance at salvaging their relationship, with or without a baby girl to raise?

Jen to me seemed rather selfish - this could be because of being in Judds perspective, but it seemed as she was use to getting everything she wanted. When she lost their baby, she lost control of her marriage so she started the affair, Something she had complete control over. I don't really know if their relationship can be salvaged. I think they will attempt it for the sake of their daughter but there will always be tension and mistrust.

3. Discuss Judd's mother and her relationship with each of her children. Do you think that Hillary Foxman was truly a bad mother? Was there any real irony in her being a child-rearing guru? What was your opinion of her character?

I don't know if I'd classify her as a bad mother, but I would say that she was in her own world when in came to that. She was very by-the-book, and a lot of times, human behaviour and society are not that way and rebel. She seemed overly prepared for how her family was not.

4. One of the largest subjects of the book is parenting. Discuss the various parents in the book (Judd and Jen; Wendy and Barry; Hillary and Mort; Linda) and consider the statement (or statements) that Tropper makes about the responsibilities of a parent to his or her child, and, conversely, the responsibilities of a child to his or her parent.

5. Similarly, what comment is Tropper making about the role of trauma and tragedy in our lives? Almost every character in this book suffers or has suffered: Phillip from his neglected/overindulged childhood; Judd from his wife's infidelity; Horry from his brain damage; Paul from the Rottweiler attack; Wendy from her unhappy marriage; and Alice from her infertility. What does their unhappiness, and the way each person copes with that unhappiness, teach us?

I think the tragedies made the characters more real, and more relatable. Like most readers, they did not lead the perfect lives and with the variety of tragedy, it was easy to find one in which you could relate to and thusly connect with the book easier.

6. Most of the characters in this novel struggle against living up to an ideal established either by themselves or by a friend, family member, or spouse. Judd fails to be the perfect husband, brother, and son; Jen fails to be the perfect wife; Wendy fails to be the perfect mother and Alice fails to become a mother at all. Mort and Hillary Foxman, it turns out, fail their children spectacularly in some ways while succeeding in others. What do the lives of these characters reveal to us about perfectionism, ideals, and our expectations for ourselves and others?


I kinda ouched on it above, but it realy shows that as cliche as it sounds "nobodys perfect". In this familys case, its a matter of loving people inspite of their imperfections. It also shows that we all have flaws and that we should not expect others to be perfect as we are imperfect ourselves.

7. Also, compare and contrast the various romantic relationships in this book: who, do you think, had the most admirable or lasting relationship? Who had the most realistic one? Who had the most insurmountable problems? (Is there such a thing as an insurmountable problem, especially looking at problems from Phillip's point of view?)

8. For all of their faults, is the Foxman clan a likeable group of people? What makes them an endearing group of people? Who did you like the most, and who did you find the least appealing, and why? Were there any characters you would have liked to see developed further?

9. Throughout the book Judd has recurring nightmares that often involve a prosthetic limb. Discuss the way these dreams acted as elements of foreshadowing and symbolism throughout the narrative. Consider, too, how they reflected Judd's emotional state as the novel progresses.

10. What did you think of Judd's exit at the end of the shiva? Was his disappearance in Phillip's Porsche realistic? Appropriate? Did you find it a satisfying resolution to the book?
I don't know if I'd call the ending realistic, but I did think it was appropriate. Judd started the novel as someone who seemed like a follower. It was a great conclusion to his growth through the novel that he would break out on his own and do something fo himself.

[teambrink]

Took me so long to get the book that I'm no where near finished. I may try to finish it this weekend or I may give up and read it later.

[risscaboobs]

Bump in case anyone else wants to discuss

[wanderingheart]

Has anyone read the book AND seen the movie? I want to see the movie because I love me some Fey and Bateman, but I don't want the movie to be so different it ruins the book.

[14joa31]

risscaboobs - thanks for moderating book club. I am in another book club, where a member remarked "The whole point of book club is to read and discuss books that you wouldn't otherwise read." I never would have read "This is Where I Leave You," but for GKU message boards. The book really made me think, although answering your discussion questions is frankly, much more fun than reading the book was!

1. Discuss Judd Foxman, the novel's protagonist, from his very ironic and dry sense of humor (shared also by his brothers and sister), to his anger and vulnerability regarding his wife's infidelity, to his conflicted emotions regarding his immediate family. What was your first impression of the protagonist/narrator of this novel? What did you find the most engaging aspect of his character? Did you find any aspect of him off-putting?

I find hopeless romantics to be quite irritating, but Judd was a twist on your typical hopeless romantic - he is very emotionally disconnected. Maybe "falling in love" is the only emotion that he truly feels, so he maxes it out?? He avoids things that bring him pain, like talking about his miscarriage with his wife, or visiting his brother after the multiple dog-bite surgeries. So I think he's a jerk, but I think that he's finally coming around towards being a better person towards the end of the book.

2. What was your first impression of Judd's wife, Jen? Because you see her almost entirely from Judd's perspective, was there any chance to see her as a sympathetic character before Judd finds her so? Do you think that Judd and Jen have a chance at salvaging their relationship, with or without a baby girl to raise?

I think she your typical woman who wants to feel loved and supported. She doesn't feel loved and supported by her husband, so she goes Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places .... In that sense, she is a living, breathing cliché. I think that Judd will end up with her because he is going to realize his own flaws and how he may have pushed his wife away. I also think that he truly loves her and he wants a marriage like his parents' marriage - a successful one.

3. Discuss Judd's mother and her relationship with each of her children. Do you think that Hillary Foxman was truly a bad mother? Was there any real irony in her being a child-rearing guru? What was your opinion of her character?

I feel like she is also an archetypical, TMI, over-bearing Jewish mother. She reminds me of Barbara Streisand's character in Meet The Fockers. It is interesting that she is so wildly open about her children, and her sex life with their father and lots of other things - but she is hesitant to bring up the affair with Linda. It's nice to know that she thinks that some things, at least, should be kept private.

4. One of the largest subjects of the book is parenting. Discuss the various parents in the book (Judd and Jen; Wendy and Barry; Hillary and Mort; Linda) and consider the statement (or statements) that Tropper makes about the responsibilities of a parent to his or her child, and, conversely, the responsibilities of a child to his or her parent.

I think that Tropper realizes that no parent is perfect; as human beings, we are inherently flawed. He explores flawed parenting in all of these relationships. I think that Tropper's final point is that all we can each do is try our best to be good parents.

5. Similarly, what comment is Tropper making about the role of trauma and tragedy in our lives? Almost every character in this book suffers or has suffered: Phillip from his neglected/overindulged childhood; Judd from his wife's infidelity; Horry from his brain damage; Paul from the Rottweiler attack; Wendy from her unhappy marriage; and Alice from her infertility. What does their unhappiness, and the way each person copes with that unhappiness, teach us?

I think that of all the characters, Wendy and Horry are making the best of the hand that they are dealt. They don't let their life traumas and tragedies define them; rather, they prefer to define themselves outside of those traumas and tragedies. When you are broken by tragedy, you have two choices: remain broken or grow stronger. Most of these characters choose to remain broken. Judd must decide which direction he wants his life to take in light of his wife's infidelity.

6. Most of the characters in this novel struggle against living up to an ideal established either by themselves or by a friend, family member, or spouse. Judd fails to be the perfect husband, brother, and son; Jen fails to be the perfect wife; Wendy fails to be the perfect mother and Alice fails to become a mother at all. Mort and Hillary Foxman, it turns out, fail their children spectacularly in some ways while succeeding in others. What do the lives of these characters reveal to us about perfectionism, ideals, and our expectations for ourselves and others?

I think Tropper is just trying to show that, despite the best of intentions, no one is perfect. And no one should expect to be - when we place such expectations on ourselves, we will inevitably fail to meet them.

7. Also, compare and contrast the various romantic relationships in this book: who, do you think, had the most admirable or lasting relationship? Who had the most realistic one? Who had the most insurmountable problems? (Is there such a thing as an insurmountable problem, especially looking at problems from Phillip's point of view?)

Hillary and Mort had the best relationship - it sounds like they had a rowdy sex life in spite of having four children. Now that is admirable. And it sounds like they were in love with each other for their whole marriage. I would say that Hillary has the most realistic marriage because she understands her situation and she is willing to live with it. Phillip has the most insurmountable problems because he is totally ridiculous.

8. For all of their faults, is the Foxman clan a likeable group of people? What makes them an endearing group of people? Who did you like the most, and who did you find the least appealing, and why? Were there any characters you would have liked to see developed further?

I don't think I would like hanging out with any of them - maybe with Wendy's kids?

9. Throughout the book Judd has recurring nightmares that often involve a prosthetic limb. Discuss the way these dreams acted as elements of foreshadowing and symbolism throughout the narrative. Consider, too, how they reflected Judd's emotional state as the novel progresses.

He has lost his father, who he never realized before was such a big support in his life. I think that the missing limb means that part of him is lost because he lost his father.

10. What did you think of Judd's exit at the end of the shiva? Was his disappearance in Phillip's Porsche realistic? Appropriate? Did you find it a satisfying resolution to the book?

I think I was surprised and delighted that the hopeless romantic actually took the shrink's advice and decided he needed some "Judd-time" to figure out who he was. You have to be "me" before you can be "we."

[Deleted]

risscaboobs - i am so mad. I just spent 20 minutes typing out my response on the computer. I pressed reply and thought it sent but nope it's all gone. 
I'm trying again. Wish me luck.

[risscaboobs]

Jan 24, 2015 14:32:51 GMT -5 @wallflwr926 said:

risscaboobs - i am so mad. I just spent 20 minutes typing out my response on the computer. I pressed reply and thought it sent but nope it's all gone. 
I'm trying again. Wish me luck.

OMG that sucks. And that was two hours ago so I'm guessing the second attempt didn't go well?

[Deleted]

Jan 24, 2015 16:42:55 GMT -5 risscaboobs said:

Jan 24, 2015 14:32:51 GMT -5 @wallflwr926 said:

risscaboobs - i am so mad. I just spent 20 minutes typing out my response on the computer. I pressed reply and thought it sent but nope it's all gone. 
I'm trying again. Wish me luck.

OMG that sucks. And that was two hours ago so I'm guessing the second attempt didn't go well?

I was on the phone with a friend so I'm only now just sittino down again to focus on my responses.

[Deleted]

Second attempt to join the discussion. Only two days late. I'm such a mess.

1. Discuss Judd Foxman, the novel's protagonist, from his very ironic and dry sense of humor (shared also by his brothers and sister), to his anger and vulnerability regarding his wife's infidelity, to his conflicted emotions regarding his immediate family. What was your first impression of the protagonist/narrator of this novel? What did you find the most engaging aspect of his character? Did you find any aspect of him off-putting?

My first impression was of a potentially broken man. Someone who thought things in life were going along the way they should until he learns otherwise.I found his fondness for his family despite their flaws drew me into the book. The stories from the high school years made more relatable. The only thing I found to be offputting about him was his lack of drive. It seemed like until the very end that he was just waiting for life to happen to him.

2. What was your first impression of Judd's wife, Jen? Because you see her almost entirely from Judd's perspective, was there any chance to see her as a sympathetic character before Judd finds her so? Do you think that Judd and Jen have a chance at salvaging their relationship, with or without a baby girl to raise? At first, I thought she was not going to make a reappearance in the book; but in hindsight, it only made sense that she would end pregnant with Judd's child. I do not think that if Jen was not pregnant with Judd's child there would be any chance of salvaging the relationship. Even with the child involved I think they may just end up as good friends (co-parenting).

3. Discuss Judd's mother and her relationship with each of her children. Do you think that Hillary Foxman was truly a bad mother? Was there any real irony in her being a child-rearing guru? What was your opinion of her character? I do not think that Hillary was a bad mother. I think she set high parenting standards and tried her best not to look like a hypocrite. My opinion of Hillary is that she is a woman who is more concerned with her outwardly appearance more than what others think of her writing.

4. One of the largest subjects of the book is parenting. Discuss the various parents in the book (Judd and Jen; Wendy and Barry; Hillary and Mort; Linda) and consider the statement (or statements) that Tropper makes about the responsibilities of a parent to his or her child, and, conversely, the responsibilities of a child to his or her parent.
I think that Tropper tries to show that parenting in general is difficult. It does not matter if you are happily married, a tuned out parent, or a single parents. Children aren't easy to raise and not every parenting technique will work but you have to do what works for you.

5. Similarly, what comment is Tropper making about the role of trauma and tragedy in our lives? Almost every character in this book suffers or has suffered: Phillip from his neglected/overindulged childhood; Judd from his wife's infidelity; Horry from his brain damage; Paul from the Rottweiler attack; Wendy from her unhappy marriage; and Alice from her infertility. What does their unhappiness, and the way each person copes with that unhappiness, teach us?
Their unhappiness teaches us that things can go haywire at any point in our lives. People have their own private struggles. Sometimes you can see the issues out in the open and other times you don't find out there is anything wrong until it's out of control.

6. Most of the characters in this novel struggle against living up to an ideal established either by themselves or by a friend, family member, or spouse. Judd fails to be the perfect husband, brother, and son; Jen fails to be the perfect wife; Wendy fails to be the perfect mother and Alice fails to become a mother at all. Mort and Hillary Foxman, it turns out, fail their children spectacularly in some ways while succeeding in others. What do the lives of these characters reveal to us about perfectionism, ideals, and our expectations for ourselves and others?
I think Wendy's character shows the most realistic view of unobtainable perfection. She talks about wanting to lose baby weight so she can look as good as other moms. She admits that she is unhappy with Barry but doesn't see the point in leaving. She feels that she won't be able to find someone better and doesn't want to risk losing what she has for her kids.

7. Also, compare and contrast the various romantic relationships in this book: who, do you think, had the most admirable or lasting relationship? Who had the most realistic one? Who had the most insurmountable problems? (Is there such a thing as an insurmountable problem, especially looking at problems from Phillip's point of view?)

Hillary and Mort. They seemed to have an active sex life and be in tune with each other. Even as Mort was dying, he gave his approval to make sure his wife's needs were met after he was gone.
I think that Paul and Alice's relationship was filled with an inability to communicate. Alice received multiple fertility treatments in an effort to have a child but Paul refused to have testing done. It almost seemed like Paul did not want to feel like a failure so instead he placed all the blame on Alice. This left Alice so desperate that she felt like she had no other choice than ask Judd for help.

8. For all of their faults, is the Foxman clan a likeable group of people? What makes them an endearing group of people? Who did you like the most, and who did you find the least appealing, and why? Were there any characters you would have liked to see developed further?
I think in general they are a likeable group of people. As with any family, they have their inside jokes and ability to make sideways comments that no one else understands. My favorite character was Wendy. She seemed the most relatable and most realistic. I did not like Penny Moore's character. I felt that it was too randomly injected into the story. I'm sure in a movie format they could do much more (i haven't seen the movie).

9. Throughout the book Judd has recurring nightmares that often involve a prosthetic limb. Discuss the way these dreams acted as elements of foreshadowing and symbolism throughout the narrative. Consider, too, how they reflected Judd's emotional state as the novel progresses.
I think the prosthetic limb was a symbol of Judd's need to detach himself from Jen. It was his realization that while he wanted her in his life, he could live without her.

10. What did you think of Judd's exit at the end of the shiva? Was his disappearance in Phillip's Porsche realistic? Appropriate? Did you find it a satisfying resolution to the book? I found it to be an expected end to the book. I thought it was quite interesting to see Judd and Phillip changes place. Phillip was ready to grow up and return home for a more stable life while Judd wasn't quite sure what he was doing but he was ok with it.