Post by subliminalrabbit on Jan 22, 2015 9:40:58 GMT -5
I'm taking any and all ideas. E has never been one to love going to sleep, but after doing the Sleep Lady Shuffle he'd willingly nod off on his own without giving us any trouble. This sleep regression is hitting us so hard. He sobs and screams whether I'm in the room with him or not (at night, I stay in the room with him until he's asleep so he knows I love him and I'm there for him). When I quietly shush him or tell him it's sleepy time, it just makes him more hysterical. And I fear if I take him downstairs and let him "stay up" for a bit longer, he'll just start playing us and not go to sleep when he needs to. (He's definitely tired when I put him in bed. Eye rubbing and all that.)
I'm not sure what to try next. I'm feeling tapped out of ideas. I know this one we're just supposed to try to survive without creating new sleep crutches, but I can't bear my little dude sobbing and screaming like this for three more weeks.
If hes crying either way id explore trying not to be in the room with him. Can you talk to him through your monitor? Thats usually how i assure J that im still here and that hes ok. I even sing to him which usually relaxes him. Hes not going to think that you dont love him if you arent in there. You show him that you love him all day long! I really feel that he needs just a few nights of you not there. He may cry a little and thoughts will run through your head "he thinks i dont love him, he thinks im abandoning him etc" but you just have to remind yourself that thats not true! If you can talk through the monitor i would really try to comfort him that way. Talk in a nice soothing tone. Sing a special song. Tell him hes ok. Tell him youre there and that you love him. Tell him its time to go to sleep. Yada yada.
I hope you find something that works! ((hugs))
ETA i just saw spam. Could it be teeth? Maybe his canines are killing him? Motrin?
Does he have any comfort items? Like a pacifier or blankie or teddy? N has been waking up in the middle of the night recently and I go on, pick her up and cuddle her until she calms down, put her back down and give her her pacifier, bunny, wubanubb and tuck her blanket around her and then leave. It works great and she goes right to sleep. Sorry if this isn't helpful.
Post by momofcatan on Jan 22, 2015 10:13:53 GMT -5
Similar to what Maelara said, one of my friends does a thing where her kids can pick something to go to bed with. With her oldest she got to pick a stuffed animal from her shelf (though the night we babysat she decided to pick a pair or shoes off the shelf...) and her second wanted to pick a dress to wear on top of her pjs. Do you think something like this would help? You could line up a bunch of toys appropriate for him to take with to the crib and tell him he gets to pick one?
Warning, don't allow books. This fried pulled out a book her oldest once fell asleep with. Teeth marks and a corner missing.
Post by lizzybizzy on Jan 22, 2015 10:26:12 GMT -5
Are his two year molars coming in? Didn't E get lots of teeth early? Motrin helped us get through a rough time as B has the four canines popping through. Dye free and no vomiting this time. You may have already mentioned ruling out teething, I can't remember.
I wish I had advice, we have a pretty easy time going to bed now but have super early wake ups (5:30 or 4:30).
Post by huckleberry08 on Jan 22, 2015 10:29:12 GMT -5
For us, it took Motrin, the end of the really bad separation anxiety phase, and his attachment to a blanket as a comfort object. Not screaming when we left him at bedtime happened right around the time that he also stopped screaming at daycare dropoffs, which happened to also be when his canines popped through. I wish I could say we did something to make it happen, but I can't pinpoint anything non-developmental other than leaving the room and staying gone as he cried. We'd shush him through the monitor, but sometimes that made it worse. It sucks to hear them get so upset but we just got so tired that we had to do it. It was better for our parent-child relationship in the long run.
Oh hon. He's never going to think you don't love him.
I agree with cl8badb. Talk through the monitor to him. But then be done. Reassure him and then give him a chance to work things out. I know you have always been against CIO but I'm worried that you've already created a new sleep crutch by going back in his room. If you think it will be hard to resist going in, turn the monitor down after you reassure him. He's safe and healthy. He will be ok in his crib.
My first thought was teething or possible ear infection starting. That's always when we see a huge sleep regression in C. I completely agree with cl8badb in that LO knows you love even if you aren't in the room, and it actually may be prolonging his ability to fall asleep
We did go through an awful sleep/separation anxiety about 2 months ago where my typically good sleeper would not sleep unless he was with either DH or I. I knew he wanted to be by us, so I took (alright TMI) one of my sleep tops that I had worn a few times and put it in his crib. In the morning we found him holding my shirt. I think it gives him just enough of a reminder that I am close, so he doesn't need me. I know you don't want to try a new sleep crutch, but it worked for us.
I tend to agree with cl8badb too, although I think I remember you saying that E sometimes gets himself so worked up that he'll poop or puke. Is that still the case? If so, I don't have much good advice. Madeline has never been the kind of baby/kid who would drift off to sleep if I was in the room (only exception is when she's sick), so we had no choice but to cio. Thankfully the cries have turned more into whines now and her whining doesn't hurt my heart quite as badly, I hope that you find something that works, because E needs his sleep and maybe even more importantly, so do you.
We do bedtime and then leave the room. I still don't do full on CIO, we will cave after 20-30 minutes depending on the type of crying wipe her nose, give her a sip of water, say bye and leave again. She normally goes to sleep petty easily now. I do wonder if E is playing you. Maybe give him 30 minutes on a night your DH is home so you can leave the house? We also don't talk to her over the monitor or see what she is doing. She is safe in her crib.
That's what I do too. I've never left her more than 20 min in one stretch, but it has rarely taken more than that. The only time I leave her longer is if she isn't really crying, or has cried a bit, played in her crib for 15-20 min and then started crying again. Then I reset the clock. I've always had to be the one to do it (DH can't hear her cry, he always breaks and gets her up) so I would definitely pick one of you, whoever is "tougher" to stay with him while he cries (if you choose this route). If we had done it with Tyson home M never would have learned to go to sleep.
Lately we've had to just let him cry, usually standing and knocking at his door. We'll check on him every 20-30 minutes and he eventually falls asleep. If we keep going in and checking on him, he starts playing us. Including asking for a bottle, pouch, the other parent, etc
I wish I had an answer for you - we had to do the whole CIO thing after trying multiple other things. That turned out to work the best. The first week was really rough - but we would let her cry for 10-15 mins and then go in and soothe her. Then start over. It took a while but eventually got to the point where we now go in, read her book, give her a pacifier and her tag pillow and in her crib she goes. She's awake every night when we leave the room. Some days she will cry for a minute or so, but 98% of the time she just goes to sleep on her own. She even shuts her door and puts her pacifier and pillow in her crib before story time. She likes the routine.
Audrey just went through some crazy regression thing. She had never death with any other regression and she's always been a great sleeper/easy to go to sleep. It was awful she would take hours to get her to sleep and then she would wake up a few hours later and be up for an hour.
No real advice since it just kind of went back to normal on its own.
Is he still in a crib at least? Audrey is in a twin and was escaping her room constantly when we were putting her to bed. It was a ridiculous process every night and I was dreading bed time all the time.
Sorry you are going through this too, hope things go back to normal soon.
Audrey just went through some crazy regression thing. She had never death with any other regression and she's always been a great sleeper/easy to go to sleep. It was awful she would take hours to get her to sleep and then she would wake up a few hours later and be up for an hour.
No real advice since it just kind of went back to normal on its own.
Is he still in a crib at least? Audrey is in a twin and was escaping her room constantly when we were putting her to bed. It was a ridiculous process every night and I was dreading bed time all the time.
Sorry you are going through this too, hope things go back to normal soon.
This. I don't want to jinx us, but after about 5 weeks of really terrible sleep, we've had two nights of "normal" for us. I hope you're nearing the end of your roller coaster ride and can get back to being a rested individual!
Something about the light and soft music do the trick.
We did the Sleep Lady shuffle to. Full disclosure we never got past the step where you totally leave the room.
Our routine is to take him in the room sit in the rocking chair for a few minutes, lay him in the crib and turn on the glo worm thing. And then sit in the rocking chair while he drifts off. Some nights he has trouble and I have to turn it on more then once. If he cries or stands up I mostly ignore it, if it elevates to a hysterical level I will rub his back and shush him for a bit then just leave my hand there until he relaxes enough to lay on his own and drift to sleep.
All that being said there is no magic bullet, and believe me if I had it I would sell it to all the Moms out there
If I were you I would start from the beginning, and by that I mean his routine from dinner time on, look for clues or cues that maybe part of that routine needs to change.
We just went through a litttle rough patch ourselves, he was crying through his bedtime routine, so I changed a few things and changed the time and we are back on track.
Post by subliminalrabbit on Jan 22, 2015 15:05:27 GMT -5
Thanks, all. It's just so frustrating because for a couple of months, he was finally going to sleep happily on his own. Our bedtime routine is very strong -- the point that if one of our parents is here and puts him to bed and skips something, he points to the area / thing until they remember. mcbush, he's definitely "playing" me, I completely agree. He doesn't want to go to sleep. He wants to be up. And I refuse to let him get up when it's bedtime and he's tired because if he gets his way, forget it. He'll never willingly go to bed again. We made that mistake last sleep regression and regretted it hard.
To the ladies who asked, no, he does not have a lovey or attachment object. A month ago I thought he finally did (two toy dinosaurs), but since hitting this regression he's chucked them. Literally. As far away from him as he can get them in the crib. Anything he seems remotely attached to, I try to encourage deeper attachment, but no dice.
A pillow is an interesting idea now that he doesn't do circuits around his crib anymore.
I'll talk through all of your advice with DH tonight and we'll make a game plan. Maybe it's time to just leave him be, assuming he doesn't throw up or poop from his hysterics.
subliminalrabbit I've mentioned this before, and I don't know if you guys still use or have one, but Madeline is oddly attached to our old nursing pillow. Whenever it was sitting next to the rocking chair she would play with it, drag it around the house, etc. One night I used it to elevate her a bit since she was kind of congested. She slept like a dream. She loves that pillow and now it's kind of her lovey/the pillow she sleeps on at night. I've seen her move around a fair bit in her crib, but if she ever wakes up she just moves back over to her pillow, nuzzles into it, pulls up her blanket and goes back to sleep with barely a whimper. It blew my mind.
Post by atangiblewish on Jan 22, 2015 15:18:46 GMT -5
You are doing exactly what I did when she was going through it. It was hell. But I would put on her soothing music, shush her, and finally I'd resort to rocking her in the glider....good luck!
Another thing that i thinked help J sleep was that i stopped researching leaps and regressions. If he had a bad night i just made different calls based on how he was acting. The minute you chalk it up to regression or a leap you just think "crap here we go" and you (not you you) treat it differently. If you didnt know about the regression would you have moved back into his room? Or would you have just wondered "crap hes teething" and just approached it differently?
Another thing that i thinked help J sleep was that i stopped researching leaps and regressions. If he had a bad night i just made different calls based on how he was acting. The minute you chalk it up to regression or a leap you just think "crap here we go" and you (not you you) treat it differently. If you didnt know about the regression would you have moved back into his room? Or would you have just wondered "crap hes teething" and just approached it differently?
I say this with love...... Put the books down!!
I know he's not teething because we were just at the dentist. Dude has generally been textbook about the sleep regressions so I've no doubt that's what this is. I'm actually not treating this any differently than I would otherwise. If he can't sleep, usually if I stay in his room he'll drift off. There's just so much more screaming right now.
And there aren't a lot of books on how to manage sleep regressions.
Another thing that i thinked help J sleep was that i stopped researching leaps and regressions. If he had a bad night i just made different calls based on how he was acting. The minute you chalk it up to regression or a leap you just think "crap here we go" and you (not you you) treat it differently. If you didnt know about the regression would you have moved back into his room? Or would you have just wondered "crap hes teething" and just approached it differently?
I say this with love...... Put the books down!!
I know he's not teething because we were just at the dentist. Dude has generally been textbook about the sleep regressions so I've no doubt that's what this is. I'm actually not treating this any differently than I would otherwise. If he can't sleep, usually if I stay in his room he'll drift off. There's just so much more screaming right now.
And there aren't a lot of books on how to manage sleep regressions.
i think that's unfortunately because there is no great way to manage them. It really seems (especially after reading everyone's different experiences over so many months) that every kid sleeps differently and responds differently to the regressions. Which is another reason parenting is so tough! I have a really good friend with a 3 yo and an almost 1 yo and she has had so much trouble with both of them when it comes to sleep. I just wish some of the things that work for M would work for her, but they never seem to. I'm taking her 3 yo next weekend just so they have a chance at a full nights sleep, or can let the littlest one cry for a bit without worrying about the repercussions of him waking his sister.
Gia's a crappy sleeper too. Last night she was up from 1-4ish not crying just up. We do do CIO but only until she starts getting hysterical. Normal routine is nighttime diaper,brush teeth then bed while she's wide awake.We give her her bink and blanket,say I love you,you'll be ok,go night night,and leave the room.She'll normally play for a half hour then doze off. Sometimes I have to go in and cuddle multiple times but hey nothing is perfect You've gotten great advice,now it's just a matter of finding what works.I'm so sorry because it just sucks!
Post by cynthia2007 on Jan 22, 2015 17:22:07 GMT -5
subliminalrabbit, I think others have given you some good suggestions so I'm just posting to send sleep vibes your way. I hope some of the suggestions work for you and E. I remember A used to be the same way and we had to CIO for a few nights to make a change. The minute I put her in her crib shed scream and cry and I would cry from my room but it had to happen. She was waking up every 1.5-2 hrs for months and H never got up with her so it was draining me and she was sometimes having bad days at daycare. CIO (and I'd check in after 25 min) but then I stopped and she learned to self sooth. She also loved my pillow so I put it in her crib and I think that helped too along with toys and a nightlight bc I think she didn't like being in complete darkness. Now I can put her down fully awake and she plays with her toys laying down for a few minutes and falls asleep.
I really would try to be out of the room since he's crying regardless and let H put him down. Good luck lady!!
Post by subliminalrabbit on Jan 22, 2015 22:58:32 GMT -5
Thanks again, all. Me being the room HELPED E get to sleep last time around, so I've sort of been going with what worked last time. Which isn't necessarily what'll work this time and I have to keep that in mind.
But. Tonight he went to sleep without a peep as soon as I lay down in his room.
Thanks again, all. Me being the room HELPED E get to sleep last time around, so I've sort of been going with what worked last time. Which isn't necessarily what'll work this time and I have to keep that in mind.
But. Tonight he went to sleep without a peep as soon as I lay down in his room.
So yeah, he's messing with me!
Toddlers are sly little buggers! Hopefully you find a system that will work without giving into his games too much
We are in the same boat right now. We found that leaving the door open with he hall light on has helped a lot but nothing has really "fixed" it yet. Good luck!
We used Ferber with N when she was 7 months. I think it's why she goes down so easy now. I remember how against CIO you are for your family. Whatever decision you make, make sure your heart is happy with it too. CIO was so hard. I cried as hard as N did.
I don't have anything to add, but just wanted to show some support. B has never been a great sleeper and I can commiserate. Thanks for posting this too, because it's given me lots of ideas to consider.
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