XP: Loss Resources

[MoreThanSparrows]

Hey ladies!  I am looking into starting a new ministry through my church to help local women who have been through a loss or infertility. It's still in the dreaming/planning stages,  but I was hoping you ladies could help me out. 

Through your loss, we're there any specific books, websites, studies, etc. That helped you get through it? It doesn't necessarily have to be Christian - based. I'm just looking for resources that I can offer to these women so they don't feel so alone through the loss process. 

For those of you with living children before your loss, was there anything specific you read/said/did for your living child to help them understand the loss and cope with it? 

For those with infertility, what helped you get through? Specific books, websites, articles, etc for medicated cycles, ect.?

Thanks so much!

(I have cross-posted this on the loss boards)

[ellebelle]

I had a loss before my DD and four since. Honestly there wasn't much out there for me when I went through my first loss. I felt very alone. The boards on TB (pregnancy loss and TTCAL) were lifesavers. Once we started TTCAS and had recurrent losses a good friend sent me the book "Navigating the Land of IF" and it was very helpful as we discussed our treatment options. Resolve.org, stillstandingmag.org, and carlymarieprojectheal.com are also really good resources. I think it's great that you are looking to start a group locally. I was never able to find one in our city.

[ellebelle]

Oh and to address your question about talking to your living child about losses, we haven't. DD knows I have a (memorial) tattoo but to her she just sees them as stars. I think we will talk to her about our history when she's older, like teenage years, so she knows that it's part of the family history.

[soultrane]

MoreThanSparrows, the biggest source of ongoing support for me has been these boards. I've posted here, Pregnancy Loss, and Conceiving After a Loss (although I'm not to the conceiving part of my process yet) and having others to talk to who actually get it has been a great outlet for me and really helps me work through my emotions.

Connecting with others in real life has also been helpful and made me realize that this doesn't have to be such an isolating experience. Nobody in my immediate family/friend circle has experienced a loss but as I've slowly started telling people, I'm finding more and more friends who have been in the same place. Opening the doors and allowing people to talk about their experiences and connect with others is huge.

DS is not quite 3 so he didn't know/understand that I was pregnant. During my loss, we simply told him that mommy didn't feel well and that I was sad so he knew that I wasn't feeling up to playing all the time. While he was too young to talk about the specifics, we did try to talk to him about the emotions that we were experiencing so he understands that grown-ups are sad and upset and angry sometimes. We're thinking the same as ellebelle and will talk to him about it when he's a little older though because I don't want it to be a big secret.