Well, that was fun

[jmc11511]

So I play piano and sing at my church every Sunday. It's a large church for our area (1800 people). So a lot of people recognize me. Anyway, today we did a song that is always pretty emotional for me since the loss, so I was already kind of misty eyed. As I was leaving a woman who apparently didn't know I had miscarried asked me "How are you feeling? You're barely even showing!" I somehow calmly said, "Oh, thanks for asking, but I actually had a miscarriage in January." Then I felt bad because she felt bad. I got in my car and completely fell apart. Cried the whole way home. I am supposed to be less than two months away from having a baby. Instead I'm starting the TTC process over from zero. I am supposed to not be able to go to my SIL's baby shower because I would be too uncomfortable to fly across the country. Instead I'm not going because I can't trust myself not to have a mental breakdown. It's been 4 months. How has it been 4 months and yet it still hurts this bad???

Thanks for the vent.

[ellebelle]

((hugs)) Sorry you are having a rough day. I think that conversation would make anyone hurt and big events like cross country trips are big reminders. Hope you are able to take it easy this afternoon.

[eaglewife]

jmc11511 I'm so sorry. I don't think it will ever stop hurting. Big hugs to you.

[boobacat]

I'm so sorry jmc11511. Sending you hugs.

[leahks77]

Oh no jmc11511 I am so sorry! Some days are just so hard. Encounters like that are excruciating. ((Hugs)) to you and lots of healing thoughts sent your way. Deep breaths. I hope tomorrow is easier.

[txmommy14]

Oh, *Hugs* I am so sorry. That is so painful. I'm scared about that-the milestones, thinking where I should or shouldn't be based on how pregnant I would have been. Don't feel bad for saying something to her-it's the only way you CAN respond! It's okay to have breakdowns 4 months later, I know I will! I hope you went home and had a bowl of ice cream (I think I've had an entire tub this weekend).

[PiradicalMaid]

I'm so sorry you had a rough time. I think it's normal to be upset by things like that no matter how far out you are, which maybe doesn't make you feel great about the future, but I hope helps you be gentle with yourself about where you're at now. The loss doesn't go away, I think we just get better at moving through the world with it.

I keep thinking about the things I should have been pregnant for, too. I just bought a new swim suit, but it was supposed to be a maternity suit, things like that. It hurts.

Big hugs.

[tiresiastheblond]

That sounds really horrible. It also sounds like you handled it amazingly. Big Internet hugs to you...