Suffering in silence

[mpiemont]

Forgive me for the AW/whiny post-

The EDD for my loss baby is in a few days (1/26) and no one but me seems to care, or even realize. I'm not even sure DH knows when the baby would have been due. We hadn't really told anyone we were pregnant when we lost the baby so the due date wasn't really a known thing. I feel like I sit here crying with no one to talk to. I waver between being really sad and then feeling at peace with it. How do you cope with a loss due date? Any ideas for dealing with my sadness would be appreciated.

[BookishMomma]

My H did not remember the due dates for our lost LOs, either, until I reminded him. He was sympathetic once I told him why I was being so mopey. I really think it's one of those things that only a mother remembers. Well, a mother and maybe some Bumpies (or whatever we're calling ourselves now...GBCBers?) I made sure to do something nice for myself on each of my EDDs, whether it be a fancy coffee or a beauty treatment or buying a little memento. Other TTCALers have done some pretty amazing things like memorial tattoos, plants, or jewelry. Whatever helps you get through it is the right thing to do. I guess except, in your case, booze


edit-clarity

[heathersf11]

Maybe you could light a candle, or do something special like plant a tree on that day.

[uneek]

Please don't feel like you're alone. I'm glad you reached out with this post. We're all here for you. My husband doesn't remember the dates either and he asked if I would mark them with a heart on our kitchen calendar. That helps. Then I don't have to say anything and he doesn't feel guilty for not remembering.

Make a plan to do something. It's going to be a sad day especially when the "what could have been" thoughts get going. I try to focus on the life that was. It was was a short life and I'm heart broken that it ended too soon, but there was life. I realize this might not be the way for everyone. My advice is to make a plan for the day that can be easily broken if you're not up to it. Like PP's suggested, plant a flower or plant, do something kind for someone else in your baby's honor, make a picnic lunch/dinner and go to your favorite place. Hang in there. Usually the build up to the day is worse than the actual day. (((hugs)))

[peggels24]

((hugs))

[cobaby1]

((Hugs)). Do what you need for you to get through but don't hesitate to talk to your husband or a close friend.

My DH didnt remember either but I talked to him about it a few days before, I was having a really hard time with where we stood at that point. That day I lit a candle for our angel and spent time reflecting. DH and I talked about everything again that night and it ended up being a really peaceful but emotional day.

[emmylo413]

Agree with above suggestions. We planted an azalea bush last year when we lost our angel. It helps to feel like she still lives on in some tangible way. Hope you find some peace and comfort in the coming days. (((hugs)))

[leloyd]

So many ((hugs)). DH hasn't remembered the first two and I doubt he'll remember the next two. I spent the day being very pensive and talked it out with him in the evening.

[jap618]

So many ((hugs))

[mpiemont]

Thanks for all of these responses. Though I'm in tears again after reading them, these are some great ideas. DS1 is in school that day 9-12. I might get a sitter for DS2 and go get a manicure or haircut- something to make me feel better. And our new home has 5 beautiful acres of land so as soon as the ground thaws I'll be planting something for the baby. Thank you for being there for me.

[mrskblack11]

Big ((Hugs))

[kate6214]

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I had to remind my husband about the EDD of our angels. He just wasn't as in tune with it like I was. After talking about my feelings regarding our losses and how much it hurt that he didn't even seem to acknowledge them things have gotten much better. He refers to both our angels by name he just isn't great with dates so I remind him of when things are coming up.

I think take some time to pamper yourself is a great idea and if you do plant something, put in in s place you see all the time. I think of my angels everytime I pull in the driveway since that is where their rose bush is planted. Even though it dies back in the winter, it comes back with a vengeance in the spring.

((((Hugs))))

[luciddreamer]

((Hugs)) MH hasn't remembered any of our EDDs either. I think you've had some great suggestions. I have done something that makes me feel good on those days. I've found that the time leading up to the day is always worse than the actual day.

[grailseeker14]

(((HUGS)))
We'll remember with you, even if others don't just know that your lost LO *IS* remembered and honored.

[downtheshore]

Sending you hugs. It's okay to feel however you feel, whether that be sad and mopey or at peace. My DH didn't remember most of our dates, either. If you don't want to suffer in silence, share your thoughts with him.

[flippinchica]

Hugs. I don't have a good answer other than do whatever feels right to you to acknowledge it. Nobody else remembered mine either and it was sad. I ended up being out of town working and honestly TTCAL was the only place I felt like I could be real about it.

[backstreetpixie]

::hugs:: I know the feeling. My hubby didn't do anything because he thought he would make me sadder. I lit a candle and cried. I called my mom (who had a stillborn baby) because I knew she would get it. I also avoided fb because my cousin had her baby around that same time and i couldn't handle it. I'm sorry you feel alone. ::hugs::

[taberbtb]

((((Hugs)))) to you. MH didn't remember the EDD for our angels either last year or this year. I think dates just aren't as big of a deal to them as it is to us. I agree with PP's to do something special for yourself that day and share your feelings with YH if you want him to know how you are feeling.

[stephy1221]

oh, hun, big hugs. My H didn't remember until I told him. I took the day to myself so I could just deal with it as I saw fit on that day.

[littlecookie]

Big hugs lady. My DH doesn't remember the dates either, but you are definitely not alone. We will be thinking of your precious lo with you.

[Poppy]

This breaks my heart. Loss milestones like this are so hard. When we are overcome and all consumed it can be really hurtful when others aren't on the same page or even remember the significant date. Most of my family didn't say anything on Addison's second birthday. It really just adds to the hurt. Most of all we want out babies to be remembered, special and cherished. I totally understand your pain. Please know we are all here for you and are remembering your LO on such a devastating day. ((((HUGS)))