I think the issue is not how they handled it at the time but how they then went on TV several years later and portrayed themselves as this super Christian family that is beyond reproach. That is why the media is making a big deal about it.
No, no, no. How would YOU handle the situation crawford411 described above? That's what she is asking. heartwood you too? I have NO idea what I would do but I think it's an interesting topic to discuss.
Hmm.. I honestly don't know what I would do. I think it would depend on the situation. Like, are they curious, playing around, is it out of anger or with the intent to hurt? I think it would break my heart to have to have my child be arrested or report to authorities, and, to be honest, highly depending on the situation, I would probably try counseling before I would report them to the authorities. Again, it would highly depend on the situation, though.
Let me just ask a question too about the Duggar situation. Pretend you have two children, a girl and a boy, that you feel you have raised to be good people. One of them molests the other. Do you report it to the police? Do you get each kid counseling and try to move on? Do you risk having one child that you love taken away to protect the other? What if you thought it was an isolated occurrence?
I have no freaking clue what I would do in thay situation. Thoughts?
Honestly, if I thought we could handle it with both getting the help they needed and safety precautions in place, I don't know that I would bring cops into it. I think it would depend on the daughters feelings though.
I would go to the authorities, but only because of my own personal experiences. I'm not saying this for anyone to say they are sorry for me or anything, so please don't. But I was molested by an adult, and other kids that were just a bit older than me. When I told someone about the other kids, I was told "kids will be kids" and that it was exploration. Nobody believed me about the adult either.
I absolutely feel like I was failed as a kid and I don't want any of my children to feel like I didn't try to protect them. Even against a sibling.
Let me just ask a question too about the Duggar situation. Pretend you have two children, a girl and a boy, that you feel you have raised to be good people. One of them molests the other. Do you report it to the police? Do you get each kid counseling and try to move on? Do you risk having one child that you love taken away to protect the other? What if you thought it was an isolated occurrence?
I have no freaking clue what I would do in thay situation. Thoughts?
Here's a follow on question - would the age of the kids matter in how you handled it? For example, 2 and 4 yr olds - would that then be a teaching conversation? Whereas if they are 15 and 13, that's a whole 'nother ball game, but still juveniles. 24 and 26? Yep, even bigger problem and now they are adults.
I do not agree. I think if you want to say something is stupid, just say it's stupid. No need to use words that people identify with or have a long history of derogatory meaning to express yourself. I'm sensitive to the gay thing because of my brother, but I stopped saying that stuff a long time before he came out. If one gay person tells me they feel like the use of the word gay in that way makes them feel dehumanized, then that's enough for me. I don't know what it's like to be gay. I know not everyone feels this way.
And I'm not trying to police anyone's language, but if we're hanging out, I would ask that you just not use the word that way around me. And if you can't stop, we don't hang. It's simple.
I 100% police language with my students, and frequently with people I am close to. I used to do it all the time with H -- he'd say things that made me cringe (calling women on TV whores, etc.), and I'd call him on it and ask him what he really meant. I do the same for my students, as I think it's my responsibility to help them articulate what they really mean without being (often unintentionally) discriminatory or derogatory.
Also, I joined a LLL local facebook group and they encourage women to set their alarm to pump multiple times in the MOTN. I breastfeed and pump, but I think it's crazy to expect a woman to pump all day at work AND to wake up and pump that many times in the MOTN. At one point do you stop and take care of yourself? Is BM worth all of that sacrifice?
This was so hard for me at first because of DS's weight/nursing issues, and one of the biggest reasons I struggled with my LC. She never helped me figure out how to get off of the nurse/pump/supplement routine that we were supposed to do 6-8x per day. It killed me in those first few months. And anytime I'd bring up that I wanted to figure how to bf and still be able to do things like go grocery shopping or enjoy a few weeks of my leave, she'd tell me I needed to readjust my expectations for life with a baby. It was awful.
I police the language of the people I'm close to for sure. I don't really let them get away with it if I think they could make better word choices. Strangers on the internet, not so much.
Honestly, if I thought we could handle it with both getting the help they needed and safety precautions in place, I don't know that I would bring cops into it. I think it would depend on the daughters feelings though.
I would go to the authorities, but only because of my own personal experiences. I'm not saying this for anyone to say they are sorry for me or anything, so please don't. But I was molested by an adult, and other kids that were just a bit older than me. When I told someone about the other kids, I was told "kids will be kids" and that it was exploration. Nobody believed me about the adult either.
I absolutely feel like I was failed as a kid and I don't want any of my children to feel like I didn't try to protect them. Even against a sibling.
After I wrote it I thought "what if we were wrong and our safety precautions weren't keeping her safe." There is no easy answer.
No, no, no. How would YOU handle the situation crawford411 described above? That's what she is asking. heartwood you too? I have NO idea what I would do but I think it's an interesting topic to discuss.
Hmm.. I honestly don't know what I would do. I think it would depend on the situation. Like, are they curious, playing around, is it out of anger or with the intent to hurt? I think it would break my heart to have to have my child be arrested or report to authorities, and, to be honest, highly depending on the situation, I would probably try counseling before I would report them to the authorities. Again, it would highly depend on the situation, though.
It's a hard freaking question because if someone every molested DD I would kill them. Wouldn't think twice about bringing cops in but if it were my own SON that molested her?? Dude. I can't even answer this!
Let me just ask a question too about the Duggar situation. Pretend you have two children, a girl and a boy, that you feel you have raised to be good people. One of them molests the other. Do you report it to the police? Do you get each kid counseling and try to move on? Do you risk having one child that you love taken away to protect the other? What if you thought it was an isolated occurrence?
I have no freaking clue what I would do in thay situation. Thoughts?
Your job is to protect BOTH kids. Is it a disservice to play off what your son did to your daughter by not having the appropriate reaction. Would I call the police? Probably not. But I would be getting him into some sort of program, and asking my parents or a family member if he or my daughter can live with them. Would it hurt? FUCK YEAH but in my opinion she can no longer feel safe by being under the same roof.
Just like an extended BF'ing discussion opened my eyes, this thread did too. It literally takes one or 2 sentences for me to see things from a different point of view and I'm like MIND BLOWN.
you did that to me with spanking. Before I didn't see any problem with it and I saw my brother spank my nephew and it literally made me sick to my stomach. He's 2.
Honestly, I'm not upset ... sorry if it came across that way. It's stuff I think about all the time and trying to figure it all out. and I made a healthy food choice today that I'm super proud of, so baby steps you know? But this conversation should definitely keep going.
Plus, I am beautiful and smart and sexy (with curves . I just want to be healthy and get back to feeling like I did when I was doing this .... (AW alert)
seriously you ARE beautiful and hilarious and all of the above
No, no, no. How would YOU handle the situation crawford411 described above? That's what she is asking. heartwood you too? I have NO idea what I would do but I think it's an interesting topic to discuss.
Hmm.. I honestly don't know what I would do. I think it would depend on the situation. Like, are they curious, playing around, is it out of anger or with the intent to hurt? I think it would break my heart to have to have my child be arrested or report to authorities, and, to be honest, highly depending on the situation, I would probably try counseling before I would report them to the authorities. Again, it would highly depend on the situation, though.
That's kind of my perspective. I wouldn't put them through the same type of "counseling" that the Duggars chose, but my instinct would be to try to help and protect both of my children. I think that's what they intended to do. I don't condone the way they did it, but man, I get it. And I wouldn't want to the whole world knowing about it either for either kid's sake. But I also wouldn't put my family on national TV.
I have a friend that told me she couldn't bring herself to spank her daughter, so she would pull her hair instead. I didn't know how to respond. Is that better? I think that's fucked up.
Let me just ask a question too about the Duggar situation. Pretend you have two children, a girl and a boy, that you feel you have raised to be good people. One of them molests the other. Do you report it to the police? Do you get each kid counseling and try to move on? Do you risk having one child that you love taken away to protect the other? What if you thought it was an isolated occurrence?
I have no freaking clue what I would do in thay situation. Thoughts?
Here's a follow on question - would the age of the kids matter in how you handled it? For example, 2 and 4 yr olds - would that then be a teaching conversation? Whereas if they are 15 and 13, that's a whole 'nother ball game, but still juveniles. 24 and 26? Yep, even bigger problem and now they are adults.
This is a good point. I have no idea how I'd handle it, but from where I'm at now, if my 16 year old molested his 5 year old sister, he would FOR SURE get counseling and from an actual doctor, not a church. The daughter would get counseling too, and I would ask her what she wanted to do, and take her feelings into account. We would also be having a very serious talk about appropriate touching, and I would watch that kid like a hawk for a long time.
I would go to the authorities, but only because of my own personal experiences. I'm not saying this for anyone to say they are sorry for me or anything, so please don't. But I was molested by an adult, and other kids that were just a bit older than me. When I told someone about the other kids, I was told "kids will be kids" and that it was exploration. Nobody believed me about the adult either.
I absolutely feel like I was failed as a kid and I don't want any of my children to feel like I didn't try to protect them. Even against a sibling.
After I wrote it I thought "what if we were wrong and our safety precautions weren't keeping her safe." There is no easy answer.
And if your child is molesting your other child then he/she has something wrong with them and needs serious help. People who have those impulses usually don't just get over it.
I have a friend that told me she couldn't bring herself to spank her daughter, so she would pull her hair instead. I didn't know how to respond. Is that better? I think that's fucked up.
I have a friend that told me she couldn't bring herself to spank her daughter, so she would pull her hair instead. I didn't know how to respond. Is that better? I think that's fucked up.
No it's not better. You're still hurting your child because you can't handle their behavior without violence. Not cool.
Let me just ask a question too about the Duggar situation. Pretend you have two children, a girl and a boy, that you feel you have raised to be good people. One of them molests the other. Do you report it to the police? Do you get each kid counseling and try to move on? Do you risk having one child that you love taken away to protect the other? What if you thought it was an isolated occurrence?
I have no freaking clue what I would do in thay situation. Thoughts?
Your job is to protect BOTH kids. Is it a disservice to play off what your son did to your daughter by not having the appropriate reaction. Would I call the police? Probably not. But I would be getting him into some sort of program, and asking my parents or a family member if he or my daughter can live with them. Would it hurt? FUCK YEAH but in my opinion she can no longer feel safe by being under the same roof.
I think I agree mostly with this, but I do think age would play a factor in whether or not I involved authorities (similar to americanninjamommy's point).
Also, don't counselors have to report abuse of any kind to the authorities? I'm pretty sure they do.
I think this applies to school counselors, but don't psychologists have client privilege? I don't think they report unless there's a court order? I could be wrong.
I have a friend that told me she couldn't bring herself to spank her daughter, so she would pull her hair instead. I didn't know how to respond. Is that better? I think that's fucked up.
Also, don't counselors have to report abuse of any kind to the authorities? I'm pretty sure they do.
No. There are some mandated reporting laws and some options to report ongoing or future crimes, but in general there is no blanket "you can report all abuse" rules in most places.
I have a friend that told me she couldn't bring herself to spank her daughter, so she would pull her hair instead. I didn't know how to respond. Is that better? I think that's fucked up.
Yeah. It is fucking hard. I've been struggling with it since before she was born. And I know that there's a small chance it's both of us and not all of us but if it is I want the person to be the best fucking parent. And that person I keep coming back to is not related to me in anyway. I know it would cause a huge problem with our families... We have life insurance though, money is no issue.
Oh yeah, we have life insurance too, but I just think the court would look at the guardian as a whole: married vs single, age, finances, because I think it all adds up to the stereotypically perfect legal guardian.
H and I are listed as legal guardians for our friends 2 daughters should anything happen to them even though they each have a brother and parents, but they trust none of them to provide the type of lifestyle that they would want for their girls. So it's us. What they did was make each if their mothers responsible for signing off on any expenses that would need to be paid for out of the life insurance money. Then they had their parents all sign as witnesses to the will so if there ever was a dispute there a legal will outlining their final wishes acknowledged and signed off by each parent so no one can claim ignorance.
Did this cause issues with your parents? H's mom is so fucking over sensitive about EVERYTHING and she can never do wrong. She would probably hold it over our heads. Someone said to not say shit and put it in the will. But people can contest your will and try to take your kids anyway! I just dont know the right way to do it I guess. Maybe I need to contact a lawyer and ask! Lol
Piggybacking off the use of words. I think if a word is offensive and shouldn't be used then nobody should say it. I have had this debate with my husband a lot regarding the N word (he doesn't say it but tries to explain why other black people do) but I think it applies to gay or retarded as well. If the word is offensive it is offensive it shouldn't matter who is saying it.
My rainbow arrived 10/15/14.
5 cycles of "TTC" - 3 intentional, 2 not so intentional. 5 BFPs.
TFMC 08.02.13 at 19+ weeks. Everyday I grieve for my little Olive.
Piggybacking off the use of words. I think if a word is offensive and shouldn't be used then nobody should say it. I have had this debate with my husband a lot regarding the N word (he doesn't say it but tries to explain why other black people do) but I think it applies to gay or retarded as well. If the word is offensive it is offensive it shouldn't matter who is saying it.
I agree to some extent. But what about terms for women like "bitches" (or notches!) that are said ironically. Does taking ownership of the word lesson the sting in some way?
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