Not easy, but possible. At least put forth some effort.
I think I have a bad taste in my mouth about this topic because of 2 people in my family. They are severely overweight, unhealthy but they "embrace" it and "love their curves". What that really means is they are too lazy to do anything about their weight so they try to make it a positive thing. One of them can barely get to work because she has so many problems due to her weight and the other one is just delusional.
Yeah... I don't buy the "love your curves" when you are unhealthy. I know this is an awful comparison, but no one would really ever "embrace their cancer".
I get both sides. Growing up in the 90s, the words gay and retarded were part of everyday use. It's hard to break those habits that can be offensive to others.
I will say though, that in my circle, it's the same as what nicb said, even my gay friends will say shit like "dude. Don't buy that. It's hella gay." It's almost used in an ironic way.
And the word retarded was a word before it was used to describe someone with a mental disability. I would never call someone with a LD a retard. Never.
I most definitely used the word in high school and stuff. And alternately, in my circle, the gay men I know don't really appreciate the term being used that way. I know the old use of the word "retarded," but there are active campaigns out there by people with disabilities to stop using it. The word has changed and evolved and now it means something different. There are so many words to use. Why choose "retarded" as your hill to die on? (General you, not you.) I just ask people not to use the words around me, that's all.
It's hard, right? My parents are 10 years younger and married, H's parents are divorced, FIL is remarried and has money, but if anything happens to us, we want the kids to be raised by MIL who is unmarried and makes the least amount of money. Realistically, we'd prefer my SIL to take them, but she's single and travels for work.
What it's really all about is making the best decision for the kids and the most sound decision that a court would agree with because my asshole mother will try to get her clutches on them even though she KNOWS I would want them to stay with MIL and H's extended family.
Yeah. It is fucking hard. I've been struggling with it since before she was born. And I know that there's a small chance it's both of us and not all of us but if it is I want the person to be the best fucking parent. And that person I keep coming back to is not related to me in anyway. I know it would cause a huge problem with our families... We have life insurance though, money is no issue.
Oh yeah, we have life insurance too, but I just think the court would look at the guardian as a whole: married vs single, age, finances, because I think it all adds up to the stereotypically perfect legal guardian.
H and I are listed as legal guardians for our friends 2 daughters should anything happen to them even though they each have a brother and parents, but they trust none of them to provide the type of lifestyle that they would want for their girls. So it's us. What they did was make each if their mothers responsible for signing off on any expenses that would need to be paid for out of the life insurance money. Then they had their parents all sign as witnesses to the will so if there ever was a dispute there a legal will outlining their final wishes acknowledged and signed off by each parent so no one can claim ignorance.
Yeah. It is fucking hard. I've been struggling with it since before she was born. And I know that there's a small chance it's both of us and not all of us but if it is I want the person to be the best fucking parent. And that person I keep coming back to is not related to me in anyway. I know it would cause a huge problem with our families... We have life insurance though, money is no issue.
Oh yeah, we have life insurance too, but I just think the court would look at the guardian as a whole: married vs single, age, finances, because I think it all adds up to the stereotypically perfect legal guardian.
H and I are listed as legal guardians for our friends 2 daughters should anything happen to them even though they each have a brother and parents, but they trust none of them to provide the type of lifestyle that they would want for their girls. So it's us. What they did was make each if their mothers responsible for signing off on any expenses that would need to be paid for out of the life insurance money. Then they had their parents all sign as witnesses to the will so if there ever was a dispute there a legal will outlining their final wishes acknowledged and signed off by each parent so no one can claim ignorance.
That's a great idea to have parents sign so that it lessons the ability to contest the guardianship. We are looking at putting my best friend as the legal guardian in the event something happens.
I hate when people have long conversations in the bathroom; if a lot of the stalls are taken, or you hear people sort of shuffling around (usually waiting for others to leave because they're uncomfortable shitting when people are around), take it outside. If you guys are the only ones in there, by all means, continue, but otherwise, get out.
(this is brought to you by my most recent bathroom experience - some poor woman was just grunting like crazy whenever people were talking/flushing <someone give her a stool softener, please>, and silent otherwise, meanwhile these 2 ladies were going on and on about their vacations)
My rainbow arrived 10/15/14.
5 cycles of "TTC" - 3 intentional, 2 not so intentional. 5 BFPs.
TFMC 08.02.13 at 19+ weeks. Everyday I grieve for my little Olive.
I think the Duggar drama is a total over reaction. I do NOT think that what he did is ok. Not in the slightest. But I think it's being blown out of proportion as an overall "scandal" because the family is outspoken about their beliefs. I don't watch the show, but it seems some people really enjoy pointing out that this family has flaws. All families have flaws, and just because a family values religion doesn't make them immune to kids having issues.
I agree with this. And I think it's really sad for everyone (especially those girls) who are having all of this public attention thrown onto what happened to them. It has to suck big time.
ETA. Okay I have to edit a bit. What he did was atrocious and the family's reaction was atrocious. But I think scandalizing the whole thing now isn't doing anything to help anyone. Should they lose their show? Probably. But I do think the media is doing more harm than good. And why aren't the authorities having to answer for the way it was handled, not just the family?
I think there was an issue with the prosecution, because of who was doing the investigation having their own issues.
I'm just saying that in the end, if it WAS prosecuted, I don't think the outcome would have been much different. The public still wouldn't have known about it.
Then the family is using faith to explain why they didn't need to take the steps.
More than Josh (is that his name?) I am upset that their daughters didn't get any help/treatment because their brother was forgiven. That's the part that upsets me most.
Everything I saw said they DID get treatment. If they didn't, I'd have a huge issue with that too.
I am disgusted by severely obese people with no underlying medical issue. I just don't understand how you can let yourself get that big and not do something about it.
I also have my own weight issues, so that could play into it. I'm pretty sure I have a touch of body dysmorphia.
I don't intend to flame you because I agree but I am going to add some color to this since I consider myself to be one of those people. I hate falling into the category of severely obese, but it's the truth. What's frustrating is that I have always had a weight issue and have tried so many times to lose weight. I have been successful in losing 40-50lbs two different times, but I hit plateaus that lasted so long, they kicked my motivation right out from under me. I even did a high-octane boot camp work out for three months several years ago and lost 0 weight. My fat percentage (can't remember what it's called) went down significantly, so I was just replacing lost weight with muscle, which was still a great achievement.
It doesn't help that I have a husband who adores all of my curves and it really doesn't help that I don't have any underlying medical issues (yet). I want to be a better person for my kid so he isn't embarrassed by me, so I can play soccer with him, and so he will take a different, more active path than me.
All this to say that the "let yourself get that big" is sometimes hard to manage. It's a struggle to find the right diet that works, to maintain the motivation you start with, and to keep it going when you see so little progress. I am almost to the point where I want to do the surgery, but I want another baby first.
I most definitely used the word in high school and stuff. And alternately, in my circle, the gay men I know don't really appreciate the term being used that way. I know the old use of the word "retarded," but there are active campaigns out there by people with disabilities to stop using it. The word has changed and evolved and now it means something different. There are so many words to use. Why choose "retarded" as your hill to die on? (General you, not you.) I just ask people not to use the words around me, that's all.
I get this. I don't want my kids to learn to say that's gay or that's retarded. I would be horrified.
When you put it this way I see how bad it is for me to say it. I wouldn't want my kids saying it either.
But I also swear and don't want them swearing either.
I am disgusted by severely obese people with no underlying medical issue. I just don't understand how you can let yourself get that big and not do something about it.
I also have my own weight issues, so that could play into it. I'm pretty sure I have a touch of body dysmorphia.
I don't intend to flame you because I agree but I am going to add some color to this since I consider myself to be one of those people. I hate falling into the category of severely obese, but it's the truth. What's frustrating is that I have always had a weight issue and have tried so many times to lose weight. I have been successful in losing 40-50lbs two different times, but I hit plateaus that lasted so long, they kicked my motivation right out from under me. I even did a high-octane boot camp work out for three months several years ago and lost 0 weight. My fat percentage (can't remember what it's called) went down significantly, so I was just replacing lost weight with muscle, which was still a great achievement.
It doesn't help that I have a husband who adores all of my curves and it really doesn't help that I don't have any underlying medical issues (yet). I want to be a better person for my kid so he isn't embarrassed by me, so I can play soccer with him, and so he will take a different, more active path than me.
All this to say that the "let yourself get that big" is sometimes hard to manage. It's a struggle to find the right diet that works, to maintain the motivation you start with, and to keep it going when you see so little progress. I am almost to the point where I want to do the surgery, but I want another baby first.
I think you are awesome and beautiful and I'm sorry if this discussion upset you.
I don't intend to flame you because I agree but I am going to add some color to this since I consider myself to be one of those people. I hate falling into the category of severely obese, but it's the truth. What's frustrating is that I have always had a weight issue and have tried so many times to lose weight. I have been successful in losing 40-50lbs two different times, but I hit plateaus that lasted so long, they kicked my motivation right out from under me. I even did a high-octane boot camp work out for three months several years ago and lost 0 weight. My fat percentage (can't remember what it's called) went down significantly, so I was just replacing lost weight with muscle, which was still a great achievement.
It doesn't help that I have a husband who adores all of my curves and it really doesn't help that I don't have any underlying medical issues (yet). I want to be a better person for my kid so he isn't embarrassed by me, so I can play soccer with him, and so he will take a different, more active path than me.
All this to say that the "let yourself get that big" is sometimes hard to manage. It's a struggle to find the right diet that works, to maintain the motivation you start with, and to keep it going when you see so little progress. I am almost to the point where I want to do the surgery, but I want another baby first.
I think you are awesome and beautiful and I'm sorry if this discussion upset you.
Post by crawford411 on Jun 4, 2015 12:10:00 GMT -5
Let me just ask a question too about the Duggar situation. Pretend you have two children, a girl and a boy, that you feel you have raised to be good people. One of them molests the other. Do you report it to the police? Do you get each kid counseling and try to move on? Do you risk having one child that you love taken away to protect the other? What if you thought it was an isolated occurrence?
I have no freaking clue what I would do in thay situation. Thoughts?
Let me just ask a question too about the Duggar situation. Pretend you have two children, a girl and a boy, that you feel you have raised to be good people. One of them molests the other. Do you report it to the police? Do you get each kid counseling and try to move on? Do you risk having one child that you love taken away to protect the other? What if you thought it was an isolated occurrence?
I have no freaking clue what I would do in thay situation. Thoughts?
Just like an extended BF'ing discussion opened my eyes, this thread did too. It literally takes one or 2 sentences for me to see things from a different point of view and I'm like MIND BLOWN.
Let me just ask a question too about the Duggar situation. Pretend you have two children, a girl and a boy, that you feel you have raised to be good people. One of them molests the other. Do you report it to the police? Do you get each kid counseling and try to move on? Do you risk having one child that you love taken away to protect the other? What if you thought it was an isolated occurrence?
I have no freaking clue what I would do in thay situation. Thoughts?
I think the issue is not how they handled it at the time but how they then went on TV several years later and portrayed themselves as this super Christian family that is beyond reproach. That is why the media is making a big deal about it.
Honestly, I'm not upset ... sorry if it came across that way. It's stuff I think about all the time and trying to figure it all out. and I made a healthy food choice today that I'm super proud of, so baby steps you know? But this conversation should definitely keep going.
Plus, I am beautiful and smart and sexy (with curves . I just want to be healthy and get back to feeling like I did when I was doing this .... (AW alert)
Let me just ask a question too about the Duggar situation. Pretend you have two children, a girl and a boy, that you feel you have raised to be good people. One of them molests the other. Do you report it to the police? Do you get each kid counseling and try to move on? Do you risk having one child that you love taken away to protect the other? What if you thought it was an isolated occurrence?
I have no freaking clue what I would do in thay situation. Thoughts?
This is what I keep thinking about in this whole Duggar situation. I would think that the parents thought they were doing the right thing. It doesn't seem to me that they would intentionally keep it all a secret. From what I've read, they did report it to authorities and they did try to get him help. Is is the same help that you or I would get for him, probably not, but with their beliefs, it's probably what they thought was right.
And who's saying that they didn't talk to the girls about it? Maybe they did and maybe they took them to church or whatever, too, as a form of counseling.
I'm not agreeing with what he did, but I'm just trying to look at it from a different perspective.
Also, I joined a LLL local facebook group and they encourage women to set their alarm to pump multiple times in the MOTN. I breastfeed and pump, but I think it's crazy to expect a woman to pump all day at work AND to wake up and pump that many times in the MOTN. At one point do you stop and take care of yourself? Is BM worth all of that sacrifice?
Nope! If LO ever STTN and if my supply started to dip, I might consider waking up once to pump but I would rather add a pumping session during the work day than force myself to wake up. I like my sleep!
Let me just ask a question too about the Duggar situation. Pretend you have two children, a girl and a boy, that you feel you have raised to be good people. One of them molests the other. Do you report it to the police? Do you get each kid counseling and try to move on? Do you risk having one child that you love taken away to protect the other? What if you thought it was an isolated occurrence?
I have no freaking clue what I would do in thay situation. Thoughts?
I think the issue is not how they handled it at the time but how they then went on TV several years later and portrayed themselves as this super Christian family that is beyond reproach. That is why the media is making a big deal about it.
But they probably thought they handled it the way it was supposed to be handled and didn't see themselves as hiding this massive scandal, you know?
Honestly, I'm not upset ... sorry if it came across that way. It's stuff I think about all the time and trying to figure it all out. and I made a healthy food choice today that I'm super proud of, so baby steps you know? But this conversation should definitely keep going.
Plus, I am beautiful and smart and sexy (with curves . I just want to be healthy and get back to feeling like I did when I was doing this .... (AW alert)
I didn't think you were "upset", just didn't want you being uncomfortable or thinking we are assholes
Let me just ask a question too about the Duggar situation. Pretend you have two children, a girl and a boy, that you feel you have raised to be good people. One of them molests the other. Do you report it to the police? Do you get each kid counseling and try to move on? Do you risk having one child that you love taken away to protect the other? What if you thought it was an isolated occurrence?
I have no freaking clue what I would do in thay situation. Thoughts?
I think the issue is not how they handled it at the time but how they then went on TV several years later and portrayed themselves as this super Christian family that is beyond reproach. That is why the media is making a big deal about it.
No, no, no. How would YOU handle the situation crawford411 described above? That's what she is asking. heartwood you too? I have NO idea what I would do but I think it's an interesting topic to discuss.
Not easy, but possible. At least put forth some effort.
I think I have a bad taste in my mouth about this topic because of 2 people in my family. They are severely overweight, unhealthy but they "embrace" it and "love their curves". What that really means is they are too lazy to do anything about their weight so they try to make it a positive thing. One of them can barely get to work because she has so many problems due to her weight and the other one is just delusional.
I missed this earlier, but wanted to comment on bolded. I am all about the embracing and loving yourself in whatever state you're in BUT you need to be taking care of yourself. I love who I am, most curves and all, but I can be healthier and it's okay for me to embrace my curves WHILE exercising and eating better. The people who use this as a cop-out make me insane.
I know they aren't politically correct but I don't think they are horrible to say.
I do not agree. I think if you want to say something is stupid, just say it's stupid. No need to use words that people identify with or have a long history of derogatory meaning to express yourself. I'm sensitive to the gay thing because of my brother, but I stopped saying that stuff a long time before he came out. If one gay person tells me they feel like the use of the word gay in that way makes them feel dehumanized, then that's enough for me. I don't know what it's like to be gay. I know not everyone feels this way.
And I'm not trying to police anyone's language, but if we're hanging out, I would ask that you just not use the word that way around me. And if you can't stop, we don't hang. It's simple.
I 100% police language with my students, and frequently with people I am close to. I used to do it all the time with H -- he'd say things that made me cringe (calling women on TV whores, etc.), and I'd call him on it and ask him what he really meant. I do the same for my students, as I think it's my responsibility to help them articulate what they really mean without being (often unintentionally) discriminatory or derogatory.
Also, I joined a LLL local facebook group and they encourage women to set their alarm to pump multiple times in the MOTN. I breastfeed and pump, but I think it's crazy to expect a woman to pump all day at work AND to wake up and pump that many times in the MOTN. At one point do you stop and take care of yourself? Is BM worth all of that sacrifice?
This was so hard for me at first because of DS's weight/nursing issues, and one of the biggest reasons I struggled with my LC. She never helped me figure out how to get off of the nurse/pump/supplement routine that we were supposed to do 6-8x per day. It killed me in those first few months. And anytime I'd bring up that I wanted to figure how to bf and still be able to do things like go grocery shopping or enjoy a few weeks of my leave, she'd tell me I needed to readjust my expectations for life with a baby. It was awful.
Honestly, I'm not upset ... sorry if it came across that way. It's stuff I think about all the time and trying to figure it all out. and I made a healthy food choice today that I'm super proud of, so baby steps you know? But this conversation should definitely keep going.
Plus, I am beautiful and smart and sexy (with curves . I just want to be healthy and get back to feeling like I did when I was doing this .... (AW alert)
I didn't think you were "upset", just didn't want you being uncomfortable or thinking we are assholes
You look fabulous in that pic!
Nope, not assholes at all. Speaking your minds and sharing is all!
Not easy, but possible. At least put forth some effort.
I think I have a bad taste in my mouth about this topic because of 2 people in my family. They are severely overweight, unhealthy but they "embrace" it and "love their curves". What that really means is they are too lazy to do anything about their weight so they try to make it a positive thing. One of them can barely get to work because she has so many problems due to her weight and the other one is just delusional.
I missed this earlier, but wanted to comment on bolded. I am all about the embracing and loving yourself in whatever state you're in BUT you need to be taking care of yourself. I love who I am, most curves and all, but I can be healthier and it's okay for me to embrace my curves WHILE exercising and eating better. The people who use this as a cop-out make me insane.
And that is EXACTLY what these 2 relatives do. I see it on FB all the freaking time and it drives me crazy. They smoke, are incredibly unhealthy in every way possible but talk a big game about how proud of their bodies they are. They make zero effort in every aspect of their lives but expect the world to just hand them everything without working for it.
I'm not implying I am perfect because there are many things about my body I don't like but I try to work on those things. People who make excuses drive me crazy too.
Let me just ask a question too about the Duggar situation. Pretend you have two children, a girl and a boy, that you feel you have raised to be good people. One of them molests the other. Do you report it to the police? Do you get each kid counseling and try to move on? Do you risk having one child that you love taken away to protect the other? What if you thought it was an isolated occurrence?
I have no freaking clue what I would do in thay situation. Thoughts?
Honestly, if I thought we could handle it with both getting the help they needed and safety precautions in place, I don't know that I would bring cops into it. I think it would depend on the daughters feelings though.
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