Thoughts on hospital visitors and first days home

[katydid2015]

STMs+ might be able to offer advice from experience, but I was curious what you all are planning and/or asking of visitors right after baby is born. My family is 1.5hr away (DH's is across the country) and my mom and sister would be the ones I'd expect to want to see baby as soon as possible.
I'd be fine if no one comes to see us until after we get home and then I don't know that I want anyone to come to the house until a week or two after birth. My mom won't get the TDap shot so that irks me a little.
I'd like for my mom to come down to take care of our dog if I'm in labor for awhile but then she'd obviously be here right when we come home.
I'm rambling now so I want to know what you all are going to do.

[meowkitten]

Both of our families are 10 hours away and I asked them not to come down until a week after she is born. Mostly because they will purely be coming to see her, so they will be here 24/7 the whole time they are here and I want a week for DH and I to bond.

DH's aunt that lives locally thinks we are horrible because this is his parent's first grandchild but I cannot handle the thought of someone being here for days on end as soon as we walk in the door with her. Not happening!

[frecklesinside]

I've told this story a couple of times so I'll give a short version: Adjusting to motherhood and having BFing struggles, when people came to visit, I ended up becoming ridiculously overwhelmed. The first few days post-birth should, IMO, be for the parents and baby to bond. No one else should really be holding baby yet. Mama needs to be doing skin-to-skin, and when she can't or needs rest/break, the other parent can take over.

We will not accept hospital visitors this time. I might have my mom come, but that would be it.

Once we get home and are settled, I will accept visitors, but for SHORT spans. And I'm not going to hem and haw about asking for my baby back if I do hand him over for someone to hold. This is something I wish all FTMs weren't timid about. Your visitors SHOULD understand that they aren't coming to hold baby because you are busy holding baby, but rather that they should come to offer congratulations, see baby, and help out if possible. If the parents decide to hand baby off, then by all means, cool, but I've talked to sooooo any FTMs that say they were overwhelmed by people wanting to hold their kiddo in the first month. So, MIL can hold him for like... five minutes...but then I need him back.

[mel7806]

I'm hoping my mom with watch my kids while I'm in the hospital or at least most of the time I'm there. As for visitors, I think I'm limiting any visitors to 30 min max (had an issue with FIL over staying last time) and then people can come visit at my house as long as they call first and I have a chance to shower. Nobody will be staying at our house because everyone is close enough to go home and nobody is coming if they are sick.

[frecklesinside]

Oh and I SUPER don't get people that have live in visitors that aren't SUPER close with them and incredibly helpful. Even then, I don't get it. I'm really close with my mom and she is SO helpful, but I still would want the time to just bond with my family, not have someone else there 24/7. But I hear so many people complain about visitors, that they offer unsolicited advice, that they don't even help clean or cook, and that they just want to hold the baby. Nope.

Your boobs will be out ALL of the time. You will be bleeding. You will be in pain. You will be EMOTIONAL. You will be in love and bonding with your kiddo and/or completely overwhelmed. Family or friends that you wouldn't want to see you in all of these states shouldn't be around, IMO, except for short visits.

[meowkitten]

Jan 22, 2015 16:15:15 GMT -5 frecklesinside said:

I've told this story a couple of times so I'll give a short version: Adjusting to motherhood and having BFing struggles, when people came to visit, I ended up becoming ridiculously overwhelmed. The first few days post-birth should, IMO, be for the parents and baby to bond. No one else should really be holding baby yet. Mama needs to be doing skin-to-skin, and when she can't or needs rest/break, the other parent can take over.

We will not accept hospital visitors this time. I might have my mom come, but that would be it.

Once we get home and are settled, I will accept visitors, but for SHORT spans. And I'm not going to hem and haw about asking for my baby back if I do hand him over for someone to hold. This is something I wish all FTMs weren't timid about. Your visitors SHOULD understand that they aren't coming to hold baby because you are busy holding baby, but rather that they should come to offer congratulations, see baby, and help out if possible. If the parents decide to hand baby off, then by all means, cool, but I've talked to sooooo any FTMs that say they were overwhelmed by people wanting to hold their kiddo in the first month. So, MIL can hold him for like... five minutes...but then I need him back.

I love this. I have been told by so many people/family members what horrible people we are for keeping everyone away for a week. Um, no. This is our kid and I would like to get to know her before dozens of people come rushing in to interrupt that. I don't feel guilty about that at all...we only get that chance once!

[snarkysparklefart]

We are hoping for only one hospital visit- my mom and my stepdad with DD. Depending on whether my VBAC is successful and how soon we come home from the hospital will determine how soon I want others to visit.

My dad & grandmother came (about 5 hours away) the day after we got home last time, so DD was a week old- that was fine, because they cooked, cleaned, and brought food, and they don't ever overstay their welcome. If they plan on bringing my brothers kids (my dad has custody of 2 of them), that'll be a whole different story.

As far as DHs family, I have everything crossed that his mother will be out of town until baby is about 2 months old. I can't stand her and she overwhelms me, so her visits will be extremely limited. His dad, stepmom & grandmother are certainly welcome once we come home as well.

I hope they all bring food when they come. Food was honestly the most difficult thing for me to manage and remember to take care of regularly in the first few weeks home. I bet that sounds silly, but it really was a task, and I even had freezer meals prepped.

[issytex03]

My mum will be having DD for a few days whilst I'm in hospital so other than her and DD Visiting we aren't having any visitors for about a week or at least until we are home. When DD was born my husbands family showed up before my epidural had even worn off and took her off me then passed her around like a present which seriously pissed me off so they are not allowed to come until they are asked this time, preferably when im home so i can hide as my mother in law is BSC D:

[mommyofkaylin]

Last time, my MIL stayed with us for a MONTH after my DD was born. I WILL NOT be doing this again. It was horrible. She was trying to help, but wouldn't really let me do much of anything with my own baby, because, in her words, they lived 2 states over and she'll never get to see her so now is her time. What the actual fuck?

She lives in the same state as us now, but still 3 hours away. My ILs will be staying with my BIL, but I overheard my DH tell her she could sleep her when we're home from the hospital for a few days. No she fucking can't! She can come during the day, but during the evening, it is our time.

Plus, everything frecklesinside said. You'll be bleeding, lactating, you'll be hormonal, you'll be exhausted. I would have felt so much more comfortable in my own home if my MIL had not stayed with us.

[huggabugga11]

With DS we had a ton of family in the hospital. Which bothered me a little bit, but once everyone was done at the hospital, they went home. I lived next door to my aunt and uncle at the time, but she was super helpful, and helped me cook and clean. We didn't really have anyone else over so me and H were able to bond with baby for at least a week until his mom came back up to visit. This time because we have DS, and I have NO idea how establishing BFing, figuring out baby's routine, and how DS adjusting to baby is going to go, I am wanting as much help as possible. But everyone in my family is VERY helpful (I lucked out like that). So my mom is taking 2 weeks off of work to help out with stuff around the house and DS while I get this whole BFing thing down with baby, then my MIL is coming up (We are having her wait a little while because she drives me nuts)to help with mostly DS and cooking/cleaning etc once H goes back to work. Then we shall see how that goes from there. But I am very willing to accept the help this time just because I am kind of freaking out about balancing two kids. DS is SOO independent, and is incredibly helpful, but he is only 3 (just about 4 when LO gets here), and I don't want him to feel like he is being left out because baby brother is here now. That is quite honestly my biggest fear.

[jennypm]

Jan 22, 2015 16:17:14 GMT -5 frecklesinside said:

Oh and I SUPER don't get people that have live in visitors that aren't SUPER close with them and incredibly helpful. Even then, I don't get it. I'm really close with my mom and she is SO helpful, but I still would want the time to just bond with my family, not have someone else there 24/7. But I hear so many people complain about visitors, that they offer unsolicited advice, that they don't even help clean or cook, and that they just want to hold the baby. Nope.

Your boobs will be out ALL of the time. You will be bleeding. You will be in pain. You will be EMOTIONAL. You will be in love and bonding with your kiddo and/or completely overwhelmed. Family or friends that you wouldn't want to see you in all of these states shouldn't be around, IMO, except for short visits.

Amen. I agree with everything you've said in this thread. My mom and my girls will be the only ones visiting us at the hospital besides my MIL and SIL. I really don't even want my MIL and SIL there initially, but H assured me it would be a VERY short visit and then they would leave. I am not one for visitor's in the hospital or even at home right after the baby. I need my time and my space and my privacy. You will be bleeding more than you have before. You will have your boobs out A LOT if you're breastfeeding. You will be emotional trying to figure it all out. 

My mom might stop by after the baby is born, to help around the house, but she is super helpful. In her mind, her job is to take care of the house and to take care of me so that I can take care of the baby. I'm close to her and totally ok with that. No to everyone else for the first two weeks.

[xtchristiext]

I am so glad this has been brought up! I have such fear of the unknown with this. I'm normally non-confrontational and I'll usually just leave the room when I'm uncomfortable, but in this scenario that won't be possible. My H and I have had a few conversations about expectations and comfort levels. I'm counting on him dealing with his side and I'll deal with my side, but I still worry about things because he's so much different than I am and wants everyone to see the baby right away. I hope I'm just worrying for nothing, but I'm definitely going to have to find my voice sometime within in the next 7 weeks. I'm looking forward to reading more tips on this subject!

[snarkysparklefart]

Jan 22, 2015 16:30:25 GMT -5 mommyofkaylin said:

Last time, my MIL stayed with us for a MONTH after my DD was born. I WILL NOT be doing this again. It was horrible. She was trying to help, but wouldn't really let me do much of anything with my own baby, because, in her words, they lived 2 states over and she'll never get to see her so now is her time. What the actual fuck?

She lives in the same state as us now, but still 3 hours away. My ILs will be staying with my BIL, but I overheard my DH tell her she could sleep her when we're home from the hospital for a few days. No she fucking can't! She can come during the day, but during the evening, it is our time.

Plus, everything frecklesinside said. You'll be bleeding, lactating, you'll be hormonal, you'll be exhausted. I would have felt so much more comfortable in my own home if my MIL had not stayed with us.

I would absolutely die. My MIL is BSC and I don't think I could handle that at all. 

Plus, maybe unpopular, but don't these people remember what it was like having newborns themselves? No one wants an overstaying guest- and there are PLENTY of other exciting times in a baby's/ child's life to visit. 

[djoliet]

When I had my son we were half across the country from all our family. We had a couple friends stop by and visit at the hospital but that was all.

Since I'm back home now and literally all of our family, I'm talking parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins (with the exception of fiancé's dad and my 2 brothers) live in the same town or really close to us. I know for sure my parents and sister and fiancé's mom and brother will probably be there when I'm in labor and will probably visit when we are in the hospital. I've already made it clear that just my fiancé and my mom will be in the room when I'm pushing and no one is to be allowed in the room after she arrives until my son gets there and meets his sister and the 4 of us have family bonding time. Fiancé said his mom and brother will have a problem with this and I told him I could care less, it's what I want and they can wait and see her as soon as we've had our time together. I'm okay with whoever wants to come visit to visit as long as they don't stay for long periods of time and have no problems with me breastfeeding while they are there. Same goes with when we are home. The one issue I forsee is my fiancé s cousin who still seems to think he's single with no family and tries to come over to our house all hours of the night to try and get my fiancé to drink with him. I told him that that shit will not fly with me after the baby comes and I have no problem letting him know if he doesn't.

[jap618]

With a large family all within minutes of the hospital I highly suspect a large volume of people to visit. DHs family is 2.5 hours away and we've started the conversation that about having his family come down and stay at the house while we're in the hospital but being gone before we get home. I do not want anyone at my house when I get home. I want to snuggle my little baby and recover in private. I'm sure people will stop by but it will be by appointment only. I'll kick people if they tried to show up unannounced.

[xtchristiext]

Jan 22, 2015 16:30:25 GMT -5 mommyofkaylin said:

Last time, my MIL stayed with us for a MONTH after my DD was born. I WILL NOT be doing this again. It was horrible. She was trying to help, but wouldn't really let me do much of anything with my own baby, because, in her words, they lived 2 states over and she'll never get to see her so now is her time. What the actual fuck?

She lives in the same state as us now, but still 3 hours away. My ILs will be staying with my BIL, but I overheard my DH tell her she could sleep her when we're home from the hospital for a few days. No she fucking can't! She can come during the day, but during the evening, it is our time.

Plus, everything frecklesinside said. You'll be bleeding, lactating, you'll be hormonal, you'll be exhausted. I would have felt so much more comfortable in my own home if my MIL had not stayed with us.

I'm so afraid of this!  My in-laws live across the street, but their other grandchildren live 7 hours away and they are already talking about all the firsts they missed with their other grandchildren and they are so excited to be right across the street.  I love them and I want them to be close to my child, but I'm so worried that they will not give us the space we need during that first week.  

[xtchristiext]

Jan 22, 2015 16:39:19 GMT -5 snarkysparklefart said:

Jan 22, 2015 16:30:25 GMT -5 mommyofkaylin said:

Last time, my MIL stayed with us for a MONTH after my DD was born. I WILL NOT be doing this again. It was horrible. She was trying to help, but wouldn't really let me do much of anything with my own baby, because, in her words, they lived 2 states over and she'll never get to see her so now is her time. What the actual fuck?

She lives in the same state as us now, but still 3 hours away. My ILs will be staying with my BIL, but I overheard my DH tell her she could sleep her when we're home from the hospital for a few days. No she fucking can't! She can come during the day, but during the evening, it is our time.

Plus, everything frecklesinside said. You'll be bleeding, lactating, you'll be hormonal, you'll be exhausted. I would have felt so much more comfortable in my own home if my MIL had not stayed with us.

I would absolutely die. My MIL is BSC and I don't think I could handle that at all. 

Plus, maybe unpopular, but don't these people remember what it was like having newborns themselves? No one wants an overstaying guest- and there are PLENTY of other exciting times in a baby's/ child's life to visit. 

This! Why don't they remember?!  I get it, newborns are snuggly and it's exciting, but I'm hoping for some bonding time and healing time that first week home from the hospital.  

[racegurl87]

Thank you for posting this and for all your advice STM+. If LO comes out after my due date my mom will be the only family member to visit in the hospital. My family is in CA and H's family is all East Coast. Everyone has to take a plane to see us/baby. We're a bit lucky in that way because they have to plan when they come and we set it based on what we think will work for us.

My mom is coming specifically to help with the household stuff (laundry, cooking, taking care of pup, etc) and has said that she'll hold LO when I need a break or something.

I'm most nervous about MIL coming to visit... But a friend that just had a baby gave me the advice to stay strong and let her know that this is my time to bond and even have a list of things she can do around the house to help instead. FIL and his wife are coming for a few days, but they're staying in a hotel so I don't have to worry as much about them. His wife is very careful about trying not to overstep boundaries and reminds FIL I he's getting close to doing that.

Any other advice though would be greatly appreciated...

[coleybug13]

I am really worried about this. I got bombarded with visitors in the hospital last time all snatching the baby and refusing to give him back when I asked. I'm so non confrontation is was awful!! I don't want to do that again! DS will be with my parents so they'll visit when they bring DS to meet his sister but other than that I'd prefer no one else come until we've been home for at least a week or two. Also MIL is bsc and I may be a horrible person for this but I don't want her to come to the hospital .. (She's an alcoholic and does drugs and chainsmokes cigarettes) and she is literally off. The. Wall. I don't want her holding my baby. I just don't know if I'd be a seriously horrible person for saying she can't come to the hospital.. Ugh this has been giving me so much anxiety.

[busterrose]

Jan 22, 2015 16:15:15 GMT -5 frecklesinside said:

I've told this story a couple of times so I'll give a short version: Adjusting to motherhood and having BFing struggles, when people came to visit, I ended up becoming ridiculously overwhelmed. The first few days post-birth should, IMO, be for the parents and baby to bond. No one else should really be holding baby yet. Mama needs to be doing skin-to-skin, and when she can't or needs rest/break, the other parent can take over.

We will not accept hospital visitors this time. I might have my mom come, but that would be it.

Once we get home and are settled, I will accept visitors, but for SHORT spans. And I'm not going to hem and haw about asking for my baby back if I do hand him over for someone to hold. This is something I wish all FTMs weren't timid about. Your visitors SHOULD understand that they aren't coming to hold baby because you are busy holding baby, but rather that they should come to offer congratulations, see baby, and help out if possible. If the parents decide to hand baby off, then by all means, cool, but I've talked to sooooo any FTMs that say they were overwhelmed by people wanting to hold their kiddo in the first month. So, MIL can hold him for like... five minutes...but then I need him back.

100% this. I was so overwhelmed and exhausted and was uncomfortable asking people to leave so I could breastfeed and pump which I should have been doing instead of letting the baby be passed around.

[MauiBliss]

We will be having my parents there for the week leading up to my due date, because then they'll be out of the country for a few weeks, then my MIL is coming. Yes, they are staying "with" us, but we are also moving only 2 weeks after my due date and will need help packing, painting, unpacking, etc. My parents are coming back to stay with us when they are back in the country. But they and my MIL know that at that time, we will really need help with the move and such. Will it be overwhelming? Probably, yes. But the thought of having to do the painting and unpacking and all those loads of dishes and laundry of stuff that comes out of storage and boxes is really scary to me. So I'll take them being here, knowing I can retreat upstairs to our room if I need to.

[AleWife]

We are a couple hours away from both families. I don't plan on telling anyone about going into labor; they will be contacted once baby is out safely and I'm recovered. There's no rush to see anyone and we are very private people.

frecklesinside and all STM+'s - thank you for reaffirming these things we've talked about before. I need to stay assertive with visitors.

[xtchristiext]

Jan 22, 2015 16:59:18 GMT -5 coleybug13 said:

I am really worried about this. I got bombarded with visitors in the hospital last time all snatching the baby and refusing to give him back when I asked. I'm so non confrontation is was awful!! I don't want to do that again! DS will be with my parents so they'll visit when they bring DS to meet his sister but other than that I'd prefer no one else come until we've been home for at least a week or two. Also MIL is bsc and I may be a horrible person for this but I don't want her to come to the hospital .. (She's an alcoholic and does drugs and chainsmokes cigarettes) and she is literally off. The. Wall. I don't want her holding my baby. I just don't know if I'd be a seriously horrible person for saying she can't come to the hospital.. Ugh this has been giving me so much anxiety.

I feel like I'm hijacking this thread with all my quotes, but I'm going through this with my Aunt.  She INSISTS that she will be camped out at the hospital and she sounds a lot like your MIL, but my aunt is having some health problems and she's full of infection right now.  I can relate to your anxiety and I hope that this time around it's less stressful for you! 

ETA: My Aunt will not be at the hospital! 

[meladorie]

I had my dad, stepmom, and mom visit the first day, plus SNLT my dad and stepmom stayed a couple days in s nearby hotel and my mom stayed with us at our house for a week. They weren't with us the whole time but would come and go, and my mom helped clean the house, so overall it was a positive experience. I was pretty strict though and made them give us private time and didn't let them hold him. It wasn't overwhelming for me but I'm also very close to my mom.

[coleybug13]

Jan 22, 2015 17:07:32 GMT -5 xtchristiext said:

Jan 22, 2015 16:59:18 GMT -5 coleybug13 said:

I am really worried about this. I got bombarded with visitors in the hospital last time all snatching the baby and refusing to give him back when I asked. I'm so non confrontation is was awful!! I don't want to do that again! DS will be with my parents so they'll visit when they bring DS to meet his sister but other than that I'd prefer no one else come until we've been home for at least a week or two. Also MIL is bsc and I may be a horrible person for this but I don't want her to come to the hospital .. (She's an alcoholic and does drugs and chainsmokes cigarettes) and she is literally off. The. Wall. I don't want her holding my baby. I just don't know if I'd be a seriously horrible person for saying she can't come to the hospital.. Ugh this has been giving me so much anxiety.

I feel like I'm hijacking this thread with all my quotes, but I'm going through this with my Aunt.  She INSISTS that she will be camped out at the hospital and she sounds a lot like your MIL, but my aunt is having some health problems and she's full of infection right now.  I can relate to your anxiety and I hope that this time around it's less stressful for you! 

It's so hard to tell people they can't come. They should act like adults and respect the wishes but if they acted like adults it wouldn't be an issue in the first place! With your aunt I hope she understands that infections are no joke for a newborn and stays away until you say otherwise! I'm going to try and talk to SO about it tonight and hopefully we can get on the same page. Maybe then I'll feel less anxious. Otherwise I'd say talk to your nurses (this is my backup plan) they can keep people from coming in or limit their visiting time to help you feel less overwhelmed. I wish I knew this the first time!

[luckystarz]

My ex-MIL came to the hospital with DD and would not fucking leave. I was falling asleep while she was there, and she kept on talking. Finally the nurse came in and kicked her out. I will not have any of that this time, and hubs won't either. I don't mind hospital visitors the day after she is born, only exception will be my mom and my kids.

My mom will be staying with us for about a week to help with the bigger kids, but they will be going to school during the day. FIL is currently banned from my house until further notice, and I will not be accepting "drop ins." My MIL will be dying to visit but 30-60 min tops. There will be zero visitors during labor and delivery, just hubs and myself.

[xtchristiext]

Jan 22, 2015 17:13:48 GMT -5 coleybug13 said:

Jan 22, 2015 17:07:32 GMT -5 xtchristiext said:

I feel like I'm hijacking this thread with all my quotes, but I'm going through this with my Aunt.  She INSISTS that she will be camped out at the hospital and she sounds a lot like your MIL, but my aunt is having some health problems and she's full of infection right now.  I can relate to your anxiety and I hope that this time around it's less stressful for you! 

It's so hard to tell people they can't come. They should act like adults and respect the wishes but if they acted like adults it wouldn't be an issue in the first place! With your aunt I hope she understands that infections are no joke for a newborn and stays away until you say otherwise! I'm going to try and talk to SO about it tonight and hopefully we can get on the same page. Maybe then I'll feel less anxious. Otherwise I'd say talk to your nurses (this is my backup plan) they can keep people from coming in or limit their visiting time to help you feel less overwhelmed. I wish I knew this the first time!

This is great advice!  I'm definitely going to be talking to the nurses! 

[Deleted]

We are only having immediate family members only at the hospital. There is just so much going on that anymore than that would just be annoying and in the way in my opinion. We sent our families an email before we had DD that explained our wishes and made sure everyone was on the same page and their were no surprises. Hone visitors are fine with me as long as the call in advance and just don't so up unannounced. No overnight guests!

[drudolph11]

Well for us we know ahead of time that the LO will be in the NICU for up to 2 weeks and how fast she gets there and exactly how long she will be there is the great unknown which blows but it is what it is. Basically the requirements for them admitting her to the nursery are the she has to score an 8 or above 2 times in a row and the scores are done every 4 hours with the very first right after birth one not counting because well they were just birthed lol she is gonna be a little cranky. So we potentially have, at the least, 8 hours in room with her. Besides my SO I'm allowing 3 other people there for delivery (mom, other mom and SOs mom) depending on if they can all get there on time and what not. This is the first grandchild on both sides and i really want them to be able to witness tthe birth. Second time around may be different but anyway. Right after the birth we are cool with everyone seeing her for a minute and then it's gonna be mom and dad and baby bonding time for however the hell long we feel like it will be for lol after that i guess we will play it by ear depending on how long she is able to be in room with us. What we have discussed is that i would really like for everyone's first visit with her to not have to be through the glass of the NICU although i have no idea and need to ask what their rules are about NICU visits. I would really really prefer for everyone to meet her at home in a better setting but then again were gonna be there for up to 2 weeks so i don't really know how my feelings will change then. Now if by a 15% chance she does not have to be admitted into the NICU then the minimum we will be there is 5 days with the baby in room the whole time. SO will have to go back to work immediately and as long as I'm not Bfing I'm sure i will be fine with some visitors. I'm allowing one person access no matter what happens which is my Aunt and that is because she is awesome and works at the hospital im delivering at so if i am there for 2 weeks (as long as im BFing i can stay as long as she stays) it will be great to have company while SO and my mom are at work during the day and I'm all by myself. Anything else i guess we will play by ear because we don't know what's going to happen. I really hope in strong enough to actually go through with my wishes but it's so hard to say no for me sometimes and to not try to people please meh :/ as far as home goes. Well my mom is taking a week off once she comes home which i didn't ask her to do but i guess it will be a good help but my mom is very opinionated and very "my way or it's wrong" so we will see. She mentioned staying the whole time 24/7 and sleeping on the couch but i really doubt we will be OK with that especially since she lives literally 3 doors down from us. Our first week home we will def want our time. I'm fine with her being there while SO is at work but will prob send her home when he gets off. In fact i KNOW that is what elk happen or they will end up killing each other lol despite the fact that they generally get along great. Now I'm really rambling. I need to go back and read the rest of these responses for some more ideas. Lol

[melissat2742]

I am going to be limiting visitors at the hospital to immediate family only (both sets of parents and my sister's family, my husband is an only child) hopefully we won't have a ton after we get home either. I want to be able to bond and at least get a shower before anybody comes over. As a FTM I'm not sure what to expect from my family.