STM guilt, fear, uncertainty

[spiraltheory]

How are the STMs feeling?

I've been feeling pretty guilty, especially today because I'm so tired. I'm scared that I won't be as attentive to my son now because I'm not feeling 100%.

I'm also scared to death of how I'm going to handle having a 15 mo and a newborn. I'm really glad that I have 8 more months to prepare my brain for this.

I know it will all work out, and I wanted to get pregnant. I also really want my son to have a sibling. I'm learning that it's possible to feel grateful and petrified at the same time.

Anyone else? Any tips from moms who already have 2+ kiddos?

[Ace]

I also feel guilty right now because I'm so tired all of the time. I feel like DS is getting the short end of the stick right now.

I don't let myself think about it much because I'll just freak myself out but sometimes I wonder how I am going to possibly handle a 3 year old and a newborn.

[bee]

I do feel guilty because I feel yucky but I'm trying my best. I have a lot of guilt about him not being an only child anymore. Like he won't think I love him as much anymore. I had a big breakdown and ugly cried about it the other day. Other than that I'm so excited to be giving him a sibling.

[wicked22]

I take it one day at a time most days because everything's fine then I think how am I going to do this with 2. The guilt is there but I think the best line I've heard, and will try to live by, is from the movie the single moms club. It goes something like this "It's easier if you don't stop to think about it and just do it".

[kelle017]

I feel a lot of guilt too. I look at my 20 month old and want to cry. I know she will love having a sibling, but I hate feeling like she's going to get pushed to the back burner for a while.

I'm scared of having another c-section (although I'm hoping for a vbac) because recovery sucked and then to have a toddler and a newborn.

I'm also feeling guilt because I'm really pushing the weaning now so I can have sometime to have my body back and she's not ready to give it up.

[bee]

Jun 15, 2015 12:04:57 GMT -5 kelle017 said:

I feel a lot of guilt too. I look at my 20 month old and want to cry. I know she will love having a sibling, but I hate feeling like she's going to get pushed to the back burner for a while.

I'm scared of having another c-section (although I'm hoping for a vbac) because recovery sucked and then to have a toddler and a newborn.

I'm also feeling guilt because I'm really pushing the weaning now so I can have sometime to have my body back and she's not ready to give it up.

The c section possibility is scaring me too. I am also hoping for a VBAC but anything could happen. Recovery with a newborn and a toddler sounds like a special hell.

[kelle017]

Jun 15, 2015 12:11:46 GMT -5 bee said:

Jun 15, 2015 12:04:57 GMT -5 kelle017 said:

I feel a lot of guilt too. I look at my 20 month old and want to cry. I know she will love having a sibling, but I hate feeling like she's going to get pushed to the back burner for a while.

I'm scared of having another c-section (although I'm hoping for a vbac) because recovery sucked and then to have a toddler and a newborn.

I'm also feeling guilt because I'm really pushing the weaning now so I can have sometime to have my body back and she's not ready to give it up.

The c section possibility is scaring me too. I am also hoping for a VBAC but anything could happen. Recovery with a newborn and a toddler sounds like a special hell.

It scares me the most because of the weight restrictions.  I won't be able to lift her and she's not going to get that.  I can also see her kicking me right in the stomach on accident.  

[elebishi]

I'm on #3 and can commiserate with everything you guys are feeling. Was there with #2, and am realizing a whole different (yet similar) set of feelings comes along again with #3.

I think it's normal to feel this way though. During my second pregnancy when I was expressing these concerns to my SIL, she reminded me the moment is fleeting and such a short time period in the grand scheme of their life. It's harder on you than it is on them. They won't remember it and they won't remember life without their little brother/sister. There's definitely an adjustment period for everyone when that new baby comes home. But you'll get into your groove the same way you did with #1 As for feeling like crap - I spent the majority of my first trimester with DD2 lying on the floor/couch while DD1 played around me/watched Elmo. You do what you have to do!

It's a short period of time, and then you start 'reaping the benefits', so to speak. I love watching my two together, and I'm sure it will only get better.

[spiraltheory]

Thank you elebishi !

[EatsRitz]

Ditto everything elebishi said. DD was absolutely in love with DS from day one. It's been amazing seeing their relationship develop over the past 18 months. I was worried there would be some resentment toward me or her brother, but there never was. She's been a great big sister since the beginning.

As for recovery, I've never had a c-section, but I've heard from friends who had an RCS that recovery is MUCH easier the second time around. Maybe that's because they never actually went into labor so they didn't have to recover from that aspect too. Hopefully it's easier for you ladies too.

[musicalsilver]

Jun 15, 2015 13:35:30 GMT -5 elebishi said:

I'm on #3 and can commiserate with everything you guys are feeling. Was there with #2, and am realizing a whole different (yet similar) set of feelings comes along again with #3.

I think it's normal to feel this way though. During my second pregnancy when I was expressing these concerns to my SIL, she reminded me the moment is fleeting and such a short time period in the grand scheme of their life. It's harder on you than it is on them. They won't remember it and they won't remember life without their little brother/sister. There's definitely an adjustment period for everyone when that new baby comes home. But you'll get into your groove the same way you did with #1 As for feeling like crap - I spent the majority of my first trimester with DD2 lying on the floor/couch while DD1 played around me/watched Elmo. You do what you have to do!

It's a short period of time, and then you start 'reaping the benefits', so to speak. I love watching my two together, and I'm sure it will only get better.

I like this perspective.  There's also the fact that it sounds like your older child will still be so young - they won't likely remember the day(s) you had to spend couch parenting because you were feeling crappy.  It's hard to see the larger picture when you're feeling like you're not doing your best in the moment, but this pregnancy will be over before you even know it.

[chocolate]

Jun 15, 2015 12:11:46 GMT -5 bee said:

Jun 15, 2015 12:04:57 GMT -5 kelle017 said:

I feel a lot of guilt too. I look at my 20 month old and want to cry. I know she will love having a sibling, but I hate feeling like she's going to get pushed to the back burner for a while.

I'm scared of having another c-section (although I'm hoping for a vbac) because recovery sucked and then to have a toddler and a newborn.

I'm also feeling guilt because I'm really pushing the weaning now so I can have sometime to have my body back and she's not ready to give it up.

The c section possibility is scaring me too. I am also hoping for a VBAC but anything could happen. Recovery with a newborn and a toddler sounds like a special hell.

Yep, I'm in the same boat. This is mostly what I worry about. I haven't yet worried about anything beyond recovery! Although from time to time I do think about how I will need to have little special one on one dates with DS or something. Because right now, he's my one and only special guy and it is hard to imagine having another and not giving them all the attention!

[dreadpiratebuttercup]

I'm mostly feeling guilty because I'm feeling too crappy to do much more then lie on the couch while she does her own thing. I'm also feeling a bit guilty because she'll have to get used to sharing is with not one, but two babies.

[eyelashedviper]

DD kept asking to go to the park when we got home today but I just didn't have it in me. I offered her some sidewalk chalk and she jumped on that but I felt guilty. I'm also nervous about losing out on her wonderful daycare spot but I just have to have faith it will all work out.

My siblings and I had some rough patches growing up but I can't imagine my life without them. I hope our kids will have that in the future.

[golferbee]

I feel very sad when I look at my 15mo DS and think there is no way I could love this next baby as much. I know it's not true but I can't wrap my brain around 2 yet! Ha

[alwaysnc4me]

Jun 15, 2015 11:32:46 GMT -5 spiraltheory said:

How are the STMs feeling?

I've been feeling pretty guilty, especially today because I'm so tired. I'm scared that I won't be as attentive to my son now because I'm not feeling 100%.

I'm also scared to death of how I'm going to handle having a 15 mo and a newborn. I'm really glad that I have 8 more months to prepare my brain for this.

I know it will all work out, and I wanted to get pregnant. I also really want my son to have a sibling. I'm learning that it's possible to feel grateful and petrified at the same time.

Anyone else? Any tips from moms who already have 2+ kiddos?

I don't know that I have a lot of guilt but I definitely wonder how I will be able to handle 2 so close in age, they'll be about 19 months apart when 2.0 is born. Also, I wonder if we will be denying our daughter of anything since she'll have to be the big sis so soon after turning one?  But then hubs reminds me that being so close in age could help them forge a closer and stronger bond and that makes me smile.

[empireceo]

elebishi is wise. I definitely went through a lot of this when I was pregnant with DD. I knew logically that a sibling was the best thing I could give my son, but worried that he didn't get enough one on one time with me (he was 18 months when DD was born), and that I was potentially ruining/permanently altering his perfect little personality by rocking his world with another kid. It's totally normal to feel that way.

Fast forward to now: My kids are best friends. Truly. They hold hands to walk anywhere and DS is the sweetest thing ever when he says "what's wrong A-weesa?" if DD is crying. I am so excited to see them with a third little munchkin. Seeing the way they love each other is the greatest joy of my life.

[spiraltheory]

empireceo - I love that! That makes me feel way better.

[krl52014]

I am a sahm to DD and when I think about sharing my time with a new lo, of course I'm excited but I also feel sad for DD and I. I have a hard time adjusting to change so I'm scared to change up our routine and care for another little human. I also wonder if DD will hate me for spending so much time with the new baby. I'm just reassuring myself by thinking that I'm doing a wonderful thing for DD by giving her a sibling