Intro (sorry, it's long)
Jun 16, 2015 16:17:33 GMT -5
Post by tbonequeen13 on Jun 16, 2015 16:17:33 GMT -5
Hello all. Not happy to be having to intro on this board, but at least happy to have a community of women who are in the same place I am and can understand. I have a beautiful DD is 2.5 We had a loss before conceiving her (within 1 week of BFP), and it took just over a year to get pregnant with her. I had early onset GD with her but otherwise pregnancy and delivery were smooth.
We've been TTCAS since April of 2014. I got pregnant fairly quickly but like the 1st time I mc within a week. It took us another year of trying to get another BFP...and when the one week mark passed, I slowly started to hope. We went to the first ultrasound and saw a heartbeat. I was measuring a little behind where I thought I should be, but they didn't seem worried so I wasn't either. They said this time that I was Type II instead of GD but they had told me that during my pregnancy with DD and it had resolved post delivery,so I wasn't too worried.
When we went for the NT scan at 11.5 weeks, all they could find was an empty sac despite my body giving no previous indication that anything was wrong. To say I was heartbroken is to put it mildly. I ended up getting a D & C because they were worried about very heavy bleeding if I let things happen naturally. I have horrible anxiety about medical procedures, so that was one of the worst days ever (although, to be honest, the procedure itself was much easier than I feared). The doctor that did it basically blamed me- every dr i saw during that pregnancy acted like I knew I had type II and just chose to ignore it even though I explained I did my post-delivery follow up and was told it was GD. They had me flagged as Type II and even told my husband the reason it took FIVE sticks to get an IV was because I was diabetic (it was because the nurse was incompetent, but that's beside the point) and told him that if I wanted to get pregnant again, he would have to "help me" loose weight before we tried again. So without using the exact words, they are blaming everything on me....however, since this was my 3rd loss, they agreed to send the tissue off for genetic testing.
I have my 4 week post op appt Thurs and I am looking forward to it about as much as being shot in the foot. I have a strong suspicion the tests will come back inconclusive (I was told they frequently do) and they are going to try to pin this all on me and my supposed refusal to acknowledge my condition. After that appointment, I will make one with a GP and get started with whatever testing is needed to find out for sure if I am type II and if so get started treating it. I will probably also ask for a referral to a medical weight loss program of some kind bc I have tried for years to do it on my own and I simply can't.
At this point, part of me wants to get started TTC again right away, and the other part of me can't imagine ever trying again. I was 1.5 weeks away from 2nd trimester and I actually thought I was safe this time. I can't imagine getting another BFP and having to spend every day wondering, because my body didn't hint at anything being wrong this time so next time I'll have to wonder every day if something is wrong and I just don't know it yet- each ultrasound will nerve wracking as we wait to see if there's a heartbeat. But, deep down I feel like our family isn't complete, like we're meant to have another kid and DD is meant to have a sibling, so I don't want to give up that dream either. I am still bleeding so it hasn't been an issue yet but I will have to come to some kind of decision before too long on whether to use some sort of BC or not.
Then there's the issue of my friends. We had told a lot of close people this time, which wasn't an issue either other loss. They're all supportive and sweet, but honestly I cannot stand to be around most of them right now. I am so embarrassed, and I I know I shouldn't be, but I can't help feeling that way. I also have at least 3 friends who are due right around when I was, and luckily I only see 2 of them on FB and not IRL, but I can't bring myself to block them but I also can't stand to see their updates about their pregnancy.
Sorry, this is really long and kind of rambley but I figured I might as well get it all out there.
We've been TTCAS since April of 2014. I got pregnant fairly quickly but like the 1st time I mc within a week. It took us another year of trying to get another BFP...and when the one week mark passed, I slowly started to hope. We went to the first ultrasound and saw a heartbeat. I was measuring a little behind where I thought I should be, but they didn't seem worried so I wasn't either. They said this time that I was Type II instead of GD but they had told me that during my pregnancy with DD and it had resolved post delivery,so I wasn't too worried.
When we went for the NT scan at 11.5 weeks, all they could find was an empty sac despite my body giving no previous indication that anything was wrong. To say I was heartbroken is to put it mildly. I ended up getting a D & C because they were worried about very heavy bleeding if I let things happen naturally. I have horrible anxiety about medical procedures, so that was one of the worst days ever (although, to be honest, the procedure itself was much easier than I feared). The doctor that did it basically blamed me- every dr i saw during that pregnancy acted like I knew I had type II and just chose to ignore it even though I explained I did my post-delivery follow up and was told it was GD. They had me flagged as Type II and even told my husband the reason it took FIVE sticks to get an IV was because I was diabetic (it was because the nurse was incompetent, but that's beside the point) and told him that if I wanted to get pregnant again, he would have to "help me" loose weight before we tried again. So without using the exact words, they are blaming everything on me....however, since this was my 3rd loss, they agreed to send the tissue off for genetic testing.
I have my 4 week post op appt Thurs and I am looking forward to it about as much as being shot in the foot. I have a strong suspicion the tests will come back inconclusive (I was told they frequently do) and they are going to try to pin this all on me and my supposed refusal to acknowledge my condition. After that appointment, I will make one with a GP and get started with whatever testing is needed to find out for sure if I am type II and if so get started treating it. I will probably also ask for a referral to a medical weight loss program of some kind bc I have tried for years to do it on my own and I simply can't.
At this point, part of me wants to get started TTC again right away, and the other part of me can't imagine ever trying again. I was 1.5 weeks away from 2nd trimester and I actually thought I was safe this time. I can't imagine getting another BFP and having to spend every day wondering, because my body didn't hint at anything being wrong this time so next time I'll have to wonder every day if something is wrong and I just don't know it yet- each ultrasound will nerve wracking as we wait to see if there's a heartbeat. But, deep down I feel like our family isn't complete, like we're meant to have another kid and DD is meant to have a sibling, so I don't want to give up that dream either. I am still bleeding so it hasn't been an issue yet but I will have to come to some kind of decision before too long on whether to use some sort of BC or not.
Then there's the issue of my friends. We had told a lot of close people this time, which wasn't an issue either other loss. They're all supportive and sweet, but honestly I cannot stand to be around most of them right now. I am so embarrassed, and I I know I shouldn't be, but I can't help feeling that way. I also have at least 3 friends who are due right around when I was, and luckily I only see 2 of them on FB and not IRL, but I can't bring myself to block them but I also can't stand to see their updates about their pregnancy.
Sorry, this is really long and kind of rambley but I figured I might as well get it all out there.
