intro *trigger warning*

[deedeefernandez]

Hello everyone! I've been looking for a support community to join and was told this was the place to be.
I'm looking forward to getring to know you and taking this journey with you all.

My name is DeeDee. My husband and I have been ttc officially for 5 months and charting for 3, but have been "going with the flow" for over a year. We each have a child, 5&6. I had my daughter very young and had a very stressful pregnancy. She was born premature after going into preterm labor twice and being on bedrest for 3 1/2 months. I had a mc a year and a half ago where they discovered I have some pretty bad scarring on my cervix. My doctor has tried to reassure me that I still have a shot but it may just be more difficult. I'm glad to finally be able to join a group of ladies that understand what im going through as I'm having a hard time getting support from friends and family that can't relate..

*Meltdown which led me to seek*
My close friend, which knows we are ttc found out she is
pregnant today. She has only been with her boyfriend for 3 months...has a daughter whos father isn't around.. her brilliant way of telling me was to text me a photo of her pee sticks on the day af arrived for me.. I didnt expect myself to breakdown the way I did. I left work crying and I'm just so angry. I feel she should have called or done anything but rub it in my face.. I'm so angry... I called to check in with her after I had calmed a bit and was met with the "don't worry it'll happen when it's meant to" speech.. needless to say I exploded and said some hurtful things. My question for you ladies is this..

How do you manage to keep from being resentful? I can feel myself turning bitter and I'm not sure how to get myself back on track.

Thank you all. I am very happy to join this community. I apologize for any typos, my phone keyboard and I are not friends at the moment.

[longhornwino0907]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Although it's hard to remember, other people's fertility has no effect on yours. Trust me, I know how hard it is to really take this to heart. I had a meltdown myself after about 5 friends posted FB announcements within a week after my laparoscopy. It was so painful. There was a lot of throwing things and hitting walls and pillows and crying. I'm actually on a break from FB still because I just didn't want to even tempt the negativity to come back. This was also right before Christmas, and of course I'd had grand dreams of telling our families we were expecting over the holidays. Clearly that did not pan out.

You'll find a good support group here. I also recommend hobbies. Find something that really takes your mind off of TTC because we all need a break sometimes.

Welcome and best of luck to you.

ETA: If your screenname is your real name, you might want to change it. Stranger danger, creepy Interwebz people, all that.

[getzystark]

Vodka. The answer is always vodka.

[doggiestyle88]

Welcome! I am sorry you are going through this. It's tough to deal with other people's pregnancies when you want to be pregnant so badly yourself, especially after you have dealt with a loss or complications. I try to remind myself that other people's fertility doesn't affect mine, but sometimes that just sounds like horse shit. *Hugs*

[deedeefernandez]

Thank you very much. And good luck to you as well. I'm so glad I am not the only one that has reacted this way. I can now assure my husband he's not married to a ttc crazed lunatic (yet)

[doggiestyle88]

Jan 23, 2015 16:44:24 GMT -5 longhornwino0907 said:

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Although it's hard to remember, other people's fertility has no effect on yours. Trust me, I know how hard it is to really take this to heart. I had a meltdown myself after about 5 friends posted FB announcements within a week after my laparoscopy. It was so painful. There was a lot of throwing things and hitting walls and pillows and crying. I'm actually on a break from FB still because I just didn't want to even tempt the negativity to come back. This was also right before Christmas, and of course I'd had grand dreams of telling our families we were expecting over the holidays. Clearly that did not pan out.

You'll find a good support group here. I also recommend hobbies. Find something that really takes your mind off of TTC because we all need a break sometimes.

Welcome and best of luck to you.

ETA: If your screenname is your real name, you might want to change it. Stranger danger, creepy Interwebz people, all that.

I have stepped back from FB as well and it has really helped. There was a period of time where it felt like everyone in the world was announcing a June 15 pregnancy. Now I check up on family and close friends but spend most of my time on the Internet here. 

[risscaboobs]

Jan 23, 2015 16:44:24 GMT -5 longhornwino0907 said:

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Although it's hard to remember, other people's fertility has no effect on yours. Trust me, I know how hard it is to really take this to heart. I had a meltdown myself after about 5 friends posted FB announcements within a week after my laparoscopy. It was so painful. There was a lot of throwing things and hitting walls and pillows and crying. I'm actually on a break from FB still because I just didn't want to even tempt the negativity to come back. This was also right before Christmas, and of course I'd had grand dreams of telling our families we were expecting over the holidays. Clearly that did not pan out.

You'll find a good support group here. I also recommend hobbies. Find something that really takes your mind off of TTC because we all need a break sometimes.

Welcome and best of luck to you.

ETA: If your screenname is your real name, you might want to change it. Stranger danger, creepy Interwebz people, all that.

This. The best thing I have ever heard was said by someone when we were still on the dump. It was something like "no one's pregnancy will take a pregnancy away from you". Just because she is pregnant, doesn't mean you won't become pregnant. This was NOT (EDITED TO ADD THIS. TYPO!) a rock, paper, scissors game that you lost. Does that make any sense? I know that it's hard. I get upset about it a lot still, but thinking of it in this way has been the biggest help.

And wine. All the wine.

[FunniBunni]

Glad you found your way here, and that you find the camaraderie you're looking for.

[deedeefernandez]

Jan 23, 2015 17:44:45 GMT -5 risscaboobs said:

Jan 23, 2015 16:44:24 GMT -5 longhornwino0907 said:

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Although it's hard to remember, other people's fertility has no effect on yours. Trust me, I know how hard it is to really take this to heart. I had a meltdown myself after about 5 friends posted FB announcements within a week after my laparoscopy. It was so painful. There was a lot of throwing things and hitting walls and pillows and crying. I'm actually on a break from FB still because I just didn't want to even tempt the negativity to come back. This was also right before Christmas, and of course I'd had grand dreams of telling our families we were expecting over the holidays. Clearly that did not pan out.

You'll find a good support group here. I also recommend hobbies. Find something that really takes your mind off of TTC because we all need a break sometimes.

Welcome and best of luck to you.

ETA: If your screenname is your real name, you might want to change it. Stranger danger, creepy Interwebz people, all that.

This. The best thing I have ever heard was said by someone when we were still on the dump. It was something like "no one's pregnancy will take a pregnancy away from you". Just because she is pregnant, doesn't mean you won't become pregnant. This was a rock, paper, scissors game that you lost. Does that make any sense? I know that it's hard. I get upset about it a lot still, but thinking of it in this way has been the biggest help.

And wine. All the wine.

Very true. I'm gearing up to put my big girl panties on and apologize. Then douse myself in wine until af packs her bags. I have to say... the darkside is awesome. Very glad I found it.

[almachs0786]

Glad you're here, this is a great community to be a part of. I'm sorry for your loss and that your friend rubbed her pee stick in your face. Like pp said, her pregnancy has no affect on your fertility. I know it's hard to remember sometimes.
Welcome, stick around, I think you'll find you like it here.

[ttcminicofer]

I'm glad you found us. I'm so sorry for your loss and that you are having a hard time.

[SheilaTheTank]

I'm so sorry for your loss. PPs are right with wine and remembering that other's fertility do not influence yours. Its hard especially when you want something so bad. It's harder still when others do not understand that IF is real and that "relaxing" doesn't work no matter how hard you try. Today at work an old coworker of ours brought her new baby in to show off. I hid in my office and then left early. Now I have wine lots of wine. *hugs* and welcome to the community.

ETA: grammer

[spaghettioh]

Welcome. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Hope your stay here is short

[Rama]

Jan 23, 2015 16:38:47 GMT -5 deedeefernandez said:

Hello everyone! I've been looking for a support community to join and was told this was the place to be.
I'm looking forward to getring to know you and taking this journey with you all.

My name is DeeDee. My husband and I have been ttc officially for 5 months and charting for 3, but have been "going with the flow" for over a year. We each have a child, 5&6. I had my daughter very young and had a very stressful pregnancy. She was born premature after going into preterm labor twice and being on bedrest for 3 1/2 months. I had a mc a year and a half ago where they discovered I have some pretty bad scarring on my cervix. My doctor has tried to reassure me that I still have a shot but it may just be more difficult. I'm glad to finally be able to join a group of ladies that understand what im going through as I'm having a hard time getting support from friends and family that can't relate..

*Meltdown which led me to seek*
My close friend, which knows we are ttc found out she is
pregnant today. She has only been with her boyfriend for 3 months...has a daughter whos father isn't around.. her brilliant way of telling me was to text me a photo of her pee sticks on the day af arrived for me.. I didnt expect myself to breakdown the way I did. I left work crying and I'm just so angry. I feel she should have called or done anything but rub it in my face.. I'm so angry... I called to check in with her after I had calmed a bit and was met with the "don't worry it'll happen when it's meant to" speech.. needless to say I exploded and said some hurtful things. My question for you ladies is this..

How do you manage to keep from being resentful? I can feel myself turning bitter and I'm not sure how to get myself back on track.

Thank you all. I am very happy to join this community. I apologize for any typos, my phone keyboard and I are not friends at the moment.

Hi, DeeDee!  Welcome to GKU and so sorry for your loss.

I'll repeat what others have said: Someone having a baby/pregnancy doesn't take a baby/pregnancy away from you.  There aren't a limited number of children and it's not a competition.  It also takes a normal, healthy couple up to one year of perfectly timed intercourse to conceive a child -- you only have a 20% chance of conception each cycle.

Now, having said that, I know you've been NTNP (not trying, not preventing) for over a year -- do you have or have you considered seeking additional help from a RE (reproductive endocrinologist)?

[deedeefernandez]

Jan 23, 2015 18:28:21 GMT -5 Rama said:

Jan 23, 2015 16:38:47 GMT -5 deedeefernandez said:

Hello everyone! I've been looking for a support community to join and was told this was the place to be.
I'm looking forward to getring to know you and taking this journey with you all.

My name is DeeDee. My husband and I have been ttc officially for 5 months and charting for 3, but have been "going with the flow" for over a year. We each have a child, 5&6. I had my daughter very young and had a very stressful pregnancy. She was born premature after going into preterm labor twice and being on bedrest for 3 1/2 months. I had a mc a year and a half ago where they discovered I have some pretty bad scarring on my cervix. My doctor has tried to reassure me that I still have a shot but it may just be more difficult. I'm glad to finally be able to join a group of ladies that understand what im going through as I'm having a hard time getting support from friends and family that can't relate..

*Meltdown which led me to seek*
My close friend, which knows we are ttc found out she is
pregnant today. She has only been with her boyfriend for 3 months...has a daughter whos father isn't around.. her brilliant way of telling me was to text me a photo of her pee sticks on the day af arrived for me.. I didnt expect myself to breakdown the way I did. I left work crying and I'm just so angry. I feel she should have called or done anything but rub it in my face.. I'm so angry... I called to check in with her after I had calmed a bit and was met with the "don't worry it'll happen when it's meant to" speech.. needless to say I exploded and said some hurtful things. My question for you ladies is this..

How do you manage to keep from being resentful? I can feel myself turning bitter and I'm not sure how to get myself back on track.

Thank you all. I am very happy to join this community. I apologize for any typos, my phone keyboard and I are not friends at the moment.

Hi, DeeDee!  Welcome to GKU and so sorry for your loss.

I'll repeat what others have said: Someone having a baby/pregnancy doesn't take a baby/pregnancy away from you.  There aren't a limited number of children and it's not a competition.  It also takes a normal, healthy couple up to one year of perfectly timed intercourse to conceive a child -- you only have a 20% chance of conception each cycle.

Now, having said that, I know you've been NTNP (not trying, not preventing) for over a year -- do you have or have you considered seeking additional help from a RE (reproductive endocrinologist)?

My doctor wants me to try charting bbt for a fee more months until my next appointment in 6 months. My cycles are crazy and I'm still trying to learn the whole chart thing. I'm sure my cycle will make more sense once i get the hang of it.

Wine and shift fits for all!

[teenybenoit]

Welcome! I'm sorry for your loss. I know how you feel, I was 5 weeks behind my friend and I mc while she has continued to glow, another 2 girlfriends gave birth within days of each other and though I click like and congratulate them on their posts I'm still sad that not only have I not had a successful pregnancy yet, but now I'm benched for one cycle when I desperately want to keep trying.
A hobbie is important as it keeps you occupied and not obsessing. I took up scrap booking which I find mellows me out. There are some great people here who are a wonderful support.
Good luck and I sincerely hope your stay is short.

[Sparkly]

Welcome & I'm sorry for your loss. I don't have much to add besides what others have said. It is hard, but it's great to have a community that understands and that you can occasionally vent to when you need. I'm glad you are here. And, of course, drink wine. Eat chocolate. Etc.

[deedeefernandez]

It makes a lot of sense. I know it's not right to judge her. Today has just been one of those ugly jealous itchy days. We've since talked over my hissy fit. I'm hoping being here and talking with you ladies will help me keep future frustrations from boiling over onto others. ☺

[Daikoku]

Jan 23, 2015 16:47:23 GMT -5 getzystark said:

Vodka. The answer is always vodka.

False. It's rum.

[Deleted]

Whiskey and beer are also quite useful.

I had both my best friend and my sister in law announce they were pregnant during our first full month of TTC. I subsequently had slew of symptoms and a half day period. It turned out that I had an ovarian cyst but after a ton of peesticks I thought I was going crazy.

Finding these women has been a lifesaver. They are a wealth of knowledge and know exactly what to say to keep things in check.

[deedeefernandez]

Jan 23, 2015 20:57:07 GMT -5 Daikoku said:

Jan 23, 2015 16:47:23 GMT -5 getzystark said:

Vodka. The answer is always vodka.

False. It's rum.

Amen.

[MrsC0617]

Good luck to you! The boards have kept me as sane as I can be. I hope they will do the same for you.

[motleycrew90]

Welcome. I'm sorry for your loss. Hang in there, I remeber when H and I decided to TTC two of our cousins both came out and said they were pregnant. One of them it only took a month. My other cousins sent me her pee stick. I was like thanks, but no thanks. It may be hard, but I found this community to be helpful and I hope you do as well!

[meerkatmillie]

Welcome! I'm glad you got my PM over on TB and found your way here. I think you will find what you need here. Hope to see you in the TWW and WTO threads!

[teambrink]

Welcome. I will second the wine and chocolate and raise you "just because/de stressing" sex. They work every time for me.