One and Done

[mrsrek10]

As I soak in the tub tonight (mightybee, lol), I am pondering the fact that I am at the end of the TWW. I am at that place where every twinge or trip to pee fills me with a strange anxiousness. My brain is waiting for Flo to show up and my heart is trying not to think about it at all. I am 37 1/2 and know the odds at this age aren't good for fertile myrtle types...much less those of us who struggle. I honestly don't know how much longer I can ride this emotional roller coaster.

So tonight I am really just wondering who else may be like me in regards to your J12 baby being your only baby, no matter if it is a choice or out of your control.

And, preggly ladies, please don't feel bad for me. I truly share your joy! I really have never been one that compared myself and my life to others. I feel like what was meant for another was not meant for me and vice versa. I also am not trying to have a pity party. I am just trying to find the moms like me with little families of 3. I am more contemplative than sad tonight.

[cookiesandwine]

Sending you peace and love. You have such an amazing spirit. I hope that doesn't sound weird!

[mrsrek10]

Jan 23, 2015 21:09:38 GMT -5 cookiesandwine said:

Sending you peace and love. You have such an amazing spirit. I hope that doesn't sound weird!

Awe, thanks! I appreciate that very much!

[heatherbee]

cookiesandwine said it very well, so I won't even try to make it sound better Hugs to you. JA is lucky to have you as his mom!

[pegleg715]

I just want to say that my mom had me at 38 after 2 years of infertility and then my sister 15 months later.
So don't lose hope. BUT I am glad you seem at peace with it no matter what the outcome.

[lainikins]

Sending you hugs and good thoughts. It still can happen for you, and I am hoping it does. I am one and done though, by choice. We only want to have one. My suggestion to you is to check out the one and done board if you are feeling up to it and want to talk with moms who are also one and done. They are so supportive there. There are people there for all different reasons. Some are by choice, some are not, some thought they were one and done, and then they got pregnant again. They welcome everyone, even people who are sitting on the fence or who are in situations like yours.

Best of luck to you in whatever you decide, or perhaps do not decide. Hugs.

[Riverdong11]

Sadly (for me) I think I may end up one and done. I had always pictured myself with multiple children and it makes me feel a little hollow that I might be done. I don't really want to get in to reasons why right now but this topic has been on my mind a lot lately.

I hope I'm not bringing this post down. I don't really have an outlet for these feelings.

[mrsrek10]

Jan 23, 2015 22:20:17 GMT -5 Riverdong11 said:

Sadly (for me) I think I may end up one and done. I had always pictured myself with multiple children and it makes me feel a little hollow that I might be done. I don't really want to get in to reasons why right now but this topic has been on my mind a lot lately.

I hope I'm not bringing this post down. I don't really have an outlet for these feelings.

This is definitely the outlet to share! Never apologize for sharing. I am sorry you are struggling. I hope peace comes to you soon. Always here when you need support. :-)

[MissMusic]

I just want to wish you luck and the best possible outcome--whatever that may be. I'm sorry you are struggling.

I may be OAD, we'll see what my body decides. When I think about that, and my age and everything else,--its ok. Really, its ok. We have amazing, spirited, loving J12 babies. We are going to have such joy spoiling them, and have a special type of relationship with them because they have us, and we have them. They will get so much love. Who knows, maybe an Only will have a closer relationship with you because of their station.

1 child doesn't make your family any less complete. 1 child doesn't means you missed out on something. 1 child can mean that you filtered all of yourself, every ounce of your heart, into 1 little person who is just an empty vessel waiting to be filled with your adoration. Thats pretty special.

(And statistically, Onlys grow up to be more creative, get higher grades in school, become CEOs, very self-sufficient, have good leadership qualities...)

[justbeth]

Right there with you, mrsrek10. We found out this week that if we want to have another we will most likely need an infertility specialist. I just don't have traveling down that road in me again. I'm not at peace with being one and done yet, but I'm trying to get there. I really wanted Emma to have a sibling. Ugh, I can't even think about that part without crying yet.

DH and I are working our way through classes to get licensed to foster newborns, and while these babies won't be my forever babies I am looking forward to loving them while they are with us.

So while we are most likely one and done, I still have hope for a miracle baby- either conceived naturally or adopted through foster care.

[rollerrink]

Nothing to say, really. Just sending you some love.

[lizwinderson]

I'm on the fence really. I have days where I am completely content with just Anderson and others where I feel like he needs a sibling. And DH is completely content with just him but I have this intermittent unrest that makes me wonder.

And I also enjoy pouring every ounce of my being into this pretty cool kid that I already have. I just want him to have every opportunity that I can provide him and I know a sibling could change that.

I guess I'm coming from a differnt place but I do understand the unrest it can leave.

[junkytrunk]

I have a lot of the same feelings that lizwinderson has. I am an only child and always grew up wanting a sibling. Maybe because it was always just me and my mom.

I've always wanted to have more than 1 child, but at the same time, I kind of feel like we hit the jackpot with the first one. Life is just starting to get easy with him and then to start all over seems like it will change life so much. But then so many do it and I think, well I can do it too.

I also have to think about my health and sometimes I wonder if I will even get the chance to have another if things don't fully get in check. My H still changes his mind every other week on having #2.

We were given the ok to start trying in March. My H should find out around then if he's made it into a police dept. and then I think that once he's a police office, his schedule will probably be nights and weekends and then I will be alone most of the time with a newborn and toddler.

So many things to think about! I am becoming more ok with the idea of only 1 as time goes on, but it's still hard to go fully in one direction.

[xanthepants]

I'm one and done. Most certainly because for my husband it is all he can handle mentally and emotionally. It doesn't mean that I don't still wonder and wish now and then. Some days more than others. But then I think how much this one little joy has been in filling our lives until we are spilling over. I try and remember to savor every moment and that is the best I can do. I was 39 when I conceived Cosette so please don't dismiss that possibility. I felt at the time unhappy that I had to do treatments and mentally had a limit on how far I would go. But once in it, things were murkier and it became how clear I wanted a child if that makes sense. It really wasn't as bad as as my mind made them out to be, anticipation of the procedures for the most party were worse than the procedures themselves.
Regardless, I live somewhat not at peace with our "joint" decision. But I know I can choose to live life wallowing in the what ifs or I can accept the hand I have been dealt and enjoy it for all it can be. I try hard to live in that.

[sunflowersummer]

I think we may be OAD, I've had my mind made up for a long time, and my H is slowly starting to come around. Having two in a city with no family would just be too hard, as it is, I'm 90% the main parent (lots of other issues there, but anyway...). R has lots of friends her age and she's socializing well, so I think this may be what's best for our family, and I'm okay with that

[zyas]

hugs to you and to everyone who is struggling right now.

We might be OAD. I really don't know. I'm also 37 and not currently on any birth control. I figure if it happens then wonderful. If not, then well, I guess that;s ok too. I admit I will be crushed. I really want a second, but my H does not. He is fine with one. He has 2 brothers but was always the loner in the family and thinks she will be happier being an only child. He is however open to the idea still of having another if I happen to get pregnant but he said if I get pregnant, he is going to go get snipped. He'd do it now if I let him! So we'll see.... but nothing yet. I thought perhaps I was pregnant this past week as my boobs were a bit sore which was the first sign of my pregnancy with Ava. I took a test and everything but nope, and my period arrived 2 days later......

[USCgirl]

You are super strong for sharing your feelings with us. We have been TTC for four cycles now and I am starting to get a little discouraged, even though it has not been that long. I am with so many of you on liking the stage we have gotten to and kind of fear starting over. I am leaving the decision up to nature. I would really love at least one more, but know it may not be in my cards.

[huskiefanuw]

We are one and done, before Kinsley we were on the fence about 1 or 2. We just know that we don't make a ton of money and are both in professions that won't make you rich, and we want to be able to go on fun sometimes spend family trips and be able to do things like pay for her college. Then I had a rough delivery which would make me have a high risk pregnancy for another child. I loved my natural, barely any thing out of the norm pregnancy and most of my delivery and I don't want to have to have everything extra that a high risk pregnancy would entail.

Good luck on your journey and I hope you end up right where you want to be.

[heatherbee]

I know I'm not one and done, but since having DD my DH has been pretty adamantly saying he wants to be done and i don't really have anyone IRL to talk to about this, so I hope it's ok for me to post here. We had always said we wanted 4 kids, but after having DS decided 3 would be better. I feel selfish being upset about this because I feel so blessed to have my 2, but I'm having a hard time with the feeling like he changed his mind about something that was so important to me. He doesn't like the newborn phase and says he can't go through ttc again and seeing me go through multiple losses. I don't want to try for a 3rd until DS is in school, so I know there's time for either of us to change our minds but right now, I've been thinking about it a lot and feeling very sad with his attitude about everything. He has pretty much been telling family that he thinks we are done, and I just feel so frustarted with him.