***Loss Check-In***7.8.15***

[stefuge]

Hi ladies. Welcome to the Loss check-in! This will be a weekly board-wide check-in for all of us who have suffered a late term pregnancy or child loss. As this is a board-wide check-in and we are all at different stages in our grief, please remember to post warnings for any subjects related to pregnancy or living children.

I am also so sorry to have to welcome any new loss moms this week but am so glad that you have found us. I hope we can bring each other some much needed comfort and support. Please feel free to join in when you are ready and share as much or as little as you wish. Also, if you have any questions you would like answered, just ask! Any lurkers out there please don't be shy, we would like to be able to support you too.

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

QOTW: What are your plans for the summer? Any trips or get-aways planned? When you do travel, do you take any memento from your angel along with you?

Rants/Raves/Anything else you want to share?

[shandorfml2]

Hi ladies, hope you are all doing well!  *siggy warning*

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? I'm not sure. My grief has been coming in little waves again. I think I am continuously working on healing.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? I want to go decorate her grave. Last time we were there, her pinwheel had broke. So we need to get her a new one and I'd like to plant some flowers

QOTW: What are your plans for the summer? Any trips or get-aways planned? When you do travel, do you take any memento from your angel along with you? Nothing really. I'd like to get to a lake or the beach. When Ana firs died, we took her teddy bear and blanket with us on trips. Now, I usually just have my butterfly earrings or necklace. **rainbow mentioned** I ordered a bracelet that has blue and pink beads, with the letters A and C (for my angel and rainbow) . I'm really excited to get it, and have both babies with me all the time.
Rants/Raves/Anything else you want to share? Grief sucks. It's hard and never ending. It does get easier with time, but triggers are always there. I have a friend who's friend just lost their ten month old boy to staph infection. It's really triggered me. So so terrible and sad.

[happyin14]

*******Rainbow mentioned somewhat*******



New Steps? Actually! I have a great story to share and I hope it's helpful. After we lost J, one of my biggest fears was seeing one of his friends at the grocery store. I don't know what it was about the grocery store, but I got nervous and cried every time I went. This lasted for a long time - maybe a year? I think I was scared that the kid would ask where J was and I wouldn't know what to say. What the parents had told them about J, etc. it was a crippling fear.

It never happened until Monday! Almost 2 years later. I was there with DS#2 and in line right behind a mother and her daughter. They had just adopted, back from China a week ago. She told me about her struggles to have a second child, the decision to adopt. She asked about DS2. And when I walked away, I heard her say "That's J's mom." Like it was just matter of fact.

It made me so happy to be called his mom - something I don't get a lot. And that the girl remembered him!!! She was probably 5 when he died... This giant fear and it went great! And I had no idea where I'd be (with a new babe) when it happened. Made me feel like I've come pretty far!

Next Steps? Uhhhh... Second anniversary is coming up.

Summer: we just got back from vacation. We go to a place where we used to go with J and it is always great to talk about him. But other than my bracelets, no memento. We are also going to go away on the anniversary. To a place where DH's parents used to go (we lost them at the same time, for those that don't know). Have decided to call it Family Day after a friend and what they do.

No rants other than to say marriage is HARD after this. We are in an okay place right now. But it's HARD.

[mommytoava]

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

Just trying to make it through the next few weeks. We are moving the beginning of next month to be closer to my parents for support. We can't wait.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
We are coming up on the Ava's first angelversary next month. I'm just trying to figure out how I'm going to make it through that day and week. We are planning a trip out west during that time to visit family so I'm hoping that helps.

QOTW: What are your plans for the summer? Any trips or get-aways planned? When you do travel, do you take any memento from your angel along with you?

We are getting ready to move soon to be closer to my parents. When we do go on trips we always take Ava with us. We had her cremated and take her ashes and some of her favorite toys and pictures with us.

Rants/Raves/Anything else you want to share?

No rants right now

[happyin14]

mommytoava - I am glad you are so excited about the move. We have started to think about it too. I can't really do my job anywhere else... But maybe I need to change jobs.

The one year wasn't as bad for us as we thought. But we did plan to spend a bunch of time watching movies and looking at photos. And crying. I hadn't been able to really look at photos for a whole year. When I finally did it felt so great. Good to remember him how he really was. To "see" him again. We did that first thing. Then I was ready for the rest of the day.

[happyin14]

shandorfml2 - yay for new jewelry! I had a necklace for J that I didn't know what to do with. Now I have bracelets with both birthstones and I love it, too. Both of my kids. So important.

[stefuge]

***DS1 mentioned***



Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? We are currently on a little summer vacation, and for the first time, I decided to leave Colton's ashes at home. Every other time in the past two years when we have gone out of town, we have taken them, and the one time we forgot, I nearly had a panic attack and called my parents to go get them and take them back to their house until we were back. I don't know why being out of town made a difference - I wouldn't take them with me to work or out to run errands, but being gone for longer really bothered me. So this time, I set his little box out as we were packing, and I realized that I felt more comfortable leaving it at home. I know that is all that physically remains of my baby, but I know that isn't him any more and as important as that little box is, I don't need it to remember him.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? His second angelversary is about 6 weeks away. I really want to do something in honor of him, and am still trying to figure out what. By the end of the month I need to have it figured out so we can be making plans.

QOTW: What are your plans for the summer? Any trips or get-aways planned? When you do travel, do you take any memento from your angel along with you? We are currently enjoying a little vacation and are having such a good time! The last time we took a family vacation solely for the sake of getting away, just us, was when I was pregnant with Colton, and we kept referring to it as our last vacation as a family of three. We were really due a good break, and DS1 is having a really good time. When we travel we would usually take Colton's ashes (see above) but I also take one of his blankies that I still sleep with and then my usual memorial jewelry ( I have a ring I always wear and then a couple bracelets I switch out ).

Rants/Raves/Anything else you want to share? It's wierd being so close to his second birthday. Its so hard to believe that that much time has passed, and yet some days it feels like so much more. I also really want his birthdays to be special, to do something in his memory that makes an impact, and yet i feel like that pressure is kind of stressing me out and I really don't want to be stressed and overwhelmed by some big fundraiser or something and miss the time to really grieve for him, so I'm trying to make some plans and find some balance.

[shandorfml2]

Lots of love to those nearing angelversaries. (((hugs)))

[heartpresidents]

I won't be able to really "check in" until I'm back at a computer tomorrow (I'm bad at phone typing) but just wanted to say how much I appreciate you all. While I'm far from completely sane after losing Lincoln, I don't think I'd be even half as sane as I am without all of you. It was a rough week this past week, and reading everyone's posts and remembering that I'm not alone in grief helped.

[happyin14]

Jul 12, 2015 14:55:41 GMT -5 heartpresidents said:

I won't be able to really "check in" until I'm back at a computer tomorrow (I'm bad at phone typing) but just wanted to say how much I appreciate you all. While I'm far from completely sane after losing Lincoln, I don't think I'd be even half as sane as I am without all of you. It was a rough week this past week, and reading everyone's posts and remembering that I'm not alone in grief helped.

Sending love.

[heartpresidents]

shandorfml2 I hope you love the bracelet! I have a ring and a necklace I rarely leave the house without.

happyin14 So wonderful that you were faced with your fear and it went well! I'm so happy to hear it!
We're going through a bit of a marriage rough spot as well and I'm with you...it's so hard after everything we've been through. It complicates everything. I wish I had words of wisdom or advice, but we're just muddling through while trying to figure it out.

mommytoava Good luck on the move! I'm sure the extra support near by will be such a help.

stefuge, Hooray for a good vacation! Glad you're having a good time. I hope you don't let yourself stress too much about having to do something "special" for Colton's birthday. I think whatever is right for you and your family is special enough because you're remembering and loving him.

*edited to tag stefuge, not sure what I was doing the first time.

[littleowl913]

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? I just try to keep reminding myself that grief is a rollercoaster and there's good days and bad.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? I just realized that in less than two months, it will be Ronin's birthday/angelversary. I know I wanted to replace some of the toys that were lost along the way at his grave but I'm not sure how I want to honor him.

QOTW: What are your plans for the summer? Any trips or get-aways planned? When you do travel, do you take any memento from your angel along with you? We just came back from vacation. Whenever we weren't on the beach, I wore my memorial necklace - it has his birthstone and a rectangular plate with his name on it.

Rants/Raves/Anything else you want to share?

[heartpresidents]

Hi all! ***rainbow mentioned below***

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? I don't think so

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? No, not really. But I'm wondering if I should set one.

QOTW: What are your plans for the summer? Any trips or get-aways planned? When you do travel, do you take any memento from your angel along with you? Just got back from a lovely beach vacation/family reunion. It was with my husband's side of the family, and they are great. But I struggled with my grief all week, which I didn't expect. It started the night before we left. Our rainbow sleeps in a pack 'n play in our room for now, but we had packed the sheet so put him to sleep in his crib in the nursery. When I walked into the nursery the next morning to pick him up it just hit me...until then the only baby I had seen in the morning in that room was Lincoln. The mornings were mommy/Lincoln time. And it felt and smelled so similar, kind of like sweaty baby smell, and I just cried.
I also had a hard time being away for the 4th because that meant I couldn't visit Lincoln's spot at the cemetery. I just wasn't prepared for this to be an emotionally difficult trip, but it kind of was. Luckily the family is very understanding so no one commented or judged when I just wanted to hang out with our rainbow or when I mentioned Lincoln in conversation. But at the same time, I didn't want to bring anyone down on their vacation so I kind of kept to myself a lot. And now that I'm back home I'm just having a hard time getting back into "normal" life.

[stefuge]

heartpresidents - ((hugs)). It's so hard when the grief hits at random moments like that. I'm glad your family was understanding.

[shandorfml2]

heartpresidents, sorry it was rough ((hugs)))