Calling all SAHMs - tips/tricks/advice?

[tkford216]

I know we have some SAHMs in here, so I'm hoping you can offer some advice for us first-timers considering it. Do you have any tips or tricks on how to afford living on one salary? What's the hardest part about SAH, and how do you deal with it? Other practical advice to offer?

TIA!

[smittie]

I've been a SAHM for 2 years with DD.

1) you've probably heard this before, but live on your spouse's income now. You can bank your salary and figure out how to budget better.

2) We bought everything gender neutral for baby. We always wanted more than one kid, so now that #2 is coming, we don't have to buy anything! Literally. We are moving DD to her own room, and baby will get the nursery. I know this option isn't for everyone, but it's worked for us.

3) hardest part is getting out and meeting new people/moms. There is a local FB SAHM group I've joined to help. I also made really good friends in my childbirth class. It's cool to have someone going through the same things you are at the same time.

4) remember there are good days and bad days. But the good always weighs out the bad!

[dreadpiratebuttercup]

We have a strict budget, and stick to it. We don't eat out often, and usually only do take out or fast food about once every two weeks. I meal plan to keep our grocery expenses down, and use mostly recipes that will give us leftovers. We also use Amazon subscribe & save for things lie household items and diapers. Cloth diapering would also help if you're into that. We made our own baby food when DD was an infant.

We cut out cable for awhile, but decided a few months ago that the expense was worth it. We also only have one car payment, and one credit card that we only use for groceries and pay off as soon as we use it. DH travels a lot for work, so we use his accrued points for vacations.

DH is temporarily working a part time job in addition to his regular job because of the extra expenses we had with fertility treatments. He decided he wanted to keep it for now, but he didn't have to.

As far as the hardest thing about being a SAHM, I would say it's the lack of adult interaction and time to myself. DH always tries to give me time in the weekends to sleep in or run errands by myself.

I won't say it's easy, but it works for us.

[mrsmuq]

Jul 21, 2015 14:42:20 GMT -5 tkford216 said:

I know we have some SAHMs in here, so I'm hoping you can offer some advice for us first-timers considering it. Do you have any tips or tricks on how to afford living on one salary? What's the hardest part about SAH, and how do you deal with it? Other practical advice to offer?

TIA!

Do you have any tips or tricks on how to afford living on one salary?
We lived on one salary (H's) for the last 5 months of my pregnancy with DS. We also crunched numbers before I got pregnant and figured out what DH needed to make minimum to maintain our lifestyle. He was due for a significant raise/promotion then anyway, so it wasn't hard to get to our goal number. It also helps that my salary was only about 1/4 of what MH makes. If we were more like 40/60, it would have bee harder.

What's the hardest part about SAH, and how do you deal with it?
Feeling alone or lonely. All.the.time. Find a new moms group, MOMS or MOPS group, or a local meetup group or a Circle of Mothers group. Take mommy & me classes at the library (free) or a place like Gymboree/My Gym/Little Gym/local preschool. Also, PPD is a real thing. 1 in 7 women will experience it. If you even suspect you might have it, get to the doctor, stat.

Other practical advice to offer?
Sleep when the baby sleeps. Shower and workout and eat on a regular schedule. Schedule showering and workouts (even just a 30 min walk with LO in stroller) like you would schedule the doctor or hair salon or a party. Get out on a regular basis with friends (Esp non-parent friends). Don't forget your hobbies/passions. Find a way to pursue them. Take a free online class or something if you feel bored.

Also, set expectations with YH from the get-go regarding division of chores, MOTN feedings, and any areas you will need to cut back to afford a SAH lifestyle. We did a MrsMuq sleeps from 9pm-3am (baby would sleep at 9 and up at midnight for feeding) and MH would get 3-9am to sleep, so we each had 6 hours straight.

Also, the baby monitor has a volume button. You do not need it on full blast to hear your baby, trust me (it took me 9m to figure this out).

Finally, being a SAHM does not and will not work unless YH is 100% on board.

[tkford216]

smittie, mrsmuq, dreadpiratebuttercup,
Thanks for all the advice so far ladies! I really appreciate it! This is something my H and I discussed long before we were ready to have kids. We're both on board, but his salary isn't quite where we were hoping it would be at this point, so the finances may be a little messy. Lots to figure out yet I guess..

[mrsmuq]

Jul 21, 2015 16:38:26 GMT -5 tkford216 said:

smittie, mrsmuq, dreadpiratebuttercup,
Thanks for all the advice so far ladies! I really appreciate it! This is something my H and I discussed long before we were ready to have kids. We're both on board, but his salary isn't quite where we were hoping it would be at this point, so the finances may be a little messy. Lots to figure out yet I guess..

Look for areas where you can cut expenses. 

Examples: we went to a shared family cell phone plan with my parents. We pay $70/month instead of the $110 it would have cost by ourselves.

We got rid of cable/landline and got Netflix/Hulu instead - $1200/annual savings.

We try to avoid using appliances during peak times to save on our electric bill.

2y before TTC we refinanced our house to a 20-year loan and lower rate that was still $50 less a month than we had been paying.

Debt - pay down high-interest debt first (and now if you can). 

Take (free) parenting/childbirth/breastfeeding classes at your area hospital/OB's office. Take free cooking/crafting/health classes at your library. Rent movies/CDs/books from your library. (Again, free)

Even if you SAH, you could still work p/t during opposite shift of YH - waitressing, tutoring, retail, and bartending all lend themselves to opposite shift work. 

[tkford216]

Thanks mrsmuq. We've got our debt under control and we've been saving, so that's all good. I think we are just horrible at budgeting the variable expenses, like groceries and house supplies and whatnot. Every time I crunch our numbers, it seems our outflow is more than my H's salary. We'll really need to work on widdling that stuff down. Does meal planning really save that much? Cable we can certainly cut. I'll have to look at the budget again when I get home...

[EatsRitz]

Meal planning saves a lot, IME. I'm better at sticking to a list if I only go shopping once a week.

For us, it was a pretty easy decision for me to SAH because my salary would have barely covered childcare.

[lemoncupcake]

I'd start tracking all of your expenses now via a spreadsheet or a tool like Mint.com - it has helped us really to see all of the little things that add up quickly!

[mrsmuq]

Jul 21, 2015 16:54:56 GMT -5 tkford216 said:

Thanks mrsmuq. We've got our debt under control and we've been saving, so that's all good. I think we are just horrible at budgeting the variable expenses, like groceries and house supplies and whatnot. Every time I crunch our numbers, it seems our outflow is more than my H's salary. We'll really need to work on widdling that stuff down. Does meal planning really save that much? Cable we can certainly cut. I'll have to look at the budget again when I get home...

I don't meal plan. I'm terrible at it. But I know it saves a ton of money.

FWIW, growing your own vegetables and/or going half in with a friend/family member on say a cut of cow or lamb or pig will also save you money from a food perspective. Also - crockpot.

[redfraggle]

I've been SAH for about 3 years now, since DS was about 1. I worked for a semester after he was born, so I have some experience as a WM as well. Here is my best advice for you:

1. Start living off one income now if you aren't already doing so. If you have debt, pay it off/down with your second income. If you are debt-free (I'll exclude mortgage debt in this example because, well, there is a reason most people get 30 year mortgages...), put the second income into savings to give yourself a nice cushion. This will help you make sure your budget is really accurate.

2. Make an accurate budget. I saved receipts, my bank register, and credit card bills for about a year to get a good idea of what we spend each month. Your costs will likely be higher for a lot of things once baby comes, but there will be things you save on, like commuting expenses and lunches out at work. Don't forget incidental things like haircuts, oil changes, memberships and subscriptions, etc. These sneak up on a lot of people and can lead to you hemorrhaging money.

3. Have an emergency fund. Even with good insurance, we've had to pay a lot of medical bills because DS had a lot of medical issues his first few years of life, and I wound up needing high risk care for all my pregnancies. (Co-pays alone were a few hundred dollars just to see my MFM.) You also never know when you'll need to replace your furnace or get a major car repair done unexpectedly, for example.

4. I don't meal plan. I've tried a few methods and just can't get the hang of it. I do shop sales, though! When I see a good deal on non-perishable food items, diapers, clothes, or other things we use a lot of, I stock up. I also coupon, but I don't have the time to do the extreme couponing, which takes about as much time as FT work.

5. Look for cheap/free family-friendly entertainment options in your area. Examples of things we do: library story time, zoo membership, childrens museum membership, McDonalds playplace (get yourself a beverage, and the whole family can go to the play area), parks, mall play area, walk through your neighborhood, and playdates with friends. Our library also offers a summer reading program, and the kids get prizes for reading/being read to every day, which we do anyway. We've gotten free kids meals, passes to the swimming pool, passes to the fair, free books, admission to the childrens museum for a special event, and temporary tatoos.

6. WMs and SAHMs both have difficult roles, but they are difficult in different ways. Be prepared to feel very isolated when you start out. I really hated that aspect of it, but I made friends by going out and doing things. It will take time, and you won't be friends with every SAHM you meet, but you will eventually make some friends who share your SAH lifestyle. (It took me several months of going to the same library story hour to find some other moms who also showed up regularly who I felt comfortable talking to and eventually getting together with outside of story time. And I'm pretty outgoing.) Also, don't limit yourself to SAHM friends. Some of my best friends and best playdates are with WM friends who work 1st shift and can get together in the afternoon after naps or who work only a few days a week.

[redfraggle]

Ok, I'm starting a separate post because my laptop was almost dead, and I didn't want to lose all my typing. (I'm verbose, sorry!)

From a general survival standpoint, here are a few more tips:
1. You are not June Cleaver. Barbara Billingsly wasn't June Cleaver either, though she played her on TV. It is ok if your house isn't spotless and dinner isn't on the table when your H gets home. This is especially true during the NB phase. You do what you can, when you can, and if it doesn't kill anyone in your family, well, it's ok. In all fairness, during the NB phase, I consider doing a load of laundry a big accomplishment for the day. By about 4 months or so, you'll be able to get a little more done, and you'll figure out more ways to get things done as your LO gets older. It is ok to hire a cleaning service or delegate tasks to your H or visitors who offer to help.

2. Get in a routine! I can't stress this one enough. Seriously, it will make your life so much easier if LO knows when s/he will eat and sleep each day. (NB phase is more of a get through it time, so routine is less important then. But by 4-6 months, your baby will be organizing her/his day and will appreciate knowing what comes next.) As long as meals and sleep are routine each day, you can have a lot of flexibility as far as activity goes since babies don't get bored and are very portable.

3. Have some freezer meals made up in both single-serve and family-size. You'll be happy not to have to cook every night, though with your first baby, you'll probably be able to get a meal on the table most nights if you aren't picky about when you eat and don't cook elaborate meals. (Baby #2 is another story...) If you don't like frozen meals, crockpots are good.

4. Lastly, your role within your family is changing. A lot of SAHMs, myself included, have a hard time transitioning from the role of income-earner to non-income earner. This is normal, but it can be hard to get past. I get dressed in jeans and a t-shirt/nice-ish top and do my hair every day (make up optional) because it makes me feel good about myself. I always felt lazy when I spent the day in sweats or PJs. I also have a personal spending allowance for stuff I want that DH doesn't think is really important (he has a matching allowance for himself). And DH and I agree that I am still a member of the family, so his income goes to buy me stuff I need just like anyone else in the family. (I know that sounds kind of common-sense, but you'd be surprised how often I have to explain this to new SAHPs.)

GL with your decision!

[redfraggle]

Jul 21, 2015 16:33:21 GMT -5 mrsmuq said:

Other practical advice to offer?
Sleep when the baby sleeps. Shower and workout and eat on a regular schedule. Schedule showering and workouts (even just a 30 min walk with LO in stroller) like you would schedule the doctor or hair salon or a party. Get out on a regular basis with friends (Esp non-parent friends). Don't forget your hobbies/passions. Find a way to pursue them. Take a free online class or something if you feel bored.

Also, set expectations with YH from the get-go regarding division of chores, MOTN feedings, and any areas you will need to cut back to afford a SAH lifestyle. We did a MrsMuq sleeps from 9pm-3am (baby would sleep at 9 and up at midnight for feeding) and MH would get 3-9am to sleep, so we each had 6 hours straight.

Also, the baby monitor has a volume button. You do not need it on full blast to hear your baby, trust me (it took me 9m to figure this out).

Finally, being a SAHM does not and will not work unless YH is 100% on board.

mrsmuq is very wise! You are not responsible for all overnights just because your H WOH. I didn't get to sleep when either of my kids slept during the day for various reasons; I couldn't catch up on sleep while DH was working any better than he could. And some baby monitors also can adjust the sensitivity so you don't get blasted awake for a single fuss in the MOTN.

[redfraggle]

Jul 21, 2015 16:54:56 GMT -5 tkford216 said:

Thanks mrsmuq. We've got our debt under control and we've been saving, so that's all good. I think we are just horrible at budgeting the variable expenses, like groceries and house supplies and whatnot. Every time I crunch our numbers, it seems our outflow is more than my H's salary. We'll really need to work on widdling that stuff down. Does meal planning really save that much? Cable we can certainly cut. I'll have to look at the budget again when I get home...

Have you tried changing brands on groceries and household supplies? I buy a lot of generic grocery items or buy brand-name items when they are on sale and I have a coupon. You can eliminate paper towels by using cloth rags. And I know a lot of people who use a blue Dawn solution to clean their bathrooms rather than more expensive cleaning solutions.

[redfraggle]

I promise to stop replying to this thread in rapid succession after this:

This post made me realize I haven't been on SAHM board in a while. You might like this post:
www.goodbyecb.proboards.com/thread/50894/sahm-tricks-trade?page=1&scrollTo=2828596

[tkford216]

Jul 21, 2015 18:35:12 GMT -5 redfraggle said:

Jul 21, 2015 16:54:56 GMT -5 tkford216 said:

Thanks mrsmuq. We've got our debt under control and we've been saving, so that's all good. I think we are just horrible at budgeting the variable expenses, like groceries and house supplies and whatnot. Every time I crunch our numbers, it seems our outflow is more than my H's salary. We'll really need to work on widdling that stuff down. Does meal planning really save that much? Cable we can certainly cut. I'll have to look at the budget again when I get home...

Have you tried changing brands on groceries and household supplies? I buy a lot of generic grocery items or buy brand-name items when they are on sale and I have a coupon. You can eliminate paper towels by using cloth rags. And I know a lot of people who use a blue Dawn solution to clean their bathrooms rather than more expensive cleaning solutions.

We buy some generic and some brand. Our biggest problem is impulse shopping. I would prefer to make a plan and buy accordingly once a week, but my H likes to stop at the store after work multiple times a week and buy dinner things that way. It creates a lot of excess impulse buying and I'm sure is a big part of why our budget is never on track. We really need to stop that habit.

[tkford216]

Thank you so much for all the wisdom redfraggle!

[krl52014]

We cut down our spending to make it work for my family. Before I had DD I worked as a toddler teacher at a daycare center. I did not make much money so it didn't make much sense for me to work just to pay for childcare.

The hardest thing about being a sahm is the same thing others have said, being lonely. When DD was first born I started getting depressed because I never got out of the house because she cried all the time. Now I make an effort to get out at least a few times a week... Either to a friends house, my families house or to a fun activity with DD I agree that the fb mom groups are nice. I am actually supposed to be getting together with a mom on my local page here.

Good luck with making your decision! Being a sahm isn't easy but I wouldn't change it

[dreadpiratebuttercup]

We do the dawn trick that redfraggle mentioned. We also make a few other cleaning supplies, including laundry detergent (but not with dawn).

[kelle017]

White vinegar, baking soda and lemon juice are some of my go to cleaners.

Meal planning helps sometimes, but I just buy what's on sale and then figure that into meals.

I do supplement by watching a baby during the week (it's not much, but it covers a few things, like my phone bill, netflix, dental insurance and gas.)