It's FRIDAY!!

[MrsTinMKE]

I don't know if anyone is around much today... but I need a tad bit of advice.

I mentioned one of my younger brothers (the one w/o) the crazy tattoos recently. He came to H and I a couple of weeks ago asking to borrow money because he had no money, no gas in his car, no way to get to work, and thought his work was scamming him and not paying him. Long story. Any ways, H and I borrowed him some money and paid him some money to help us with some house projects even though he still owed us money for something else. I also have him a bunch of food and H said we could take him grocery shopping and load him up with food.

We we have not heard from him now in like over a week and I see pictures all over facebook of him out at the bar with some of our family last night! I am so pissed that he only comes around when he needs something and when I say something about his irresponsible behavior he tells me I am a judgmental bitch. Then when I am there for him, he tells me how amazing I am and how I am more of a mom to him than our own mother ever was.

This kills me. H is so frustrated with him, and I feel like all he does is take from us and play the guilt trip. I want to say something to him, but not even sure it is worth the fight anymore. I am just beyond hurt by his behavior lately and feeling more and more like all his is doing is playing me when I thought we were actually pretty close and honest with each other.

Should I confront him? I am so pissed to see those pictures. I want to ask him how the hell he had money to go out but his electric and phone are being shut off etc. He also told me he was about to go to jail for being behind on his child support.

Ok rant over, sorry

[meagpt22]

MrsTinMKE I'm sorry that your brother is making you feel so bad. He's taking advantage of you and probably doesn't even realize it. He just now has come to expect it. I'd confront him and if you are ready take a clear stand about no longer helping him out financial. It'll be hard though.

[MrsTinMKE]

Jul 24, 2015 11:00:43 GMT -5 meagpt22 said:

MrsTinMKE I'm sorry that your brother is making you feel so bad. He's taking advantage of you and probably doesn't even realize it. He just now has come to expect it. I'd confront him and if you are ready take a clear stand about no longer helping him out financial. It'll be hard though.

Thanks. He needs a TP. He is good at making everything about him and making me feel guilty. Frustrating. 

[jellykat2]

Jul 24, 2015 10:44:21 GMT -5 MrsTinMKE said:

I don't know if anyone is around much today... but I need a tad bit of advice.

I mentioned one of my younger brothers (the one w/o) the crazy tattoos recently. He came to H and I a couple of weeks ago asking to borrow money because he had no money, no gas in his car, no way to get to work, and thought his work was scamming him and not paying him. Long story. Any ways, H and I borrowed him some money and paid him some money to help us with some house projects even though he still owed us money for something else. I also have him a bunch of food and H said we could take him grocery shopping and load him up with food.

We we have not heard from him now in like over a week and I see pictures all over facebook of him out at the bar with some of our family last night! I am so pissed that he only comes around when he needs something and when I say something about his irresponsible behavior he tells me I am a judgmental bitch. Then when I am there for him, he tells me how amazing I am and how I am more of a mom to him than our own mother ever was.

This kills me. H is so frustrated with him, and I feel like all he does is take from us and play the guilt trip. I want to say something to him, but not even sure it is worth the fight anymore. I am just beyond hurt by his behavior lately and feeling more and more like all his is doing is playing me when I thought we were actually pretty close and honest with each other.

Should I confront him? I am so pissed to see those pictures. I want to ask him how the hell he had money to go out but his electric and phone are being shut off etc. He also told me he was about to go to jail for being behind on his child support.

Ok rant over, sorry

That's frustrating. I imagine that he'll keep pulling the same thing though unless you confront him. If he keeps being able to come to you for money (and possibly taking advantage of you, if he really is going out and partying it up when supposedly broke) then he'll likely continue unless confronted and you cut him off. Easier said than done though. Try to be as non-accusatory as possible maybe? Let him know you're just trying to fully understand his situation. Maybe he has a plausible explanation?

[swise22]

Jul 24, 2015 9:26:21 GMT -5 supplycloset said:

swise22
From your pic in HDBD- do you like the duck baby bath thing?? I think it's adorable and have wanted one for a long time. I am tired of using the kitchen sink.

I do really like it and DS loves it. It's easy to bathe him in and his toys stay in one place.

[swise22]

Jul 24, 2015 10:44:21 GMT -5 MrsTinMKE said:

I don't know if anyone is around much today... but I need a tad bit of advice.

I mentioned one of my younger brothers (the one w/o) the crazy tattoos recently. He came to H and I a couple of weeks ago asking to borrow money because he had no money, no gas in his car, no way to get to work, and thought his work was scamming him and not paying him. Long story. Any ways, H and I borrowed him some money and paid him some money to help us with some house projects even though he still owed us money for something else. I also have him a bunch of food and H said we could take him grocery shopping and load him up with food.

We we have not heard from him now in like over a week and I see pictures all over facebook of him out at the bar with some of our family last night! I am so pissed that he only comes around when he needs something and when I say something about his irresponsible behavior he tells me I am a judgmental bitch. Then when I am there for him, he tells me how amazing I am and how I am more of a mom to him than our own mother ever was.

This kills me. H is so frustrated with him, and I feel like all he does is take from us and play the guilt trip. I want to say something to him, but not even sure it is worth the fight anymore. I am just beyond hurt by his behavior lately and feeling more and more like all his is doing is playing me when I thought we were actually pretty close and honest with each other.

Should I confront him? I am so pissed to see those pictures. I want to ask him how the hell he had money to go out but his electric and phone are being shut off etc. He also told me he was about to go to jail for being behind on his child support.

Ok rant over, sorry

That's a really tough spot to be in. Dealing with someone in the family that had an addiction problem (not saying this is the case), the best way to handle that situation was to cut them off. I know how it feels to want to help, but unfortunately he has shown that he can't be responsible and giving him money is just enabling him to continue to act this way.

[jellykat2]

Jul 24, 2015 6:28:15 GMT -5 ajh1230 said:

I have an hour left at work and then I'm off for a baby free weekend! We are heading into Chicago this afternoon for a wedding DH is in. I still can't decided if I want to skip the rehearsal festivities tonight and just catch up on a long night uninterrupted sleep.

Have soooooooo much fun! I'm totes jealous. That's a tough one tonight, but I'd probably go have adult time. You're still going to have uninterrupted sleep, andplusalso hopefully can sleep in. Enjoy yourself!

[jellykat2]

Jul 24, 2015 7:13:41 GMT -5 ajh1230 said:

Jul 24, 2015 7:09:38 GMT -5 americanninjamommy said:

Morning, notches!! I am already in a mood this morning because of work drama emails. Can I put vodka in my water bottle today?

Yes, or baileys in your coffee both easily hidden!

I would do both! Hope your day gets better ANM!

[jellykat2]

MrsTinMKE - that's great about the new appraisal! Hopefully things will be smooth sailing from here on out!

[jellykat2]

Jul 24, 2015 9:26:21 GMT -5 supplycloset said:

swise22
From your pic in HDBD- do you like the duck baby bath thing?? I think it's adorable and have wanted one for a long time. I am tired of using the kitchen sink.

We have a duck tub too. We do like it but I'm starting to feel like she'll outgrow it soon and we'll just sit her in the tub.

[jellykat2]

Jul 24, 2015 10:21:37 GMT -5 staryb said:

Jul 24, 2015 8:51:26 GMT -5 MrsTinMKE said:

Seriously! Men aren't "wired" for this I swear.

Last night H said, do you remember D waking up at 10PM crying for you? I said no. He said yeah you wouldn't wake up and go and she cried for like 5 minutes.
WTF.. how do you know she was crying for ME?? Did she tell you, hey dad, I need mom and not you?!
When I asked if he went to feed her, he said no, by the time I got up to go to her she was asleep again. WTAF. 

That was a first... she was crying for YOU

Oooohhh that would make me ragey!

I second that.

[jellykat2]

H got off work early! I think we're gonna go have lunch and then maybe hit up a free water park and let dd play in the water. I'm so excited to get out of the house.

[MrsTinMKE]

Jul 24, 2015 12:15:15 GMT -5 jellykat2 said:

H got off work early! I think we're gonna go have lunch and then maybe hit up a free water park and let dd play in the water. I'm so excited to get out of the house.

That sounds fun!! Have a good time!

[kellrr]

So, it's TP Friday up in here! My DH is actually in order today, so I can spend my time doling out TPs.
Our quiet Friday has turned eventful. We're putting the offer in on the house, I'm going running with my BFF, getting drinks with my family and then going to the downtown street festival.

[Jennifer18131]

Last day at the beach. I'm sad.

H and I met up with his coworkers last night and I got, in MrsTinMKE's words, plowed. Twice ?

Last night on vacation means eat all the food so we don't have to throw it away. I'm definitely going to need this DietBet.

[kellrr]

MrsTinMKE your brother will probably take it better if you confront him now. If you wait, it seems like an old grudge, and if you say nothing, but just distance yourself and cut him off, you'll damage your relationship.
I would say "it bothered me to see you out drinking when you had to ask us for money to pay your bills. I probably don't know the whole story, but it made me feel taken advantage of. If you want our help, you need to follow through on your agreement to help us out and try to get your life together."

[MrsTinMKE]

I can't adult today

[MrsTinMKE]

Jul 24, 2015 12:50:25 GMT -5 kellrr said:

MrsTinMKE your brother will probably take it better if you confront him now. If you wait, it seems like an old grudge, and if you say nothing, but just distance yourself and cut him off, you'll damage your relationship.
I would say "it bothered me to see you out drinking when you had to ask us for money to pay your bills. I probably don't know the whole story, but it made me feel taken advantage of. If you want our help, you need to follow through on your agreement to help us out and try to get your life together."

Thank you! Kind of the approach I was going to take.... No matter what I know he is going to be pissed. but I am SO MAD at him.  H hasn't seen the pictures yet, but I know he isn't going to be happy when he sees it 

[MrsTinMKE]

Jul 24, 2015 12:44:08 GMT -5 kellrr said:

So, it's TP Friday up in here! My DH is actually in order today, so I can spend my time doling out TPs.
Our quiet Friday has turned eventful. We're putting the offer in on the house, I'm going running with my BFF, getting drinks with my family and then going to the downtown street festival.

GOOD LUCK!!! Your Friday sounds pretty amazeballs! I hope you get the house!

[happyin14]

Jul 24, 2015 11:08:02 GMT -5 MrsTinMKE said:

Jul 24, 2015 11:00:43 GMT -5 meagpt22 said:

MrsTinMKE I'm sorry that your brother is making you feel so bad. He's taking advantage of you and probably doesn't even realize it. He just now has come to expect it. I'd confront him and if you are ready take a clear stand about no longer helping him out financial. It'll be hard though.

Thanks. He needs a TP. He is good at making everything about him and making me feel guilty. Frustrating. 

I am late to this but. MH's has two sisters in a similar boat. Although one borrowed money and paid us back, sooner than we asked. But the second one... She needed the money for something pretty serious. And we said no..... I offered to pay for a specific need directly. Have them bill us and we got a whole story why that won't work. I do think she needed it for what she said, she just inflated the amount.

I can't pay for her drugs. I can't keep bailing her out. She has to be an adult. We were willing to help in an actual emergency and she wouldn't let it be. And our feeling is... She doesn't get to make the rules. I don't feel guilty. But as with your brother, it's a never ending cycle unless there are some boundaries... Tell him he needs to send you $20/month until it's back. He has to have that...

[MrsTinMKE]

Jul 24, 2015 13:51:11 GMT -5 happyin14 said:

Jul 24, 2015 11:08:02 GMT -5 MrsTinMKE said:

Thanks. He needs a TP. He is good at making everything about him and making me feel guilty. Frustrating. 

I am late to this but. MH's has two sisters in a similar boat. Although one borrowed money and paid us back, sooner than we asked. But the second one... She needed the money for something pretty serious. And we said no..... I offered to pay for a specific need directly. Have them bill us and we got a whole story why that won't work. I do think she needed it for what she said, she just inflated the amount.

I can't pay for her drugs. I can't keep bailing her out. She has to be an adult. We were willing to help in an actual emergency and she wouldn't let it be. And our feeling is... She doesn't get to make the rules. I don't feel guilty. But as with your brother, it's a never ending cycle unless there are some boundaries... Tell him he needs to send you $20/month until it's back. He has to have that...

Yeah... that is a tough situation. It is so hard with family. I feel like my brother is more like my kid these days.  My brother has never been one to borrow from H and I, but borrows from my mom often.  I found out he was smoking weed a few months ago.  He was smoking while we were out after my uncles funeral, and I was rather annoyed at his timing, and that he is doing this if he is in a bad situation.  I just told him I wasn't interested in talking to him at that time and he went off on me and called me a few names. It cut bad, because I have been there for him in some really tough situations. I am so afraid of it happening again. He has made comments about hurting himself (in the past) and I am so worried I am walking a find line with him. Sometimes I am not sure if he uses these things as leverage with me.

Sigh. Sorry - so deep for a Friday afternoon!! 

[swise22]

Jul 24, 2015 14:10:36 GMT -5 MrsTinMKE said:

Jul 24, 2015 13:51:11 GMT -5 happyin14 said:

I am late to this but. MH's has two sisters in a similar boat. Although one borrowed money and paid us back, sooner than we asked. But the second one... She needed the money for something pretty serious. And we said no..... I offered to pay for a specific need directly. Have them bill us and we got a whole story why that won't work. I do think she needed it for what she said, she just inflated the amount.

I can't pay for her drugs. I can't keep bailing her out. She has to be an adult. We were willing to help in an actual emergency and she wouldn't let it be. And our feeling is... She doesn't get to make the rules. I don't feel guilty. But as with your brother, it's a never ending cycle unless there are some boundaries... Tell him he needs to send you $20/month until it's back. He has to have that...

Yeah... that is a tough situation. It is so hard with family. I feel like my brother is more like my kid these days.  My brother has never been one to borrow from H and I, but borrows from my mom often.  I found out he was smoking weed a few months ago.  He was smoking while we were out after my uncles funeral, and I was rather annoyed at his timing, and that he is doing this if he is in a bad situation.  I just told him I wasn't interested in talking to him at that time and he went off on me and called me a few names. It cut bad, because I have been there for him in some really tough situations. I am so afraid of it happening again. He has made comments about hurting himself (in the past) and I am so worried I am walking a find line with him. Sometimes I am not sure if he uses these things as leverage with me.

Sigh. Sorry - so deep for a Friday afternoon!! 

He's definitely putting you in a bad spot. However, this is how people manipulate you into getting what they want. If he truly is hurting himself, he needs to get some help. But a lot of the times, people will say things that they know will upset you to get what they want. There has to be a boundary where you say no and don't waver from that, otherwise, they'll walk all over you.

[MrsTinMKE]

Jul 24, 2015 14:19:44 GMT -5 swise22 said:

Jul 24, 2015 14:10:36 GMT -5 MrsTinMKE said:

Yeah... that is a tough situation. It is so hard with family. I feel like my brother is more like my kid these days.  My brother has never been one to borrow from H and I, but borrows from my mom often.  I found out he was smoking weed a few months ago.  He was smoking while we were out after my uncles funeral, and I was rather annoyed at his timing, and that he is doing this if he is in a bad situation.  I just told him I wasn't interested in talking to him at that time and he went off on me and called me a few names. It cut bad, because I have been there for him in some really tough situations. I am so afraid of it happening again. He has made comments about hurting himself (in the past) and I am so worried I am walking a find line with him. Sometimes I am not sure if he uses these things as leverage with me.

Sigh. Sorry - so deep for a Friday afternoon!! 

He's definitely putting you in a bad spot. However, this is how people manipulate you into getting what they want. If he truly is hurting himself, he needs to get some help. But a lot of the times, people will say things that they know will upset you to get what they want. There has to be a boundary where you say no and don't waver from that, otherwise, they'll walk all over you.

Yeah... its true.  Like I said, we had such a good relationship I thought.  I always thought he was truthful with me and that we "got each other" because of the things we have been through.
It is so sad to see these things happening. I have my finger on a text message I am afraid to send! I hate confrontation!

[happyin14]

Jul 24, 2015 14:10:36 GMT -5 MrsTinMKE said:

Jul 24, 2015 13:51:11 GMT -5 happyin14 said:

I am late to this but. MH's has two sisters in a similar boat. Although one borrowed money and paid us back, sooner than we asked. But the second one... She needed the money for something pretty serious. And we said no..... I offered to pay for a specific need directly. Have them bill us and we got a whole story why that won't work. I do think she needed it for what she said, she just inflated the amount.

I can't pay for her drugs. I can't keep bailing her out. She has to be an adult. We were willing to help in an actual emergency and she wouldn't let it be. And our feeling is... She doesn't get to make the rules. I don't feel guilty. But as with your brother, it's a never ending cycle unless there are some boundaries... Tell him he needs to send you $20/month until it's back. He has to have that...

Yeah... that is a tough situation. It is so hard with family. I feel like my brother is more like my kid these days.  My brother has never been one to borrow from H and I, but borrows from my mom often.  I found out he was smoking weed a few months ago.  He was smoking while we were out after my uncles funeral, and I was rather annoyed at his timing, and that he is doing this if he is in a bad situation.  I just told him I wasn't interested in talking to him at that time and he went off on me and called me a few names. It cut bad, because I have been there for him in some really tough situations. I am so afraid of it happening again. He has made comments about hurting himself (in the past) and I am so worried I am walking a find line with him. Sometimes I am not sure if he uses these things as leverage with me.

Sigh. Sorry - so deep for a Friday afternoon!! 

There's more going on... No one reacts that badly in that moment unless there's more to the story. I think...

[jeniece47]

Jul 24, 2015 10:44:21 GMT -5 MrsTinMKE said:

I don't know if anyone is around much today... but I need a tad bit of advice.

I mentioned one of my younger brothers (the one w/o) the crazy tattoos recently. He came to H and I a couple of weeks ago asking to borrow money because he had no money, no gas in his car, no way to get to work, and thought his work was scamming him and not paying him. Long story. Any ways, H and I borrowed him some money and paid him some money to help us with some house projects even though he still owed us money for something else. I also have him a bunch of food and H said we could take him grocery shopping and load him up with food.

We we have not heard from him now in like over a week and I see pictures all over facebook of him out at the bar with some of our family last night! I am so pissed that he only comes around when he needs something and when I say something about his irresponsible behavior he tells me I am a judgmental bitch. Then when I am there for him, he tells me how amazing I am and how I am more of a mom to him than our own mother ever was.

This kills me. H is so frustrated with him, and I feel like all he does is take from us and play the guilt trip. I want to say something to him, but not even sure it is worth the fight anymore. I am just beyond hurt by his behavior lately and feeling more and more like all his is doing is playing me when I thought we were actually pretty close and honest with each other.

Should I confront him? I am so pissed to see those pictures. I want to ask him how the hell he had money to go out but his electric and phone are being shut off etc. He also told me he was about to go to jail for being behind on his child support.

Ok rant over, sorry

I would confront him and quit lending him money. If you truly have stuff that is helpful for him to do to earn money that is one thing but borrowing money when you haven't paid back the previous is a no in my book.

[sabby2]

I am waiting for my domino's pasta! Get in mah belly!

[americanninjamommy]

MrsTinMKE ugh that sucks so hard! DH's family and mom are like that. We've stopped giving them money but will occasionally buy them food. We have family priorities and are very clear about them to anyone we refuse. DH gets played all the time because he would give the shirt off his back for his family. It makes me crazy. Anyway, pp have given really good advice. Sounds like it's time to confront and keep it moving. Sorry that he reacts so immaturely and makes you worry about him. You care and that's what makes you a good sister. But set boundaries too!

[jellykat2]

MrsTinMKE - I just heard there is possibly a lion running loose in Milwaukee. Please be careful!

[MrsTinMKE]

Jul 24, 2015 19:23:44 GMT -5 jellykat2 said:

MrsTinMKE - I just heard there is possibly a lion running loose in Milwaukee. Please be careful!

Haha yes ! This seems to be a possibility!
I am hiding safely in my house devouring pizza, and cinnamon bread sticks with cream cheese frosting!!

[MrsTinMKE]

Jul 24, 2015 18:46:20 GMT -5 americanninjamommy said:

MrsTinMKE ugh that sucks so hard! DH's family and mom are like that. We've stopped giving them money but will occasionally buy them food. We have family priorities and are very clear about them to anyone we refuse. DH gets played all the time because he would give the shirt off his back for his family. It makes me crazy. Anyway, pp have given really good advice. Sounds like it's time to confront and keep it moving. Sorry that he reacts so immaturely and makes you worry about him. You care and that's what makes you a good sister. But set boundaries too!

That is the hard part when they say they have no food or the necessities. H doesnt have seemed to have seen these pictures so I may not bring it up to him.