Dealing with loss of friends

[munchkin120]

Has anyone else lost "friends" since having baby? It seems like since having the kids (2u2), we just don't get invited to do anything anymore. I'm super hurt about it but know that it's super common to happen.

I saw a pic posted on Facebook of 4 couples out to dinner and my feelings were super hurt. It just sucks to have feelings of being left out. 2 of the girls and I had kids within 2 weeks of each other in 2013. And another girl has a child 3 months older. I've noticed them all going out and doing things but we're not getting the invite to go too.

Maybe I'm just being too overly sensitive. I'm having a especially hard week, finally called for a PPD therapist referral that I've been too scared to do for weeks because I'm having such a hard time with things these days. It just would have been nice to be invited. Is anyone else dealing with this too? Looks like I need find some new mommy friends.

[mrsl]

I'm sorry you're going through this. I had a couple of single & childless friends ditch me last year while I was pregnant. But that's really too bad that you're not feeling included by your friends with kids close in age to yours. We (particularly my husband) have been making extra efforts to hang out with other parents, but it's been kind of tough for me to build new relationships or even keep old ones going while dealing with PPD. Do your friends know that you're dealing with that? After I told a few of mine, they were better about being in touch and getting together more often, since before they'd just figured that I was too busy with the new baby and would reach out to them when I had time.

I hope your therapist is helpful. Good for you for setting that up. I had my first appointment with one this week, and I was so glad I did.

[victoria]

Try being the one to set up the outing a couple of times. Maybe you're just out of touch with them from being busy and they just need to hear from you that you're available.

I just signed up for a baby and me class through the hospital where I had M to meet some other moms and get out of the house a bit. It can't hurt to give it a shot, right?

[dani0329]

Sorry, that does suck!! Maybe they think you are still enjoying baby snuggles and not ready to jump back into group dates? I would just plan a night out to show them you are still game for fun without the babes.

[rosalie12]

I agree with victoria. Try not to read too much into it, although it does hurt to feel left out. But maybe they don't feel like you're up to it because of your 2u2 situation. Hugs!

[pinkie]

I agree about trying to set something up. Maybe they think with having a young baby you wouldn't want to go out? It's crappy for them to assume but I would make an attempt before thinking they are dumping you.

[spurp13]

Just have all your friends live in the computer. Problem solved.

[meagpt22]

I've had that with one of my closest friends...it happened before kids bc we moved out of the city so I guess we stopped being fun. Now she's trying and not pregnant yet so I assume the new reasoning is we just had a baby. However even that logic may not be true bc she still hangs out with a woman with 2 kids and one on the way. So...maybe it's just us ?. It sucks big time to be left over. Maybe try organizing an outing to let them know you are interested.

[starla487]

Majority of my friends are childless and/or single. And being a social dancer who can't go out very often because I'm just exhausted... It's hard not seeing them. Sometimes I feel like we're invited to things out of "pity" or we get a lot of "oh, we know you can't go with us, but we just wanted to forward the invite anyway."

[rockynfrankie]

Have you talked to them about it? Maybe ask them all to come over or go out and see what happens. I agree with PP maybe they just think you aren't ready to go out but if you do the inviting they might see that you do ant to participate.

Most of our friends don't have kids and most of them are still single. We still hang out its just a little different than it was before. We also don't hang out as much. I have developed a much closer relationship with one of my coworkers who had a baby 2 months before me.

[ashie0610]

I dealt with this a lot when I was pregnant with DS1.  I ended up just having to tell certain friends that I was feeling left out not getting invited to things.  They all were really apologetic and just said they figured I wouldn't be up for coming out to bars and parties while pregnant and then later with a new baby.  The thing is, they were right in assuming that.  I usually didn't feel like going out, but still, it's nice to feel included.  I'd rather be the one to decline the invitation than not be invited at all.  Since then a lot of them have had their own kids so they get it now, but childless kids are better about including us.  

In your case it sounds like this isn't about them not having kids though.  I'd probably ask over social media or text message how their dinner was so they know you saw the photo, then mention that you'd love to join them if they get together again.  If they don't ask you next time, maybe you need to reevaluate if they are really friends you want to keep.

[jellykat2]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I've been experiencing the same thing, except that most of our friends don't have kids. What makes me feel left out, is that DH continues to get invites to hang out with the guys all the time.

I know I'm not super good at letting people know that I want to hang out. I think PP gave some good advice about letting them know that you're available and that you'd like to get together. I agree that if you do that, and still don't get the invites, maybe time to find new friends.

I'm glad that you're going to see a therapist. I hope that you are feeling better soon!