Randoms of the Wednesday

[kaeguri]

[kaeguri]

Woke up at 6, wide awake bc of a stupid dream where I was furious at my old druggie boss. Woke up, adrenaline racing, still mad. Guess who texts me at 6:45? My old druggie boss that I haven't talked to in months, wanting to discuss "business". Speak of the devil. Sorry, I don't sell heroin or prescription meds or crack or whatever you're on these days, what could you possibly want from me? Gaaah I hate him so much. He also left his wife and 2 year old daughter for a 19 year old girl (he was 34 at the time). I don't want to respond but I'm so curious as to what he considers "business" these days.

[ampaints]

So many babies! I hope all stages of labor, recovery, and dull cooking are doing well.

We're going for Miles' weight recheck this morning. He has been feeding much easier after the tongue tie was clipped. I'm also meeting with a lactation consultant. I'll be happy for any pointers they can give for when he gets all wound up.

We found out yesterday that H's dad has pancreatic cancer. We'll find out more information on Monday. He lives in California and isn't very close to H or his brother or sister. It still sucks. Once we know more we'll figure out if he'll be able to come to Georgia or if Miles first trip will be to California. We're trying to stay optimistic, but pancreatic cancer is a tough one and the doctors think he's had it a while.

[amberlie]

I'm sorry to hear about your FIL, ampaints. Cancer is always terrible, but I hope his diagnosis isn't advanced. T&Ps for you and your H.

[Deleted]

I just spilled my coffee all over my desk - meaning all over a stack of invoices I was processing and my desk calendar. Super great start to the morning. But I did have a cinnamon roll, so that was yummy.

kaeguri, find out what this business is and keep us posted, curious minds want to know.

ampaints, sorry about your FIL. Cancer sucks. I hate it. Hopefully it was caught soon enough!

[amberlie]

I'm sorry for the dear diary ahead of time, but I had a rough night. SO & I got into a fight yesterday. We were both frustrated about the car situation. He kind of yelled at me & I overreacted. I have a tendency to do so. Well it all got blown way out of proportion, to the point where he was saying things like he doesn't know if he wants to "do this" anymore. And he listed a few things that bother him about me. It's fine, I want to know so we can work on it. Afterwards he said that he didn't ever actually want us to break up or anything, he just didn't know how to talk about the things that bother him. These things include me overreacting (understandable although I wish he'd consider the fact that I haven't been able to take any medications for almost 9 months now), I'm insecure about his family & think his mom doesn't like me (how am I supposed to control that??), and I "made" him stop talking to his shitty friend that is a compulsive teenage liar who values drug dealing over his daughter/family/friends. He says everything is ok now. But I am just feeling so incredibly scared & alone. So so scared. And I can't stop bursting into tears every hour or so. I haven't slept & my anxiety is higher than ever, I just don't know what to do. I'm sorry for this long post but I don't have many people I can talk to about this & I needed to say it somehow.

[joi922]

ampaints, I'm so sorry to hear about your FIL. Cancer sucks.

[Deleted]

amberlie, that sucks. I am sorry. It sounds like you guys need to talk some more. You need to tell him that you feel scared and alone and why. Unfortunately, there's no guarantee it's going to get any easier once baby arrives. I hope you work it out, you do not need this stress at this point.

[amberlie]

In less depressing news, the kittens will not let Arya clean them anymore. Whenever she tries, they lay on their backs and kick her in the face repeatedly and then run away. She finds this very frustrating & chases them while screaming at them.

[joi922]

amberlie, ugh, sorry you had such a crappy night. I know things get said in anger, and I'm glad you and your SO are talking things through now. You mentioned being off your meds - not that you can go back on them right now, but do you have a therapist or doctor you can call for additional anxiety coping mechanisms until meds are an option again?

[joi922]

Today is my 9th wedding anniversary! H is working all week, so no going out to celebrate. But, I did order a cake very similar to one of the tiers of our wedding cake: chocolate filled with fresh raspberries and whipped cream. Yum!

[amberlie]

@janetheconquerer, yeah we are talking about it still. I think my fear is mostly irrational but I can't stop.

joi922, I wish that I did. My psychiatrist died in January. I saw another dr at his office but she made it clear that she wasn't really interested in treating me while pregnant. She kept asking why I would see a psych when only my OB should be prescribing things. I should find a therapist now bc I feel like ppd is going to be inevitable but I have been putting it off since my insurance is changing on 8/1.

[amberlie]

Happy anniversary, joi922!!

[ampaints]

amberlie I'm really sorry. You've done so well bring off your meds, from what I can tell on the internet. Keep telling to your SO and maybe it a call in to your doctor and see if they canb see you too help deal with your current anxiety. Hugs to you.

[ampaints]

joi922 happy anniversary!

[htuzzi324]

Meeting with an lc today to see if a lip and tongue tie is why we're having so many latching issues. His mouth is so small to begin with then he can't seem to get his lips wide enough.

[skinandbones]

ampaints, Sorry to hear about your FIL.

amberlie, I don't have any good advice but I hope you are able to find the help you need.

joi922, Happy anniversary!

@janetheconquerer, I'm jealous. I've wanted a cinnamon roll for weeks.

I can't keep up with all the babies! Too many babies and we aren't even in August yet. I have an appointment with my midwife today and a work appointment. So I actually had to get dressed and look like an adult today. But DS woke up twice last night and DH was making so much noise. I slept like crap. I wanna nap. And Outlook won't open.

[jabs]

kaeguri, best randoms gif to date. ::long distance high five::

amberlie, I'm so sorry you're having to deal with that. ::hugs::

My friend texted me yesterday asking if there was anything she could help me with. She said she'd help with anything I needed, even if it's just cleaning up the house. I nearly cried because that's more than anyone in our families have offered to do. I was expecting to have too much "help", but apparently since it's the second baby people are just done pretending to "help". I honestly thought the ILs would be trying to stay for at least a week. When H asked they said they'd just be here for that day, we had to ask them to come the night before so that they can watch DS the next morning.

With DS we had people buying us stuff left and right, offering all kinds of "help" and support. This time around we pretty much got "Oh, you're having a baby. Cool." (I say "help" because even with DS when they offered to help, that really just meant "hold the baby".)

[incir]

joi922, happy anniversary!

amberlie, sorry you had a hard night. Can you get a list of approved providers from the new insurance company and set up an appointment for the first week of August? It isn't that far away to be getting an appointment now.

ampaints, I'm so sorry about your FIL, even if you aren't close that is hard. Not that its any consolation, but if you do need to take the baby out to Cali flying with an infant under about 6 months is very easy so don't worry about that.

I had the weirdest dream about you all last night. Not sure I can totally remember it, but telos and I were going to see aelias possibly about bacon and runningmommy519 was already there when we got there and there were a few others hanging out but I can't remember who. And everyone looked like their avatars, which was weird because not all of you looked like humans then. So so odd, but I wanted to let you ladies know that you have invaded my dreams.

[jabs]

htuzzi324, fingers crossed the LC can help and things get easier for you!

[ChrissDee]

Jul 29, 2015 7:23:16 GMT -5 amberlie said:

@janetheconquerer, yeah we are talking about it still. I think my fear is mostly irrational but I can't stop.

joi922, I wish that I did. My psychiatrist died in January. I saw another dr at his office but she made it clear that she wasn't really interested in treating me while pregnant. She kept asking why I would see a psych when only my OB should be prescribing things. I should find a therapist now bc I feel like ppd is going to be inevitable but I have been putting it off since my insurance is changing on 8/1.

I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time. I don't know exactly what all you're dealing with, but is there the possibility of you seeing a psychologist/counselor rather than a psychiatrist? I know they don't prescribe meds, but it would at the very least be somebody to talk with and help you work through things without the meds for the time being until you can take them again. I have had an issue with depression for several years, and found I got most help from working through getting to the root of the issue as opposed to taking meds. I know that is not the case for everybody, it was just my personal experience.

Regardless, your TCF friends are here for you so you can let it out here. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to PM me.

[Deleted]

incir, so funny but I thought the same thing this morning, Aug 15 has invaded my dreams. I can't recall the dreams but you ladies have been in them!! lol

[amberlie]

ChrissDee, thank you. I am diagnosed with bipolar disorder (type 2 & depression dominant) and generalized anxiety disorder. I definitely want to see a counselor and will make an appt under my new insurance plan on 8/1. I should've found one months ago but my psych office kept making appts and not telling me that my psychiatrist was dead. I just kept being directed to a nurse practitioner. I also thought I was doing really well without medications and I still think that I am, although I am definitely not at my best. Thank you so much for your kind words & I will take you up on your offer if/when I need to.

Thank all of you for your support, it really means so much to me. You have all been such a blessing to me over the last 9 months & I never dreamed that I would find such a supportive community. You are all wonderful

[kaeguri]

ampaints, fuck cancer. I hope they found it in time and the road to recovery won't be too hard for him.

amberlie, all the hugs. I think finding a therapist is a good idea, hopefully you can find one soon when your new insurance kicks in. Would your SO be willing to attend a few sessions with you? I hate that you're dealing with this now, but just remember you're not alone. We got your back. Also, I need my daily dose of kitten cuteness.

Happy anniversary joi922!

Also, DUDE BABIES EVERYWHERE. Thinking of the babies in the NICU, hope they're all doing better today!

@janetheconquerer, I texted him. So TL;DR version, he opened a restaurant that I worked at for 5 years- got promised a lot of things, never happened until I bitched repeatedly and put in my notice several times (promotions, raises, etc.). After the 1st year, he started doing drugs along with several other managers there and pretty much left the day to day operations to his managers and decided to open a new restaurant right across the street. The first restaurant was insanely popular, making over $1 million a year. He pulled people from there for the new restaurant, causing the successful restaurant to suffer heavily (taking money from the drawer, pulling employees from the middle of a shift and short-staffing the floor). His drug use got bad around this time. Heroin, cocaine, vicodin, and adderall are the ones i know for sure. Well, new restaurant tanked in less than a year. He left his wife and 2 year old daughter, hired his new gf, 19 years old, no restaurant experience at all, to be the manager at the new place. Not surprising. They were both consistently late to work because of hangovers and drug use. Oh, and she got pregnant. Ended up closing the new restaurant and selling the successful one to pay off his debt. Nowwww he wants to open a new restaurant where the other one that closed was, and wants me as a consultant to help craft a new sushi menu. He apparently values my input. No shit, I kept that place together for the last 2 years when everyone else was drugged out their minds. Not sure. On one had, I could use the extra income, he says I won't need to train anyone or be physically involved, just help come up with menu ideas for sushi rolls and platters. But I can't stand him or his work ethic, I have a feeling I will have to train someone and get physically involved bc he can't keep his word for shit (even though he thinks he does, soooo well), and yeah. Probably saying no. He did get forced into rehab, but I doubt that changed anything.

Wow, if that was TL;DR version, I'd hate to see what the full version is. Damn.

[tmclawchick]

amberlie I felt like that was DH and I when I was pregnant with DS. We had only been together 9 months when I got my BFP... we were both so stressed and freaking out at each other all the time, and looking back I was scared shitless. I didn't really know how to talk about my feelings/what was bothering me... I'd only seen my parents bottle everything up and then explode on each other like 1-2 times a year. So weird, but it was all I knew. So I would bring EVERYTHING out in a fight (DH said he felt like he was walking on landmines).

If there are things that are bothering him (and you too), it'd definitely be a good start to bring them up when you're both calm and can talk things out. If either of you feel too upset, take a break and cool off. We did this sooooo many times before I started to get comfortable with talking about how I was feeling. I hope this was at least a little helpful, sending a million creepy internet hugs your way!

[flippinchica]

I'm so sorry about your FIL ampaints

amberlie, I agree with PP that finding a psych proactively is a good idea.

I started feeling crampy and more uncomfortable yesterday. Then I had a dream about being in labor and woke up more crampy. Nothing really timeable though. I have a regular OB appt today so we will see if anything is going on down there.

[DSHM13]

amberlie I'm so sorry to hear about the anxiety. I've been off my meds for about a year now. I hope you and SO can have another talk when things are a little calmer. I wonder if SO is starting to get a little nervous about baby? I'm not saying that in anyway condones his behavior, but maybe you are both feeling scared and alone? I know that last week when I was having a lot of pain and DH thought they were contractions, he looked at me with the most scared little boy face and just whispered "I'm not ready." It made me realize that he was just as scared and nervous as I was, but we just weren't talking about it together - we were trying to deal with it on our own and it obviously wasn't working.

I'm sending you tons of creepy internet hugs and I hope today is better than yesterday. And keep taking deep breaths. We are all here for you.

[Deleted]

kaeguri, I get the hesitation completely but that might be a good opportunity - with some laws laid down. Sit on it and think. See if he is sober. Then let him know. Good luck with making a decision.

[amberlie]

tmclawchick, I think that you are right. SO is really scared of confrontation in general & keeps things that bother him to himself. So I think yesterday it just got to the point where he said he wanted to end things so that I would pay attention and really bring out what was actually bothering him. I hope now that we've discussed it, he will find it easier to mention things in the moment rather than letting things reach such a drastic point.

DSHM13, I definitely think that he is scared and it is a big contributing factor to what happened yesterday. He is only 22 after all and before we got together 2 years ago, he didn't even know how to do laundry, cook for himself, or load a dishwasher. His life has changed so much so fast. I never really considered that this could be part of why he blew up yesterday, so thank you for pointing that out. It would probably be beneficial for me to bring up my own fears and anxieties in hopes that he will reciprocate and we can both de-stress and feel less alone.

[stephanie012]

kaeguri did you respond?? This could be entertaining eta: just saw your post, I was hoping it was something more scandalous. Can you tell that I'm bored lol.
ampaints so sorry to hear about your fil. I'll be sending t&p your way.
amberlie sorry you had a rough night. Hopefully you guys can talk through things once your both a little calmer. Good luck
joi922 happy anniversary!
jabs that's a good friend! Sorry no one else is offering to help.

So I was on etsy looking for pump bags since mine didn't come with one when I stumbled across this gem. Can we all take a moment and be grateful we don't live in the 60's lol