Rules\Sticky?

[eaglewife]

Hey friends, we've talked about this a few times. Does anyone have "rules" they'd like to add or list? This needs to be a safe place for loss moms, but I feel like it is still kind of in limbo, if that makes any sense. 

Also, so many folks just leave and it seems like we need to have a way to share when we finally have good news. Thoughts?

[ellebelle]

Agreed with unringthebell. If I'm feeling strong enough I will lurk on CAR and congratulate then. Otherwise I'm probably not in a good enough place to see a BFP here.

[tbonequeen13]

I'm ok with not posting BFPs here, but I hope getting one isn't an automatic move on, because I know after loosing this last one at 11.5 weeks, if we decide to try again and succeed, I won't be joining a new BMB or really even telling anyone until we've had a successful anatomy scan and probably not until 2nd trimester.

[eaglewife]

unringthebell,ellebelle,tbonequeen13, I don't know what the right move is, but I think it sucks for someone who was here regularly and has been through similar things that the rest of have just stops posting. To me it makes me feel like the rest of us don't matter. If no BFPs are posted, is it okay to talk about TTC at all?

[soultrane]

Anyone want me to create a poll?

Seriously though, I'm torn on how we should handle BFPs. I personally think that the natural progression after talking about TTC is to share a BFP and then move on to a different board, but that's only because that's what I'm used to on CAL. I think that things here can be kind of awkward right now because regular posters just disappear, which is odd. That said, I also don't think it's fair to create a community that would be triggery for those who don't want to see BFPs. So basically, I see both sides.

As for grads, I definitely don't think that pregnancy talk should happen here, but I do think that grads can still offer support, provided that they disable tickers, sigs, etc. I know that this is an UO though, and totally understand why everyone doesn't agree.

[eaglewife]

I hear you unringthebell, and soultrane. I feel like I'm in a weird place, so I apologize if I'm not making sense. It REALLY really really sucked to go to my old BMB and have posters who hadn't been around for ages come back and AW their BFPs. Some of them didn't take the time to catch up so they were waving their pee sticks under the noses of moms who were going through losses, myself included.

Let's just leave BFP posts out of this board. Maybe we do a graduation thread every week or month? I personally was wondering where the heck red was a few months ago and just today jmc and tracked them down. I don't know the best way to handle it, but I do think you are right that newly crushed loss moms need a place without newborns and pee sticks.

[eaglewife]

Poll away, soultrane. I was also thinking about doing a roll call just to see who is still checking in here and needing loss support.

[txmommy14]

I'm good either way-maybe a grad check in so you could click on the poll if you wanted to or avoid it if you were having a hard day? I'd probably click on it regardless because I'm curious!

[tbonequeen13]

What if we create a sticky at the top of the page that is clearly listed BFP or Grad List or something...that way, if you're in a bad place you don't have to look at it. We did that on one of my old boards on that other site we don't mention.

[soultrane]

Aug 5, 2015 9:27:03 GMT -5 tbonequeen13 said:

What if we create a sticky at the top of the page that is clearly listed BFP or Grad List or something...that way, if you're in a bad place you don't have to look at it. We did that on one of my old boards on that other site we don't mention.

I was thinking about something like this too. The only downside is that it would always be at the top of the page which may not be the most welcoming thing for new posters to see. 

[soultrane]

Aug 5, 2015 12:11:34 GMT -5 unringthebell said:

If people are adamant they want BFP posted then I think the best way was the spoiler in the check in that piradical had suggested. But I think the spoiler should be there each week even if nothing is behind it.
That assumes people would PM soultrane (or her successor when she graduates) so that they could be included.

That way people can still ignore it if they aren't up for seeing them.

I'm game for this if this is what we decide to do. I'm in a good place so BFPs really don't bother me any more, with the exception of some IRL people who were shitty during my loss. 

And this actually brings up a good question that I've been thinking about lately. I'll be around for at least another month, but was wondering how I would have handled things had I gotten a BFP this month. I like how CAL has multiple check-in people so I assume that if any of them get a BFP they just PM another one to let them know so there isn't any awkwardness. Anyone want to be my check-in buddy?

[tbonequeen13]

Aug 5, 2015 18:39:34 GMT -5 soultrane said:

I'm game for this if this is what we decide to do. I'm in a good place so BFPs really don't bother me any more, with the exception of some IRL people who were shitty during my loss. 

And this actually brings up a good question that I've been thinking about lately. I'll be around for at least another month, but was wondering how I would have handled things had I gotten a BFP this month. I like how CAL has multiple check-in people so I assume that if any of them get a BFP they just PM another one to let them know so there isn't any awkwardness. Anyone want to be my check-in buddy?

i'll do it...i'm here AT LEAST 5 more months...

[soultrane]

tbonequeen13, I'll PM you so we can coordinate. Thanks for volunteering!

[tbonequeen13]

Aug 6, 2015 16:41:08 GMT -5 unringthebell said:

Sorry you still have that long to wait but awesome you volunteered.

might as well do something to pass the time, lol....i am coming up will all kind of projects for DH and I to do to make time go faster