Post by downtheshore on Jan 25, 2015 21:59:37 GMT -5
So, I'm just venting here, maybe looking for a little sympathy and assurance that I'm not crazy. We want to keep baby's name a secret until she's born. My side of the family makes kooky suggestions and calls her "what's-her-name" but they don't try to guess her name. My family on DH's side, however, is on a mission to guess it. We were all out to dinner today and they wouldn't stop guessing names. They said the name we chose and I tried not to react but my BIL said, that's it! I can tell! Her name is ...(the name we picked.) I just laughed and tried to pretend otherwise. I'm mad that they wouldn't stop harping on it and now I feel like the surprise is spoiled, all because they thought it was funny to harass us. Ugh. Like I said, just a vent. I know this isn't a serious problem but I'm annoyed.
M/C at 7 weeks on 2/14/12 M/C at 6 weeks on 5/1/12 M/C at 5 weeks on 8/8/12 C/P at 4 weeks on 12/12/12 C/P at 4 weeks on 2/13/13 Loss due to Trisomy 21 at 16 weeks
IVF / FET June and July 2014 - BFP 8/9/14 It's a girl! Rainbow baby born 4-14-15
That really stinks that they can't respect your wishes. This is why we keep lying to people when they ask about a name. We say we are undecided when we really have made the decision. My husband calls her by name all the time when it's just the two of us.
Is there anyway you can have your husband talk to them about the guessing? Explain that it isn't funny to you?
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That's so annoying. I'm sorry. Can you direct them to call her a nickname instead of whats-her-name? And in the future I would tell people you don't have a name yet. We have name picked and were harassed, so I finally just told people we changed our minds and we weren't sure anymore until we meet her. Again, I'm sorry they acted so immaturely.
That sucks. We chose not to tell anyone the name of our little guy until he is born and it is very annoying that people can not respect that. So I am right there with you. (((Hugs)))
I wi never understand people like that. What is it about pregnancy and babies that makes people think they are entitled to information or an opinion? I'm sorry they're being asshats. I agree with having DH tell them that need to knock it off and go with the "we haven't decided" reply in the future.
Post by downtheshore on Jan 26, 2015 2:05:18 GMT -5
Thank you all for validating my feelings! I really should have thought of that - to say that we haven't decided yet. Now I feel stupid for not thinking of that.
Both my brothers did the same thing - had a name picked out but kept it secret. My mom and I had fun trying to guess the name but only to each other. We never fired all of our guesses at them, waiting for a reaction as a "tell". I guess I learned two lessons. One, I should NOT play poker as I don't have a poker face and two, don't ever let my in-laws catch a whiff of a secret.
DH was mad, too. If it comes up again he promised to put his foot down and say something that will stop them. But then, of course, MIL will get her feelings hurt. Why are in-law relationships so hard? Grr.
M/C at 7 weeks on 2/14/12 M/C at 6 weeks on 5/1/12 M/C at 5 weeks on 8/8/12 C/P at 4 weeks on 12/12/12 C/P at 4 weeks on 2/13/13 Loss due to Trisomy 21 at 16 weeks
IVF / FET June and July 2014 - BFP 8/9/14 It's a girl! Rainbow baby born 4-14-15
I wi never understand people like that. What is it about pregnancy and babies that makes people think they are entitled to information or an opinion? I'm sorry they're being asshats. I agree with having DH tell them that need to knock it off and go with the "we haven't decided" reply in the future.
This is so true - people feel so entitled to info when you are pregnant! My MIL also says she will be waiting at the hospital while I'm in labor. I told her that I don't want anyone there until the baby arrives safe and sound. Now I'm realizing that we won't be able to let her know when we head to the hospital because we can't trust them not to show up before we want them to.
M/C at 7 weeks on 2/14/12 M/C at 6 weeks on 5/1/12 M/C at 5 weeks on 8/8/12 C/P at 4 weeks on 12/12/12 C/P at 4 weeks on 2/13/13 Loss due to Trisomy 21 at 16 weeks
IVF / FET June and July 2014 - BFP 8/9/14 It's a girl! Rainbow baby born 4-14-15
Post by backstreetpixie on Jan 26, 2015 5:45:45 GMT -5
Ugh. Yeah people can be so inconsiderate. I'm sorry you are dealing with that. It is why we have not told anyone we know the sex because we didn't want all blue or pink stuff so we keep telling people we are waiting to find out but we really already know. But for names we picked our names when i was only a month pregnant with the one we lost so I flat out told people if it is a boy it is this if it is a girl it is that... NO discussion we have picked the name. Which ever name is not used will be recycled for the next one.... No one has said anything about that. Hind sight is always 20/20. i'm sorry they did that. ::hugs::
Post by amanda33758 on Jan 26, 2015 6:50:54 GMT -5
Sorry you have to deal with inconsiderate family. I would have been upset too though. Oh and the whole MIL camping out while your in labor I understand where your coming from there. DH and I have decided we will not be telling people until I have reached postpartum recovery. It will make the situation a little easier. I know some people will get butt hurt but it allows you to stick to your plan
M/C at 7 weeks on 2/14/12 M/C at 6 weeks on 5/1/12 M/C at 5 weeks on 8/8/12 C/P at 4 weeks on 12/12/12 C/P at 4 weeks on 2/13/13 Loss due to Trisomy 21 at 16 weeks
IVF / FET June and July 2014 - BFP 8/9/14 It's a girl! Rainbow baby born 4-14-15
That would annoy the crap out of me. When I was pregnant with DD, there was one lady at church who tried every single week after we announced baby's sex to get me to reveal her name. So I can't imagine how much more annoying it would have been if someone who we told in confidence had leaked it. TPs for your BIL.
Another idea - choose the most ridiculous name (or a couple) and make a joke of the whole situation. One of my cousins did this and everyone had fun competing for the worst suggestion, forgetting about the actual name.
Post by backstreetpixie on Jan 26, 2015 14:02:42 GMT -5
@iav17 said come up with a ridiculous name, and I think that is great! When we were getting married I didn't want hubby to see my dress before or even know any details about it. So anytime anyone asked anything about it (especially in front of him) I said it was a hot pink mermaid dress with a green sash. (It was a sweet aline white dress with lace, sparkles, and a red sash lol). But it really worked to have a planned response. So like make up a name like "helga marie" or something you really wouldn't use and just start saying that every time someone guesses. When people ask us the sex we pretend not to know but I usually say first "well we hope it is human but it could be vulcan."
Post by downtheshore on Jan 26, 2015 14:43:33 GMT -5
I love your creative suggestions. I like Helga Marie as our answer. Good ideas, ladies. Sorry that a bunch go you have dealt with this nonsense, too. Although now I know I'm in good company.
M/C at 7 weeks on 2/14/12 M/C at 6 weeks on 5/1/12 M/C at 5 weeks on 8/8/12 C/P at 4 weeks on 12/12/12 C/P at 4 weeks on 2/13/13 Loss due to Trisomy 21 at 16 weeks
IVF / FET June and July 2014 - BFP 8/9/14 It's a girl! Rainbow baby born 4-14-15
Post by racegurl87 on Jan 26, 2015 15:06:36 GMT -5
We're keeping LO's name a secret too. Most people don't care, but H's aunt will not stop trying to get him to tell her the name. I understand your frustration. I definitely agree with PP and say something completely off the wall so they stop asking.
Post by tealappeal on Jan 26, 2015 20:50:56 GMT -5
I'm going to chime in and say that coming from a large, extended family, they feel like they are NEVER done "raising" their young. Which is so annoying when it comes in the form of not taking your wishes seriously. I honestly think some people are really immature and when they ask a too-personal question and don't get a response, instead of admitting they were being nosy, they act like it's their right to know.
I think you should say you are naming the baby after its grandfather if it's a girl, and its grandmother if it's a boy, to make a statement about existing gender norms. #Wyattisagirl.
Post by dawnstar898 on Jan 26, 2015 20:56:41 GMT -5
That would really annoy me. Plus once you tell people the name, you will get everyone's opinion, good and bad. No thank you! We are team green so we'll have to pick a boy name and a girl. Probably not going to share either! This is about you, your SO and your baby. No one else, period.
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I am with jap and would probably tp them. When people are obnoxious like that it really annoys me, especially now and pregnancy has helped to destroy what filter I had before. I am the only one who knows the sex of our LO, and nobody (except DH) knows that but he wanted to be surprised so we have boy and girl names picked out but only I know she will be Brooke . Otherwise when people ask me if we have names picked I tell them not yet and tell them a couple of the names DH and I cut from the short list. It's seems to distract them, and then they can bash the names we don't love all they want and it doesn't bother me.
Post by heathersf11 on Jan 26, 2015 22:20:13 GMT -5
I'm sorry about your in-laws not respecting your your wishes to keep the name a secret. It's also too bad that you can't trust that your MIL will respect your wishes and stay home until she is told to come to the hospital. I think you have the right idea about not tipping her off that things have gotten started, and just letting her know after.
Post by downtheshore on Jan 27, 2015 7:25:36 GMT -5
I'm just trying to remember that it's all coming from love and excitement. I am actually really lucky that my SIL (my DH's sister) is due a week after me so she'll deflect some of the attention away from me. She's super-close to her mom, my MIL, so I'm trying to see that my MIL is probably just trying to have a similar relationship with me.
M/C at 7 weeks on 2/14/12 M/C at 6 weeks on 5/1/12 M/C at 5 weeks on 8/8/12 C/P at 4 weeks on 12/12/12 C/P at 4 weeks on 2/13/13 Loss due to Trisomy 21 at 16 weeks
IVF / FET June and July 2014 - BFP 8/9/14 It's a girl! Rainbow baby born 4-14-15
downtheshore I don't think its a bad thing to withhold when you go to the hospital. I've been contemplateing the same myself. My parents and inlaws live within an hour of me and there is no reason for them to come wait at the hospital. Hopefully your SIL can deflect some attention!
Post by RustyGirl3 on Jan 28, 2015 18:04:19 GMT -5
I am sorry that people don't know how to respect privacy, I would be really upset if it were me also. You have every right to keep it to yourself and they shouldn't have drilled you like that. I like the idea to say you changed your mind, and that you never told the name you had "decided" on because you really weren't 100% on it yet and didn't want opinions on something that may not even be the name.
Yes, they are doing it out of being excited, but sometimes it goes too far and ends up being hurtful without anyone realizing it unless you say something.
For months DH's family would try to figure out if I was pregnant (after suffering 3 losses, 1 they knew about) it became hard to be around them at family gatherings because it would always come up.
I would say if it gets to be too much next time let them know that you want your privacy to be respected.
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Another idea - choose the most ridiculous name (or a couple) and make a joke of the whole situation. One of my cousins did this and everyone had fun competing for the worst suggestion, forgetting about the actual name.
This works great! I've told people the name was Cletus (the fetus) or Lemon. It's even better if you can keep a straight face.
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