Baby talk

[needmorecowbell]

All right, folks. I feel like I haven't nearly been around enough to ask for advice, but I can't seem to come up with a solution in this situation, so I thought I'd leave it here and see if anyone can help.

Since I started back to work, mom is watching Natalie three days a week, and she stays with us on Monday nights because she has a long-ish drive to our house. I guess this has been driving me extra berserk because she's been around more, but she uses baby talk and I cannot stand it. Things like "bah-bah" and "di-di", and mispronounced words like "trib" for crib. I'm all for using a sweet voice when talking to Natalie, but I don't like not using real words.

I feel like a jerk for being annoyed since she and Dad have been so wonderful to us, and she's saving us a ton of money and anxiety by babysitting for us, but I can't help it.

The other problem is that she is SO sensitive. I need to figure out a way to bring it up without her getting super hurt feelings and pouting at me for days. I could just be passive-aggressive and put the baby in her "Baby talk insults my intelligence" onesie? (Yes, I did buy one - on a particularly dark day filled with lots of mispronounciations.) TIA!

Edited because misspelling words in a post complaining about mispronounced words seems wrong.

[raesofsunshine1]

When they are this young I wouldn't worry about it because they wont be talking for awhile. I do understand how annoying it is though. When she is older and starting to say words, that is when it bugs me more.

MIL wants to be called Grammy. But when DD1 first started talking, it came out as Wee Wee. Kind of embarrassing to me but the ILs loved it. They would encourage it by always referring to her as that. I just really tried to work with her on it at home, that it was Grammy. Not Wee Wee. She picked it up quickly but the ILs still referred to Grammy as Wee Wee. Whenever they did, I would just say, "she can say Grammy now" and eventually they got the hint.

Try not to let it bug you now. I think its normal. Maybe grandparents just think it is cute?

[mrscjmb]

I would honestly start by telling her a few good/positive things that you/DH like that she does with baby and also you can see how well she takes care of baby.

Then I would just say you noticed that she does 'baby talk' with LO and recent studies suggest that it is better for language development to over enunciate (Whooooooo's a preeeeettttttyyyyy bayyyybeee?) rather than make up or mispronounce words.

If you google, I am sure you can find some of these studies.

Remind her that you are very grateful that she takes such wonderful care of her granddaughter and since you know she wants the best for all of you, especially LO, you wanted to bring her attention to this new information. (It's not necessarily that new, but she probably doesn't know that?)

(edit to fix misspelling.)

[amandajean12]

I would frame it like "I read this really interesting article about how baby talk can actually hurt language development, so DH and I are going to try not to use it." Make it not even about what she's been doing.

That said, I had to take coursework in language development to get my degree and I still do it for certain things. I don't think shortened names for a few things is going to do real damage. But this might make her lessen the ridiculousness.

[applegrape]

I was in a similar boat with MIL. MIL watched DD while DH worked up through kindergarten. DH never corrected MIL, so DD learned all these made up words, like doo-da for a hair tie/ponytail holder, tika for cat, and even bad grammar like, "Lookit tika, him so cute!" She would write this way on her school papers- even into 2nd and 3rd grade. Maybe I just had an exceptionally obnoxious experience, but it was so hard to re-teach DD real words. Again, this

She started doing this to DS1, too, and I had to put a stop to it. If MIL said, "Him like-a pwetty tika!" I said, "Yes, he does. He likes the pretty cat. Do you like the pretty cat, Theo?" It wasn't so much correcting MIL as it was making sure he got more exposure to the right words. I majored in Linguistics, so everyone just assumed I was a language snob anyway, which I am, so I used that to my advantage.

I like the idea of bringing up the positives, following with the studies, but mostly make sure that your voice is heard more than your mom's.

[tarraberra]

My MIL does the same thing. She watches DS two days a week for us and makes a lot of weird noises at him instead of talking. DH just told her that DS really likes it when people just talk to him. She's doing better about it now but still throws those sounds in because he's a baby and he does smile when she makes them.

I think DH also did it for FIL's sake because those noises she makes at babies drive him up the wall.

[bazingabee]

I'd probably be a little passive-aggressive and complain about "your friend" or "MIL" or whomever and how they are constantly baby-talking and how LO is never going to learn the right words.

[windwithfingers]

My parents do this. They refer to my brother as "Patwick" and say "Gwandma" and "Gwandpa." I'm trying not to let it bug me for now, and when I'm with DS, I speak normally and so do my brothers. My mom knows she can't do it forever though, so I'm just sort of letting it go.

[mrsbabe614]

I would agree in that the baby is a little young to worry atm but I could see why it could definitely become a problem if not nipped in the bud. The thing is that people find it cute when the babies start to talk and mispronounce things. That thing about the kid still doing that stuff in 2nd grade is an awesome example. I honestly would ignore it until later when it might become an issue. Her feelings are probably more likely to be hurt now that it probably doesn't matter as much. GOOD LUCK! My MIL is the same way. Her feelings get hurt really easily so it can be a tough thing to navigate.

[needmorecowbell]

Thanks everyone! Maybe I will just leave it alone for now and wait for something (anything) related to come up naturally in conversation! Not only is Mom extra extra sensitive, but also has zero self-confidence when it comes to taking care of babies. I'm an only child, and I'm 36 so it's been a LONG while, and Natalie is my first baby. My MIL has seven grandchildren, and babysat all of them for years (including one who lived with her for 5+ years, and one who is 7 months old, cried for the first 5 months of her life, rarely sleeps and won't take a bottle or paci). But Mom still irrationally compares herself to my MIL. For instance, I made the stupid mistake of referring to my MIL and SIL as "baby whisperers" (because they are - my crying, non-sleeping, bottle- and paci-refusing niece has not exactly been an easy baby) and now, whenever Natalie fusses when Mom is holding her, she's all, "Too bad I'm not a baby whisperer!!" Sheesh. I rue the day. Anyway, I figure if I do say something, she'll say that I should just let my MIL babysit, because she (Mom) is obviously not smart enough. Or some such nonsense. It makes it very difficult to ask her to do anything differently, actually.

It doesn't help that I'm kind of a grammar/spelling Nazi, and things like the incorrect pronouns ("Her likes Jacques the Peacock!") REALLY drive me up the wall! I just hope she doesn't teach Natalie to say "irregardless". The horror.

[MrsJepp]

I would totally go with the onesie. And in a couple of months say something.

[darwinfish]

I would gather there's also a bit of intimidation and defensiveness on you mom's part given you're a physician, and so it may be easy for it to seem like you're talking down to her when you're not. I wouldn't worry too much about it yet, and I'm not sure I would present her studies or articles because it may make her feel more defensive. Perhaps leave one or two where you know she would find them so she feels like she comes to that conclusion on her own? If it then persists I would present it as something you want to start doing together, and that since she takes such awesome care of her grandchild you knew she'd want to help by also cutting the baby talk (but obviously not in those words).

[mrsc22]

I feel you on this. MIL facetimes with DD every day and pronounces her name wrong. I addressed it prior to DD being born and will address it again with DD starts responding to her name. In the meanwhile she has a pass.

Also what we did which my work for us and might work for you, is that we told both sets of parents that we all had a month to baby talk to DD (they both came for two weeks each) so that way they did not feel we were not letting them enjoy it but after that we wanted everyone to talk to her normal. My MIL still makes up some words but as they do not live here I try my best to just not let it bother me. But once DD is actually responding and understanding I will again address the matter.

[pnwlover12]

Man, after reading over all the responses, it has been confirmed that I'm a bitch.

I would just be blunt. I don't like beating around the bush. You don't have to be mean about it, but why not just be straight up and tell her you don't like it?

[pinkie]

This is tough. My mom does some of this and she added a -y sound to the end of DS1s name which used to drive me nuts. I have let it go but she isn't with them all the time. I would revisit in a few months. She may stop doing it naturally as the baby gets older.

[ohioloveyou]

I would probably revisit in a few months. It would bother the crap out of me too, but I wouldn't worry until baby was a bit more communicative.

I can understand the cooing sounds like "bah bah bah" and cutesy abbreviations like "dipe" for diaper, but I will never get the intentional mispronunciation of words. Like "trib" for "crib" as you said. How do you come up with this? It's not even cute. Just my humble opinion.