Another STM+ question (sorry FTMs!)

[sleepymama29]

I found out a few weeks ago that our hospital has visitor restrictions because of the flu this year.  My question is what are you doing with your old children?  DH and I moved from PA and we don't have any family or friends to watch DD.  I ask 2 people I worked with if they would mind taking her if I go into labor when daycare is not open,, but now DH seems against that (for some reason and just picked a huge fight with me).  He keeps saying that he won't be there for the birth and he won't get to see his new daughter for days because he can't even bring DD after the baby is born.  Personally, I am devastated by both his reaction and the fact that I won't get to see DD1 for at least a day.  Just wondering if anyone else went through this.

[wanderinga]

Your husband is overreacting and being childish. Visitor restrictions are put into place by hospitals because they want to protect those with weak immune systems (such as newborn babies). Young children are often carrying germs and illness (even if they're not displaying any symptoms). If a child is sick, you can give them medicine. If a newborn gets sick, they get a spinal tap. The restrictions on visitors is a good thing!

Is it possible for your doctor to explain this to him so he understands why the policy is in place? He needs to be with you while you're in labor and your daughter will be fine with a babysitter while he's there! He doesn't need to stay with you for the entire time that you're in the hospital. I would try to talk to him again, offer for him to meet the person that would care for your daughter while you're away, and explain to him that he can go and be with her after the baby is born.

[angeldcf]

I'm sorry. Ours restricts visitors to above 14yo, but does allow all siblings to attend labor (not delivery) and PP.

Your DH is way overreacting right now so give it time. Like the pp suggestion of having your physician explain why your hospital restricts all young kiddos, and he needs to be with you during labor. He can go home for a bit PP to see DD.

[michelle142]

I think your H is overreacting.
Has he met the coworkers before?
Has your DD had any interaction with these people before?

If no to either of those, maybe that's why he's apprehensive.

Our hospital said no visitors under the age of 12, with the exception of siblings as long as they have no flu-like symptoms.

[schnitz9]

Although I'm a FTM I did ask our hospital this. The hospital has restricted visitors to none under 18. However this does not pertain to the maternity ward. Maternity already restricts patients that have flu like symptoms already and is serviced by a separate elevator and security. Have you called the hospital and asked if the rules apply to the maternity ward? They may not.

[kcrosem]

Our hospital may be close to adding age restrictions, I read this am that others in our city have. And my various options for help are far enough away that we were anticipating having them meet us at the hospital if flu restrictions are not an issue to take DS. Maybe you should have your coworkers over for dinner or something to help set your DH at ease or look into paid care. My doula company offers a service to care for older children 24/7 but it is kind of expensive.

[natsgirl]

Usually this restriction does not apply to siblings, as long as they are not sick. Though it's doubtful that they'd allow your child to be there during delivery.

[lotsofdotts]

Definitely call the maternity ward at your hospital. I know siblings are allowed in many of the maternity floors even with flu restrictions. You just need to verify before you deal with your husband and his reactions.

[sleepymama29]

Thanks everyone. It makes me feel better that I'm not the only one who thinks he overreacted. I asked him what his problem was with leaving DD with my friends and he thinks she's going to cry the whole time (I don't see this happening). He understands why there are restrictions but thinks they should make an exception if DD isn't sick. I'm going to talk to my midwife again and see if they can work something out. Right now the restriction is on everyone under 18.

[rmsteele]

Our hospital has the same restrictions and they even apply to siblings I cried when I realized that I'll have to wait to see DS and he won't get to meet his sister until we bring her home. I don't have any advice but wanted you to know you're not alone. My H has made comments about missing the birth but I mostly try to ignore him because I know he's just being dramatic.

[RedGiant]

I think your DH is overreacting.

My hospital has the same restrictions as rmsteele I'll double check but when i asked the receptionist at my ob appointment a few weeks ago (office in a medical building attached to hospital) she said it applied to maternity as well. I teared up thinking about how DS won't be able to visit/see me for a few days, but I'm going to try to Skype with him.

[Mom2Ms]

I found out that our hospital will allow siblings of any age, during visiting hours only. I didn't want DD there during the delivery or anything, but I am super bummed she can't stay the night. I fear that she is going to feel like she is left out. I am going to confirm this with the hospital when we do the tour. I think its standard policy for the siblings exception, but I could be wrong.