Subsequent pregnancy and Vent

[linnea21]

DD is 16 months. I was calm, easy going and very put together while pregnant with her. Since having DD , and getting pregnant, my nerves are shot, my patience sucks and I am the least put together person ever. I am letting those things go as there's nothing much I can do and I know it's mostly hormones. Cue nurses telling me breastfeeding would cause me to miscarry, having brown discharge for several weeks and not being able to be seen or even hear a heartbeat until 14 weeks. Yes, I am still stewing about this. Now I'm freaking out more, even though I know what they said is untrue.

I'm thinking I might go to a pregnancy center to see how far I am along, ( yep not even sure on dates, and I still can't be seen) and to at least hear a HB. I feel weird though because I know the pregnancy centers are for women who have no where else to go, and I just feel impatient.

So, if you've made it through my dear diary post thanks for letting me vent and tell me about how your subsequent pregnancy is going.

eta: appointment is at '14 weeks' based off me guessing from conception date

And here's some cake

[carabassa]

I'm not a STM, but I absolutely want some of that cake.

Also, sorry it's taking so long to be seen. :/

[runningmommy519]

I can relate to being calm, easy going and put together in my first pregnancy until 31/32 weeks when things started going downhill.

Now with #2 I'm having way more symptoms and so much anxiety.

I would be frustrated too about having to wait until 14 weeks. Especially with the discharge.

**creepy Internet hug**

Pass the cake!

[linnea21]

Jan 26, 2015 22:03:16 GMT -5 runningmommy519 said:

I can relate to being calm, easy going and put together in my first pregnancy until 31/32 weeks when things started going downhill.

Now with #2 I'm having way more symptoms and so much anxiety.

I would be frustrated too about having to wait until 14 weeks. Especially with the discharge.

**creepy Internet hug**

Pass the cake!

Ugh yeah, I have WAY more symptoms this time.

[RedAero]

Yeah, this is pregnancy #3 for me and I'm getting less graceful about it every time. I bought cute maternity outfits and went out and felt great about my first pregnancy. This one I'm in pjs all day feeling like death, being snappy, and hate getting out of the house.

[ajetter]

Jan 26, 2015 22:11:54 GMT -5 RedAero said:

Yeah, this is pregnancy #3 for me and I'm getting less graceful about it every time. I bought cute maternity outfits and went out and felt great about my first pregnancy. This one I'm in pjs all day feeling like death, being snappy, and hate getting out of the house.

Pregnancy number three here too, and I'm completely useless and such a bitch. I feel kind of like a failure most days.

[queenb]

I don't blame you for being frustrated. 14 weeks seems really late for a first appointment... Especially when you're unsure of your dates and have been spotting. I'd go to the pregnancy center if I were in your shoes.

[jumparoundbucky]

I'm finding my patience is terrible with DS, and I hate how I feel. I'm pretty much completely useless these days, and I feel like I'm throwing away this precious time with him. It sucks.

I'm sorry that you haven't been able to get in, especially with unsure dates and the spotting. I hope your mind is put at ease soon.

[malelz]

FTM here so I can't relate. So sorry you're having a tough time though. 14 weeks is a long time, I can understand the frustration.

[linnea21]

Well, I'm sorry I'm not alone in this but I'm glad I have you all to talk to

[kcebeling]

14 weeks IS a really long time for your first appointment. The only logic could be that you had such a healthy pregnancy the first time around, perhaps? I can totally relate to feeling symptomatic, except this is my first time so it don't have a benchmark. On top of that, I still can't believe I'm pregnant--I feel like I'm lying to myself and everyone else (never mind seeing our LO at yesterday's u/s--cue Rock's "you're not even pregnant!") because it still seems so surreal. There is more I could say here, but I've already been "checked" once and I dare not go into more detail again at the risk of being insensitive to others.

But for you, lovely linnea21, you're not only caring for yourself this time, but also your first baby. Your anxiety could be stemming from a very real place--the place that says taking care of two will be more challenging than one and also perhaps a place of guilt because your little girl won't have your undivided attention anymore. We don't know one another, but the fact that you're already responding to the situation on a visceral level says to me that you're going to do great as a mother of two. I can't tell you not to worry--of course you will! But I can tell you that all of the anxiety and associated nuts, bananas, and crazy will be worth it (and then we will blink and they will be moving to college).

[Deleted]

Waiting until 14 weeks would absolutely suck, especially with the spotting.

That being said, I can commiserate in the rest of it! DS is 3 and I have no patience with him right now, on top of being in the middle of moving and the only thing keeping me out of the bathroom 24/7 is Zofran. I am hoping that by this time next week (or at the very latest, next weekend) I'll have less anxiety because the move will be done (and then just need to sell our current place). Hopefully the MS will ease and I can stop taking the meds and hopefully the relief of those two stressors will make it easier to be patient with DS.

I remember DH saying something about how he is looking forward to the next 9 months because I'll be happy, etc. HA! I've been miserable. Hoping to get to that happy place soon!

[motownthrowdown]

I'm a ftm, so no advice on that, but I'm surprised they wouldn't get you in earlier as well. I got a "dating appointment" and they thought I would only be 9 weeks. That seemed to be the normal procedure at my office (can't speak for yours, obviously) but I would be reconsidering the choice of OB. Judging only on what I've seen here, spotting is usually taken more seriously than your office seems to be taking it. I would also have an issue with your nurses making comments like that.

[nbalkin]

Second pregnancy here. Physically I have almost no symptoms compared to my dd, but the fatigue causes me to not want to do a damn thing. I think my anxiety is a lot less this time aroun, but my desire to do anything is gone. I stopped caring about cleaning the house or if things r getting done. They just don't matter.

[2dumbdogs]

linnea21 have you tried other doctors? Nothing says you have to use the same one. When i was looking i found a practice that has a typical first appt of 9 weeks, for all pregnancies. And they got me in then. Most other offices still would have seen me before 14, though.

We need to view Healthcare the same way we do everything we buy! If your a/c repair guy would make you wait a month you would find a new one, why do doctors get special treatment?

[numb3rmel]

I'd be going stir crazy wait till 14w. The spotting alone would have me calling for an earlier check. But also, we're getting the NT scan. It's not for everyone but we like to know if their could be potential issues. 14w as a first appt would be too late to opt for that choice. At the very least, I'd probably put in a phone call to your DR and voice your concern about spotting.

Sorry for the frustration. I know the STM PG stuff too. I've lost patience with DD when before I held it together. I just try to keep both of us busy and mind off of the PG. GL!

[manda1214]

Jan 26, 2015 22:11:54 GMT -5 RedAero said:

Yeah, this is pregnancy #3 for me and I'm getting less graceful about it every time. I bought cute maternity outfits and went out and felt great about my first pregnancy. This one I'm in pjs all day feeling like death, being snappy, and hate getting out of the house.

Thank you. I thought it was just me. I'm awful this pregnancy! Morning sickness, I hate showering unless it's at night and I don't have to blow dry my hair after, I snap at DH and DS and I don't want to do anything. Ever. Last time I was a social butterfly and felt great and was all "pregnancy is so amazing!" I want to go back in time and punch myself in the face. Ugh

[linnea21]

Jan 27, 2015 7:29:38 GMT -5 2dumbdogs said:

linnea21 have you tried other doctors? Nothing says you have to use the same one. When i was looking i found a practice that has a typical first appt of 9 weeks, for all pregnancies. And they got me in then. Most other offices still would have seen me before 14, though.

We need to view Healthcare the same way we do everything we buy! If your a/c repair guy would make you wait a month you would find a new one, why do doctors get special treatment?

I changed Drs from the one who won't support breastfeeding. They were going to get me in for an US last week but it's more important to me to have a Dr and nurses who will support me. So now we have to drive an hour to the new Dr. I just wasn't expecting to have to wait so long.

[vtcnicely]

I think what you feel is really normal. I am definitely more anxious this time around. Last time we were so in the dark about all the potential issues - miscarriage, developmental abnormalities, all the issues that come along with pregnancy. Knowledge isn't always power, sometimes its terrifying.

[daffodil428]

Do you plan on having a Nuchal translucency scan/test?

If so I would call anyone I can to explain I'm not sure about dates and hope they give me a dating u/s. The nt has to been done between 11-14 weeks. So if your dates are off in the being more pregnant way you could miss your opportunity for that test.

If you don't plan on having the nt scan disregard my entire post until now. In any event, waiting until you think you're 14 weeks is terrible and scary. It would offer so much peace of mind to just see your baby and know things are ok and progressing normally.

::takes a double serving of cake::

[Deleted]

I'm sorry to those who are struggling.

I was going to make a thread about subsequent pregnancies. I'm 34, and we're planning on getting pregnant right away again after this one. I'm kinda getting cold feet now, and was wondering what BTDT moms think!

[skinandbones]

I don't have much to add that hasn't already been said. When I was pregnant with DS, I was the picture of zen. This time I'm finding myself more anxious and less patient. Part of it (I'm hoping) is work related stress that will get better next month. Sending creepy hugs your way.
::takes a big slice of cake::

[skinandbones]

Jan 27, 2015 12:10:29 GMT -5 elizabethnevadap said:

I'm sorry to those who are struggling.

I was going to make a thread about subsequent pregnancies. I'm 34, and we're planning on getting pregnant right away again after this one. I'm kinda getting cold feet now, and was wondering what BTDT moms think!

I would just keep an open mind at this point.   

When DS was 6 months, I knew I wanted to have #2 but knew that it wasn't the right time. Between breastfeeding and DS being generally high needs/poor sleeper, I couldn't imagine being pregnant.  But you may have a completely different experience and feel ready right away. 

[linnea21]

I just made an appointment at the free clinic for Thursday. At least hearing a heartbeat will put my mind at ease. Thanks everyone, it's nice to have my feelings verified (eta: validated was the word I was going for)

[flippinchica]

Jan 27, 2015 12:10:29 GMT -5 elizabethnevadap said:

I'm sorry to those who are struggling.

I was going to make a thread about subsequent pregnancies. I'm 34, and we're planning on getting pregnant right away again after this one. I'm kinda getting cold feet now, and was wondering what BTDT moms think!

I am in this boat.  Since I am 37 and will be 38 by the time this LO is born and having already had a loss I feel like we have to start trying again right away if we want a sibling.
I wish we had more time but I feel like we don't.

[Deleted]

I'm a STM as well, and a lot of what you said in your post applies to me! I feel like I was just so put together when I was pregnant with my first; I was organized, and happy/excited all the time, and just so on top of things. Fast forward to my second pregnancy (this one), and I am stressed, and frazzled, and unholy levels of angry for almost no reason (or for reasons that would have only irritated me before), and I feel like I'm just a mess! I am going to chalk a lot of this up to having the pregnancy hormones on top of a very active and draining (but super amazing and lovable) 21 month old as well as work and school stresses that are greater than the first time around, but still: Yikes.
I will have my first US this Friday, at almost 13 weeks, so I also feel your frustration over the lack of early US and the worries that come right along with that!
Something that has (sort of) helped me is to really consciously take time to have a cup of herbal tea and just breathe when DS takes a nap; that little bit of time just focusing on the positives and on relazing can be a real life-saver in the midst of a whirlwind stressball of a day!

Oh, and feel free to PM me if you want to vent about STM syndrome; I am sure it's a "thing"!

[sunshinelady15]

So happy that you were able to get an appointment earlier. The waiting would have me certifiable. Thank goodness for free clinics!

[runningmommy519]

Jan 27, 2015 10:30:42 GMT -5 linnea21 said:

Jan 27, 2015 7:29:38 GMT -5 2dumbdogs said:

linnea21 have you tried other doctors? Nothing says you have to use the same one. When i was looking i found a practice that has a typical first appt of 9 weeks, for all pregnancies. And they got me in then. Most other offices still would have seen me before 14, though.

We need to view Healthcare the same way we do everything we buy! If your a/c repair guy would make you wait a month you would find a new one, why do doctors get special treatment?

I changed Drs from the one who won't support breastfeeding. They were going to get me in for an US last week but it's more important to me to have a Dr and nurses who will support me. So now we have to drive an hour to the new Dr. I just wasn't expecting to have to wait so long.

My OB and our pediatrician supports breastfeeding. I love that

[linnea21]

Jan 27, 2015 19:28:49 GMT -5 runningmommy519 said:

Jan 27, 2015 10:30:42 GMT -5 linnea21 said:

I changed Drs from the one who won't support breastfeeding. They were going to get me in for an US last week but it's more important to me to have a Dr and nurses who will support me. So now we have to drive an hour to the new Dr. I just wasn't expecting to have to wait so long.

My OB and our pediatrician supports breastfeeding. I love that

Well they support it just not while I'm pregnant :/