PgAL Check-In 9/7

[jags8]

This is the weekly check-in for April moms who have experienced loss before this pregnancy. We are sorry you have to be here, but let's get through the next 9 months together.

If this if your first check-in, Welcome! Please share the following in your post:

Pregnancy Loss Background (if you're comfortable)

How far along are you (weeks/fruit):

How are you feeling physically? Emotionally?

Upcoming Appointments or Milestones:


QOTW: What is your biggest insecurity/worry about how you [will] parent?

[jags8]

How far along are you (weeks/fruit):
9w6d - almost a prune!

How are you feeling physically? Emotionally?
Still battling morning sickness. Also very tired all the time. Emotionally I'm very excited and terrified for tomorrow! See below...

Upcoming Appointments or Milestones:
Tomorrow (my birthday!) will be my first U/S! I'm so so excited to see the baby. But at the same time, I'm so terrified that there won't be a heartbeat, or they will find it lodged in a Fallopian tube or something.

QOTW: What is your biggest insecurity/worry about how you [will] parent?
I'm worried about my patience levels. What if the baby won't stop crying and I go ballistic and shake it? What if my kid gets sassy and I spank him/her without thinking? I don't know! I've never been an overtired, overworked parent! Oh god I just want to be as good as my mom. I fear I will be too much like my dad.

[wittyandwaiting]

How far along are you (weeks/fruit): 11 weeks! A fig!!!

How are you feeling physically? Emotionally?

Physically, I'm feeling better than I have in the past few weeks which is a total relief. I'm not sure if it's because things are actually getting better or if I'm just taking better care of myself by taking naps, etc.

Emotionally, PgAL Brain definitely plays tricks on me still. I'll be very relieved once I reach second tri.

Upcoming Appointments or Milestones:

I have an ultrasound on Friday that I am both anxious and excited about!

QOTW: What is your biggest insecurity/worry about how you [will] parent?
I'm really worried that my oldest, who's been only child for so long will feel ignored or left out. I'm not sure why I feel that way because we have a very close and special relationship.

Happy early birthday jags8! This is for you!

SPOILER: Click to show

youtu.be/zWl46qLqFWM

Eta: Also, hope that all is well at the ultrasound tomorrow! Let us know how it goes!

[jags8]

wittyandwaiting thank you! I was legitimately laughing out loud at the video!

gooselover2012 it just worked out like that because I will be 10 weeks tomorrow. I contemplated changing it to the following day just in case it ended up being a bad appointment, but I'm trying to stay positive.

[NatalieDavid]

Loss background (if you're comfortable) MMC may 29th at 12 weeks

How far along are you (weeks/fruit): 7/ ovia had this fun thing where you can change it to other options sides for fruit and the fun and games category this week says a dice!

How are you feeling physically? Emotionally? Physically more nauseous today. I woke up to a bit of pink spotting yesterday. It was mixed heavily with cm and stopped immediately. Cue full on mental breakdown. With no cramps and some thought given it could have been from my ultrasound on Friday or from moving furniture Saturday.

Upcoming Appointments or Milestones: First Ultrasound last Friday and we got to see the little flicker of the heartbeat. Because my doctor is the best and she gets PGAL brain she asked me to come back on two weeks for another ultrasound 9/18. I wanted to push it back a week because that would be past the point I lost the baby last time but with the spotting I can't bring myself to call and push it back. I may still move it back if my symptoms keep my worry at bay.

QOTW: What is your biggest insecurity/worry about how you [will] parent? I'm an extreme type A personality and so is DH, I'm worried we won't give our child enough freedom and allow them to make their own choices.

Happy early birthday jags8 I can't wait to hear an update
buttercup what a fun experience to be able to share!

[shananagins]

jags8, Thinking of you tomorrow! And Happy early Birthday!
wittyandwaiting, So excited for your ultrasound Hoping it goes well!
gooselover2012, Glad you're starting to feel better! I'm hoping those are all good signs too
buttercup, Hugs. "I am freaked out that something will happen with this pregnancy and I will hate the cousins and look back on the birthday with sadness. Ugh. I also worry about the cousins because they haven't had their ultrasounds yet and what if something happens to one of them. It would be hard to see other people just as far along as you." All of this. I found out my cousin and I are a few weeks apart, and I think this constantly. My DH's cousin was a few weeks behind me when we were pregnant last time, and I'm embarrassed to admit that I haven't been able to bring myself to even meet him yet.
NatalieDavid, Hoping the spotting stays away, and so happy you got to see the heartbeat!

How far along are you (weeks/fruit): 7w1d, blueberry

How are you feeling physically? Emotionally? Physically: Awesome. Just a little nausea and heartburn. Emotionally: Freaked out about the lack of symptoms. But truly starting to just enjoy this time. Trying so hard to let myself feel the joy in this.

Upcoming Appointments or Milestones: Tomorrow is our second ultrasound. Wanting to see growth and see this little man's heartbeat again!


QOTW: What is your biggest insecurity/worry about how you [will] parent? I'm terrified of balancing everything: teaching little ones all day, finding time to ride my horse (though we've likely found an awesome lease situation to help out with that for a bit, and there are teenagers at the barn who will gladly baby sit at the barn for hour I ride), finding time to exercise at least a little, finding time to be with this kiddo. I worry about juggling all of it and not sucking at everything.

[Ann612]

Thanks for the check in jags8!

Pregnancy Loss Background (if you're comfortable) Loss in January 2015

How far along are you (weeks/fruit): 10w, 1d

How are you feeling physically? Emotionally? Physically, nausea and boob soreness are the strongest things. They come and go. Emotionally, struggling a bit since everyone around me is starting to get excited and do things like refer to me as "mama" and I'm just not there yet. Still so terrified

Upcoming Appointments or Milestones: Friday - ultrasound.


QOTW: What is your biggest insecurity/worry about how you [will] parent? See, I can't even think about this yet. It's just too scary to think that far ahead still. Hopefully I'll be able to soon!

[shananagins]

Ann612, heartbot, So many hugs, ladies. Good luck with your ultrasounds this week

[Ann612]

Sept 7, 2015 16:24:03 GMT -5 heartbot said:

Ann612 - Good luck with your u/s on Friday!

good luck on Wednesday!

[birkmmm]

Pregnancy Loss Background (if you're comfortable) early MC in May

How far along are you (weeks/fruit): 7 weeks- blueberry

How are you feeling physically? Emotionally? I'm ver my nauseated all the time and lots of fatigue. Emotional I'm a roller coaster

Upcoming Appointments or Milestones: I have a sonogram on Monday the 14th. I went last week and they couldnt see a heart beat. They said possible because it's too early..... Has this happened to any of you?
Fx for heartbeat next week


QOTW: What is your biggest insecurity/worry about how you [will] parent? I haven't thought about this too much

[wowcheezits]

How far along are you (weeks/fruit): 7w1d

How are you feeling physically? Emotionally? Very nervous

Upcoming Appointments or Milestones: I have an ultrasound in an hour and a half so I'm really hoping I will see a baby in there! Would appreciate some positive thoughts.


QOTW: What is your biggest insecurity/worry about how you [will] parent? I hope my little DD will be alright with sharing the attention. I think we'll be fine.

[PiradicalMaid]

GL today, jags8 and shananagins! And happy birthday to you, Jags!!

Glad you're feeling better, wittyandwaiting. You had it rough there for awhile

gooselover2012, we have some weird timing stuff with this pregnancy, too, and I'm also hoping it's good luck. Our EDD is the one year anniversary of finding out about our first loss and our a/s will be right around the EDD from that loss.

Sorry about the spotting, NatalieDavid. That must have been so scary! Sounds like it was probably nothing, though.

I know what you mean about not being there yet, Ann612. I partially don't want to tell people because I'm not ready for that stuff either. It's still so scary!

Congrats on passing your milestones, heartbot. I'm sorry that you aren't feeling well, but I'm glad that it's reassuring GL tomorrow!

It sounds like it was probably just too soon, birkmmm. Hope the next u/s goes well!

GL, wowcheezits!! Good vibes coming your way!

[PiradicalMaid]

Pregnancy Loss Background (if you're comfortable) MC April 2015 and CP July 2015

How far along are you (weeks/fruit): 8w6d- green olive, almost a prune!

How are you feeling physically? Emotionally? My m/s seems to be on the outs, which is great. I have moments where it worries me, but I'm soooo bloated and tired that I still definitely feel pregnant. Also, pregnancy brain! I feel like it's too early for me to be so forgetful...

Upcoming Appointments or Milestones: Hm, not much. This is only the second time I've been this pregnant and last time I ended up with my LO, so I'm feeling hopeful right now! I know plenty could still go wrong, but I'm hoping for the best.

QOTW: What is your biggest insecurity/worry about how you [will] parent? I don't have to worry about that for this baby, but I worry tons about how I parent. One of my mantras is to let go of parenting guilt. I love my little bug and I'm doing my best. Guilting myself won't make me a better mom. I focus on my long term parenting goals when I can, but some moments it's all about survival. I try to mend any wrongs and know that I'm modeling how to come back from a bad moment (like if I yell or whatnot). I know my values and I do my best to stick to them and that's all I can do.

[NatalieDavid]

Good luck wowcheezits, sending you all the positive T&Ps
PiradicalMaid, I'm loving the optimism you always brighten my day!

[Ann612]

Sept 8, 2015 11:26:06 GMT -5 birkmmm said:

Pregnancy Loss Background (if you're comfortable) early MC in May

How far along are you (weeks/fruit): 7 weeks- blueberry

How are you feeling physically? Emotionally? I'm ver my nauseated all the time and lots of fatigue. Emotional I'm a roller coaster

Upcoming Appointments or Milestones: I have a sonogram on Monday the 14th. I went last week and they couldnt see a heart beat. They said possible because it's too early..... Has this happened to any of you?
Fx for heartbeat next week


QOTW: What is your biggest insecurity/worry about how you [will] parent? I haven't thought about this too much

If I am reading this correctly, that would have put you at just 6 weeks at the last ultrasound. It's early; not seeing a heartbeat that stage doesn't mean a whole lot.  Good luck for the 14th!

[steveo]

Good luck everyone with all the ultrasounds this week!
birkmmm, I had an u/s with my first around that time, and the Dr. told me he was certain I was miscarrying b/c there was no heartbeat. I went back a week later, and there he was...he's a healthy 4 year old today

How far along are you (weeks/fruit): 8w4d, raspberry

How are you feeling physically? Emotionally? Not good. I'm so, so sick. It's really wearing me down. And I have this awful feeling that I'm sick for no reason, because this pregnancy won't work out because our baby won't be healthy. I'm trying so hard to be positive, but feeling so physically terrible is really hurting my emotional state.

Upcoming Appointments or Milestones: CVS tentatively scheduled for September 25th. Another pre-CVS appointment just with my OB on September 22 to confirm dates.

QOTW: What is your biggest insecurity/worry about how you [will] parent? Right now, I am being the worst parent to M -- I have zero energy for him and I feel awful about it. I know this is temporary, but it's so unfair to him. When I am back to myself, I really have no concerns -- if *knock on wood* everything is okay with this LO, having two healthy kids will be a literal breeze compared to the madness when J was with us.

Sorry, this was a downer post. I haven't been on here much because of my sad mood...no need to spread the grumpiness around...

[PiradicalMaid]

Sept 8, 2015 13:06:50 GMT -5 NatalieDavid said:

Good luck wowcheezits, sending you all the positive T&Ps
PiradicalMaid, I'm loving the optimism you always brighten my day!

Aww, you're so sweet!

[wowcheezits]

Just thought I stop in and give an update. My ultrasound was great! I'm 7w4d today so my due date changed to April 22. Baby's heartbeat was 162.

[danenikki]

Sept 7, 2015 8:42:33 GMT -5 jags8 said:

Pregnancy Loss Background (if you're comfortable) MMC at 9W in Mar 2015 CP in MAy 15

How far along are you (weeks/fruit):9w5d Olive

How are you feeling physically? Emotionally?I feel so sick and blah all the time. I'm exhausted and can't sleep. Emotionally I'm feeling better bc I found the HB and I'm still sick passed my MMC date.

Upcoming Appointments or Milestones:Sept 23rd. It can't come fast enough


QOTW: What is your biggest insecurity/worry about how you [will] parent? I've been so tired lately I let DD play with Ipad way too much.

[yummybunny]

Lots of u/s this week! Keeping fingers crossed for all of you.

gooselover2012, your siggy keeps me mesmerized for way too long every time I see it.

---

Pregnancy Loss Background (if you're comfortable) MMC in June 2014 after hearing hb.

How far along are you (weeks/fruit): 8+3, raspberry!

How are you feeling physically? Emotionally? Physically gross and nauseous which is oddly reassuring for me emotionally. But I also have 2 more weeks until my next appt and I know I'll be increasingly nervous.

Upcoming Appointments or Milestones: milestone passed! Appt. sept 23


QOTW: What is your biggest insecurity/worry about how you [will] parent? That my anxiety or maybe PPD will take over and leave me a quivering mess of terrible mother.

[PiradicalMaid]

Yay for a great update, wowcheezits!