PGAL check in - Sept 14

[mrssqueegy]

This is the weekly check-in for May moms who have experienced pregnancy loss before this pregnancy. We'll do this every Monday, and I'm happy to start it, but if someone is around earlier than me, feel free to start it as well.


If you are new to the check in, feel free to introduce yourself!


Pregnancy Loss Background (if you feel comfortable) :

EDD:

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

How far along are you (weeks/fruit):


How are you feeling physically? Emotionally?


Upcoming Appointments or Milestones:


QOTW: What thing that you have to give up during pregnancy will you miss the most?

[Deleted]

Pregnancy Loss Background (if you feel comfortable): Jackson, stillborn at 28 weeks. 8 first tri losses. More specifics in my FF chart in my siggy.

EDD: 05/25/16

_________________________________________________________

How far along are you (weeks/fruit): 3w5d

How are you feeling physically? Emotionally? Physically I'm pretty alright, just normal stuff, but the nightmares are no joke. I have trouble sleeping anyways, and all the nightmares are making it that much worse. Usually I can stay pretty attached and excited, but I'm having a harder time this pregnancy for some reason. The dread and feeling that it's going to end at any moment. I was always confident that they would make it until I got to see a heartbeat, but then my last loss was at 4 weeks and now I'm just worried I'll never even get that. Ugh. This whole thing is such a mindfuck.

Upcoming Appointments or Milestones: As soon as 8am hits I'm calling my doctor to notify her of the pregnancy. Hopefully I can get in for betas soon to set my mind at ease until the 7/8 wk scan.

QOTW: What thing that you have to give up during pregnancy will you miss the most? Medication. I had to stop most of it before TTC, but the pain was getting bad enough that we were going to stop trying after this cycle to go back on the meds and here I am. Happy, but still in pain. And now that I'm pregnant the anxiety meds are out, too. But I'd rather do without the meds than without the baby. So I'll deal.

[westiemom]

Thanks mrssqueegy!

History: 1 chemical, 1 early twin loss, 1 twin mmc at 9.5 weeks

EDD: 5/4/16

How far along: I'm 6w5d and a pomegranate seed

How are you feeling?: I'm emotional, nauseous, threw up once so far (hoping for more for reassurance- crazy huh?), mild cramps, sore boobs

Upcoming appt: Friday

QOTW: I miss wine so much!

[westiemom]

Sept 14, 2015 9:27:28 GMT -5 @led said:

Pregnancy Loss Background (if you feel comfortable): Jackson, stillborn at 28 weeks. 8 first tri losses. More specifics in my FF chart in my siggy.

EDD: 05/25/16

_________________________________________________________

How far along are you (weeks/fruit): 3w5d

How are you feeling physically? Emotionally? Physically I'm pretty alright, just normal stuff, but the nightmares are no joke. I have trouble sleeping anyways, and all the nightmares are making it that much worse. Usually I can stay pretty attached and excited, but I'm having a harder time this pregnancy for some reason. The dread and feeling that it's going to end at any moment. I was always confident that they would make it until I got to see a heartbeat, but then my last loss was at 4 weeks and now I'm just worried I'll never even get that. Ugh. This whole thing is such a mindfuck.

Upcoming Appointments or Milestones: As soon as 8am hits I'm calling my doctor to notify her of the pregnancy. Hopefully I can get in for betas soon to set my mind at ease until the 7/8 wk scan.

QOTW: What thing that you have to give up during pregnancy will you miss the most? Medication. I had to stop most of it before TTC, but the pain was getting bad enough that we were going to stop trying after this cycle to go back on the meds and here I am. Happy, but still in pain. And now that I'm pregnant the anxiety meds are out, too. But I'd rather do without the meds than without the baby. So I'll deal.

I hear you on feeling like a pregnancy could end at any minute. I feel the same. I check for blood each time I go to the restroom. I too wish I could get more excited! Hugs!

[cbowl]

@led I'm so sorry about your losses. Also so sorry that you are experiencing nightmares. I started having nightmares after my most recent loss and they have picked back up in this pregnancy. Hoping your doctor can get you in for betas quickly

[cbowl]

How far along are you (weeks/fruit): 7w1day

How are you feeling physically? Emotionally? I'm feeling okay physically...nausea comes and goes and a bit tired. I'm crampy still. Emotionally I'm feeling eh. I mentioned that I had an u/s last Thursday after spotting the baby was measuring 4 days behind...the tech was worried but it does line up more closely to my O date. So I'm trying to be rational and non-emotional about it. I pushed back my appt and u/s from tomorrow until 2 weeks from tomorrow so hopefully these two weeks fly by.

Upcoming Appointments or Milestones: 9/29 is my first doc appt and another u/s


QOTW: What thing that you have to give up during pregnancy will you miss the most? Wine!

[birch113]

Pregnancy Loss Background (if you feel comfortable) : mc around 8 weeks in February 2014.

EDD: Somewhere between 9/14 and 9/19, but I won't know for sure until my u/s since I periods have been wonky due to BFing.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

How far along are you (weeks/fruit): 5ish weeks.


How are you feeling physically? Emotionally? Physically, tired. I have a little nausea on and off, but nothing bad. Emotionally, I am definitely anxious. I'm trying to be positive, but the worry creeps in. Any time I feel any sort of discharge, I run to the bathroom to check for blood.


Upcoming Appointments or Milestones: I had blood work for betas and progesterone last week. My progesterone was ok, but it seems to level off or even decrease between 5 and 6 weeks, so I requested another draw this week. Hoping to hear back bank from the nurse with an approval. U/S is 9/29.


QOTW: What thing that you have to give up during pregnancy will you miss the most?[/quote]
I'm BFing, so there's nothing consumable I'd need to give up that I haven't already been avoiding. I think I'm most worried about how I'll eventually be limited in what I can do for/with DS.

[walkek85]

Sorry your are having horrible nightmares @led. FX your Dr. can get you in asap!

History:DS 2014, 1 loss 7w4d May 2015

EDD: May 8th

How far along are you (weeks/fruit): 6w1d

How are you feeling physically? Emotionally?: Physically I feel pretty normal. Slight fatigue in the afternoons, slight nausea in the morning and some food aversions. Emotionally I am torn. I took a FRER 1 week ago Sunday with FMU and the test line was super dark and the control line was super light. Took another FRER yesterday with FMU and the control line was darker than the test last week. The test line wasn't pulling as much color from the control line. With my MC my HPTs started getting lighter a few days before I miscarried so now I am paranoid. I'm not spotting or bleeding or anything but I'm so fearful that it could be a MMC. IDK. Part of me knows that everything is likely OK but the other half is scared.

Upcoming Appointments or Milestones: None this week.


QOTW: Right now it's coffee. Oh how I miss my coffee. I will likely start drinking it again later but none for now. Otherwise I miss booze.

[Deleted]

Sept 14, 2015 10:14:32 GMT -5 walkek85 said:

Sorry your are having horrible nightmares @led. FX your Dr. can get you in asap!

History:DS 2014, 1 loss 7w4d May 2015

EDD: May 8th

How far along are you (weeks/fruit): 6w1d

How are you feeling physically? Emotionally?: Physically I feel pretty normal. Slight fatigue in the afternoons, slight nausea in the morning and some food aversions. Emotionally I am torn. I took a FRER 1 week ago Sunday with FMU and the test line was super dark and the control line was super light. Took another FRER yesterday with FMU and the control line was darker than the test last week. The test line wasn't pulling as much color from the control line. With my MC my HPTs started getting lighter a few days before I miscarried so now I am paranoid. I'm not spotting or bleeding or anything but I'm so fearful that it could be a MMC. IDK. Part of me knows that everything is likely OK but the other half is scared.

Upcoming Appointments or Milestones: None this week.


QOTW: Right now it's coffee. Oh how I miss my coffee. I will likely start drinking it again later but none for now. Otherwise I miss booze.

Different tests (within the same brand) have different amounts of dye on the dye strips. So comparing tests like that doesn't usually work. Also, once you start to build up hCG in your system, it starts to have a backwards effect (hook effect, google it). So continuing to take tests is likely only going to lead to fear/confusion. I know it's hard, but try not to let the tests hold so much weight. They have their own issues sometimes. 

[mrssqueegy]

How far along are you (weeks/fruit):
4w3d, my app says red lentil? So odd.


How are you feeling physically? Emotionally?
I have a bad cold so I'm feeling really run down but I can't tell how much is the cold and how much is pregnancy. I hope it's pregnancy. Otherwise I don't have many symptoms other than some RPL. Emotionally, I'm feeling so positive. This pregnancy feels so different to me emotionally compared to my previous PGAL ones. I'm trying to stay on this positive feeling.


Upcoming Appointments or Milestones:
I've passed one of my loss milestones, and I have another one coming up this week. The last one is at 8w3d, so we've got a while to go. I'm going to slow down on the betas now I think. I might go today if I have time but not stress if I don't make it to the lab.


QOTW: What thing that you have to give up during pregnancy will you miss the most?
Right now it's cold medicine. How I would die for some Advil Cold and Sinus right now.

[iwantbacon]

Pregnancy/loss background: 1 natural m/c at 7w5d (May 2012); 1 MMC at 9w1d (D&C at 11w; April/May 2015); 1 chemical (Aug 2015) )

EDD: May 20, but I think it may get pushed back a few days based on O date


How far along are you (weeks/fruit): 4'ish weeks - poppyseed


How are you feeling physically? Emotionally? Physically okay. RLP, a bit of intermittent nausea, sore boobs, tired. Emotionally, I feel sort of unattached and nervous. I'm a little optimistic, but more of me thinks that it just won't work out yet again.


Upcoming Appointments or Milestones: I need to call my OB to see when they want me to come in. I'm hoping to push it back until after 6 or 7 weeks to avoid beta hell and hopefully see a positive u/s


QOTW: What thing that you have to give up during pregnancy will you miss the most? Wine and pumpkin beer first, then sushi, then excessive caffeine.

[mrssqueegy]

@led, I hope your nightmares stop soon. That must be so upsetting. Hugs!

westiemom, I hope you puke again soon! (Sorry that is such a weird thing to wish someone, lol)

cbowl, I hope the next two weeks fly by for you!

birch113, I hope your next progesterone level is great!

walkek85, I'm so sorry that the FRERs aren't cooperating. Hugs!

[westiemom]

Sept 14, 2015 10:22:17 GMT -5 mrssqueegy said:

How far along are you (weeks/fruit):
4w3d, my app says red lentil? So odd.


How are you feeling physically? Emotionally?
I have a bad cold so I'm feeling really run down but I can't tell how much is the cold and how much is pregnancy. I hope it's pregnancy. Otherwise I don't have many symptoms other than some RPL. Emotionally, I'm feeling so positive. This pregnancy feels so different to me emotionally compared to my previous PGAL ones. I'm trying to stay on this positive feeling.


Upcoming Appointments or Milestones:
I've passed one of my loss milestones, and I have another one coming up this week. The last one is at 8w3d, so we've got a while to go. I'm going to slow down on the betas now I think. I might go today if I have time but not stress if I don't make it to the lab.


QOTW: What thing that you have to give up during pregnancy will you miss the most?
Right now it's cold medicine. How I would die for some Advil Cold and Sinus right now.

I had the worst cold my entire 4th week. It was awful. I'm so sorry!

[o2girl]

________________________________________________________________________________________

How far along are you (weeks/fruit): 6w3d / ladybug


How are you feeling physically? Emotionally?
Physically I feel pretty good. I did start spotting. The spotting is pretty light and seems to have resolved for the moment. My NP told me to come in if the bleeding comes back, but otherwise just take it easy. It's hard not to let PgAL brain get the best of me because with my last loss I started spotting then I had a major bleed caused by a very large SCH. That SCH led to my MMC of the twins..... I just hope this isn't happening again.


Upcoming Appointments or Milestones:
I don't have an appt until Friday Sept 25th........ It seems so far away.


QOTW: What thing that you have to give up during pregnancy will you miss the most?
I honestly would have to say booze. I like a good buzz.... I'm gonna miss that buzz..... But it is so worth it

[o2girl]

Sept 14, 2015 10:14:32 GMT -5 walkek85 said:

Sorry your are having horrible nightmares @led. FX your Dr. can get you in asap!

History:DS 2014, 1 loss 7w4d May 2015

EDD: May 8th

How far along are you (weeks/fruit): 6w1d

How are you feeling physically? Emotionally?: Physically I feel pretty normal. Slight fatigue in the afternoons, slight nausea in the morning and some food aversions. Emotionally I am torn. I took a FRER 1 week ago Sunday with FMU and the test line was super dark and the control line was super light. Took another FRER yesterday with FMU and the control line was darker than the test last week. The test line wasn't pulling as much color from the control line. With my MC my HPTs started getting lighter a few days before I miscarried so now I am paranoid. I'm not spotting or bleeding or anything but I'm so fearful that it could be a MMC. IDK. Part of me knows that everything is likely OK but the other half is scared.

Upcoming Appointments or Milestones: None this week.


QOTW: Right now it's coffee. Oh how I miss my coffee. I will likely start drinking it again later but none for now. Otherwise I miss booze.

I finally put all my HPTs away. My last level at 5w6d was 15000... And I was testing everyday and comparing the tests from days before. I had a couple where the test line was lighter and the control line was darker (the control line was lighter at other times).... It literally scared the shit out of me, until I had the third beta of 15000, because I realized that the level was so high even if it dipped the lines won't reflect that because the level is high. The amount of dye that is placed in the strips probably varies some, is the conclusion I came up with......

[starfishy]

History- mmc in March 2015

EDD 5/4

I'm 6w 5 d

Physically I feel like crap! Is that a good thing? I hope so.
Emotionally - scared and stressed. I really give a lot of love to people that do this over and over. I'm at the point that successful or not this is my last pregnancy. It's just a lot for me to handle. I'm already an anxious person and I'm not doing well with it all.

Appts: waiting for a call back for an ultrasound to confirm this is not ectopic. My side still hurts, but maybe it's just one of those things.

Right now I miss real, actual,
Food. I want to eat a meal again.

[raelien23]

Hi Everyone I'm happy we've got this group going. I just want to say I feel everything that you ladies are saying and I am right there with you.

Pregnancy Loss Background (if you feel comfortable) : One miscarriage/CP at 5 weeks in April, one miscarriage/CP at 4w4days in July.

EDD: May 19, 2015


How far along are you (weeks/fruit):4w4d, tomato seed


How are you feeling physically? Emotionally?
Physically: sore boobs, slight nauseau, other than that pretty normal.

Emotionally: I am a wreck. I just can't stop thinking that I am going to start bleeding at any moment. When I got pregnant again in July I kept thinking there was no way I would miscarry twice in a row. Well, it happened, so here I am terrified and just trying to have faith in my body and this little baby. I peed on a stick at 15dpo - got a strong positive - and have not peed on a stick or made an appointment or done anything like that. I know that until I start bleeding or give birth, I will have crazy hope for this pregnancy, and I know that comparing lines, getting betas done, or any of those things will just drive me crazy. I know there is a possibility of good news, but I am just so afraid of bad news, that it is worth it to just breathe, relax, repeat the mantras (I seriously have them memorized), and stay positive. I am waiting until 6 weeks (past all of my loss milestones) to schedule an appointment with my midwife.

Upcoming Appointments or Milestones: today is one loss anniversary and Thursday is the dpo loss anniversary for my first loss. Although, CD anniversary is not until next Tuesday or so. I think if I can make it to six weeks I will start believing this is real.


QOTW: What thing that you have to give up during pregnancy will you miss the most?
A beer after work with the coworkers.

[cbowl]

Hugs to everyone who needs them!!! I've been seriously chanting the PGAL mantras in my head several times a day. So glad that we have a great group to support each other here in May 2016.

[walkek85]

Thanks @led & o2girl! I needed that rational explanation. I'm a pretty rational person but sometimes it all just gets away from me. I have vowed not to pee on anymore sticks. My first appointment is in 1 week so I should be able to hold out.

raelien23, I admire your steadfastness. I think you have a great plan going on waiting until 6 weeks to schedule an appointment. FX that these next two weeks fly by uneventful.

[shadesofgold]

Hugs to all. Glad to see you here, @led!

Pregnancy Loss Background (if you feel comfortable): One loss March '15 - MMC ~8 weeks

EDD: 5/13/16

How far along are you (weeks/fruit): 5w3d / Appleseed

How are you feeling physically? Emotionally? The lady few days I've been constantly hungry and tired. Not much else going on physically. Emotionally a little raw. MH's younger sister announced she's pregnant yesterday (12 weeks) and it is bringing up a lot of interesting family dynamics and emotional obstacles to navigate. (We haven't shared that we're expecting again.)

Upcoming Appointments or Milestones: Next Wednesday is my first appointment. I am so anxious to have the pregnancy confirmed (and hopefully see a heartbeat) so I can move on, emotionally.

QOTW: What thing that you have to give up during pregnancy will you miss the most? Wine. Currently I feel like I'm dodging social interaction because I'm afraid not drinking will give me away.

[mrssqueegy]

Just got the call. First ultrasound will be next Monday on the 21st. Eek!

[starfishy]

I just got my call too. Going in on Friday. I'll be 7/2. When we had the loss on March the baby measured 7/4 so I won't be past my loss milestone. But I'll still see baby!

[nepatsgal]

Pregnancy Loss Background (if you feel comfortable) : MMC March 2015

EDD: 5/11/2016

How far along are you (weeks/fruit): 5 weeks and 5 days/Appleseed


How are you feeling physically? I'm exhausted, and nausea reared it's ugly head this weekend.  Emotionally? I'm okay, I have good days and bad days.  My dreams aren't helping so much, I had one the other day that I lost the baby. I'm trying to stay positive and counting down the days to 2nd trimester.


Upcoming Appointments or Milestones: My next appointment and milestone are both September 30th. I'll be exactly 8 weeks.



ETA: Hit send before I wrote anything. Pregnancy brain is real.

[KirstenAlecia]

PG loss background: MMC on 11/21/15.....ended up with a D&C later on 2/16 because of lingering HCG in my system.

How far along are you (weeks/fruit): 6 weeks 6 days/small pea
 
EDD 5/4/16

How are you feeling physically? Emotionally? physically twinges of nausea. Really tired. As far as emotions, I am anxious. I too has started with the bad dreams. Last night I dreamt we went for our upcoming 8 week u/s and it was the same as last time....a MMC


Upcoming Appointments or Milestones: U/S on the 25th of Sept to take a peek in there before my first official prenatal.


QOTW: What thing that you have to give up during pregnancy will you miss the most? wine. and sushi

[Deleted]

Sept 14, 2015 16:48:43 GMT -5 KirstenAlecia said:

PG loss background: MMC on 11/21/15.....ended up with a D&C later on 2/16 because of lingering HCG in my system.

How far along are you (weeks/fruit): 6 weeks 6 days/small pea
 
EDD 5/4/16

How are you feeling physically? Emotionally? physically twinges of nausea. Really tired. As far as emotions, I am anxious. I too has started with the bad dreams. Last night I dreamt we went for our upcoming 8 week u/s and it was the same as last time....a MMC


Upcoming Appointments or Milestones: U/S on the 25th of Sept to take a peek in there before my first official prenatal.


QOTW: What thing that you have to give up during pregnancy will you miss the most? wine. and sushi

Sushi is fine during pregnancy as long as it's not from a gas station or something. If it wouldn't make you ill when you aren't pregnant, it's not going to make you ill when you are. The whole no sushi thing is just hold over from cultural fears. 

[yorkielove83]

Hi Ladies!!! Love seeing all of your updates!

Pregnancy Loss Background (if you feel comfortable) : 2 MMC - first discovered at 8 weeks, D&C; second discovered at 7 weeks, natural; both stopped developing at 6 wk 3dys.

EDD: 5/12/16

How far along are you (weeks/fruit): 5w5d / appleseed


How are you feeling physically? Emotionally? Today was my first day of nausea yuck. Emotionally, I'm doing fine, really focusing on taking it one day at a time!


Upcoming Appointments or Milestones: Second U/S 9/22, milestone passing 6 wks 3 days with a heartbeat would be fantastic.


QOTW: What thing that you have to give up during pregnancy will you miss the most? Nothing really.... Although.... I'm not enjoying these damn shots!!! My stomach is so bruised.

[KirstenAlecia]

Sept 14, 2015 16:57:52 GMT -5 @led said:

Sept 14, 2015 16:48:43 GMT -5 KirstenAlecia said:

PG loss background: MMC on 11/21/15.....ended up with a D&C later on 2/16 because of lingering HCG in my system.

How far along are you (weeks/fruit): 6 weeks 6 days/small pea
 
EDD 5/4/16

How are you feeling physically? Emotionally? physically twinges of nausea. Really tired. As far as emotions, I am anxious. I too has started with the bad dreams. Last night I dreamt we went for our upcoming 8 week u/s and it was the same as last time....a MMC


Upcoming Appointments or Milestones: U/S on the 25th of Sept to take a peek in there before my first official prenatal.


QOTW: What thing that you have to give up during pregnancy will you miss the most? wine. and sushi

Sushi is fine during pregnancy as long as it's not from a gas station or something. If it wouldn't make you ill when you aren't pregnant, it's not going to make you ill when you are. The whole no sushi thing is just hold over from cultural fears. 

hmmmmm, good to know!

[Deleted]

I'm freaking out, likely for naught, at the incompetence of my doctors office staff. I was already thinking about switching, and this pretty much seals it. The nurse I talked to this morning could not understand why I would need serial betas done no matter how many times I explained it to her. She thought that coming in to the office for a urine test later this week should surely be enough. So she said since my doctor isn't in she'll pass it on to the care team and they'll get back to me later today. So at 4p I call back to see what's up only to be informed that she left it for my doctor to see when she got back. She never gave the message to the care team like she said she would.

Apparently since my doctor isn't in today I can't get any actual answers even though I was initially told that I could. And, of course, I'm freaking out even more because I had the tiniest bit of spotting and I can't get betas RIGHT THIS INSTANT! Ugh. I need to just calm the fuck down, but I can't. I hate that I can see how stupid all this is and it's not stopping me from panicking just the same. Luckily H will be home in about 30 ish minutes and then we're heading to his doctors appointment that just happens to be in the same office. Maybe I'll get lucky and someone from my care team will still be there and will take pity on me.

[littlelion]

@led hope you're doing better and got someone to do their j-o-b.

[littlelion]

yorkielove83 what shots are you doing? I did lovenox for 2 pregnancies. And those bruises can get ugly. Freaked me out when I got lumps too.