Stop asking if this was a planned pregnancy!

[mnswimmer]

We've only told a few siblings and some very close friends. Several people have asked if it was planned. Really?!

We've been together for 12+ years, married for 7+ years. We both have good jobs and a nice house. But none of that should matter! People shouldn't ask if a pregnancy is planned! I'd like to think it's because our DD is +14 months, but people even asked when we were pregnant with her.

Ugh! Vent over.

[Deleted]

My mom told me she was surprised when we got pregnant because she thought I didn't want kids.... which I don't understand because I've never not wanted kids. People are weird.

[JoeLies]

I'm curious to hear what my ILs say once we tell them. FIL insists that they did the right thing by putting 4-5 years between each kid, because they never had to pay 2 college tuition bills at once. Aside from the fact that we got started so much later, DNW to be paying college tuition bills for 16 years straight like they did!

[lecky11]

I keep getting asked this too. That question is nobody's business. I've had one person ask me "what are you going to do?" like I'm a 15 year old with no job, living with my parents. (This person also asked me that same question when she realized DD wasn't going to be brown skinned. I told her I guess I'll put her out in the sun everyday for 30 mins.)

surprisepartysue when my sister told my grandmother she was pregnant, she asked "what'd you do that for?" My sister was 25 and they'd been together 7 years. Gotta love grandmas!

[mnswimmer]

Wow, I'm kinda glad I'm not the only one, but then it's so sad people feel the need to ask stupid questions!

[holidayarmadillo]

So, this baby WASN'T planned...we were open to the possibility, but not planning to start trying until January. We had a condom failure.

My mom asked if it was planned (rude) and I told her it was.

[None]

@unicornofthesea, I would have probably given her a dirty look. People can be so rude.

We have only been married for two years and people already said to us...
Well it's obvious you don't want kids.
They had no idea we were struggling and not handling it well emotionally.
Their comments didn't help.
Struggling to concieve has really made think about what say to couples when it comes to pregnancy and having children.

[MissMusic]

That is hands down one of the most RUDE questions anyone can ask! Why do people think its ok to ask this?!

"Was it planned?"
"It was...after a bottle of Tequila!"

I mean, what do you even say to that question?!

[minae01]

This is a very, very common question I get. That or the comment: "This must have been a surprise." I try to brush it off nicely, but I'm always thrown off when people ask. I think most of them have good intentions and are just curious. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt since I've innocently said and asked inappropriate things without thinking it through.

That said, I am blown away by how deliberately rude people are in the thread!

[chickiebabe7575]

This was the MOST awkward question I got the first time around! I was thrown off when the midwife originally asked, but I could totally see the merit to assess a new patient's mental status, etc. But my academic advisor (who strongly advocates having children in grad school - maybe only if you're a dude with a wife at home) asked if my daughter was a surprise when I told him I was pregnant. What's it to him? Jeeze.

This baby is 100% a surprise and I think I'm just going to be super rude this time around if/when people ask and say I really hate that question.

[jags8]

Y'all have to start saying equally flabbergasting responses to make them realize how dumb they sound! My favorite:

"Was it planned?"
"No, total accident! I tripped and fell on his dick!"

[ellewills618]

heartbot, I hope you and your H wrote that douche out of your life. That is a terrible thing to imply. I don't blame you for still being pissed.

As for me, FIL is the king of saying hurtful, inappropriate things so I'll be sure to report his asshattery comments when we finally tell them. I'm just trying to stall as long as possible especially because MIL is already going on about how the only thing she wants for her November birthday is to see us for 2 weeks including Thanksgiving. (We've been in our new home 3 weeks now). I have to give her as little time as humanly possible to knit more weird shit we have no room for.

Edit: fix tag...also, excuse my /dear diary

[tdf2010]

I know we will get asked this question a ton once people find out about baby #3. After our DD2, we had people say that we were just popping kids out left and right. Little do they know we had multiple losses and I have don't have very good egg quality.

[sosayweall]

First of all, someone has to be rude enough to ask. I think a lot of it is that person's opinion on when someone should have children or what spacing should be. My spacing will be 20 months, which I thought was fairly standard, but DH's family was pretty shocked.

[mnswimmer]

I really want to come up with a really smart a** answer for the next time. I did get the "man, you're popping them out fast" comment too. What's wrong with people!

[shedreamsincolor]

Rude comments during pregnancy just seems to be the norm. Two days are finding out we're expecting this LO (and WAY before we were planning to tell anyone) my sister says to me - "Are you pregnant? Your face looks pregnant." Excuse me , what? I'm like 3 days pregnant BTW so I still don't know what the hell she meant by that. By I got so flustered that she immediately knew that I was!

[quietjoy]

Sept 17, 2015 9:42:57 GMT -5 @ismellbooks said:

I haven't gotten this, but several people have said, "It's about time!" or "That took long enough!" Yeah... fuck you very much for reminding me.

I received a lot of those comments when we announced my pregnancy with C (2nd child). Sorry my body was being a PITA and not wanting me to get pregnant. 

[Ann612]

who the fuck is asking people this? People are so rude. When they are, I think it's fair game to (politely) tell them that you don't appreciate that comment/question

[Ann612]

Sept 17, 2015 18:09:29 GMT -5 shedreamsincolor said:

Rude comments during pregnancy just seems to be the norm. Two days are finding out we're expecting this LO (and WAY before we were planning to tell anyone) my sister says to me - "Are you pregnant? Your face looks pregnant." Excuse me , what? I'm like 3 days pregnant BTW so I still don't know what the hell she meant by that. By I got so flustered that she immediately knew that I was!

The people who were like "I knew it!  I knew you were pregnant" pissed me off so much last time that these are the exact people I decided not to say anything to this time - they can get the facebook announcement like everyone else.  


**loss mentioned**
I also had a woman actually tell me that she knew the baby I lost was a girl because she heard that "girls steal your beauty" and I just looked different.  

(meanwhile when I go back and look at photos, I looked hawt, thank you very much)

[ellewills618]

buttercup we are there as well. I want three but I'm not sure if DH will be on board. We're getting older and would likely NTNP from the get go after this one is born. I can only imagine the comments from DHs family and coworkers. Our family planning has no bearing on anyone else so why they feel it's appropriate to comment is beyond me.

[packerbacker]

People can be so ridiculous. A child is an amazing gift whether planned or not. And it's no one else's business!

[jags8]

Sept 18, 2015 16:08:53 GMT -5 packerbacker said:

People can be so ridiculous. A child is an amazing gift whether planned or not. And it's no one else's business!

Unless it's unplanned and unwanted. Then it's not an amazing gift. Pro-choice. Sorrynotsorry.

[wittyandwaiting]

So rude! We've been asked a few times. It's gets pretty awkward as a lesbian couple because if it wasn't planned, I feel like you're asking me if I went out and cheated with a man.

I think I need this:

SPOILER: Click to show

[holidayarmadillo]

Sept 19, 2015 6:05:27 GMT -5 wittyandwaiting said:

So rude! We've been asked a few times. It's gets pretty awkward as a lesbian couple because if it wasn't planned, I feel like you're asking me if I went out and cheated with a man.

I think I need this:

SPOILER: Click to show

Wow, that adds an extra level of stupid and rude to the question.

[creepyeyeball]

Oh my goodness, the comments are ridiculous. This is our fifth child, sixth pregnancy in 8 years. People say all sorts of rude stuff - do we know what's causing this? It's about quality, not quantity. Kids are expensive, do we really think it's a good idea to have so many? Don't you think you have enough?

We're not asking for your help in raising them, so keep your opinions to yourselves, people.

On days when I am in a bad mood I like to embarass people with my responses. When they ask if we know what is causing this, I'll say something like, "yes, we do and we REALLY enjoy it".

[PiradicalMaid]

I think it's fine for a provider to ask, or maybe a close friend (asking tactfully!), but really. People are so rude.

My first pregnancy one person asked, "Oh, was this.... expected?" I wanted to snark, but refrained. I just laughed and said yes.

This time around, when I told my ex, he asked if it was for the surrogacy (which he knew I was doing). This time I could not bite my tongue and I said, "Nope, it was an accident!" I am in a same-sex relationship and sometimes a jerk.

[jags8]

YOU GUYS...this is how you all got pregnant on accident, isn't it?



This was on iFunny and it was just like what I said.

[danenikki]

Is anyone else getting the " are you going to have anymore?" From people that know you're pregnant. Yea I've got one coming so let me pop this one out, k?!?!

[None]

danenikki, yes! That was my grandfathers first question. That caught me by surprise.