Adopting older child from foster

[lbey]

Hello everyone,

I always say im sorry im not good at posting here...but I really am. I read your updates daily though and I love seeing how people are getting matched.

Today I have a question: DH and I are on our search for our child. Currently we are learning about a little girl who I love dearly ( I know I shouldn't) and we are moving forward with her so far. We learned quite a bit about her, which made me love her even more. She is 7, had a really hard past, has HFA, among other behaviors commonly seen in kids with a hard past. It is expected that once she is placed with us, she will have some regression on all the development she had in the past year with foster family. This little girl is 7, but with a behavior of a 3 year old who requires very creative parenting.

My question is, to those who adopted or fostered kids of age 3 and up, jow was your experience after placement? How much regression was there? What was the hardest part of you getting used to each other?
Any tips???
I have read few books talking about it, but I would love to hear some real life stories...

[chele]

We've been fostering for 19 months now, the girls are currently 9 and 6. They had never been in foster care before. I'm not at all familiar with regression, as we didn't experience that (nor have I really heard anything about it.) What is HFA?

The hardest part so far was a period of time when the then-8-year-old was defiant and didn't want to listen to me. But I am no help in that department because their mother actually helped me by telling the girls they had to listen to me.

[twocents6708]

I don't have any firsthand experience as a foster/adoptive parent but have a couple of friends who are and I have worked in child welfare for 5 years. My suggestion would be to make sure that preplacement visits occur. Also, if you can incorporate a lot of the routines and culture of the current foster parents into you LE home at least during a transition period, that usually helps with behavioral challenges and adjustment. I assume she has support services such as therapist already so if those providers can also stay the same, it can be helpful. Each child is different though and I have seen some struggle with regression and some settle in without much difficulty. Best of luck to you!

[lbey]

Thank you for the replies.
I dont believe we will be able to keep the same on many things for her, although we would love to. She is currently in a foster home with single mom who fosters 3 other special needs kids and has a PCA. The foster does it as her job actually and has over 30 years fostering.
She lives far, about 6 hours away so their resources are limited too. That means everything would change for her. Also, I was told the foster home has lots of eletronics for the kids (Ipads, video games, and all that) and our family barely has a small tv that barely gets turned on, no cable, and a computer to work...Oh, and we have our phones which I use mostly
Being in the city im confident we can find the best resources when it comes about school, therapies, and doctors.
I do recognize the change will be huge for her... I wish there was a checklist I could follow and would guarantee my child happy...lol

Oh, and HFA is high functioning autism.

[chele]

Oh I see, sorry for not knowing the acronym. Do you have pets? I've heard those with autism can do well with animals. I know my brother-in-law (I only knew him as an adult) loved when we dropped off our cats for he and his mom to cat-sit for us. Just a thought.

Anyway, good luck, you seem very proactive!

[lbey]

Yes! I actually got a puppy that we have been trainning and intend to have her therapy dog certified. She is a terror now, but that is because she still a puppy. She is very loving and gentle with kids though. ..