*~*-*~*Loss Check-In 9/27*~*-*~*

[flutterfly88]

Hi ladies. stefuge has been running this the past few months, but as she is going through a family emergency right now I offered to take over for her. Thanks for all your support stefuge. I hope you're able to check-in as you need it. 

Welcome to the Loss check-in! This is a board-wide check-in for all of us who have suffered a late term pregnancy or child loss. As this is a board-wide check-in and we are all at different stages in our grief, please remember to post warnings for any subjects related to pregnancy or living children.



I am also so sorry to have to welcome any new loss moms this week but am so glad that you have found us. I hope we can bring each other some much needed comfort and support. Please feel free to join in when you are ready and share as much or as little as you wish. Also, if you have any questions you would like answered, just ask! Any lurkers out there please don't be shy, we would like to be able to support you too.



Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?



What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?



Rants/Raves/Anything else you want to share?

QOTW: How would you feel about a list of anniversaries/special days being started (similar to what CAL does with their special hugs post) so we could give extra love and support to each other during that time? 

[wrenofthesea]

Thank you flutterfly88 for starting this up again. I am so sorry for stefuge family emergency and my thoughts and prayers are with her and her family right now


Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

With Lillian's anniversary coming up H and I have been talking a lot about how to honor her and also about our feelings and current state of grief (for lack of better term). While we have communicated quite well this past year H tends to not outwardly express his grief or how he feels and thinks about her. So, I guess as a couple we have been working together more this past week and with him being more open I have felt like I am finally able to be there for him the way he needs me instead of how I think he needs me.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

I think my next goal is just to make it through this next week and weekend and not put too much pressure on myself or H

Rants/Raves/Anything else you want to share?

Not much here. We have been very busy with upgrades and repairs for the house we bought which has been a nice distraction. I think we are almost to a point where we can stop for awhile and I am looking forward to that.

QOTW: How would you feel about a list of anniversaries/special days being started (similar to what CAL does with their special hugs post) so we could give extra love and support to each other during that time?

This sound great and fine to me.

[flutterfly88]

wrenofthesea, sounds like our husband's are similar. MH doesn't show his grief very often either. I'm glad to hear that you two have been communicating and that you are able to support him in his grief. I'll be thinking of you this coming week.

[flutterfly88]

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? I started a program called grief share a couple of weeks ago. Since the loss of Parker and my close friend who died a few months after him, I feel like I'm stuck in my grief. I'm angry at God and I don't know how to work through all my feelings on my own. So far it's been interesting and a little helpful. I need to do more of the homework though to get more out of it. 


What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? I want to finalize plans for Parker's first birthday. DH and I have decided to do a lantern release at the beach that day, and will invite our families to join us. I also want to do something or donate something in his honour but I don't know what that will look like yet. The one idea I had we don't have the money for right now, so I'll save it, and hopefully do it another year. 


Rants/Raves/Anything else you want to share? We finally ordered Parker's grave marker the middle of last month. The monument place got back to us 2 weeks ago with layout options, but we weren't satisfied with either one. They re-worked them and got back to us again today. I'm happy with either option and am impatiently waiting for DH to get home from work so that I can show them to him and we can make a decision. I have a favourite out of the 2, but will let DH make the final decision, since he went with the wording and picture that I wanted. I'll AW it when we make the final decision.  

QOTW: How would you feel about a list of anniversaries/special days being started (similar to what CAL does with their special hugs post) so we could give extra love and support to each other during that time? 

I'll start a thread and google doc for those who want to participate. 

[flutterfly88]

Here's the headstone we've ordered. Our last name is where the black box is. The tree and fox is a picture from one of the books that we read to Parker almost every day  that I was in the hospital before he was born. It was given to us by one of my best friends. 

[wrenofthesea]

flutterfly88 the grave marker looks wonderful. I love that you were able to incorporate a special book and memory with the tree and the fox. I also really like the quote/phrase

[tthgirl]

The marker is lovely, flutterfly88. Been thinking of you.

[flutterfly88]

Thanks wrenofthesea & tthgirl.

Tthgirl how have you been doing?

[peaseblossom55]

Sept 28, 2015 13:11:22 GMT -5 flutterfly88 said:

wrenofthesea, sounds like our husband's are similar. MH doesn't show his grief very often either. I'm glad to hear that you two have been communicating and that you are able to support him in his grief. I'll be thinking of you this coming week.

My husband is the same as well.

[peaseblossom55]

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
I have found a therapist/grief counselor and will start going next week.



What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
RE appointment is next Thursday, so I am excited for it and to know what the game plan is for getting KU again.


Rants/Raves/Anything else you want to share?
I was able to order my Molly bear today I am so happy I was. I finally got the pictures from the hospital, I was disappointed with them. I think she was so tiny there wasn't much they could do and she was really wrapped up. As I mentioned I'm going to a therapist next week. I just don't know what good it will do, this therapist isn't going to bring my daughter back. I miss her so much.

QOTW: How would you feel about a list of anniversaries/special days being started (similar to what CAL does with their special hugs post) so we could give extra love and support to each other during that time? I think is a very good idea.

[flutterfly88]

peaseblossom55, I'm glad you were able to find a grief counsellor, I hope that this person is a good fit for you and by talking to someone you are able to work through some of your grief. It's a journey that takes a long time and having someone to listen IRL is helpful. I don't have a molly bear, but I do have a weighted heart (similar to the molly bear idea). I hope that when you get her she'll bring you comfort also.

eta: I added your info to the list. 

[tthgirl]

I'm hanging in there. I have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that it has been almost a year.

[flutterfly88]

Sept 30, 2015 21:49:32 GMT -5 tthgirl said:

I'm hanging in there. I have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that it has been almost a year.

I know what you mean. If you ever want to talk or vent, I'm here. You can always PM me too if you want. (((hugs)))