It's been a while since I posted. Hope you all are well. I've been trying to keep with everyone. So we recently, like the other day, officially had a disruption after being matched for almost 5 months. It started off almost 8 weeks ago with expectant father drama, to expectant mother not knowing what she wanted to do, and then realizing her parents were forcing her to place. As of right now, our profiles are back up and we're back out there to be matched. We have let mom know that if at birth SHE wants to place, we can be called by the agency, but for now feel it's best we move on. For those that have had disruptions, what did you learn from it? We definitely have some new expectations. We will probably will not take on an early match again. And we need to know 100% father is on board. Among some other things... We are surprisingly okay with everything. We put our hearts and souls into this match, so we can't have regrets, and I feel like we've only came out stronger.
I'm very sorry you had a failed match and to have been matched that long has to make it extra tough.
We had a failed match but our situation was different (we didn't have the full story on alcohol use). We learned to 1) trust our gut more if something just didn't feel right it probably wasn't right and 2) to ask 1000 questions and be sure we have all the info.
The expectant father part is tough. A truly unknown EF is one thing but I agree about trying to really understand the situation before accepting.
I agree with you that we really didn't want to accept a match very early in a pregnancy if we could avoid it. I'm sure there are tons that work out for the APs but for me it's just more time to get attached and potentially be disappointed. We were happy that our agency seemed to mostly match in the 3rd trimester.
I'm sorry and it does sound like you have a good attitude about it. Again I'm sorry!
I don't have any advice, but I want to say that I'm so sorry for the disrupted match and I'm glad that you are feeling at peace with everything. Best of luck going forward.
Adding to the hugs. I'm glad you feel stronger as a result but so sorry for your disappointment. I agree that a shorter match sounds like it would be better.
---- 39 years old, MH is 43 TTC since 2010; Dx Unexplained Infertility; possible male factor 6 IUIs, 1 IVF, 2 FETs, 1 mmc, 1 CP Started Adoption process Feb 2015, officially waiting July 2015
Me 37 Hypothyroid DH 36 Low T 1/2012 NTNP 2/14/2014 RE DX MFI, SA Zero 8/15/2014 DH new SA 1 MILLION!!!!!! 11/20/2014 DH new SA 2 Million 2/15/2015 DH new SA 7 Million 7/15/2015 DH new SA at 9 Million. Donor search/Adoption. 10/5/2015 Home Study complete 1/7/2016 Pulled adoption Application, search for new agency 4/18/2016 ICI #1 (Donor)
The mom in our case decided the afternoon of the birth she wanted to parent. DH and I talked about it after ourselves and with our SW and decided we won't do anything different. There were no red flags and we refuse to not get excited about a potential baby. Similar to going through miscarriages, I had to let myself be happy and hopeful with each pregnancy. So we are going with the same approach. Yes, it sucked un-telling people. But we couldn't not do it either, especially with how late it changed.
Post by redandblue on Oct 29, 2015 10:20:31 GMT -5
I'm sorry about the disruption. I can't imagine how that must feel, but it does seem like you are doing okay with this. No advice to offer, just creepy internet hugs.
Me: 39 DH: 39 DS1 born Sept 1999 Married Nov 2010 TTC 2010 2011 BFP ended in ectopic RE Aug 2014. Unexplained infertility Sept 2014-Dec 2014 fermera/IUI/TI BFN's
August 16, 2015 baby Boy M is born and our hearts melt!
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