I Lived in Poverty to Save My Son from Daycare

[sjshark]

So I know I post a lot of articles, but a big part  of my job is knowing the news so I see a lot of interesting stories. 


This article made me so sad for many reasons. The situation her son was in, the fact that her husband who clearly was well off was often behind in child support, that she felt judged for occasionally looking elsewhere for help


www.yahoo.com/parenting/i-lived-in-poverty-to-save-my-son-from-daycare-108291746313.html

[sosayweall]

I'll be honest...I think she sounds really self-righteous. Maybe it's my working mom guilt talking, but I really did not care for her tone. It sounds like her son went through something awful with that dog attack and she made the right decision but the way she talks about giving up her luxuries just rubbed me the wrong way.

[Deleted]

I am not sure what to say, but this did not sit well with me. We could all list things we have sacrificed for our LOs. ..no matter what our financial situation.
Also...as an educator. ..we love and coach kids through all kinds of stuff. I have a student right now whose mom died of cancer this year, another one whose mom had brain surgery yesterday, one that has a very serious bleeding disorder. ...I could go on and on. The point is, it is very unfair to generalize that daycare would not have provided support for her son's challenges. I realize no one loves and supports like a parent, but likely he would have had caring teachers who would have tried very hard to provide the support he needed.

[3magicbeans]

yea, I'm not really going to weigh in on if I think her decision and reasoning was right/wrong, I know that lots of families make the right decision for them (whether both parents working/one parent working ect).

I do judge her attitude about her decision though, i'm just going to say its probably moot anyways since I cant see how a regular person could afford dc and pay living expenses. So her explanation of her decision and the mommy martyr attitude is irrelevant, since she had no other practical decision.

[redhorizon343]

Damn! What a Sanctimommy!

It's not just your (totally unnecessary) guilt sosayweall I'm a SAHM and I thought this was self righteous as well......

I feel like a story that contains the line "Our society can set very limiting norms for determining what is and is not acceptable parenting behavior." should not be titled in such a way as to directly say that children who are in day care are in need of being "saved". The headline alone felt like an attack on women who do need to work to support their family (much less those who CHOOSE to work).

"Why do we find it more acceptable for a parent to be emotionally unavailable to their son or daughter than we do for a parent to choose to live below the poverty line?" ---- This sentence says that working parents are emotionally unavailable to their children. I'm feeling judged, and I DON'T EVEN HAVE A JOB!

"Somehow we have equated living above the poverty line with the preferred place to raise children. " - Yes. Because who would PREFER to be impoverished and raising children? I'm sure this woman, given the choice between staying home WITH money and staying home WITHOUT money would have chosen to have money. I don't care that she stayed home, and I don't care how much money she has, but this seems like some real out their rationalization.

Also, just in general

There's a real "Mommy the Martyr" narrative here that I'm just not a fan of. *I drive a crappy car and I don't go to the movies*...Yeah. Neither do a lot of us. No gym membership!? SAY IT AIN'T SO! It's very AW-ish.* LOOK AT THE SACRIFICES I'VE MADE FOR MY CHILD. People were super critical of me, but I overcame that adversity (ie. small apartment) to emotionally support my son! He could never have received support in day care*

Two thumbs down. Do not want.

[3magicbeans]

ohh, the comments under the blog, *my eyes...they roll*

[Deleted]

I would have preferred to read more about her son's condition and more specifics on how she helped him with what seems like a child PTSD-like situation. Instead, she made herself and her poverty the focus of the story. Boring.

[redhorizon343]

sjshark I do not mind that you post lots of articles. I hate-read all of them.

[puffandstuff]

Everything redhorizon343 said. She lost me at "saved".

[redhorizon343]

Jan 28, 2015 22:39:55 GMT -5 3magicbeans said:

ohh, the comments under the blog, *my eyes...they roll*

Dammit, why did you make me go back and read the comments!

[mrsnorris]

Honestly I didn't really understand what her point was. At times she seemed to be saying that she thought it sucked when she was judged and that society should be less judgmental but then in the next breath she'd be judging practically every parent on the planet. I also felt like it wasn't particularly insightful and she seemed to be making bizarre generalizations based on her own seemingly unique circumstances. She also clearly defines "poverty" differently than I do if not going out to movies or restaurants and having no gym membership are the definition of poverty. I think that she probably could have said something more meaningful and less randomly judgmental sounding if she's focused on how she handled her son's special needs. That, and how on earth her apparently well-off ex-husband was able to walk away from his child like this were the two questions I was left with and both of those topics seemed totally brushed over. I'm surprised that no one asked her to edit this and create a clear focus before it was published.

[mandapanda1382]

Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Everything has been said. This woman is so judgey she can't even see her own judginess.

[withsilverwings]

I wonder how the view is from way up there on her high horse?? Holy bananas. There was so much left unsaid in that article that could have made it a far more intriquing article but nope.

and sjshark - I like that you post a bunch of articles

[skylark002]

redhorizon343 can I just say I love you?

[Deleted]

Jan 28, 2015 22:29:23 GMT -5 redhorizon343 said:

Damn! What a Sanctimommy!

It's not just your (totally unnecessary) guilt sosayweall I'm a SAHM and I thought this was self righteous as well......

I feel like a story that contains the line "Our society can set very limiting norms for determining what is and is not acceptable parenting behavior." should not be titled in such a way as to directly say that children who are in day care are in need of being "saved". The headline alone felt like an attack on women who do need to work to support their family (much less those who CHOOSE to work).

"Why do we find it more acceptable for a parent to be emotionally unavailable to their son or daughter than we do for a parent to choose to live below the poverty line?" ---- This sentence says that working parents are emotionally unavailable to their children. I'm feeling judged, and I DON'T EVEN HAVE A JOB!

"Somehow we have equated living above the poverty line with the preferred place to raise children. " - Yes. Because who would PREFER to be impoverished and raising children? I'm sure this woman, given the choice between staying home WITH money and staying home WITHOUT money would have chosen to have money. I don't care that she stayed home, and I don't care how much money she has, but this seems like some real out their rationalization.

Also, just in general

There's a real "Mommy the Martyr" narrative here that I'm just not a fan of. *I drive a crappy car and I don't go to the movies*...Yeah. Neither do a lot of us. No gym membership!? SAY IT AIN'T SO! It's very AW-ish.* LOOK AT THE SACRIFICES I'VE MADE FOR MY CHILD. People were super critical of me, but I overcame that adversity (ie. small apartment) to emotionally support my son! He could never have received support in day care*

Two thumbs down. Do not want.

All of this!

[weeklyplanner]

Relevant comment, but struggling with how to put it into words that make sense...
As a former early childhood teacher, I actually struggle with the notion that I'm now a SAHM. I worry my child won't be getting all the great interaction with other adults and children that DC babies get. Sure, I take him to every library program I can and swim lessons, but it's all "mommy and me" type stuff. I guess I just don't see her high horse because DC has value for a child's social, emotional and educational development.

[those3words]

Jan 29, 2015 9:21:09 GMT -5 weeklyplanner said:

Relevant comment, but struggling with how to put it into words that make sense...
As a former early childhood teacher, I actually struggle with the notion that I'm now a SAHM. I worry my child won't be getting all the great interaction with other adults and children that DC babies get. Sure, I take him to every library program I can and swim lessons, but it's all "mommy and me" type stuff. I guess I just don't see her high horse because DC has value for a child's social, emotional and educational development.

This was my thought exactly.  Wouldn't a quality DC program with the right supports in place for his PTSD help her child?  Obviously, a lot of facts were not included in the article about her son's condition.  But I can't imagine isolating him with her 24/7 would help him (but I am not a professional in child psych/development). 

[Deleted]

That headline is total clickbait. And I don't even understand her message. Is living in poverty something to aspire to now? Talk about martyrdom.

[3magicbeans]

Jan 28, 2015 23:00:33 GMT -5 redhorizon343 said:

Jan 28, 2015 22:39:55 GMT -5 3magicbeans said:

ohh, the comments under the blog, *my eyes...they roll*

Dammit, why did you make me go back and read the comments!

dangit, I love-to-hate the comments.....I went back for more....please stop me, I'm part of the problem now

[yogini kiki]

The title of this alone makes me stabby

[gingy]

My impression of the article is that it's more about the author getting a reality check about how the majority of the country lives. Sounds like she lead a charmed life prior to her divorce and suddenly couldn't afford to go to the movies every week. Gasp! I think she's lucky she for a work from home job that allowed her to not put her child in day care (which helped her save on expenses). I'd also go out on a limb and say that this is no longer her financial situation and she is taking an artistic license to push her views.

[Deleted]

One additional thought. ...throughout my career I have known many kids for whom coming to school was a relief from the chaos they lived in at home. So it could be argued that for some, school/daycare is what "saves" them.

[blckroses]

I just can't get over the headline, like daycare is some dangerous place to rescue your child from. Someone needs to tell DD that when she's smiling and giggling every morning when I drop her off to her daycare teacher, who she loves.
I understand this woman had special circumstances and made a choice for her family, but her attitude is terrible.

[redhorizon343]

Jan 29, 2015 6:14:44 GMT -5 skylark002 said:

redhorizon343 can I just say I love you?

[bobloblaw]

Jan 29, 2015 11:42:26 GMT -5 @deej said:

It's a luxury for poverty to be a choice for you. Ask the people who are truly impoverished - none of them chose it. It was, by and large, forced on them by society.

If you get to "choose" poverty, check your privilege.

This. Totally.

I wanted to roll my eyes that she's "given up" a gym membership and the movies and going out to eat. I'm sorry but giving those things up does not make me pity you or praise you for your sacrifices. Those are extras, not something everyone has/does, even with 2 incomes.

Not that anyone needs to one-up how poor one is... but there are people with no idea where their next meal is coming from. There are children that only get meals when they attend school. I guess if you have never lived like that or around that, you would think you have it bad. It just struck me wrong on that level.

[frodabaggins]

this was originally posted (I think?) over at xojane.com where I comment regularly. All the moms came out of the woodwork and we were swapping wonderful daycare stories for many threads.

[peanuts]

Jan 29, 2015 12:46:58 GMT -5 blckroses said:

I just can't get over the headline, like daycare is some dangerous place to rescue your child from. Someone needs to tell DD that when she's smiling and giggling every morning when I drop her off to her daycare teacher, who she loves.
I understand this woman had special circumstances and made a choice for her family, but her attitude is terrible.

I second this...the title alone had me raising my eyebrows.

It's like she's looking for a WORLD'S BEST MOM award for sacrificing the movies and gym. Don't some 50 MILLION American's live below the poverty line? I appreciate she's doing what she thinks is best for her son, but what I think is best for my daughter is social interaction with other children and adults, yes *GASP* while I'm at work.

[frodabaggins]

Jan 29, 2015 12:46:58 GMT -5 blckroses said:

I just can't get over the headline, like daycare is some dangerous place to rescue your child from. Someone needs to tell DD that when she's smiling and giggling every morning when I drop her off to her daycare teacher, who she loves.
I understand this woman had special circumstances and made a choice for her family, but her attitude is terrible.

unrelated but I hadn't seen you here yet HI!!!!!!!