~*~*~Loss Check-in 10/27~*~*~

[flutterfly88]

Welcome to the Loss check-in! This is a board-wide check-in for all of us who have suffered a late term pregnancy or child loss. As this is a board-wide check-in and we are all at different stages in our grief, please remember to post warnings for any subjects related to pregnancy or living children.





I am also so sorry to have to welcome any new loss moms this week but am so glad that you have found us. I hope we can bring each other some much needed comfort and support. Please feel free to join in when you are ready and share as much or as little as you wish. Also, if you have any questions you would like answered, just ask! Any lurkers out there please don't be shy, we would like to be able to support you too.








Have you taken any new steps towards healing lately?







What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?






Rants/Raves/Anything else you want to share?


QOTW: Do you have any special keepsakes that remind you of your angel? What are they?

[happyin14]

Sorry I've been MIA. Work has been really crazy lately, plus some home life issues... I just haven't been super active on PB. But I do check in often to make sure everyone is hanging in there!!



Have you taken any new steps towards healing lately? Nothing that comes to mind. We did choose how the money we raised for our charity will be spent and that's sort of exciting. I want to do more with the charity but need the time and space to do so. It's something I'm struggling with.



What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Well, the charity. Need more time for the charity. It feels like something I NEED to do. I don't know yet how to achieve the goal.



Rants/Raves/Anything else you want to share? My marriage has hit a rough spot. And I've been thinking lately if staying married is actually going to be the smart choice. It just feels so hard somedays to know how happy we once were together. And know that it's just not gonna be that. Maybe too much baggage? I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I give my husband too much leeway because of what we've been through. And sometimes I feel like he uses it as an excuse "You don't know what it's like..." (Because he also lost both parents at the same time.)


QOTW: Do you have any special keepsakes that remind you of your angel? What are they? Because Jack was 2.5 years old, we have lots of things. I have a box with a bunch of his favorite things. I have his urn, obviously. I have things he made for us. And we have all his toys and books. So many things.

[heartpresidents]

happyin14,So exciting that you chose how the money from your charity will be spent! What will it go toward, if you don't mind my asking?

I'm so sorry you're having a hard time in your marriage. I wish there were some advice I could offer, but I have nothing. My husband and I went through a very rough patch a few months ago as well and I think I was doing something similar to you. I was giving him a lot of leeway, but finally had to either stop or end the marriage. I think I was doing it because he is the only other person who knows what it feels like to lose Lincoln and I couldn't stand the thought of potentially being with someone who would never understand. But I had to stop letting him coast by, I was miserable.
I wish the difficulties could just end with child loss. That should be enough, for crying out loud! I just wish this was easier for you.

[heartpresidents]

Have you taken any new steps towards healing lately?
Not really, and I've actually been having a pretty rough month. But we do get to do a check presentation to the hospital today for funds raised at Lincoln's golf outing! I'm looking forward to that, and dreading it because it's always hard to be back in that hospital.


What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
I don't really have any goals, I'm just taking it a day at a time. Maybe I should be setting goals?


Rants/Raves/Anything else you want to share?
Just struggling lately I guess. I went to a birthday party this past weekend and there were kids there who are the same age Lincoln would be. I just wasn't prepared for how it would make me feel.


QOTW: Do you have any special keepsakes that remind you of your angel? What are they?
A lot. Lincoln was almost 8 months when he passed away so we have all of his clothes and toys, plus his special blankets. We also go to visit his spot at the cemetery at least once a week, there is some comfort in bringing him flowers and fun holiday decorations.

[happyin14]

Oct 28, 2015 13:46:20 GMT -5 heartpresidents said:

happyin14,So exciting that you chose how the money from your charity will be spent! What will it go toward, if you don't mind my asking?

I'm so sorry you're having a hard time in your marriage. I wish there were some advice I could offer, but I have nothing. My husband and I went through a very rough patch a few months ago as well and I think I was doing something similar to you. I was giving him a lot of leeway, but finally had to either stop or end the marriage. I think I was doing it because he is the only other person who knows what it feels like to lose Lincoln and I couldn't stand the thought of potentially being with someone who would never understand. But I had to stop letting him coast by, I was miserable.
I wish the difficulties could just end with child loss. That should be enough, for crying out loud! I just wish this was easier for you.

Oh! I could have written this myself!! I had said that I needed Jack's Dad every single day. But... I also need to be as happy as I can be. It's so, so hard.

We wanted to give scholarships for Preschool and found an organization who did. We really felt like Jack was such a kind toddler partly because we had resources to send him to a good school. We want more kids to have the right start and this place is just that. I'm fact the founders wrote this as their mission...that their son was lucky because of their resources. We'll have some money leftover so will probably pick a couple educational projects to put the money towards. But the scholarship is the big one.

[happyin14]

Oct 28, 2015 13:56:05 GMT -5 heartpresidents said:

Have you taken any new steps towards healing lately?
Not really, and I've actually been having a pretty rough month. But we do get to do a check presentation to the hospital today for funds raised at Lincoln's golf outing! I'm looking forward to that, and dreading it because it's always hard to be back in that hospital.


What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
I don't really have any goals, I'm just taking it a day at a time. Maybe I should be setting goals?


Rants/Raves/Anything else you want to share?
Just struggling lately I guess. I went to a birthday party this past weekend and there were kids there who are the same age Lincoln would be. I just wasn't prepared for how it would make me feel.


QOTW: Do you have any special keepsakes that remind you of your angel? What are they?
A lot. Lincoln was almost 8 months when he passed away so we have all of his clothes and toys, plus his special blankets. We also go to visit his spot at the cemetery at least once a week, there is some comfort in bringing him flowers and fun holiday decorations.

Sorry it's been so rough lately. The waves are hard but do pass.

The check presentation is great! I love that there's a ceremony. It must be hard to go back but at least it's so connected to his life. Rather than having to pretend. Hugs!!

[flutterfly88]

happyin14, I'm sorry that things are hard with YH right now. (((hugs))) Have either of you done any grief counseling? How exciting that you were able to find the right place for the money to go. I ope you're able to find the time to do more work with his charity.

happyin14, I hope the check presentation went well. I'm sorry things have been rough lately. Sometimes it's okay to not have a goal and to take life one day at a time. Do what you need to do to get through. I like to visit the cemetery too, although we don't get there as often as I wish we could. (((hugs)))

[flutterfly88]

Have you taken any new steps towards healing lately? Still going to griefshare, it hasn't been as helpful as I was hoping, but I'm committed to seeing it through.



What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? I got through Parker's first birthday, and now don't really have any goals. I do want to get the information about the donations people made in his name together and put in his memory box, but once I sit down and do it, won't take long at all.


QOTW: Do you have any special keepsakes that remind you of your angel? What are they? We have a few things, kept in a small chest someone made for us, the outfit he wore in the hospital, the blanket he was wrapped in, and lots of pictures. I'm so glad to have the pictures. I also have a large stuffed kangaroo and little joey. Joey is the nickname we use for our babies while I'm pregnant, and a friend bought the kangaroo for me after we lost Parker. The joey is almost the exact size Parker was. Confession time: I sleep with the kangaroo and joey every night.

[peaseblossom55]

Have you taken any new steps towards healing lately?
I'm seeing a therapist, which has helped. I think being close to TTC again is a healing step for me.



What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
Hopefully tomorrow we will get the go ahead from the RE to start on the femara to TTC again. We've gone through so many tests. I hope that is behind me.

Rants/Raves/Anything else you want to share?
I miss her so so much. I keep thinking how many weeks pregnant I should be. The holidays will be rough this year.

QOTW: Do you have any special keepsakes that remind you of your angel? What are they?
I am on the waiting list for a Molly bear. I have her ashes and am waiting for necklace to be made of her footprints. I have one from some dear friends of her birthstone and it means so much to me.

[flutterfly88]

peaseblossom55, I'm so glad to hear the therapist has been helping. T&Ps for good news at the RE tomorrow. Holidays are rough for sure, so be kind to yourself and if something feels like it's going to be too much then give yourself permission to take a step back from it. Put your needs first this year. (((hugs)))

[peaseblossom55]

Oct 29, 2015 17:03:52 GMT -5 flutterfly88 said:

peaseblossom55, I'm so glad to hear the therapist has been helping. T&Ps for good news at the RE tomorrow. Holidays are rough for sure, so be kind to yourself and if something feels like it's going to be too much then give yourself permission to take a step back from it. Put your needs first this year. (((hugs)))

Thank you! 

[heartpresidents]

Oct 29, 2015 8:13:24 GMT -5 happyin14 said:

Oct 28, 2015 13:46:20 GMT -5 heartpresidents said:

happyin14,So exciting that you chose how the money from your charity will be spent! What will it go toward, if you don't mind my asking?

I'm so sorry you're having a hard time in your marriage. I wish there were some advice I could offer, but I have nothing. My husband and I went through a very rough patch a few months ago as well and I think I was doing something similar to you. I was giving him a lot of leeway, but finally had to either stop or end the marriage. I think I was doing it because he is the only other person who knows what it feels like to lose Lincoln and I couldn't stand the thought of potentially being with someone who would never understand. But I had to stop letting him coast by, I was miserable.
I wish the difficulties could just end with child loss. That should be enough, for crying out loud! I just wish this was easier for you.

Oh! I could have written this myself!! I had said that I needed Jack's Dad every single day. But... I also need to be as happy as I can be. It's so, so hard.

We wanted to give scholarships for Preschool and found an organization who did. We really felt like Jack was such a kind toddler partly because we had resources to send him to a good school. We want more kids to have the right start and this place is just that. I'm fact the founders wrote this as their mission...that their son was lucky because of their resources. We'll have some money leftover so will probably pick a couple educational projects to put the money towards. But the scholarship is the big one.

What a great use for the money! You'll be making such a great difference in someone's life.

I hope you can find a way to be happier. Remember I'm here (as are all of us) when you need to talk or vent!

[heartpresidents]

Oct 29, 2015 15:13:42 GMT -5 flutterfly88 said:

Have you taken any new steps towards healing lately? Still going to griefshare, it hasn't been as helpful as I was hoping, but I'm committed to seeing it through.



What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? I got through Parker's first birthday, and now don't really have any goals. I do want to get the information about the donations people made in his name together and put in his memory box, but once I sit down and do it, won't take long at all.


QOTW: Do you have any special keepsakes that remind you of your angel? What are they? We have a few things, kept in a small chest someone made for us, the outfit he wore in the hospital, the blanket he was wrapped in, and lots of pictures. I'm so glad to have the pictures. I also have a large stuffed kangaroo and little joey. Joey is the nickname we use for our babies while I'm pregnant, and a friend bought the kangaroo for me after we lost Parker. The joey is almost the exact size Parker was. Confession time: I sleep with the kangaroo and joey every night.

I have a blanket of Lincoln's I used to sleep with until I became afraid I was going to wear it out or something. Definitely no shame in sleeping with a keepsake!

[heartpresidents]

Oct 29, 2015 16:55:46 GMT -5 peaseblossom55 said:

Have you taken any new steps towards healing lately?
I'm seeing a therapist, which has helped. I think being close to TTC again is a healing step for me.



What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
Hopefully tomorrow we will get the go ahead from the RE to start on the femara to TTC again. We've gone through so many tests. I hope that is behind me.

Rants/Raves/Anything else you want to share?
I miss her so so much. I keep thinking how many weeks pregnant I should be. The holidays will be rough this year.

QOTW: Do you have any special keepsakes that remind you of your angel? What are they?
I am on the waiting list for a Molly bear. I have her ashes and am waiting for necklace to be made of her footprints. I have one from some dear friends of her birthstone and it means so much to me.

The footprint necklace is such a good idea, a great way to keep her with you all the time.

I hope your TTC journey goes smoothly!

[peaseblossom55]

Nov 2, 2015 8:23:37 GMT -5 heartpresidents said:

Oct 29, 2015 16:55:46 GMT -5 peaseblossom55 said:

Have you taken any new steps towards healing lately?
I'm seeing a therapist, which has helped. I think being close to TTC again is a healing step for me.



What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
Hopefully tomorrow we will get the go ahead from the RE to start on the femara to TTC again. We've gone through so many tests. I hope that is behind me.

Rants/Raves/Anything else you want to share?
I miss her so so much. I keep thinking how many weeks pregnant I should be. The holidays will be rough this year.

QOTW: Do you have any special keepsakes that remind you of your angel? What are they?
I am on the waiting list for a Molly bear. I have her ashes and am waiting for necklace to be made of her footprints. I have one from some dear friends of her birthstone and it means so much to me.

The footprint necklace is such a good idea, a great way to keep her with you all the time.

I hope your TTC journey goes smoothly!

Thank you!