My UO: I find it odd when women try to say, "I don't judge how you feed your kid or parent or diaper or xyz" Is that even possible? I mean I get not bashing them or saying anything to someone because of their choices, but still in your own mind there is a reason why you choose to do xyz with your own child when there are choices. Don't you make those choices because you feel it's superior? (This post is not about anyone in particular on here- just the general, "you do you and I'm not going to judge you for it" sentiment.)
UO: Even if we can afford it, we won't be paying for our children to go to college. It has become such an expectation for parents to shell out and ship off that most people just waste the whole opportunity of enrichment and it doesn't pertain to them getting a career anyway. I never finished college, I'm an intelligent person and I had a fantastic career with a high-paying salary. Hard work gets you there, not a free ride.
That being said, if they want to go to college, they will figure out a way to go. We will support them and offer guidance in anyway that we can. If they do decide to go to college, we may help pay with loans after they finish, if they don't.. maybe we'll help them with something else later on. But we refuse to plant the expectation that they can float through half of their life without having to struggle or take responsibility.
My UO: I find it odd when women try to say, "I don't judge how you feed your kid or parent or diaper or xyz" Is that even possible? I mean I get not bashing them or saying anything to someone because of their choices, but still in your own mind there is a reason why you choose to do xyz with your own child when there are choices. Don't you make those choices because you feel it's superior? (This post is not about anyone in particular on here- just the general, "you do you and I'm not going to judge you for it" sentiment.)
That's an interesting perspective, that I don't really agree with. I don't give much thought to anyone's choice for their child (as long as there is a lot of love in said choices).
I chose to breastfeed, and work through the tough parts not because I think it's a superior choice, but because a) I have a tendency to be lazy and this felt like so much less work than washing bottles all the time and b) I knew the judgement from my Irish/Portuguese Catholic families would be too much for this mama to bear.
We don't do pacifiers. But we don't do pacifiers because LO never took to one.
We needed CIO for our little escalator, but I thought I would be a no-cry solution Mama.
In all honesty, as long your behaviour is not abusive towards your child, I really don't judge. I may have made other choices, but I don't judge your decisions for your family, made in love.
I think for feeding/diapering.. I could really care less. It's a challenge for all of us. Although, I am jealous of women who can breastfeed.
I do find myself being very judgmental with parenting choices though? I feel like there are so many choices that parents make because it's just easier. When parenting is supposed to be hard.. you're raising a human. Work hard and see good results, slap an quick fix on everything and have a pretty codependent child forever?
Post by ricola0522 on Jan 29, 2015 10:15:05 GMT -5
UO: For lack of a better word I think Dr. Who is dumb. I happened upon a convention of sorts dedicated to it while in LA a few years ago and was completely weirded out by all of the attendees.
I mean I buy baby food and I don't make it. It's not the best choice. But it's one that I am choosing because I'm too busy/ not a priority. For others, this might be extremely important to them, so they could legit judge me and that would be okay. Just an example. I'm just not buying it when someone says, "I don't judge others, etc..." I think what they're really trying to say is "please don't judge me".
Edit: kittyriot - you're exempt. Because you're perfect. Not even the slightest bit of sarcasm in saying that.
UO: For lack of a better word I think Dr. Who is dumb. I happened upon a convention of sorts dedicated to it while in LA a few years ago and was completely weirded out by all of the attendees.
As a rather serious Doctor Who fan, that makes me very sad ricola0522 - have you ever watched an episode of the new series? David Tenant and Matt Smith are both remarkable actors. I would probably never go to Gallifrey One (the conference you reference) because I am not a cosplay sort of nerd, but that's me, I don't get into the dressing up and behaving like a mad fan. But that's a personality thing.
My UO: I don't really think there's much distinction between die-hard, loud obnoxious cosplayers and die-hard, loud obnoxious concert goers (I am thinking of all the ladies that are obsessed with Bon Jovi) or die-hard, loud obnoxious sports fan. Fervour of that like is unnecessary and over the top in mind.
I mean I buy baby food and I don't make it. It's not the best choice. But it's one that I am choosing because I'm too busy/ not a priority. For others, this might be extremely important to them, so they could legit judge me and that would be okay. Just an example. I'm just not buying it when someone says, "I don't judge others, etc..." I think what they're really trying to say is "please don't judge me".
Edit: kittyriot - you're exempt. Because you're perfect. Not even the slightest bit of sarcasm in saying that.
You're ridiculous becole - believe me I have many faults (like I mentioned, laziness, hate housecleaning, talk wayyyyyyy too much, I can be entirely too judgemental about people's political choices) but thank you. That's very, very sweet. And needed today (the morning started off disastrously in our house).
Post by ricola0522 on Jan 29, 2015 10:33:30 GMT -5
becole I do not judge others who FF just because I BF. I chose to BF because it's free and I'm cheap. I can honestly say that I could not care less whether anyone else BFs or FFs. With that said however, I do judge myself apparently as I'm freaking out currently because my supply is dipping and I don't know that I will make it to 1 year purely BF. So maybe I do judge subconsciously? Now you've confused me because I really feel that I don't judge but then how can I judge myself?
Post by ricola0522 on Jan 29, 2015 10:39:05 GMT -5
kittyriot I'm sorry for making you sad. I actually think I should retract my statement a bit as you made me realize my error. It's not the show that I think is dumb, it's the cosplay nerds that I think are dumb. Grown adults dressing up in costumes parading around pretending to be fictional characters? Um no. This should also probably be expanded to include all facts of cosplay and not just Doctor Who impersonators.
kittyriot I'm sorry for making you sad. I actually think I should retract my statement a bit as you made me realize my error. It's not the show that I think is dumb, it's the cosplay nerds that I think are dumb. Grown adults dressing up in costumes parading around pretending to be fictional characters? Um no. This should also probably be expanded to include all facts of cosplay and not just Doctor Who impersonators.
eta I hope I'm not offending anyone.
Oh god, not offended! But legitimately sad you don't know the awesomeness that is the show!
That being said, I think we feel similarly about cosplay. I will keep my commentary about teenage girls dressing up in sexy cosplay costumes off of here. Cause those comments are not pretty.
becole I do not judge others who FF just because I BF. I chose to BF because it's free and I'm cheap. I can honestly say that I could not care less whether anyone else BFs or FFs. With that said however, I do judge myself apparently as I'm freaking out currently because my supply is dipping and I don't know that I will make it to 1 year purely BF. So maybe I do judge subconsciously? Now you've confused me because I really feel that I don't judge but then how can I judge myself?
Haha. It's very confusing. This is kinda exactly my point. You say you don't judge feeding choices but you can't bring yourself to give your kid formula. Is it because you think formula is not the best choice or because you are afraid others will judge the fact that you didn't make it to 1?
I know I personally wouldn't still be breastfeeding if I hadn't felt extremely scrutinized about it by my family. Once I made it past the first couple months, then I was like- oh! Yeah, this is good, I'm glad I kept doing it.
We were all up - in our great room, I was drinking coffee, putting my make up on, hubby was trying to get out the house (with the dog, he had an appointment at the groomers). He asked me to hold the leash so the dog wouldn't bolt out the door (he gets just a tad over-excited for a walk).
You can probably imagine where this is heading....
Dog got rambunctious in my hands, knocked over my full cup of coffee all over the couch and me (while the LO was trying to crawl up my legs). So then I had to deal with all that after the Hubby left and I had a cranky baby on my hands. It was fun times.
UO: Even if we can afford it, we won't be paying for our children to go to college. It has become such an expectation for parents to shell out and ship off that most people just waste the whole opportunity of enrichment and it doesn't pertain to them getting a career anyway. I never finished college, I'm an intelligent person and I had a fantastic career with a high-paying salary. Hard work gets you there, not a free ride.
That being said, if they want to go to college, they will figure out a way to go. We will support them and offer guidance in anyway that we can. If they do decide to go to college, we may help pay with loans after they finish, if they don't.. maybe we'll help them with something else later on. But we refuse to plant the expectation that they can float through half of their life without having to struggle or take responsibility.
I do agree with some of this but I really think it depends on the child. I went to a private Catholic university in a major city, which means it was super expensive. I met plenty of entitled brats who treated it like a free ride to party on their parents' dime. My parents had plenty of money but they only agreed to pay as much as what they would pay for me to go to a state school, but I got a partial scholarship based on academic achievement so that evened it out a bit. Although, even if they didn't pay, I had the money because my grandparents gave us savings bonds every year for just this very reason.
Anyways, I had everything paid for me but I was extremely grateful and strived to make the most of my time at college. Maybe part of it was the desire to please my parents or maybe I was competing with my super successful brother a bit. Either way, now I am very successful and responsible and am thankful I do not have student loans like my husband. I think my ILs, well actually just my FIL, had a similar view as yours. At least you are open to helping with the loans, that is a good idea! However, to touch on one more of your points, there are many careers out there that require a college degree, so just hard work can't help you there. But yes you can be successful without a degree, depending on the career.
We were all up - in our great room, I was drinking coffee, putting my make up on, hubby was trying to get out the house (with the dog, he had an appointment at the groomers). He asked me to hold the leash so the dog wouldn't bolt out the door (he gets just a tad over-excited for a walk).
You can probably imagine where this is heading....
Dog got rambunctious in my hands, knocked over my full cup of coffee all over the couch and me (while the LO was trying to crawl up my legs). So then I had to deal with all that after the Hubby left and I had a cranky baby on my hands. It was fun times.
Why is it that sometimes spilling something/ cleaning it up is enough to make you lose your marbles or bawl?? I swear I have spilt things before and it's like that one extra thing to make you look up to the sky and ask "why?" It can be infuriating.
1- I'm liberal and liked American Sniper. I didn't see it as pro-war at all. It shows you how bad war is and our soldiers need help when they come home. But apparently everyone else saw a different movie than me. You can hate the guy, but it still wasn't pro-war.
2- I think it's stupid to have an all female cast of Ghostbusters. If it's in a different city, I can understand. But with a third Ghostbusters in production, it's confusing. And even though I consider myself a feminist, we don't need all female remakes of movies. Just stop. Make a damn original with new ideas!
UO: Even if we can afford it, we won't be paying for our children to go to college. It has become such an expectation for parents to shell out and ship off that most people just waste the whole opportunity of enrichment and it doesn't pertain to them getting a career anyway. I never finished college, I'm an intelligent person and I had a fantastic career with a high-paying salary. Hard work gets you there, not a free ride.
That being said, if they want to go to college, they will figure out a way to go. We will support them and offer guidance in anyway that we can. If they do decide to go to college, we may help pay with loans after they finish, if they don't.. maybe we'll help them with something else later on. But we refuse to plant the expectation that they can float through half of their life without having to struggle or take responsibility.
Totally agree. When I was a teenager, we didn't have much money and I babysat and helped support the family by buying groceries or buying my younger sisters school supplies, clothing, etc. I also never felt the need to do the whole college thing. I hated the thought of paying for classes I had no interest in. And to be around partying and immature kids ugh no thanks. Instead I got a job that I enjoyed. I then took some online courses that I had an interest in. It's not like I was a terrible student either. I graduated with honors as well as receiving an award for having the highest average in 4 subjects. But if I did decide to go to college, I would have paid for it myself. Why should my parents have to? At what point to we cut the cord and fend for ourselves? I may have done a lot or maybe too much at a young age by helping with family responsibilities but I learned how to be a responsible adult who worked my ass off to get the job I wanted in the federal government. I don't have a diploma or degree but I have strong work ethics, values and dedication. I Don't begrudge anyone who went to college it who want to pay for their children to go, but this was just how my life folded out and I am quite happy with my choices.
UO: Even if we can afford it, we won't be paying for our children to go to college. It has become such an expectation for parents to shell out and ship off that most people just waste the whole opportunity of enrichment and it doesn't pertain to them getting a career anyway. I never finished college, I'm an intelligent person and I had a fantastic career with a high-paying salary. Hard work gets you there, not a free ride.
That being said, if they want to go to college, they will figure out a way to go. We will support them and offer guidance in anyway that we can. If they do decide to go to college, we may help pay with loans after they finish, if they don't.. maybe we'll help them with something else later on. But we refuse to plant the expectation that they can float through half of their life without having to struggle or take responsibility.
We won't be paying college either. DH and all his brothers had their college paid for 100% by their parents and DH thinks he was less motivated to finish because he wasn't actually paying anything (it took like 6 years for him to get his bachelors).
My parents didn't pay anything for me, while I did get scholarships and grants that covered almost everything there was a portion of tuition not covered and books etc.
I think that we will have a small savings for him to cover books and other expenses like that.
Also my dad promised to pay off my loans once I finished and didn't keep that promise... So if you tell your kid that make sure you follow through
UO: Even if we can afford it, we won't be paying for our children to go to college. It has become such an expectation for parents to shell out and ship off that most people just waste the whole opportunity of enrichment and it doesn't pertain to them getting a career anyway. I never finished college, I'm an intelligent person and I had a fantastic career with a high-paying salary. Hard work gets you there, not a free ride.
That being said, if they want to go to college, they will figure out a way to go. We will support them and offer guidance in anyway that we can. If they do decide to go to college, we may help pay with loans after they finish, if they don't.. maybe we'll help them with something else later on. But we refuse to plant the expectation that they can float through half of their life without having to struggle or take responsibility.
I agree with you totally. I went to college, paid for it all myself (still paying for it, will probably be paying for it until the day I die), and for me, it wasn't worth it. I was the first in our family to graduate from university, so while I was clawing my way through a full time job and full time school (& I double majored just to make it harder on myself), I just felt I was doing it for the satisfaction of saying I did it, & pleasing everyone else. I was already somewhat working in my field, and I knew I wasn't leaving my job after graduating. I had been there for years, was comfortable, made decent money, had worked my way up, and a degree wasn't going to change anything about that.
Looking back, I feel like university is meant for those that genuinely need that degree: doctors, lawyers, teachers, etc. I know in some businesses it helps to have a degree in terms of how far you can go, but it isn't strictly necessary. And in my experience, it's sadly more about who you know, than what you know.
Andplusalso, I'd rather put all that savings into retirement. A college education can be financed, and we would of course help with that if it's the path our children chose, but retirement cannot be financed, and hopefully, we still have a lot of life to live.
I mean I buy baby food and I don't make it. It's not the best choice. But it's one that I am choosing because I'm too busy/ not a priority. For others, this might be extremely important to them, so they could legit judge me and that would be okay. Just an example. I'm just not buying it when someone says, "I don't judge others, etc..." I think what they're really trying to say is "please don't judge me".
Edit: kittyriot - you're exempt. Because you're perfect. Not even the slightest bit of sarcasm in saying that.
Don't get me wrong. I do judge other things but the two examples you listed just aren't things I find judge-worthy. My issues around giving Colby formula has more to do with that I felt forced to give it to Rodney. I didn't find anything wrong with formula and honestly probably would have switched him at some point anyhow. When I had him I always said 6 months or until he gets teeth. After that option was ripped from me I was determined to make it work with Colby. Now I'm even looking at doing EBF. I think it's mostly just my own issues surrounding the whole not having a choice with Rodney.
Yeah those were just examples. I think everyone has their "thing" that they are passionate about and think everyone should do it the same way. For some, it's BLW, or baby wearing, or punishment types, sleep training, schooling...Again, when someone doesn't have a choice- then that's dumb to judge.
becole I do not judge others who FF just because I BF. I chose to BF because it's free and I'm cheap. I can honestly say that I could not care less whether anyone else BFs or FFs. With that said however, I do judge myself apparently as I'm freaking out currently because my supply is dipping and I don't know that I will make it to 1 year purely BF. So maybe I do judge subconsciously? Now you've confused me because I really feel that I don't judge but then how can I judge myself?
Haha. It's very confusing. This is kinda exactly my point. You say you don't judge feeding choices but you can't bring yourself to give your kid formula. Is it because you think formula is not the best choice or because you are afraid others will judge the fact that you didn't make it to 1?
I know I personally wouldn't still be breastfeeding if I hadn't felt extremely scrutinized about it by my family. Once I made it past the first couple months, then I was like- oh! Yeah, this is good, I'm glad I kept doing it.
It's partly because I'm afraid I will be judged by others and partly because I'm stubborn and spiteful as hell. My mom has never been a "fan" of BF and told me every chance she got while I was pregnant that I would never be able to BF because I'm not well endowed. (Yes she is that smart!) Then once DS was here and I was able to BF successfully it was that I would never last once he had teeth and presumably would start biting. So now I'm kind of the little kid stomping my feet doing whatever it takes to prove her wrong.
My UO, totally NBR, the Patriots shouldn't be going to the Super Bowl. They are a bunch of dirty cheaters. Although, of all the quarterbacks in the NFL, I will enjoy watching Tom Brady the most.
Post by aimeefarrahfowler on Jan 29, 2015 11:26:32 GMT -5
Catching up... I will help my kids pay for college, as much as I can. I have so much student debt I am not sure it will ever be paid off. I FF and wish I could BF, and I don't care how anyone else feeds their babies.
My UO (I already said this on my J12 board, but I can't think of another one): Cats are gross. We had 4 cats at one point when I was a kid. They piss on things, the puke everywhere, they get hair everywhere. Then they dig around in their nasty litter box and walk on your counters and dining room table. No thanks.
1- I'm liberal and liked American Sniper. I didn't see it as pro-war at all. It shows you how bad war is and our soldiers need help when they come home. But apparently everyone else saw a different movie than me. You can hate the guy, but it still wasn't pro-war.
2- I think it's stupid to have an all female cast of Ghostbusters. If it's in a different city, I can understand. But with a third Ghostbusters in production, it's confusing. And even though I consider myself a feminist, we don't need all female remakes of movies. Just stop. Make a damn original with new ideas!
I think I mostly agree with #2. All lady movie? Sure, great. All lady remake because why not? ... So many remakes.
I keep wondering how close of a remake it will be. Will the ladies have baggy work coveralls? (I'm preemptively wincing over the idea of an attempt to make 'sexy ghostbuster' happen.) Will the ghostbusters be the same basic characters/personalities, just ladies? It would be interesting if they did a really close remake and just switched the gender of everyone. Stay Puft Marshmallow Lady? That might be... well, not interesting enough to really justify yet another remake in my opinion, but it might be interesting.
I like old movies. Remakes are not new, but it seems like they're coming so close together lately. The big studios play it so safe. It's kind of disappointing. Understandable, considering the budget they're risking on the big glitzy movies, but a bit disappointing.
Don't get me wrong. I do judge other things but the two examples you listed just aren't things I find judge-worthy. My issues around giving Colby formula has more to do with that I felt forced to give it to Rodney. I didn't find anything wrong with formula and honestly probably would have switched him at some point anyhow. When I had him I always said 6 months or until he gets teeth. After that option was ripped from me I was determined to make it work with Colby. Now I'm even looking at doing EBF. I think it's mostly just my own issues surrounding the whole not having a choice with Rodney.
Yeah those were just examples. I think everyone has their "thing" that they are passionate about and think everyone should do it the same way. For some, it's BLW, or baby wearing, or punishment types, sleep training, schooling...Again, when someone doesn't have a choice- then that's dumb to judge.
I don't even think these are great examples, at least not on this board. I judge the mom who has her infant car seat precariously balanced atop the shopping cart, but it's not because I have my baby strapped to my chest and think that's the only right way to do it.
The BLW disagreements months ago were about incorrect terminology, not anyone's choice on how to feed thief baby. Though I know that went way over a lot of people's heads in their rush to defend their choice, which no one was judging.
Sleep training I think people are way more judgey about until they reach 5 - 6 months. I see moms of younger babies post stuff on FB a lot about how they'll never let their baby cry. That's when I want to be the annoying, more experienced mom who says, "just you wait."
I'm more likely I judge the mom who's constantly posting pics of her baby in front of the tv and computer. Or the mom who I perceive to have misplaced priorities because she's collecting public assistance but always showing off the new latest new thing she just bought. I don't even really care that she chose to quit her job and collect entitlements to stay home with her baby - we live in a hcol area and daycare costs zero out the average salary so I can kind of understand the choice to be home with your baby rather than working just so you can pay someone else to watch your baby for 9 hours. But if you need help feeding your family, I judge how you're spending what little money you have, especially when you make it public information.
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