Moms of 2+ preemies

[runningmommy519]

Are there other moms out there that have also had more than one preemie?

Background:
DS1 born 35 weeks due to iugr.weighed 3 lbs 4.5 oz. 21 day stay.

DS2 born 35 weeks due to cord issues. Weighed 4 lbs 5.8 oz.36 day stay.

I'm starting to feel resentment or anger over the fact I had to go through the preemie thing twice. I see pregnant women or talk to my pregnant friends and become angry or jealous that they will never know what it's like to have a preemie. I would never wish that anyone. Not even my worst enemy. But I still have this anger. and it sucks because both my preemies are doing great.DS2 is still catching up but he's 3 months old so that's expected.

I know it's normal to have these types of feelings but I'm not sure how to get past it

[motownthrowdown]

If you figure it out, let me know lol.

I've only got one, but I think the biggest hurdle for me is the idea of "its not fair." Is not fair that I did everything right and this still happened. It's not fair that everyone around me who was pregnant went on to have normal deliveries, normal babies, normal newborn pictures, normal bitching about being so huge and how they couldn't sleep because baby was kicking so hard.

I think I mentioned it in another thread on our board, but thinking about A coming early as something that was SUPPOSED to happen helped me a little. We both could have died if we'd waited longer. Thinking about it as something that was fated, for a positive reason, has made a little bit of difference for me.

[runningmommy519]

motownthrowdown I am so glad that you've stuck around. I remember when A came early I thought that you'd disappear from Aug15 because of how hard it would be to be around us. It's so easy to shut down and shut people out when your baby comes early. I know I did the first time this happened.

I'm going to get all sappy but I consider you a good friend. You have been a huge support for me. I hope we can meet one day. Along with E and A of course.

I do think about if E didn't come when he did that he probably wouldn't be here. That is hard to stomach though. It makes me anxious.

[motownthrowdown]

Oct 31, 2015 20:45:45 GMT -5 runningmommy519 said:

motownthrowdown I am so glad that you've stuck around. I remember when A came early I thought that you'd disappear from Aug15 because of how hard it would be to be around us. It's so easy to shut down and shut people out when your baby comes early. I know I did the first time this happened.

I'm going to get all sappy but I consider you a good friend. You have been a huge support for me. I hope we can meet one day. Along with E and A of course.

I do think about if E didn't come when he did that he probably wouldn't be here. That is hard to stomach though. It makes me anxious.

I pretty much lurked from May until the end of of July. It was really hard, I'm not going to lie. I spent some time in Mental Wellness, but I was always around, creepily stalking everyone.

And I'll get sappy too, if it wasn't for you, I would have had literally no one who understood what I was going through. Plus A wouldn't have had such a cute going home outfit.

[theycallmekveld]

My second was full term, but for whatever reason she is way behind in gross motor skills - 17 months and not walking yet. And I really struggle with that, because after my son was born so early and struggled so much (and still does), I thought maybe I'd have the chance to just watch a typical development for once. We're not planning on any more kids. So a lot of times I feel cheated. And like something is wrong with me, like every kid I make is broken somehow.

Anyway, I can sort of relate and I don't have an answer but you're not alone

[minae01]

Both of mine were preemies, but the situations were very different. DS1 was born at 32w3d and spent 24 days in the NICU. DS2 was born at 36w0d and had no issues. I got the steroid shots at 33 weeks with him, so I think that helped. I had a lot of issues with jealousy and resentment after DS1 was born. We had such a good experience with DS2 that most of those feelings have faded but are not gone. Having a preemie is very difficult, but things could always be worse. I try to focus on the positives and be grateful for what I have. Who knows what the future holds for baby#3 for me; maybe full-term, most likely not. I'll take what I'm given and get through it the best I can.

Hugs theycallmekveld. Your babies are NOT broken. They are who they are supposed to be and are adorable as a bonus!

[ellewills618]

I don't go here but I lurk. DS was born at 35+3 due to abruption and I'm terrified of baby 2.0 coming early as well. I have one preemie and still struggle with the feeling that I got cheated. I had the expectation of everything going smoothly, cleaning him off on my chest, pictures from our hospital bed. Instead I had to wave as they whisked him out the door and didn't even see him until 12 hours later and that was with the CPAP. I still can't stand to listen to full term moms complain about the pain and not sleeping because I'd have given anything to feel that way and not have gone through what we did with DS and the NICU. Everyday the sting is less but I feel like the experience is etched on my heart and it's not ever going to go away. It's a healed wound but there's definitely a scar. Hugs. Hopefully time will help but I think it's totally normal to feel how you do for as long as you do.

[runningmommy519]

ellewills618 when I was pregnant with my second I actually told the dr I wanted to be big and uncomfortable. He chuckled and said he's never had a patient say that.

I go from sad to angry to sad to feeling ok. I feel cheated too. I feel like a failure. Like my body couldn't do something so simple like keep my baby safe. I feel sad because had this happened 100 years ago neither of my kids would be alive so then that makes me feel like maybe I'm not suppose to be a mother. Then I get angry because breastfeeding is hard in general. And breastfeeding a preemie even harder. And here i am... Struggling to bf again.

I think I need to call my ob because I think I'm starting to have PPD. My fuse is short. I get really angry and lose my patience pretty quickly. I also cry a lot lately

[ellewills618]

Oh man runningmommy519, I'm so sorry. BF trouble on top of a preemie is like the cherry on a crap sundae. I'd definitely call your OB about how you're feeling lately. Don't let PPD steal your happiness if you think talking to someone or meds can help. And if BF is something you feel strongly about reach out to an LC. But, if it's too much stress, there's no shame in supplementing with formula or whatever is right for you and E. If baby is fed and happy, that is all that matters. We don't live 100 years ago and thank goodness for that. These babies of ours were meant to be here and you were meant to be a mom. The fact that you feel the way you do and that you recognize how you're feeling already shows everyone that you are an amazing mom. I hope you start feeling better soon.

[abigail1509]

I understand your feelings. Nowadays it has become very difficult to born a baby without any problems, especially for those parents who really wish to have children! During pregnancy, every small detail can lead to very hard consequences. Everyone knows about the importance of a healthy way of life and nutrition, the harm of smoking and alcohol, but these aspects are not everything we should know about. There are much more important moments connected with pregnancy. Thanks God there are a lot if useful sites with information about this, such as (link removed by admin. Do not spam the boards. And, really, do not imply that preemie moms did something to cause prematurity. That's just distasteful).

[tngrl3]

runningmommy519 hugs to you. I can relate to a lot of what you have said. DS was born at 34w due his severe IUGR and I was totally unprepared for it. I felt so cheated and angry. Leaving without my baby was so hard. And then BFing was hard because he was so small. I thought I would have a chance at a "normal pregnancy" with DD because everything was going smoothly until suddenly it wasn't. I delivered her at 36w via urgent csection and while she was able to avoid the NICU she was still tiny and had an extended stay. We are most likely done having kids and I feel so cheated. I always felt like my body was made to bear babies and wants to experience a med free birth. I never got that chance and heck I don't even know what contractions feel like as I never had them.
All this to say, I get it and it sucks. Both of your children are lucky to have you. If you feel like you are having Ppd symptoms, please talk to someone.