WWYD/General Advice Thread

[theBeeMama]

I feel like I'm always posting long and involved AW posts about my life. Lol sorry, y'all. I even thought about taking this one to the military spouses board, but it's so minor compared to what some of those amazing people are facing. I'm just looking for a sounding board to give me some thoughts and feedback about an opportunity my husband has through the National Guard.

It's not manditory. He was one of the few people in his office that isn't getting deployed next year, but instead they offered him an 8 month position on his base, which is about 3.5 hours away from us. It would start this April and end in December... They also offered him a permanent position after that, but we're not thinking that far ahead yet because we have plenty of time to make that decision. The 8 months would pay really well, and since we're coming out of a financial struggle, that side of it makes it way too good to pass up. But then I start thinking about it just from a nitty gritty, daily life standpoint... Because of my job here, I'd need to stay at home for the majority of the 8 months. DS and I could go join H here and there, and he'd be home on weekends. But we would be apart for the majority of the year. He'd get almost a month of time off between vacation and paternity leave, so the time directly surrounding the new baby's arrival he'd be with me. But then once that was over, we'd be apart and I'd be left at home with a toddler and adjusting to a new baby.

like I said, I know we have it SO good by comparison because so many husbands and wives are totally separated over huge life milestones and they have no say in the matter. So I definitely don't wanna make it seem like I think this is the end of the world... I just wanna get some other opinions on whether or not you would do it/if you think it's worth it to be apart over such a huge life change in exchange for chunking away a good bit of money/working toward long term financial stability. 

Since we have the luxury of choosing and it's not a manditory thing, I'm just really torn. I don't want to pass up a good money opportunity but I also don't want to be without my H with all these changes coming down the line.

Thoughts? What would you do?

[Widget123]

I know you said you don't want to commit to the idea of your DH taking the permanent position after that, but honestly, I think you need to think about it now and decide now... move there permanently or pass up a temporary opportunity. And make sure the permanent position would really be a sure thing.

What kind of job do you have and what are the prospects of you getting another job near the base? Do they have a military subsidized daycare facility near the base?

DH was offered a job earlier this year that would require him to be on the road probably at least 50% of the time. It wouldn't have really been a promotion but it would have increased his chance for a future promotion. And you know what, I said no and he said no. The idea of me being a single parent even 50% of the time was too much. Honestly I forget if we even knew if I was pregnant again back then or if it was just concerns related to DD.

Military wives are strong people so maybe you can handle that kind of long term separation. But if it is optional, I wouldn't. But that is just me.

[billyhorrible]

I agree with Widget123 on basically every count.

If this is a full time "temporary" position that will become a full time "permanent" position, it may be worth it to make the decision now, move, look for work, etc. 

In terms of the pay, would it be feasible for you to work until your leave, move out, and then look for work after the baby was born?  Or do you need your benefits during the leave, before, and/or after in order to make things work?

[holliberry28]

I agree with Widget123, I would absolutely say no to being separated from DH for any extensive amount of time. No amount of money trumps that for me. But, you need to do what you're comfortable with. Good luck making a decision!

[mrskblack11]

I agree with PP.

I would either take the job and move as family (and you find a new job) or pass it up. If I had the option, I would rather be in the same place as my DH.

[Deleted]

Jan 29, 2015 16:43:25 GMT -5 mrskblack11 said:

I agree with PP.

I would either take the job and move as family (and you find a new job) or pass it up. If I had the option, I would rather be in the same place as my DH.

This exactly. 

[nicolec78]

Jan 29, 2015 16:43:25 GMT -5 mrskblack11 said:

I agree with PP.

I would either take the job and move as family (and you find a new job) or pass it up. If I had the option, I would rather be in the same place as my DH.

I agree

[theBeeMama]

Thanks everyone! I'm glad to see everybody has pretty much the same thought. We're young to be married and have a child with one on the way so I constantly second guess all of my decisions... If I lean toward us staying together I feel like I'm being financially irresponsible. But then if I lean toward him going and me staying, I feel like I'd lose my mind (we've done months of separation twice now in our relationship/marriage and that was all before DS was born so I just don't know if I could handle two kids and no baby daddy)Haha.

We really don't want to take the long term position because it would mean DH having to re-enlist in two years if we wanted to maintain that lifestyle and income... And he just really doesn't want to make a career out of the military. What we feel like we were put on this earth to do is be in ministry, specifically right now at our church here in our current town, which we love. I'm in the middle of an internship/training program to become a prayer counselor and we are worship leaders. Our pastor (and really good friend) wants me to take over the prayer ministry within the next year and also hopes to bring dh on full time as well by next year. So that's why we're not really seriously considering the long-term move away. We just have too much here that we love (on top of all that, there's ALL of our family!) and it's just stuff that's way more valuable to us than making a good yearly salary.

It's a tough dollar amount to pass up, but I know it'll be worth it to stay and grow where we've been planted, at least for this season.

[silv3rlining]

theBeeMama I'm going to send you a PM in a few