He's here!! and adjustment question

[wesleycrusher]

DD

[lbey]

First, congratulations on your child!

I believe this board is very much in favor of keeping connections with BM unless there is some extreme reason involving safety. Many times relationship with BFs can be beneficial to the child rather through meetings, phone calls, or pictures. Talk to your social worker or therapist before making such big decision. They can help you understand what is best for your child.

[wesleycrusher]

DD

[Rogue]

From what I learned from pride class, in the child's eyes it may be "im worried about her and she doesn't talk to me, she must not love me anymore." I don't think there is a problem with telling him "let's see how she's doing!" And Skype call. Then he will know she loves him and she can help support you too.

[drl]

I think it would be tougher to have complete loss of contact than if you did some check-ins. He can still transition and attach to you while retaining contact with her

[twocents6708]

From my perspective working in child welfare, that continued contact is actually very important to keep things running smoothly. I would recommend continued contact with the aunt even though she isn't biologically his mother. Skype is a great avenue to be able to see and talk to loved ones without some of the complications of an in person visit (i.e. Not wanting to separate from them, I want to go home with mom, etc) That way he can see that the person he cares about and who has raised him is still okay and that she hasn't "abandoned" him completely. As he adjusts to your home, the contact may taper off but at least weekly phone or Skype calls would be my suggestion until things calm down. In my experience, kids who have that contact with birth families adjust better than kids with NO contact. They can bond and adjust to your better if they know that their other loved ones haven't dropped off the face of the Earth. Having a healthy attachment with a caregiver (his aunt) is the building block for kids to continue to build attachments with others in life (you and your DH). It's especially important at his age. Once the dust and the vacationing settles, he may need that contact even more as he adjusts to daily life and routine in your home.

Just my two cents

[wesleycrusher]

DD

[roxy]

Hang in there. When my kiddo is missing previous FM, but we are unable to connect via Skype, I'll have him draw a her a picture that we can mail. He really seems to help him to have that connection to her by making something special. Now, to be fair mine is 10, I have no idea how that will work for a 3y.o.

[drl]

LOL. My 5yo still wants me in the bathroom half the time. Just roll with it, and remember he's only 3. GL!

[pinkie]

Yeah our 2.5 yr old who has been with us since birth and he is very very attached. For example he still cries for us to carry him in public and wants to be literally touching one of us much of the time. I think your little guy has had a lot of upheaval in his life and is probably latching onto you for comfort. And much of it may just be typical toddler behavior too.

I would try to continue contact with his "mom" too as he probably misses her a lot and I agree I wouldn't want him to feel abandoned.

I'm glad to hear he's doing so well - this is a huge change in his life.