Just for fun - BTDT mom's, funny things that have happened.

[heavenwhip]

So since we've freaked out the FTM with all the yucky things to expect (snissing), I figured I would start a thread on the funny things that happened either during labour or shortly after getting home with new baby.

During delivery my husband made it to the hospital with 15 min to spare, as he was coming around to hold my hand he got a full vagina shot of me pushing.  What comes out of his mouth....."holy crap our kid has a lot of hair, for a second there I thought you missed your waxing appt"  we all started laughing in the delivery room.

After we got home, I was changing DD, just got her dirty diaper off and was putting it in the bin.  That little turkey lifted her little bum up off the change table and pooped......the poop shot a foot and half across the change pad and onto the dresser.  I started laughing so hard, I almost peed my pants.  It's a good thing my mom was there to take the baby so I could do the pee walk to the bathroom before I lost full control of my bladder!

[aelias]

This one still kills me to think about.

On the way home from the hospital, we put my son in his little carseat bucket. But he was so tiny in there that we used a rolled up hospital blanket to give his little head some extra padding so it wouldn't flop around on the ride home.

Now that he's 2, it's crazy to think he used to be so little!

[jedimomtricks]

My husband has caught pee and poop with his bare hands. I was dying both times. The pee incident was a day after we brought DS1 home, he was changing him on our bed at like 2am and he goes "hey! A little baby boner" I yell, "that's no boner" and sure enough the pee starts to fly. H shrieks and sticks his hand out instinctively to block the pee from hitting the bed. DYING. I will never forget that.
Second was when DS1 was a about a year old, H was changing a poop diaper, DS reached down, grabs his diaper from under his butt and FLINGS IT. H sees the poo log fly out of the diaper and just grabs it out of mid air. Looks at it in his hand for a sec before he starts yelling. "I HAVE POOP IN MY HAND!"
I seriously thought I was going to pee myself. I sat down on the floor I was laughing so hard.

Edit because words.

[skinandbones]

Once DS learned how to smile (around 2 months), he would only smile at women. He wanted nothing to do with men. If he spied a lady, however, he turned on the charm even when he was tiny.

[jedimomtricks]

Jan 30, 2015 12:28:39 GMT -5 skinandbones said:

Once DS learned how to smile (around 2 months), he would only smile at women. He wanted nothing to do with men. If he spied a lady, however, he turned on the charm even when he was tiny.

So cute! DS1 once abandoned his cozy coupe in the middle of the sidewalk to chase a lady jogging the opposite direction of us.

[bibliothecary]

Jan 30, 2015 10:58:55 GMT -5 jedimomtricks said:

My husband has caught pee and poop with his bare hands. I was dying both times. The pee incident was a day after we brought DS1 home, he was changing him on our bed at like 2am and he goes "hey! A little baby boner" I yell, "that's no boner" and sure enough the pee starts to fly. H shrieks and sticks his hand out instinctively to block the pee from hitting the bed. DYING. I will never forget that.
Second was when DS1 was a about a year old, H was changing a poop diaper, DS reached down, grabs his diaper from under his butt and FLINGS IT. H sees the poo log fly out of the diaper and just grabs it out of mid air. Looks at it in his hand for a sec before he starts yelling. "I HAVE POOP IN MY HAND!"
I seriously thought I was going to pee myself. I sat down on the floor I was laughing so hard.

Edit because words.

I am not an adult.

[Deleted]

My daughter was/is the biggest flirt with guys. She would send them all these adorable smiles and get all excited by bouncing up and down. But the minute a guy with facial hair looked at her those smiles turned in frowns and all out wails. We have a close friend who had facial hair, if he stood on one side of me while another guy with no facial hair stood on the other, you could just turn her from one to the other and it would be smile and laugh to cry and wail. It cracked us up.

She has now gotten over her facial hair fear.

[econmarie]

When I was in early labor with DD, we went to the birth center for antibiotics (GBS+). Contractions were 10 minutes apart and only lasted 30 seconds. They gave me a saline lock, hooked me up to the antibiotics, and then we went home. DH wanted to get some food. I reluctantly agreed. Of course that is when labor started to pick up (I joked that the midwives put pitocin in the IV). It took 15 minutes after ordering to get his food. (I have you Sonic!!!) I had 3 contractions while in the drive thru. It was awful. No fast food stops this time.

When we got DD's newborn photos, there is this great photo of her smiling (she was 6 days old...supposed to be sleeping). She was peeing all over his hand.

[quietdownfish]

MH always gets the blow outs. I die laughing every time I hear "POOP EMERGENCY! POOP EMERGENCY!" It still happens.

While pushing the nurse said "I SEE HAIR!" I said "baby, can you see the hair!?!?!" His response "I am not looking in that direction" hahaha 20 minutes later he says "OH MY GOD I SEE HAIR! THERE IS SO MUCH HAIR!"

Also, after labor and recovery he said "I knew I would be in the room, but I really had no idea I would have such a support role in your labor" (as in, holding one of my legs up) So prep YHs for that one ladies.

[econmarie]

Jan 30, 2015 13:09:19 GMT -5 @aliam20 said:

Jan 30, 2015 13:07:12 GMT -5 econmarie said:

When I was in early labor with DD, we went to the birth center for antibiotics (GBS+). Contractions were 10 minutes apart and only lasted 30 seconds. They gave me a saline lock, hooked me up to the antibiotics, and then we went home. DH wanted to get some food. I reluctantly agreed. Of course that is when labor started to pick up (I joked that the midwives put pitocin in the IV). It took 15 minutes after ordering to get his food. (I have you Sonic!!!) I had 3 contractions while in the drive thru. It was awful. No fast food stops this time.

When we got DD's newborn photos, there is this great photo of her smiling (she was 6 days old...supposed to be sleeping). She was peeing all over his hand.

This reminds me of this story I saw on HuffPost:

*warning:baby poop shot*

www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/05/baby-poops-dad_n_5770834.html

Yup, the photographer said that she washes everything after every newborn shoot...because they poop and pee on everything.

[htuzzi324]

With ds the first bath after he lost his cord stump we gave him a bath not only did he poop in the tub, he also had explosive poop while wrapped in the towel as I took him to his changing table.
I'm talking a trail of poop, people.

With dd, when my milk first came in a had a super forceful let down. Like she would latch and then unlatch and when she popped off milk would spray everywhere...including all over her face. Which happened one night while we were nursing in the dark and I didn't notice until the next morning :/

[bibliothecary]

So basically, POOP. LOTS OF POOP. ALL THE TIME. FOREVER.

Do I have that about right?

[heavenwhip]

yep. lots and lots of poop. Plus the faces they make when they are poopin sometimes.....omg, just funny!

[jedimomtricks]

Just found this gem from Huffpost Parents on Twitter. Dying.

m.huffpost.com/us/entry/6463072?ncid=tweetlnkushpmg00000041

[lindy]

I have been very lucky in the poop department. I think she only had one blow out and never pooped on either of us. The best thing about cloth diapers is they leak pee more but rarely leak poop.

It was funny in the hospital, while I was pushing the nurses and doctors went and left the room for a bit leaving me and DH alone. My husband was like ummm what am I doing?!

[bibliothecary]

Jan 30, 2015 14:32:49 GMT -5 lindy said:

I have been very lucky in the poop department. I think she only had one blow out and never pooped on either of us. The best thing about cloth diapers is they leak pee more but rarely leak poop.

It was funny in the hospital, while I was pushing the nurses and doctors went and left the room for a bit leaving me and DH alone. My husband was like ummm what am I doing?!

This is valuable information. Thank you.

[joi922]

More poop!

DS loved his jumperoo and would sometimes bounce to the point of passing out. We have several pictures of him propped in the bouncy seat with his head lolling to the side and a river of drool cascading down his chin.

He also sometimes pooped in the jumperoo. Once my husband smelled the poo and pulled him out of the seat. When he got to the changing table in the other room I suddenly heard "oh my god it's everywhere! HOW DID YOU GET POOP IN YOUR HAIR??" Turns out a jumperoo seat makes poo blow outs directional - it went vertically up his back to the top of the onesie. Needless to say that onesie did not survive the day.

[Deleted]

Another poop-related funny: when DS was really little through when he was about 8 months old, he would go really red in the face and grunt while pooping lol. DH used to joke that it sounded like now DS was in labor! lol! And it wasn't like it was "hard" poop or anything; too too funny

[Deleted]

Jan 30, 2015 14:37:54 GMT -5 bibliothecary said:

Jan 30, 2015 14:32:49 GMT -5 lindy said:

I have been very lucky in the poop department. I think she only had one blow out and never pooped on either of us. The best thing about cloth diapers is they leak pee more but rarely leak poop.

It was funny in the hospital, while I was pushing the nurses and doctors went and left the room for a bit leaving me and DH alone. My husband was like ummm what am I doing?!

This is valuable information. Thank you.

FWIW, despite many many many huge and volatile poops, DS has only "blown out" his diaper maybe two or three times total with disposables. I think it probably comes down to finding a diaper that fits your LO well (that and pure luck, I'm sure!)

[tigger815]

DD was only a couple months old and wasn't feeling well. I asked DH to hold a diaper up to catch any squirts as I cleaned up her bottom. Sure enough she let loose. DH dropped the diaper like a Ninja and jumped half across the room. She squirted all over the wall. A good 3 ft...
DH was awarded the privilege of scrubbing the wall. I didn't know if I was more amused or pissed through the laughter.

[bcmomsaysso]

DS is becoming more comical with age

The kid does NOT like to eat. Like at all. So, dinner is usually an hour or more of negotiations. One of my favorite excuses for not wanting to eat: "Robots--don't--eat--food". With arm movements and robot voice.

There was also a moment of pride/dying laughter when he noticed the dog's water was empty and filled it all by himself in the bathroom sink (with just a few puddles along the way). I was touched by his thoughtfulness, bless his little heart... and praised him excitedly. About two minutes later I watched him walk by with a large bag of pretzels. He then upends the entire bag into the dog food bowl...and floor. Apparently that was empty too.

[allelsefaild]

Holy poop stories! This is now all I'm picturing:

[runningmommy519]

bibliothecary we had very few blowouts. I contribute this to CDing.

I agree that DS being so tiny in the car seat is something that came to mind.

The story i'd like to share happened sometime after DS turned 2. When he really started picking up on his vocabulary. It's true what they say that sometimes the parents need to translate some words.

DS has been obsessed with cars and trucks for a long time. Truck used to be cruck and I loved it! But eventually cruck somehow became..... Fuck. It was hilarious when we'd be walking in the parking lot and DS would squeal with excitement and scream "big fuck" I remember being on the highway and DS kept pointing out all the cars and trucks. "Semi fuck, fuck, car, car, big fuck, fuck, car" he has since corrected the word but it'll be a story i share at his high school grad party.

Another one? Clock was cock. When he first got his stoplight clock (he was pretty excited about it) we had a guest in our house. DS walked up to him and said, "wanna see my cock" Haha

[joi922]

runningmommy519 J says cock instead of clock. I think it's pretty funny, but my MIL looked pretty horrified the first time he pointed to the wall and screamed "cock!"

[melohdy]

During the last part of labor, when Lilly was gearing up for her debut, a bunch of people came in to help (nurses, doctor etc.) In my drugged up state it seemed like 20 people. My legs were being held up and I laughed and said, "welcome to my vag"

[sunshinelady15]

During delivery, I pooped while pushing. I was SO embarrassed. The crew in the room helping me kept assuring me that "it happens all of the time." I didn't want to look anyone in the face afterwards. Then I am thinking my ENTIRE vag is out..what is a little poop to add to the party. I must have apologized 20 times. Then all I could think was please change these sheets before my kid comes!! We can't have poop in the video people.

[pmcd886]

With DS1 I was in labor for 36 hours and pushed for 3 1/2. About 2 1/2 hours into pushing my H, knowing I was exhausted, jokingly asked how much longer it was going to take because he was getting tired of holding my leg. I knew he was joking, and chuckled, but everyone else in the room shot dagers at him. It still makes me smile thinking about the looks he received.

[purplegaloshes]

Jan 30, 2015 10:58:55 GMT -5 jedimomtricks said:

My husband has caught pee and poop with his bare hands. I was dying both times. The pee incident was a day after we brought DS1 home, he was changing him on our bed at like 2am and he goes "hey! A little baby boner" I yell, "that's no boner" and sure enough the pee starts to fly. H shrieks and sticks his hand out instinctively to block the pee from hitting the bed. DYING. I will never forget that.
Second was when DS1 was a about a year old, H was changing a poop diaper, DS reached down, grabs his diaper from under his butt and FLINGS IT. H sees the poo log fly out of the diaper and just grabs it out of mid air. Looks at it in his hand for a sec before he starts yelling. "I HAVE POOP IN MY HAND!"
I seriously thought I was going to pee myself. I sat down on the floor I was laughing so hard.

Edit because words.

Just read this one out loud to my husband (we are both DYING).  His response?  "You can't make that shit up!"  WHOMP WHOMP.

[bibliothecary]

Feb 1, 2015 17:46:33 GMT -5 @piedpiper07 said:

When I got to the hospital in labour, they told me I wasn't in labour yet and couldn't admit me but maybe if I had a walk, I would get an extra cm along and they could admit me.

I interpreted this as "get fucking moving" so DH and I took off to a Tim Horton's about 5 km away. 2 hours later, we got back to the hospital and I ran up and down the stairs for 20 minutes before heading back to L&D. When I got back the nurses were totally confused as to where I had gone.

Apparently they meant to wander the halls a bit - not go on an epic power walk.

I did, however, go into prompt labour!

But the important question: did you get timbits?

[karlamo]

My wife and I split the night into 2 shifts so the other could get some uninterupted sleep. I was on duty and had been nursing DS for what felt like forever. I wanted to give him a paci but couldn't find it anywhere. I looked all over the darn house with a crying baby till finally I gave in and decided to put him back on the boob. I undid my nursing bra and out fell the paci. God knows how long that thing was in there for. I was so tired I didn't even feel it.