Today I am a 5 year old

[bgmom]

As in, I'm not speaking to my husband, to combat his not speaking to me. Very passive-aggressive and childish, I know, but I'm beyond annoyed.

My husband and I like to joke around a lot, and he likes to make sexual innuendos out of things I say. The other night he had been doing it a lot, and on a night where we were both exhausted and he knew it wasn't going to happen anyway. We dtd about once a week on average, so it's not like I've completely shut down, but with being back at work full time now, it really only happens on weekends. Plus, last week I was basically Typhoid Mary with: strep throat, pink eye, thrush, crazy pp period, and migraines. So sexy time? Didn't happen. For a whole week and a half. Big deal.

After he made some comment about helping my sore throat with some of his homemade "lube", I finally said "if I made as many comments about needing romance as you do with needing sexy time, you would get annoyed too." To which he replied with...nothing. He basically has been quiet and moody for the last two nights, and every time I try to cheer him up, he remains a sullen little boy. My DD woke up at 1:30 crying last night (she's been STTN since 6 months, so it scared the crap out of me), I couldn't fall back asleep (she luckily fell back asleep on her own a few minutes later, but I was up wide awake). I woke up tired and groggy, and my husband proceeded to not talk to me again this morning. So...I'm now not talking to him either *stomping foot*

So today at work? Eating all the foods...

[bgmom]

Oh, and to top off the no romance quarter? I told him last night that I ordered new sexy bras and that I'll be burning my nursing bras. He replied, in all seriousness: "good, that can be your Valentine's Day present." WTF?

[rondackhiker]

Have you asked him what's wrong?

Could it be possible that he was embarrassed or annoyed and dropped the convo when you called him on it, and the tired and moodiness are about something else?

I wouldn't be trying to cheer him up, I would be saying "you've not been yourself for two days. What's up?"

Have you brought up that convo again? If you guys joke often then he might not see it as asking for sex. DH and I both use innuendo, and it's completely unrelated to initiating sex. If i was joking in a way that's common to our relationship and DH implied I was begging for sex or pressuring him, I'd be confused and hurt as well.

[rondackhiker]

I didn't finish my thought about discussing the last convo.

If you often joke about sex, I'd tell him I was tired and overwhelmed and felt pressured and reacted badly.

If the innuendos bugged me, I'd talk to him about why and why I didn't say that before.

[LBS2012]

I can understand where you are coming from! Constant innuendos don't really help you get in the mood and instead put you on the defense. You've got a lot on your plate and I'm sorry but a year post partum I still feel like my hormones are wacky and everything is different. On the other hand, he might just be missing his wife and isn't sure how to express this. Talking about sex stuff is haaaaard (hehe) but not addressing it means it will build under the surface and cause resentment. You're not alone in this. I would venture to guess a lot of couples have difficulty at points during their relationship, especially once kids pop into the picture. You may need to be the one to start the conversation.

[bgmom]

rondackhiker I did talk to him last night about his mood, and asked what was up, if something was wrong or if he didn't feel well, etc. He just stone walled me with "nothing is wrong." You're right, I did snap at him which may (to him) seem unprovoked. I feel like I'm always apologizing for not having sex enough with him, and try to reassure him that I do love him and his body, and usually make it a priority to initiate sex more often than I would like (which would be never, since my stupid hormones have never given me back my sex drive). I also get a yeast infection EVERY.SINGLE.TIME after we have sex, I've talked to the doctor about it and we're still working on fixing this. So, we have sex, then I spend a few days getting rid of the infection. DH knows this issue too, and seems ok with it most of the time. But you are right, I need to apologize for reacting as I did, it mostly stems from the fact that DH doesn't have a romantic bone in his body and I'm feeling really underappreciated and extremely not sexy lately. I'm also tired of sex beginning with "hey, you wanna?" rather than something like neck nuzzling, physical gestures, etc. And I feel like I always initiate the sex conversation, about whether either of us feels our needs are being met, etc. He never will talk about it, just says "you're fine, I like everything we do." I also make sure his needs get met in other ways when we can't actually DTD, I know that physical intimacy is how men feel close and I feel like I've tried really hard to do this for him even when I'm not in the mood.

Blech, no sleep makes me a whiny mess. Time for some lunch to pep me up, thanks all for listening to my rants.

[rondackhiker]

Jan 30, 2015 13:51:18 GMT -5 bgmom said:

rondackhiker I did talk to him last night about his mood, and asked what was up, if something was wrong or if he didn't feel well, etc. He just stone walled me with "nothing is wrong." You're right, I did snap at him which may (to him) seem unprovoked. I feel like I'm always apologizing for not having sex enough with him, and try to reassure him that I do love him and his body, and usually make it a priority to initiate sex more often than I would like (which would be never, since my stupid hormones have never given me back my sex drive). I also get a yeast infection EVERY.SINGLE.TIME after we have sex, I've talked to the doctor about it and we're still working on fixing this. So, we have sex, then I spend a few days getting rid of the infection. DH knows this issue too, and seems ok with it most of the time. But you are right, I need to apologize for reacting as I did, it mostly stems from the fact that DH doesn't have a romantic bone in his body and I'm feeling really underappreciated and extremely not sexy lately. I'm also tired of sex beginning with "hey, you wanna?" rather than something like neck nuzzling, physical gestures, etc. And I feel like I always initiate the sex conversation, about whether either of us feels our needs are being met, etc. He never will talk about it, just says "you're fine, I like everything we do." I also make sure his needs get met in other ways when we can't actually DTD, I know that physical intimacy is how men feel close and I feel like I've tried really hard to do this for him even when I'm not in the mood.

Blech, no sleep makes me a whiny mess. Time for some lunch to pep me up, thanks all for listening to my rants.

This is a far different situation than the original rant.

Why do you feel the need to apologize for lack of sex? Is that your own guilt or does he complain?

If he "needs" sex to feel loved and valued, why doesn't he also respect your need for romance?

If he says it is fine, why are you apologizing? Is he acting like it isn't fine?

[bgmom]

Ugh rondackhiker , where are you when I get going too much in my own head?!? No, he's never told me he needs sex to feel love, etc, and he always says and acts like he's perfectly fine with our current situation. Yes, he would like sex more, but he has never pressured me for it.

I tend to make problems where there aren't any. Root of the matter: I'm feeling unappreciated and unsexy, and romantic gestures of any sort would fix that. For being an otherwise wonderful husband and father, this is the one area in which he falls short. No matter how much I tell him I need my emotional needs met, he still struggles with it.

And as for apologizing? I am the ultimate apologizer for nothing being wrong. I give my own worst guilt trips, and tend to read more into a situation than is actually there.