Worried about affecting children?

[Deleted]

I do worry about how my moods and behaviors will affect him. I also worry he will inherit it.
What I tell myself is this: life is hard, in one way or another, for everyone. It will be good for him to see me struggle and keep trying to better myself, and hopefully I will demonstrate healthy coping behaviors that he can model. Whether he has to take on the same struggle or not, he'll have grown up seeing me take time out for myself, admit my failures, and make amends. These are important life skills that honestly, I wish I had seen more of growing up (I pretty much only saw the negative stuff).

[venyia]

Knowing my and my boyfriend's family histories with various mental illnesses, I am terrified that our daughter is doomed, and she is still just a happy bouncy baby yet. It breaks my heart to imagine a temperament transformation in her like my mom says she saw in me when I was around 5. I withdrew, stopped smiling, got quiet, etc. She has no idea why. So, I just want to cry, thinking of my bright and beautiful baby girl doing something similar.

Eta: And then I drive myself loopy wondering if somehow by obsessing over it, I will make it happen. Ugh.

[Deleted]

Mental illness runs in my family. Mostly depression and anxiety. I feel that because I have a mental illness MH and I will have a better understanding of signs/symptoms and what to do if our future child were to need help.
A little background info on me:
My mother committed suicide when I was 11. They think due to untreated PPD but 20 years it wasn't something that knew how to properly address. I used to worry this could happen to me. However, now that I'm older I know that my situation is very different from my mom's. I know how to ask for help, my husband is actively involved in my treatment plan and I refuse repeat the cycle.

Edit: I just realized I read your post completely wrong. I feel like such a jerk.
So here's my input as a child of someone with MI.- Keep YH involved in your treatment plan. Be honest and open with your children. Kids are smart and loving. They will pick up on things and will be more accepting of your quirks than anyone else.

[icequeen]

Yes, absolutely. In my case, I am terrified that my DD will pick up on the same behaviors that I use to deal with my anxiety about food, my body, and life events in general. It is tricky with ED's, because while they are addictions like smoking and alcohol, you do not HAVE to have a cigarette or alcohol to live. You do, however, need to eat to live. So there really is no avoiding the issue, and I have to deal with it before DD gets old enough to realize mom is really sick. And I am willing to bet this probably affecting my fertility as well, which is why we are having a hard time (again) getting pregnant.

Do you have a therapist or support system you can talk this fear through with? I think it would be useful for your husband to know your fears, so you can conquer them together. Big hugs to you, I know this is a very hard and consuming reality.

[lulu]

I worry myself sick about this - both how my depression affects my whole family (how my kids see me, what kind of role model I am for them and why on earth DH sticks with me) and also whether my kids will inherit my issues.

Especially I worry about my daughter and constantly panic that she will get depression, anxiety and my issues with food/body image.

I often speak with my therapist about this - how I feel so sick and responsible at the thought that DD may turn out like me. She's great in reassuring me that DD might very well get depression when she's older. Millions of people do. But it won't be anything to do with me and because I've been through it, I'll be really well placed to spot the signs, get her the help she needs and always be there to support her.

It's horrible to think that our kids might suffer, but I truly think that through our own suffering, we have the strength and compassion to be a great support for the should the worst happen.

[olivegoose]

I worry about it a lot. My DH and I both have ADHD so it's very likely at least one, if not both, of our children will as well. Depression and anxiety runs in my family, and my husband's side has a history of addiction.

However, I think that since my husband and I have a history in dealing with these things we are well equipped to notice the warning signs and intervene early. We also are proactive with our own issues and plan on being open with our children about them so they know these aren't things we have to hide from each other.

[flcl]

This is definitely something I have thought about often...how will my struggles with depression and anxiety affect LO and if LO will go down my same path? Just like everything else with mental illness, I try to take this day by day. He's too little to understand certain things but I do to tell him when mommy isn't feeling well. I will try to continue to be open and communicate with him as he gets older. I'm hoping by having honest discussions about depression/anxiety will help his understanding with the illness and help him feel comfortable if he ever starts to struggle.

[snarkysparklefart]

I worry about it too, more often than I'd like to admit. Like others have said, we have a family history and that makes me even more nervous- but as @rocknrollfriend said too, I hope that my kids will see how hard I've worked to do right and make up for it when I do it wrong.

My mother & father both struggle with anxiety (mom is also a narcissist with a few other issues) and I didn't see good examples from them, nor did they truly support my hard work at making myself better as a teen and young adult. As we've dealt with 3 y/o behavior here, I've vowed to myself & H that if either kiddo winds up needing mental health treatment that I wouldn't treat them the way I was treated.

[2kiddos]

When I felt really bad last year (well last couple years) I didn't really think about how it affected my kids or my marriage. I forced myself to do things with my kids but was very short with them. Now that I feel way better I can see how I was. But instead of thinking about how terrible I must have been on my "bad" days, I try to focus on how I can be better now.

I have worries my kids may inherit some of my illness, but I'm determined to make my kids aware of depression when they get older. One, so they can understand those that have it but also to watch for signs incase they exhibit any. And I'll be very keyed in to their lives with good communication (I hope) as they get older.

[kirstinlee]

I totally get where you're coming from.
I have "high-functioning" Autism, or Aspergers. It was mild enough in childhood that I was just constantly misdiagnosed with ADD, shyness, ect., but I've been regressing more and more the older I get. I'm developing a stutter and worse sensory issues, and it's showing no sign of slowing down.

For me, it's less "is this going to affect my children," and more of a "how."

There's going to be times that I cannot hold them, or have to hand them off to DH and check out for a little while. I'll probably freak out about routines more than the average mom, and won't be able to eat the same meals as them.
It's hard, but I have a wonderful DH and know that he's going to be an amazing dad who can make up for the areas I lack in. 

Going to have to just take it a day at a time, I suppose. 

[Deleted]

Feb 4, 2015 15:43:14 GMT -5 @pobrecita said:

Thanks for all the responses. I know I P&Red...I got really nervous to come back to this post. Good old anxiety.

I don't have a therapist right now. Mine is so expensive that it's not really possible right now and the thought of finding a new one that takes insurance is overwhelming.

You might try contacting your insurance to ask if they can help you find a therapist in your network. My insurance co has an online searchable database by provider type and location. You could also ask what your co-pay would be or whatever, if you don't already know. Ideally, they should be there to help you!

[qlove1215]

I agree with the other ladies. I worry about mental illness impacting his life and my behavior or my irritability impacting my relationship with him. I'm open to talk therapy for the first time in 15 years in addition to meds because I need to do my best for Q. Right now he's at daycare and goes to bed an hour after I'm home so it's just weekends which makes it easier to be "on" for the time being. I do hope he has an easier time with life than I have. My side of the family is full of mental illness with depression and anxiety, DHs less so but some anxiety as well.

[kmc2]

Pobrecita I don't really have anything useful to add that's any different than what others have already said. Just want you to know you're not alone in worrying about this. The last thing I want is for my kids to have to suffer the way my DH and I have and continue to and its something I feel guilty thinking about everyday. I know it sucks to worry about it all the time. The fact that you're aware of and care so much about whether or not he is affected is huge though. Worrying about it wont do him any good though- it would be great if I could take my own advice!

[mosy]

I worry about this, too, even though Cam is only 16 months old. I don't currently have a therapist and I haven't been on medication in several years, but I was doing well until about a year ago. It's to the point where I know I need to make some changes in order to be the best mom (or just the best person, in general) that I can be, and I feel guilty that I haven't yet taken all the steps to get there.

[blush]

I worry about it affecting my daughter and I know my issues have affected the way I raised my sons. At the same time I know my experiences also allow me to recognize similar issues in other people. Hopefully if one of my kids does suffer from something I will be able to be supportive in a positive way, make sure they understand there is nothing wrong with them for needing help and make sure they get the right sort of help.

[singingsea]

My parents (who both suffer from various mental issues) passed all sorts of horrible behaviors down to my brother and I. They're good people, just never got help.

I really have to watch myself around DS. When I feel myself spiraling out of control (whether depression or anger) I make myself step away from the situation. Not out of the house but going into a different room just to breathe (making sure DS is safe before I leave obviously). It's hard and I still fuck up. I was snapping at DS a lot this morning. DH had to step in.

We're going to make mistakes and slip up. I try not to give up on being the best parent I can be.