Any lady's who work in or have experience in HR?

[maggie6424]

I'm sorry this is wordy. I'm really nervous about how this will all play out.
My boss said some really nasty and unprofessional things at work today. They were about me and said to five of my coworkers. I want to know what I should expect when I go to HR on Monday. I am afraid I can't trust her and that she'll back him no matter what. His boss witnessed the word vomit, and she said/did nothing. She's equally as worthless and unprofessional. One of the other employees already went to HR and told them what was said. He said it really offended him and they made my boss go up there to apologize to him. I'm also afraid my boss is going to try to chew me out for "causing" the situation before I have a chance to go HR.
So here's what happened. At some point within the last few months, they changed the break time from 2 15's to 2 10's. I was unaware. One guy works the same schedule as I do and wasn't leaving at 1:30 like I was so I asked him why. He said "Well I take 15 minute breaks so I have to work until 2". I told him I was confused, and that we all get 15 minute breaks. I looked at my boss and said I was confused, when did that change? He snarled back "It's always been that way. Come see me Monday." I said ok. Then two of the staff called/text me and told me what had happened after I left. I'm so nervous because there's no good outcome here. Plus since his supervisor had told my coworker that she was forced to hire me because I was pregnant, I'm afraid HR thinks I'm just a trouble maker.
Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this or what I should expect?

[lindzoid]

What happened or was said after you left?

[maggie6424]

Apparently he got really angry, started throwing things and yelling. He said:
She should mind her own fucking business.
She's been gone 13 weeks and doesn't know anything.
She can hang out on MY boat but she sure as hell ain't driving it.

The staff that went to HR wrote down what he said.

[americanninjamommy]

dreadgamerwife You do HR work, right? Any advice?

[allthegoodnamesareta]

I work in HR. It's not clear if you requested the meeting with HR or if someone in HR reached out to you but two things popped in to my head.

1) Speak to your manager directly. If you value this job and want to keep it, you and he need to get on the same page as to what it will take to have a successful working relationship. It definitely sounds like an uncomfortable situation though. You can always ask HR to facilitate/mediate the conversation. My coworkers and I often talk about how people's (ourselves included) conflict resolution abilities seem to get squashed by politeness or fear or something at work when really we're all just people who should be able to work things out.

2) What are you looking to get out of the meeting with HR? Do you just want to tell your side of the story? Do you want to move to a new manager? What will remedy the situation for you? Go in with a game plan and established, desired outcome. Assuming something is being done, the HR person shouldn't share with you any disciplinary actions being taken with your manager so don't be surprised if they don't tell you a whole lot.

To be honest, personally not professionally, I'm not sure I could come back from a situation like this and might start looking for employment elsewhere. You usually hear that people don't leave their job, they leave their manager.

Regardless, I'm sorry you're in this situation and hope everything gets resolved. Good luck.

[breandmikebaby]

Jan 30, 2015 21:17:34 GMT -5 maggie6424 said:

Apparently he got really angry, started throwing things and yelling. He said:
She should mind her own fucking business.
She's been gone 13 weeks and doesn't know anything.
She can hang out on MY boat but she sure as hell ain't driving it.

The staff that went to HR wrote down what he said.

Why is he so angry over a simple question? Does he throw things often?

When I was pregnant my boss harassed me about my morning sickness and then when I got kidney stones she tried to get me fired. HR had to step in to protect me due to fmla and she still kept harassing me. She also made inappropriate comments about other staff members. I ended up having anxiety and was losing significant weight because of it. I quit because it was so bad and went to HR. I told them everything she had been doing to all of us. I know another employee had previously complained as well. They did nothing. She is still working there.

I think you should absolutely go to your hr but be prepared to leave if they don't fix the situation. Maybe start getting your resume ready this weekend and start looking at available jobs in your field.

[maggie6424]

I am going to HR. No way in hell I'm letting this go. I don't think that he and I would be able to work this out. He sees me as an annoyance that must be gotten rid of. He is very "my way or the highway" and I just don't see him giving a damn about how anyone else feels.
I agree, I'm not sure there's a chance of things returning to a pleasant working environment. I have been there almost 3 years and he has about five months. I (and everyone else) think he feels threatened by me because I'm extremely knowledgeable and "his" team all comes to me for help. I don't really want to leave because I have excellent benefits. The environment was laid back and happy before he came. I just want my team to have a better work environment. He's such an angry person, and he treats most of us like we're incompetent and worthless.
He sadly does throw things, but not this dramatic. He'll throw his headset or his phone if you interrupt him playing on his phone. I'm sorry your boss was so shitty that you had to quit. I don't want that to happen, but I'm afraid it will come to that.

[lindzoid]

Jan 30, 2015 23:22:25 GMT -5 allthegoodnamesareta said:

I work in HR. It's not clear if you requested the meeting with HR or if someone in HR reached out to you but two things popped in to my head.

1) Speak to your manager directly. If you value this job and want to keep it, you and he need to get on the same page as to what it will take to have a successful working relationship. It definitely sounds like an uncomfortable situation though. You can always ask HR to facilitate/mediate the conversation. My coworkers and I often talk about how people's (ourselves included) conflict resolution abilities seem to get squashed by politeness or fear or something at work when really we're all just people who should be able to work things out.

2) What are you looking to get out of the meeting with HR? Do you just want to tell your side of the story? Do you want to move to a new manager? What will remedy the situation for you? Go in with a game plan and established, desired outcome. Assuming something is being done, the HR person shouldn't share with you any disciplinary actions being taken with your manager so don't be surprised if they don't tell you a whole lot.

To be honest, personally not professionally, I'm not sure I could come back from a situation like this and might start looking for employment elsewhere. You usually hear that people don't leave their job, they leave their manager.

Regardless, I'm sorry you're in this situation and hope everything gets resolved. Good luck.

I couldn't have said it better!! I think you need to figure out what you would like to happen....do you want to stay or work on finding a new job. Just know that if you choose to stay things could get a lot worse before they get better. Just because everyone says they are going to back you and also go to HR doesn't mean that they actually will or that they won't change their story. I have seen plenty of times that just one person is left standing in the office and no one is backing them up.
Is there a way for you to get copies of the other employees stories? If so I would keep them in a safe place at home and any other damaging evidence.
I had an abusive boss once, still to this day I have a file at home of emails, papers etc.
GL

[dreadgamerwife]

1st. Document, document, document. It sounds like your co-workers already went to HR as witnesses but everything must be documented. Has this type of situation happened before (within the past three months) or is this a one time occurrence?

2nd. As @allthegoodnamesaretaken said, go to Hr with a plan. I have talked to more employees than I care to count who use HR as a bitching board but don't any action taken and don't want any guidance on how to deal with the situation.

3rd. Be aware that you may not see any action for a while. Except in extreme cases, a good HR person will carefully investigate and document the case for action. At that point, my role is to protect the company as best as I can from a lawsuit by creating as airtight of case as possible for the action that I am recommending.

Not knowing your corporate culture or policies, I can't speak to what that action would be in your company, but in mine, base on your comments, this would warrant a formal warning against the manager in question. If the behavior continues, then he would receive a final warning before termination (assuming his behavior did not escalate). His managers rights would also be suspended (he would lose the ability to hire, fire, discipline, change work policies without approval by his manager).

[maggie6424]

This is helpful ladies. I will go with a plan, but basically all I want is a better work environment with no hostility from our supervisors. This is the first time it has escalated this much. He's rude and condescending. Everyone is walking on eggshells around him and terrified of making any sort of mistake. All the while, he's sitting in his office playing games on his phone. If the other employees don't go, then oh well. If I leave, it's the company's loss. I'm the only person in my area with more than nine months with the company.
We use messenger at work and I took a screen shot of a nasty message he sent me. But he's usually smart, and takes the employee into his office before he says/does shit he shouldn't. That way it's their word against his.
I hope she does do an investigation and talks to the other staff. I just am afraid he's going to be an absolute terror starting Monday. If he brings me into his office to scold me for "causing" the situation, I'll be recording the entire conversation on my phone.
Our company doesn't really fire people unless they mess up pretty badly or are on a final and perform the behavior again. He can't fire anyone without his boss AND HR's blessing. At least if they fired me I would get unemployment until I find something else.
I'm dreading Monday so much it's not even funny.

[dreadgamerwife]

Do not record the conversation without his knowledge. In some states that is illegal and cause for immediate termination.
Also, depending on circumstances, being fired does not qualify for unemployment - if they claim that you were termed for cause, then that is a disqualifying reason and you have to go through an appeals process.

[maggie6424]

Jan 31, 2015 11:51:32 GMT -5 dreadgamerwife said:

Do not record the conversation without his knowledge. In some states that is illegal and cause for immediate termination.
Also, depending on circumstances, being fired does not qualify for unemployment - if they claim that you were termed for cause, then that is a disqualifying reason and you have to go through an appeals process.

Colorado is a one party notification state, so it sounds like I'm in the clear. I hope I don't have to use it. I actually hope he doesn't even say anything to me about the situation. But I feel like if I don't protect myself, nobody will. However, if he does get out of line in that meeting it'll be my word against his. I feel like HR will always back the manager in that situation.

[kellrr]

I agree with what others said as far as having a game plan, but don't be so sure you need to quit. Your company may very well weed him out if you and others voice these concerns. Are the comments aimed at you because you are a woman? Or because you were pregnant? If so, make that clear in your complaint. Colorado has very broad anti-discrimination laws that apply to every employer regardless of size.
My first concern here was the break rules: federal and Colorado state labor laws require at least one paid 15-minute break per 6-hour shift, and two paid 15-minute breaks plus a 30-minute unpaid lunch per 8+ hour shift. I would inquire about that, as well, since you were genuinely unaware of the policy change (but maybe avoid coming off as a know-it-all: I would go with "my understanding is...and I always took 15 minute breaks in the 3 years I've worked here."
And you are correct about audio recording conversations in Colorado. As long as you also speak, you are fine.

[amandajean12]

Um... I'm not in HR, but I am an employment law attorney and legally it's a big deal. In fact it's pregnancy discrimination and violates FMLA to use time off against you. So make sure you document, make sure you make note of who was there, and who you talked to in HR.

You're not being a trouble maker. No one should have to deal with that kind of crap. Feel free to PM me if things go south... I can't give legal advice because you're not in my state, but I can point you in the right direction.

[maggie6424]

Jan 31, 2015 13:54:56 GMT -5 kellrr said:

I agree with what others said as far as having a game plan, but don't be so sure you need to quit. Your company may very well weed him out if you and others voice these concerns. Are the comments aimed at you because you are a woman? Or because you were pregnant? If so, make that clear in your complaint. Colorado has very broad anti-discrimination laws that apply to every employer regardless of size.
My first concern here was the break rules: federal and Colorado state labor laws require at least one paid 15-minute break per 6-hour shift, and two paid 15-minute breaks plus a 30-minute unpaid lunch per 8+ hour shift. I would inquire about that, as well, since you were genuinely unaware of the policy change (but maybe avoid coming off as a know-it-all: I would go with "my understanding is...and I always took 15 minute breaks in the 3 years I've worked here."
And you are correct about audio recording conversations in Colorado. As long as you also speak, you are fine.

I don't want to quit. At all. (Unless I was going to be a SAHM) We'll likely be moving out of state within a year and I don't want to start over and let a company invest in developing me just to leave them hanging. I don't think it has anything to do with my being female or pregnant/nursing. I think he's just an ass. Our company as a whole is very understanding and accommodating surrounding pregnancy/leave/pumping. The colorado labor site says 10 minute breaks per each 4 hour chunk. I thought it was 15 too, but after checking yesterday I saw it was 10. I want to not think about this anymore, but I'm such a worrier that I can't stop obsessing!! May be time for some day drinking

[maggie6424]

Jan 31, 2015 15:16:27 GMT -5 amandajean12 said:

Um... I'm not in HR, but I am an employment law attorney and legally it's a big deal. In fact it's pregnancy discrimination and violates FMLA to use time off against you. So make sure you document, make sure you make note of who was there, and who you talked to in HR.

You're not being a trouble maker. No one should have to deal with that kind of crap. Feel free to PM me if things go south... I can't give legal advice because you're not in my state, but I can point you in the right direction.

Thanks. That is really good to know. I hope it gets nowhere near that escalated, but I want to be prepared just in case.