Post by laurenann89 on Jan 31, 2015 2:42:00 GMT -5
Good morning ladies!
I know it's been about a week since I've been here. Student teaching keeps me too busy to PB during the week. It's been a stressful week. And I am awake right now at 2:30 AM because my husband puked on me. Yep. On me and in the middle of the bed. That our son sleeps in. He's had this weird acid reflux for a long time. Occasionally, it's caused this yucky purplish stuff to come up in the middle of the night which triggers him to puke. I think it's an alcohol induced ulcer, but I've been telling him to go to the doctor over it for 2 years now. And he doesn't. I've asked him to give me his insurance information so I can make and appointment for him and he doesn't.
It's the final straw. He drinks too much, has this weird acid reflux for hours, and wakes me up coughing and gagging in his sleep all the time or sometimes puking. It's awful. And he's too drunk to wake himself up. So twice now he's puked in bed. And tonight he puked on me. Directly. He told me I was being selfish for being mad when something was wrong with him. Maybe I was. But I don't care anymore. I'm looking up divorce lawyers tomorrow. I've told him over and over not drink so much since we have a child now AND our child sleeps with us. But it doesn't matter to him. We've had problems for a bit now, and this was just too much. We are done. Sorry, just had to get this off my chest.
Sounds like he's not interested in working on himself or the relationship. Maybe, this is the wake up call he needs or maybe it's not - but, it's probably better for you and LO.
I feel it's always best to get out of a relationship before you absolutely hate the other person and can't stand them.
I think you're making the right call. A refusal to take care of himself and drinking too much would be a deal breaker for me too.
Make sure you get all your ducks in a row. Copies of all important papers. If you have joint accounts, be sure to screenshot amounts. I'd also withdraw half, but YMMV on that one. I definitely wouldn't warn him first. See the divorce lawyer and get advice before letting him know so that you can get what you need before he starts hiding stuff or making things difficult.
Fist, I'm really sorry you're dealing with this, and that things have gotten so bad.
If you're done, you're done, and you should do what's best for you and LO. You know your relationship best, and whether this is the end. kewii gave great advice about the bank accounts.
If you're not 100% sure if you're done, would he be receptive to marriage counseling? Are you seeing anyone individually? Even if you do decide to divorce, it may be a good idea for you to start seeing someone to help you process all the emotions you're going to be experiencing.
I think you're making the right call. A refusal to take care of himself and drinking too much would be a deal breaker for me too.
Make sure you get all your ducks in a row. Copies of all important papers. If you have joint accounts, be sure to screenshot amounts. I'd also withdraw half, but YMMV on that one. I definitely wouldn't warn him first. See the divorce lawyer and get advice before letting him know so that you can get what you need before he starts hiding stuff or making things difficult.
This! So much this. He's refusing to care for himself and putting your child in danger. Get your plan b in order. Id suggest creating (mentally) an emergency plan as well
Also i would set up your own account now cause its really hard to do when you're "homeless" (i just went through this process with mil and fil not h) dont let him know about it- get a p.o maybe?
I would also suggest leaving when he is not there if he drinks. You never know.
A good friend of mine went through this with her first husband. His drinking got to the point where he was driving around with open containers with his babies in the car. He told her all the things addicts do to manipulate. He blamed her made her feel guilty.
But she finally left him after he made promises of counseling, AA, etc etc.
She met the love of her life shortly after.
Good luck and I high five you in your final decision. If you find yourself compromising who you are and your morals time to move on. He's gotta go. You've got a baby to raise!
Alcoholism is a demon. People only change when they are ready unfortunately. ^^ what previous post said about alcoholics being manipulative. They make you think you are the one with the problem. AA has good literature on this subject. Protect yourself and your baby.
I'm so sorry you are going through this! You need to do what's best for you and LO. Like others have said, start to put some things in place to protect your finances, home, etc. Do you have your own insurance or are you on your husbands? Try to become as independent as possible. Is there a way to document/report your husband's behavior to ensure child custody in the future? Good luck and be safe!
Wow, sorry you are going through this! I thought maybe from your post title you might be asking for advice and I was going to say that if you still loved him, then try therapy or something. If not then it's over with, but it sounds like you've made your decision. Being with an alcoholic is a full time job in itself (I've been there, granted it was years ago and we were never married or had a child together). I can definitely sympathize, I'm so sorry he threw up on you! It would especially make me worried to have LO sleeping in bed with him. As I'm sure you've heard, babies sleeping with an intoxicated parent are when things like smothering and suffocation are more likely to occur.
Good luck, and I hope everything turns out ok for you in the end!
I am so sorry you are going through this. I echo what PPs said. Get a PO Box, open a new and separate bank account before you do anything and put some money in it so that you can have a little emergency fund. My friend just got a divorce and she was smart to get bank statements on hand before he was served the papers because he went on a binged and moved money to accounts to claim they had less money. Turned out he had deposited a LOT of their money into a friend's account. Her statements came in handy. Don't leave when he's at home because he may react horribly to it, especially if he's drinking. And remember we are always here to listen and support you!!!
I am so very sorry you are going through this. You and you LO are the most important, so if you feel he is compromising that you are doing the right thing.
In my previous relationship before I was married with LO I was in a relationship with an alcoholic. There is always a deeper rooted issue (his was the loss of his mother), and while you want to show sympathy compromising the well being of LO or you is not ok! From what you said sounds like he needs a reality check...I really hope this works out for you whichever way it may go!
Remember that you are strong and strong for your LO!
Post by redwine410 on Jan 31, 2015 12:44:24 GMT -5
I am so sorry that you and your LO are going through this. I don't have any valuable advice to add that hasn't been said. I just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you!
I'm also sorry you're going through this. You've gotten a lot of good advice. Take some money. Set up an account. Make sure to protect lo and tou. Hugs
Post by bandteacher on Jan 31, 2015 22:31:37 GMT -5
I'm so sorry he's put you in this situation. You're a great mom for being brave enough to do the right thing. PPs have given great advice. We're here to support you!
I'm really sorry to hear that you are dealing with this and hope the best for you. If his health problem was so bad, that you being upset would be considered selfish, then he would see a doctor about it. Alcoholics don't necessarily want to be liars and manipulators, but they will become that to protect their addiction. Please update us soon and let us know how you are doing. It may be worthwhile finding an al-anon group to find support and understanding from other whose loved ones are alcoholics also.
I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. Do you have a guest bedroom? Maybe even a small step you could take would be for you and LO to sleep there as a sign that you aren't going to put up with it anymore. (Or better - make HIM sleep there....or the couch.) {{hugs}}
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