I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. Do you have a guest bedroom? Maybe even a small step you could take would be for you and LO to sleep there as a sign that you aren't going to put up with it anymore. (Or better - make HIM sleep there....or the couch.) {{hugs}}
Is laurenann on fb? She hasn't been on here since this post and I'm hoping she is ok.
I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. Do you have a guest bedroom? Maybe even a small step you could take would be for you and LO to sleep there as a sign that you aren't going to put up with it anymore. (Or better - make HIM sleep there....or the couch.) {{hugs}}
Is laurenann on fb? She hasn't been on here since this post and I'm hoping she is ok.
I don't think she is... I checked the list of bump named and it's not there.... Though it could be out of date?
Post by yankeepeach on Feb 3, 2015 12:24:46 GMT -5
Hope everything is alright! I don't really have any new advice to add but I will be thinking of you and LO. I hope that you have family or close friends nearby to help out!
It's a long shot, but I just requested a trivia crack game with her. I know, I wouldn't be thinking about a game right now either, but it's the best I've got.
Post by laurenann89 on Feb 7, 2015 11:31:12 GMT -5
Hey ladies! I'm so sorry to have worried everyone with my drive by! Everyone's support has really touched me and I'm so glad I decided to join PB. I'm sorry for the week long absence. I'm right in the middle of student teaching and part of my cumulative project was due, so I've been working on that, plus just regular student teaching things like lesson planning, grades, etc. I only have about 3 free hours in the evenings, and those get filled with schoolwork and caring for LO during the week. I don't have time for any social media site until the weekends, and barely time then.
To update everyone on what's been going on: Husband's sister has been living with his parents while her husband was at bootcamp. He graduated yesterday so she'll be moving out soon and I was waiting to have any big discussions on divorce until she was gone so my husband would have a place to go. I know this sounds dumb, but he doesn't make enough money to rent a place and if LO is going to be visiting, I want him to be in a place where there are others available to monitor him when LO is in his care. Not that he's this awful person who drinks all day, and he doesn't drink and drive. But he goes through at least a liter (the bigger bottle size, not sure what it's called) a week, plus several beers. He drinks in the evenings pretty moderately and its worse on the weekends. And if there ever was an emergency in the evening, he would most likely be over the legal limit. I want him to have a relationship with LO, but no overnight visits unless he's at my inlaws where there's others around. Aside from the drinking, he's an asshole. Not to our son, but to me all the time. He has some redeeming qualities that made me fall in love with him in the first place, but it's been a long time since he's displayed those. I am ready for this to be done.
I promise I won't post such a heavy discussion and then disappear for a week again!
Post by laurenann89 on Feb 7, 2015 11:46:39 GMT -5
Thanks again for all your wonderful advice and well wishes ladies. Since I'm in college (almost done!) I get student loans to help me pay for things I need because I don't have time to work now that I have LO too. My student loans come in on a credit card that is just in my name that my husband has no access to, so I will use that money to live on until I can work again in May. I think I have some proof of husbands alcohol issues since his debit card is swiped at the liquor store pretty often and it shows up in our bank statements. Our tax refund will be here in a couple of weeks and I plan to split that in half (I do all our online banking and taxes filing and will know when it's deposited well before he does) and use the money for a divorce lawyer. Luckily, I live at my moms house (she lives with her boyfriend elsewhere) so I can easily kick him out and she would never make me pay the bills here.
Sounds like you have a well thought out plan...I hope that everything goes well:) thank you for the update, and if you need a positive boost or just to vent we are here!
So sorry to hear you are going through this. I don't have any compassion for anyone who has a medical condition but then DOES NOT seek treatment for it. I was in a highly abusive relationship prior to my current DH and the mental abuse will mess you up for years. I was so broke down mentally that it took me forever to finally get out of the situation. After 4 years of therapy I am mostly better. It is not a situation I would want anyone in. From what I hear from you it will just get worse and these situations typically progress into a physically abusive relationship. If you need to talk to someone please contact me.
Good luck with everything and give your LO lots of love!!!
Post by angelsnight on Feb 14, 2015 3:33:35 GMT -5
I'm late to this, but I wanted to say I am sorry you're gong through this. I am kind of in the same boat...I am not quite as decided as you sound, but right now I am thinking of divorce way more than I ever have, and I cannot guarantee that MH and I will still be together this time next year. MH deals with a lot...he's never been diagnosed, but I would guess maybe bi-polar, definitely depressed, paranoid and has a temper and was diagnosed with ADD as a kid. He does nothing to get help....he's tried meds and counseling but has never stuck with either one. He talks about trying meds again but he's been dragging his feet about doing anything about it. He can definitely be verbally abusive at times. He is great with LO, but does almost nothing to help me with her, and I am expected to do everything while he does nothing. We've been fighting way more...our relationship has always been work, and I always thought it was worth fighting for (like yours, MH has a good side and that is the side I fell in love with), but now that LO is here, everything is different. I might have taken a lot, but my daughter did not ask for any of this and I will not subject her to my bad decisions. Like I said, I am not ready to file just yet, but I am ready to start getting some answers and talk to a lawyer so that when and if I do decide I am ready, I have the info I need. Best of luck to you!
I'm late to this, but I wanted to say I am sorry you're gong through this. I am kind of in the same boat...I am not quite as decided as you sound, but right now I am thinking of divorce way more than I ever have, and I cannot guarantee that MH and I will still be together this time next year. MH deals with a lot...he's never been diagnosed, but I would guess maybe bi-polar, definitely depressed, paranoid and has a temper and was diagnosed with ADD as a kid. He does nothing to get help....he's tried meds and counseling but has never stuck with either one. He talks about trying meds again but he's been dragging his feet about doing anything about it. He can definitely be verbally abusive at times. He is great with LO, but does almost nothing to help me with her, and I am expected to do everything while he does nothing. We've been fighting way more...our relationship has always been work, and I always thought it was worth fighting for (like yours, MH has a good side and that is the side I fell in love with), but now that LO is here, everything is different. I might have taken a lot, but my daughter did not ask for any of this and I will not subject her to my bad decisions. Like I said, I am not ready to file just yet, but I am ready to start getting some answers and talk to a lawyer so that when and if I do decide I am ready, I have the info I need. Best of luck to you!
Woman. Hear us roar!
When we can believe that we are worth more- capable of more- deserve more: then we can grow. Then we can stand up and seek what it is we desire. Our mates should want to make us happy and that means caring for themselves for the betterment of their family. When it can't be so- when genetics, chemistry, imbalance, addictions, whatever it is that is the barrier to being that "mate" that "partner", we have to love ourselves enough to walk away. Because loving him is loving you. And you deserve love, respect, devotion, and continuity.
Post by pattipants on Feb 14, 2015 16:06:23 GMT -5
So sorry you're going through this. We're here to support you as you kick him to the curb! Know that it might get tougher before it gets better, but you WILL come out this on the other side, and eventually it WILL turn out for the best.
Then Comes Family, LLC is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising
program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.