Moms with 2+ help me out please!

[lakecountrygal]

So now that I'm KU with 2.0 I've realized I just don't feel as connected or excited about this pregnancy as I was when I was KU with my M14 (DS). I don't have any bump pictures, I cried when I had to wear maternity pants today because regular pants hurt too much, and I'm still trying hardcore to hide my bump from everyone at work. When I was told I looked pregnant today I nearly lost it.

When did you start to feel connected to your second (or third or more) pregnancy?? Was it right away or was there a delay?? Am I just insanely weird or is this normal?? I feel like a crappy soon-to-be second time mom.

[babyzebra]

I believe that there are a couple TTMs on this BMB, so I'd love to hear their input. I think what you're feeling is really common and normal. You're not a crappy mom at all!

[sandandsea]

I'm only #2 too but I think many people feel this way about any pregnancy. I feel more nervous this time and I don't know why. Probably just because I'm 35 instead of 31 and know what's at stake And at times I feel totally overwhelmed with DS so adding to it is kinda like a omg what did we do!?!! Basically don't worry about it as its totally normal. My mom said she didn't feel close to any of her kids until they were born and she's awesome.

[mladerri]

I agree with sandandsea. I feel like I'm so busy with ds I don't have time to stop and think about this pregnancy as much. It's flying bye too. I also just told a friend that I'm trying not to say one bad thing about this pregnancy (I bitched the whole time I was pregnant with ds about how much i didn't like being pregnant) because this is probably the last time I'll be pregnant. I'm struggling with what did we do, how will we do this, I don't know/want to give anyone else my attention. Maybe when you start feeling the baby kick or when you get a bigger bump th excitement will come. And if it doesn't that's okay. When the baby is born you'll have a whole life of excitement! I definitely don't feel a connection yet. Sometimes I forget I'm even pregnant.

[frecklesnbrains]

Perspective from a FTM - I feel this way a lot with #1. I usually feel like I'm forcing it when I talk about "my baby", etc. I also have a very technical/medical view on things so I have difficulty letting myself get emotionally attached to a pre-viable fetus. I haven't been super-excited to tell everyone, and I'm pretty happy that I'm not showing at 15+ weeks because I'm not ready to tell work yet. I think this is all totally normal!

[microworm]

I think this is normal. I'm a STM and have kind of been feeling like this. Sometimes I feel guilty and like I'm cheating on DS with this new baby. Also, I think pregnancy isn't really new and exciting like it was the first time. I am starting to feel a bit more excited and connected to this baby after seeing it move around on my ultrasound Weds. Give it time.

[amiet79]

You're not a crappy mom! I was the opposite. With my first pregnancy, I was terrified and I felt like I didn't really connect with DS until after he was born. I didn't really take any bump pictures, didn't announce on FB and I spent most of my time worrying about labor and raising a baby.
With my second pregnancy, I felt more relaxed and more connected with the baby since I knew what to expect. I took more bump pictures and posted on FB.
With this pregnancy, I'm having a hard time connecting since it was unexpected and I'm busy with DS and DD that I don't really have time to think about it. I've been feeling some flutters and it's making it feel more real, but a lot of the time I keep forgetting that I'm pregnant. I'm not too worried because I know I will feel connected at some point to this baby.
I think it's totally normal to not focus as much on second, third, etc. pregnancies because you've done it before and it doesn't mean you won't eventually feel a connection with your baby.

[cattuccino]

I had a friend tell me that this is common for the majority of second and subsequent pregnancies. It's never the same as the first baby, and right off the bat your plate is already full. You've technically done a lot of this before so in your mind your downplaying a lot of the excitement subconsciously I think.

For what it's worth, I feel the same.

The connection is hard because your connection with your DS is so established now, it's hard to remember not having it or it being different. He's a person with a personality right in front of you and super tangible - and baby 2.0 still feels like an idea most days. It's like a weird spot of knowing what's coming but still not knowing and it definitely wreaks havoc on emotions and thoughts.

I think this is one of the reasons we're finding out the sex of this baby.... In a hope of differentiating this pregnancy from our last one and trying to get to know baby better a little sooner. That's sort of what I tell myself anyway.

You're not a crappy soon-to-be second time mom, though I understand you feel that way. I'm hoping this eases up as your pregnancy progresses and you feel more better and more confident like the amazing mom you are

[ArgyleEnigma]

I don't feel connected yet, and I am a FTM feeling baby move. I don't know why. I wish I did, but I am not worried that I never will. It'll be okay. I've heard it's very common for STM, or that they worry they can't love a second like they do their first, but they do and so will you.

[txmommy14]

For what it's worth, I never felt this "connection" when I was pregnant with DS. I was terrified when he was born that there was something wrong with me. However, I can assure you know that I love him more than anything. I just didn't feel like I knew him and could start that bond until he was here.

[babyzebra]

Dec 18, 2015 11:45:55 GMT -5 txmommy14 said:

For what it's worth, I never felt this "connection" when I was pregnant with DS. I was terrified when he was born that there was something wrong with me. However, I can assure you know that I love him more than anything. I just didn't feel like I knew him and could start that bond until he was here.

That's how I was with DS too. I didn't feel like it was real when I was pregnant and I didn't feel that instant love at first sight when he was born that a lot of people talk about. It has definitely been a love that has grown. Now, I can't imagine loving him any more than I already do.

[ArgyleEnigma]

txmommy14 and babyzebra, cue the waterworks. What beautiful stories.

[txmommy14]

Dec 18, 2015 11:57:12 GMT -5 babyzebra said:

Dec 18, 2015 11:45:55 GMT -5 txmommy14 said:

For what it's worth, I never felt this "connection" when I was pregnant with DS. I was terrified when he was born that there was something wrong with me. However, I can assure you know that I love him more than anything. I just didn't feel like I knew him and could start that bond until he was here.

That's how I was with DS too. I didn't feel like it was real when I was pregnant and I didn't feel that instant love at first sight when he was born that a lot of people talk about. It has definitely been a love that has grown. Now, I can't imagine loving him any more than I already do.

Yep. Exact same thing for me. I thought if I didn't feel connected during pregnancy, then surely it would be love at first sight when he was born. That didn't happen either, but of course that love has grown each and every day since then!

[nymama917]

Pregnant with my second and in the same boat. With the first it was all so exciting and it was like our lives revolved around the growing child in my belly. Now our world revolves around the wild, energetic, highly opinionated 2 year old at home. I felt extremely guilty when I first found out I was pregnant even though we were trying. I felt like I wasn't being fair to my DD. But the reality is that I was an only child and wanted a sibling my whole life so I know she'll be fine. I think as I start to show and start to talk about the baby with our DD I will feel more connected. It's hard though....and you're not alone and I'm glad to see that I'm not either

[csat]

Another STM and agree with the others, things are so much busier this time around and there isn't the same newness with every change or interest in all of the extra planning I did in prep for DS. For me I think it's a combination of feeling more go with the flow this time around and just being too busy and preoccupied with everything else.

I'm also not sure how much I really felt I 'bonded' or connected with the last pregnancy. I was anxious and nervous more than anything. Even after DS was born I can remember holding him thinking, I can't believe he is really mine and feeling bad that I wasn't sure I would even be able to pick him out and recognize him of a room full of infants. It didn't take long for the bond to grow and now it's hard to even imagine life without him but like others have said there wasn't an intense connection during pregnancy or immediately after birth.

[birdhut]

We were just talking about this on my other board. I said that I think it's good that people talk about this because I felt the same way as you and still have some trouble. It was good to know that it's pretty normal and a lot of people feel that way. I feel like it's not talked about a lot so when it happened to me I felt like a terrible mom too. For me once we scheduled the gender ultrasound and the 20 week scan it started to become more real but I still don't feel as excited as I did with my first. It's just not new and for us we haven't bought anything and don't plan to until we find out. We also aren't doing much to the nursery because we already have one and it's pretty gender neutral so overall it's just not as exciting.

[lakecountrygal]

Thanks for the reassurance ladies! It helps to know I'm not alone. I told my students today and felt like I was lying to them. They said they couldn't tell but my paraprofessional say my bump is "so big". I'll continue to give it time. We aren't finding out what we are having and won't be buying anything new since we still have everything from DS and tons of newborn and 0-3 gender neutral clothes. Maybe if I can convince DH to start talking names it will help.

[Flair Underwood]

As a STM, I feel the same way. I think I'm just so swamped with life that I don't have time to be worried or read EVERYTHING. I don't feel it move yet and that makes me feel nervous even though I didn't the first time around until 24 weeks.

And honestly after Dd was born it took me weeks to really feel connected to her and she was on the outside.

Don't worry... Your feelings are normal! You'll love this kid too!

[broadwaymama]

I'm KU with my third. I had an extremely hard time feeling the connection with my 2nd while I was pregnant with her. She was a surprise as I was on BC! My son was only 6mo when we found out we were having another. It was especially hard because we would go out with our son and people would say things like "looks like you have an oops there". Yes people STRANGERS constantly said stuff like that to us! Or that we were crazy. It got to the point where I didn't want to go out anymore. I was so in love with my son I couldn't imagine loving anyone the same and I felt bad for the baby. It was tough right through to the end. When she was born it was like more love had been put into my heart. I loved her I loved DS and my heart about burst to see how much they love each other. It's totally normal. With this one I feel a bit more connected because we were trying and I know what to expect. I'm trying to take it all in as if it was my first. When I'm showing more if anyone has anything negative to say it's my full intention to defend myself instead of being upset. This is what I want and what we decided for our family. Hugs mama you will get there!