Talking to siblings about baby in the NICU

[sweetcali]

I have 2 step kids. They know about L, they visit when they aren't sick and they can't wait for her to come home. They are with us half the time and I took care of them a lot when they were younger so we are very close.

DSS(8), is having nightmares about L dying and it's really upsetting him. So much so that his sadness carries on into the day.

I don't know what to say that we haven't said already.

*trigger- loss mentioned*
I think part of it stems from my miscarriage last year. We told everyone at 12 weeks and then found out a few days later and then explained to the kids that baby stopped growing. He's mentioned a time or 2 that he "hopes L keeps growing". Do I try and explain the difference between why our other baby didn't make it and what L is going through now?

Poor little guy. Such a sweet boy to even have these feelings. My heart aches.

[motownthrowdown]

I'm so sorry for your loss last year.

I would definitely explain the difference though. I've seen several books on amazon written to explain the nicu to older siblings. Maybe L could "give" him one as a way to get to know her.

I also wonder if he might be having some kind of trauma/anxiety response. It's traumatic as an adult, when you can rationally understand the reason for machines, procedures, etc. It must be very confusing and scary as a child. Could you have a nurse or a social worker/child life services person help you think of ideas? I'm sure they've seen it before.

[sweetcali]

Lydia gave both of the kids coloring books about it in the beginning. I'll ask the social worker. Thanks.