Am I being too "helicopter-y?"

[traceyt07]

DS (who is 5) has spring break a different week than my school does this year.  H and his parents were discussing them helping out with Asher that week.  That's a huge help, as otherwise we need to send him to his afterschool center, which he doesn't particularly enjoy.

Tonight at dinner we were talking about travel and H mentioned that his parents decided they're going to take Asher to Florida for that week.  Um, no.  I'm not comfortable with that and H doesn't understand why.  He's pissed that I'm putting my foot down about this.  I'm just not comfortable with him being on the other end of the country without one of his parents for an entire week. (We live in NY) When H was little his grandparents took him on trips like this so he just doesn't understand why I'm so against it.  In my mind it's just not okay.  I love that they want to do new things with him and let him see, experience new things, but that's just too far.  He's a baby!   I told H maybe when he's 10, but 5 is just too young.

What do you think?  Am I being too "helicopter-y?"  Would you let your 5 year old go away for a week with his grandparents like that?  Am I nuts?  TIA

[laurski81]

No, I don't think you are nuts. I would have a bit of an issue with it too. But only if it was with my H's parents. If it was mine taking him I would be ok with it...go figure

[traceyt07]

laurski81, honestly, I wouldn't want my parents to take him that far away either. He's just too young!

[laurski81]

Jan 15, 2016 22:08:54 GMT -5 traceyt07 said:

laurski81, honestly, I wouldn't want my parents to take him that far away either. He's just too young!

I hear you and I still don't think you are nuts. I totally understand where you are coming from.

[barefoot84]

I can understand why you're worried, and maybe I'd react the same way you are. However, I like to think I'd let my kid have this incredible opportunity to spend a week in a different setting with my grand-parents, and create new memories. He'll be just fine, he'll have loving grand-parents making sure he's safe and having fun. He'll probably eat too much ice cream and sleep too little, but otherwise, he'll be just fine. He's old enough to understand he can always call you or maybe even Skype/Facetime.

But then again, my sister sent my niece to spend a month with my parents when she was just a toddler so she could work on her relationship with my niece's father. They ended up breaking up during that time, but my niece loved spending the time with my parents, and while she missed her parents, she adapted incredibly well, even at that young age.

[heatherbee]

I think it's awesome that they want to take him, but I would probably want to wait till he was a little older or if they go this year, that they travel a little closer. Would they consider that or are they set on going to Florida?

[traceyt07]

barefoot84, I totally understand that POV and my IL's do take him for tons of new adventures. They visit the Museum of Natural History, the Intrepid, the library, the beach, the zoo, etc. It's honestly just that it's so far away. H suggested that they take him to Philly instead, which is within driving distance, and (heatherbee) I agreed that was a good compromise.

[mommymadness]

I would probably allow my in laws to take my son at 5 but would be super jealous I wasn't going too! Lol I'm a pretty laid back person though and my in laws are super awesome and are super cautious. Oops posted too soon! With that being said your feelings are valid and if you are uncomfortable with it, then it is a deal breaker! I don't think it is helicopter ish at all.

[traceyt07]

mommymadness, yeah, I'm not jealous. Nor are my ils awesome. They're nuts. My fil is pretty normal but in poor health. (Stroke, vertigo and major heart issues in the past 3 years.) Mil is a lunatic.

[justbeth]

I'd let Emma go, but my parents and in laws are fairly normal. Emma has stayed a week with my inlaws at their beach house (about 5 hours from us) and been on a long weekend trip away with my parents (about 300 miles). If I felt like they were nuts, not capable or in bad health I would definitely question it. If it's their first trip with him I would encourage somewhere closer. I agree that is a good compromise. In the end, your the parents and its your call, so if it makes you uncomfortable, no.

[britbratjf]

Ha there was a post similar on my S15 board & the mom was asking about the MIL taking her 3yo to FL for a week. I would totally let my mom or step-MIL take Dagny to FL for a week. But I totally trust them & Dagny has always been fine when spending the night/week away from us. I won't even let MIL take D overnight so hell no would she take her on vacation.

But that's just me. I don't think you're a helicopter parent to not allow it but do you think A would have fun? Do you trust your ILs? I mean a week in FL going to the pool & beach sounds way more fun than staying home in cold weather IMO. But a lot of 5yos wouldn't be able to handle a week away from mom & dad, especially if you've never left him that long before.

[traceyt07]

@britbratjr, that's the thing, ds has never been away from us that long. He's spent a max of 2 nights in a row away from us and that was rough.

[somethingcleverer]

I don't think I would be able to let them take DS for a week. A weekend somewhere closer to home would be ok though. The kids have never slept away from us so I don't know how they would handle it but I also trust my parents and know they are in good hands(mil would never be able to take them due to health). I think compromising to a weekend trip closer to home is a good option.

[xanthepants]

I think that I'd be fine with my sister taking her, but my mom is 78 and honestly anything could happen. To send Cosette that far away scares me. I trust her, but my FIL is in poor health. If there was back up, maybe. In think it's justified to feel how you feel. A compromise sounds like a decent plan if you are ok with that.

[starfishy]

I don't even let my ILs watch my kid for like 5 minutes so my answer would be no. I think it would still be no if it was my parents. However my mom does take the kids on all sorts of day trips, but never for a week away.
I don't think this describes you as a helicopter parent. That would be like "we want to take Asher to the museum" and then you just have to stop by too

[trixi282]

FL would be a little far, and the more I read the more I agree with you that you're not being a helicopter parent. If he's only been away for 2 nights and that was a bit rough, what makes your IL's and H think he would be ok for a week (even 5 days) that far from you?

I think Philly is a good compromise, especially as his first trip away from you. It's drivable so if he ends up getting home sick, they can come home early. Taking trips will be fun as he gets older, but I definitely think it's something to ease into.

[traceyt07]

Thank you all for your input. I totally understand that we all have different perspectives on this type of thing. H still thinks I'm nuts, but we're agreeing to disagree on this and he knows if I'm not comfortable with it then Florida's a no go. Now to break the news to my ils.

[britbratjf]

Yeah if he had trouble spending 2 nights away I would be nervous sending him somewhere for a week. At least they can drive to Philly & come home if it isn't going well. Hotels have pools too

Honestly I think these situations are so kid specific. H& I left Dagny with my mom & stepdad for 5 nights when she was 16 months with no problems & she pretty much jumps at the chance to be away from us for a weekend at grandmas. But not every kid is like that and a week is a long time to them.

[britbratjf]

OH. And I think it's shitty your H agreed to it without talking to you.

[sarahandeddie]

No way will my parents ever take my kids for that long and that far. You asked them to babysit while you're at work, not take him on vacation.

DH and I also are big on letting us take our kids to do different experiences first before grandparents get to. We've watched my parents basically raise my nephews and my sister allows it. We don't want to get into a similar situation with our kids.

[nursedesi]

I would never let my mom who I completely trust and respects my parenting choices or my MIL who is also pretty nutzo.

I don't think your being a helicopter parent at all. Like someone else said. They are babysitting not going on vacation.

[traceyt07]

Jan 16, 2016 15:39:31 GMT -5 britbratjf said:

OH. And I think it's shitty your H agreed to it without talking to you.

Me too. Not over that one yet.

[bantyrooster]

Also Florida equals ocean. Hell no. You all know my worry with water (that isn't a pool) and my kids.

[mommymadness]

Jan 15, 2016 23:06:03 GMT -5 traceyt07 said:

mommymadness, yeah, I'm not jealous. Nor are my ils awesome. They're nuts. My fil is pretty normal but in poor health. (Stroke, vertigo and major heart issues in the past 3 years.) Mil is a lunatic.

Ya, I would definitely not be comfortable with that in your situation then. Especially with your son not doing well without you after 2 days.

[jennmm]

I would let mine go at 5. Probably no younger than that. He's goes camping with my parents all the tine so no issues there. As long as there was adequate adult supervision, I'd be fine.

[aylafsu1881]

I wouldn't let E go with my parents or with the ILs. That is to far away and for to long. For me there are to many what ifs. What if something happened? Would they be able to get health care or know what to do? Do they realize just how much work a 5 year old is? Kids that age need constant activity and entertainment. I think 8 is a more realistic age for a trip like that.