Money Matters 8: Love and Money with Your Parents

[lo95]

Money Matters 8: Love and Money with Your Parents

1. What was your experience like with money as you were growing up? Did your parents discuss their finances? Were you taught any principles about money and how did that impact you? OR, oppositely, if your parents didn't talk about money or didn't explicitly teach you about it, did that affect you one way or another?

2. Who has had the most profound impact on your thought process regarding personal finance? For better or for worse? How so?

3. How (or are you planning to) explicitly will you teach your kids about money? Would you ever share your specific finances with them at some point in their lives? What are your thoughts in general?

[namastebiotches]

1. Everything was really hush hush when it came to money. They didn't really teach us much. It didn't really affect me one way or another. I did come to the realization as I got older that our priorities are much different than our parents' so I don't relate to them very much when it comes to financial ways.

2. No one really. We've learned from ourselves & our experiences.

3. I will be as open as DS wants us to be to a point. All the things we learned we will pass on because no one really does that as you grow up, at least our parents didn't.

[ashiscute]

1. Yes they discussed money with us to an extent. They shared with us when things were expensive and whatnot but also probably hid it when things were tight. Money is a tough concept when you're young. They very much wanted us to understand how lucky we were to have enough money.

2. I suppose them. They also discussed (very generally) the finances for my grandmother and great aunt and how things were different for different people.

3. We talk about things costing money and how to save. When they are older we'll help them earn money at home and open a savings account. It's hard to consider now how to keep it age appropriate because my kids now do not understand money not being infinite or having specific value. I'm not sure my DD really believes us that all the coins and dollars are different.

[uniquename]

1. What was your experience like with money as you were growing up? Did your parents discuss their finances? Were you taught any principles about money and how did that impact you? OR, oppositely, if your parents didn't talk about money or didn't explicitly teach you about it, did that affect you one way or another?

My mom would let us know when things were tighter - not to scare us, but just as a way of letting us know why she wasn't buying certain things. We never knew the extent, but it did create in me an awareness that money is limited and you only buy what you can afford.

When I was 12 or so, my mom started giving me the money she would normally spend on me for clothes and other minor things and I became responsible for taking care of all those things with the amount she gave. It helped me understand the concept of budgeting early on. If I needed a winter coat and boots, I learned to save up for a couple months to make that work.


2. Who has had the most profound impact on your thought process regarding personal finance? For better or for worse? How so?

My husband comes from a family that would always spend money on that they wanted, regardless of if they had it. Seeing that, and all the problems that comes with such practices, has made me even more conscious of making smart financial decisions.  


3. How (or are you planning to) explicitly will you teach your kids about money? Would you ever share your specific finances with them at some point in their lives? What are your thoughts in general?
Kids will model what they see. So I make sure that my husband and I have some discussions about possible future purchases in front of them. I make lists with them before going to a store, so they see that you need to plan what you buy, not just impulse buy.

We use the money we get from recycling our bottles to teach how to give to others, how to deposit in a bank, how to spend only what you have in your wallet. 

If finances get tight, I would let the kids know so they understand why we make any changes to our spending, but I would not get too specific. I don't want my kids to worry, just understand that tight spots happen and then changes need to be made.

On the other hand, if we were doing pretty well when they get older, I am a firm believer in not letting them know. They can know things are comfortable but I don't want them to count on us getting them out of a jam if they make foolish decisions. This comes from having a classmate happily fail a class in university because she knew her dad wouldn't mind paying for her to do the class again. Knowing that my own money was on the line, I was much more motivated than her. I know not all people are like her, but sometimes having a huge safety net can be more detrimental than helpful. 

[lo95]

1. I was a typical only child and bordered on spoiled sometimes. My childhood was fairly dysfunctional and I think my mom often tried to compensate for being an only child along with the issues by buying stuff. That said, I didn't really understand money and even when it was talked about in passing I didn't get it because if I wanted something it generally happened regardless of what was going on. Now, that's to say things like a new book from the bookstore or a toy, but still, pretty spoiled.

When it comes down to it, the thing I really needed was time, and I got very little quality time with either parent. Looking back my best memories were with my grandparents, who were retired and not dysfunctional, thus filling in the hole left by my parents.

2. My mom didn't really buy much for herself and we didn't take a single vacation in 18 years. My mom is one of the unhappiest people I know and so the lesson that taught me is moderation. It's good to save, but there has to be moments of happiness (which do sometimes cost money) budgeted for. So I suppose my mom taught me good and bad things.

3. I want to explicitly teach DD about money as we go. I don't want her to worry, just to learn principles of saving and spending and what it means to exchange time in your life working for things that you want. I hope to have an open enough relationship that when she's older if she asks a specific financial question I can answer it honestly.

[3timemom]

1) they didn't talk about money until recently. I think the lack of talking about it made it hard for me once I was on my own because I was so used to getting what I wanted that I would spend spend spend then I would realize I didn't have enough for important things. I've gotten better and it's had put a strain on our marriage but we are working together now instead of separately and it's much better.

2) I guess my husband. He grew up super low income and he has always been better with money because of it think. He had his priorities straight because he knew the risks of not having a cushion.

3) I make my kids "work" if they want something like a new toy. They have to help me around the house or do a special chore. I don't want them to be like me growing up and expect to ask for something and have it handed to them. That's not how the world works. I've been trying to also allow them to spend part of birthday money and hold on to the rest for a later time. Whether they save it up or just wait a while before they use the rest of it.

[tincupchalice]

My parents never talked about money. It was especially problematic when the time came for college and they wouldn't talk about how much they would help and whatnot, just the "go where you want to go and we'll make it happen!" line which isn't really helpful.

My husband is very knowledgeable about money.

We'll definitely talk more about money than my parents did. Age-appropriate discussions about budgeting and saving, and as they get older, more in depth talks.

[icequeen]

1. What was your experience like with money as you were growing up? Did your parents discuss their finances? Were you taught any principles about money and how did that impact you? OR, oppositely, if your parents didn't talk about money or didn't explicitly teach you about it, did that affect you one way or another?

I was very spoiled growing up, and basically got whatever I asked for. To be somewhat fair, I worked very hard in school and was an Olympic level figure skater, so it's not like I didn't deserve the things my parents paid for, nor was I a little brat about it. They did not talk about money, I just know my parents had a lot of it. I don't like that they didn't teach me how to save or budget appropriately and I was very clueless in college as how to manage my finances. I always had help and I am not proud of this. I think my parents didn't talk about it because they didn't want me to worry, because I had/have horrible anxiety.

2. Who has had the most profound impact on your thought process regarding personal finance? For better or for worse? How so?

DH for sure. He has taught me so much and is so patient with my stupid questions.

3. How (or are you planning to) explicitly will you teach your kids about money? Would you ever share your specific finances with them at some point in their lives? What are your thoughts in general?

I think DH will take the lead on this one, however, I do want to teach my kids that they have to work for the things they want, but don't necessarily need. I use work loosely because I want to be able to help them out financially if I can, as long as they are being responsible, dedicated and respectful. I don't have a specific plan to teach them, but i imagine i would like for them to get jobs to show them how good and rewarding it feels. I would be open about my finances and also share that I did not know much and want them to not be in the same position as me.

[lo95]

icequeen Very cool about the skating- your SN makes sense to me now

[mrsmuq]

1. What was your experience like with money as you were growing up? Did your parents discuss their finances? Were you taught any principles about money and how did that impact you? OR, oppositely, if your parents didn't talk about money or didn't explicitly teach you about it, did that affect you one way or another? Good god, my parents are the worst people ever at managing finance. They've filed for bankruptcy once already (almost twice) and have had foreclosure proceedings on their house initiated, but were able to restructure their loan/have portions of it forgotten because they fell under the predatory lender practices from the early 2000s. 

2. Who has had the most profound impact on your thought process regarding personal finance? For better or for worse? How so? Because my parents always carried CC debt, I thought that was the norm for a loooong time. I was living well above my ability for several years. Resulted in thousands in CC interest payments. 

3. How (or are you planning to) explicitly will you teach your kids about money? Would you ever share your specific finances with them at some point in their lives? What are your thoughts in general? I think I would share specifics about finances when they're teens, but as of now, we try to reiterate that DS1 can't always get what he wants, and that daddy works hard to pay for our house, food, car, etc.