When I was born we said we were one and done. Now that he is older I am wanting another, but H is still firmly one and done. For awhile he wasn't even open to the idea of discussions it, but recently he has said we will discuss it when it is time for my Mirena to come out. If we both think we would like another, than we will try.
I feel like I will regret not trying for another but then I'm not sure. We also had two losses prior to I, so I honestly don't know if I could handle another which is why we aren't sure we want another.
All of this is long, but I guess I'm in the same boat with not being sure what I want.
H and I have also discussed adoption. We were starting to really look into it right when I got pregnant with I but put it on the back burner. I would love to adopt a baby from another country (we are think Colombia where H's moms side of the family is from). So that is a whole other ball game we are considering.
I don't think you will ever know for sure. And that makes it tough. I'm not sure if you are able to wait until your little guy is older and then maybe the thought of another won't be so conflicting?
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Post by designaddiction on Mar 13, 2016 9:14:18 GMT -5
I always wanted more than one so that they wouldn't be an only child. When DH and I first met, we always said we wanted 5, lol, we were young and obviously had no clue what it was like to raise a child. Then it got closer to actual having a child time and I was ok with just 2. I didn't enjoy most of my pregnancy and having a newborn is so hard, I was ok with just 1 after N was born, I had no idea how to cope with everyday life in the beginning. DH would have another now if I was ready. I still think we will have one more, but it is going to be some years. I also don't know how someone that is self employed has a baby?! I guess no real maternity leave, if you have to hire someone while you are out, which is like double negative pay, ugh, I am in the same boat. I think we all have some time still. Our current babies are only 18 months-ish.
Post by vavavictoria on Mar 13, 2016 11:16:55 GMT -5
I am very close to my sister and I want that for my daughter. I definitely get the doubt now though. It's hard to imagine it even being possible to love another kid as much as I love V. And it's hard for me to also think about her not getting all of my attention. I think a sibling will eventually create a distraction and she will have their attention and won't need as much of mine. Whenever V has one of her horrible toddler days I do question our decision to have another so soon but it's too late now. Lol.
Post by judyblume14 on Mar 13, 2016 15:37:08 GMT -5
Haven't read yet.
DH and I have always wanted 2. And wanted them about 2 years apart. So we started trying for #2 in July, as soon as I got my first PP period.
I def still want two. But have recently been very stressed/overwhelmed at the thought of parenting a toddler while pregnant, or later, being a mom of 2. I know it's what I want, but I get hives thinking about it!
I feel so selfish, too, because I had a good, fairly easy pregnancy, an uneventful birth. I was so lucky, but I don't want to do it again. I feel like I used up my luck.
Did you see earlier this week whe n N40Mom said something about not diminishing one's feelings or hardships just becuase someone else has it worse?
I think the same goes the other way. Just because you were lucky to have a great pregnancy and delivery doesn't mean you're obligated to have all the babies!
I had a really awesome pregnancy and easy-as-pie delivery (...well, there was the whole crazy tear and stitches, but I don't count them here). Sometimes I feel so guilty about that when I hear about the troubles others have experienced. I have to give myself permission to be happy about my experience, and remind myself that the good fortune we had didn't take away anyone else's.
What a great question @100poppies, and its such a hard answer. I'm all about wanting another but age is playing a factor and my husband's willingness so I'm not sure if we will be OAD. I think alot of your apprehension is really common and typical so I guess my best advice would just be to keep talking with your H about it and weighing it out and you will hopefully know what is best for you and your family. FWIW, i have had a few friends say they felt like they could never love another baby as much as their first and have managed to balance it just fine of course
I've brought this up a few times in the last month or so because I'm struggling with the guilt of having a second and totally disrupting J's world.
I have always wanted two, DH wants three. Like vavavictoria, I'm very close with my sibling (we're almost a year apart) and wanted that for my kids ... not a year apart though! First I was worried about the financial aspects, and two daycare tuitions really don't thrill me, but I also don't want to wait until J is out of daycare to have a second. In reality, we had talked about TFAS when J turned one, but our upcoming trip to Europe put a hold on things. So the next few months are to be our prime trying time but as we've gotten closer I'm really getting anxiety about it.
I've come to grips with the financial part but it's the whole thing about J not being our only focus that scares me. Deep down I know OAD is not for us and I know she won't be scarred and I know that I will love both of them so much but I just worry that J will hate the baby or feel like we don't give her enough attention (or that we won't actually be giving her enough attention) or that she'll be sad and I don't want to do that to her. Yesterday she picked up a baby doll and turned it around so it's head was on her shoulder and patted it on the back and said "hi baby." I told DH "see, she would be a great older sister!" but then I immediately go back to worrying about how she'll feel. I know we can have her help with the baby to be involved and make sure to do special things with her. And I know that everyone else in my life has successfully had more than one child and no one has ever been scarred by it. I feel like we just need to commit and have a second and I need to stop concerning myself with the Debbie downer "what ifs," but I fear that if we did get pregnant, as happy as I would be I would also be a bit sad for J. I feel awful even typing that.
So, @100poppies, I don't know! But you're not alone in everything that you're feeling.
Post by spacedcadet on Mar 14, 2016 12:18:42 GMT -5
Warning: this will probably be a novel. I have a lot of feelings on this. Though some seem similar to others. I always wanted 2. I'm feeling a bit of pressure to have a second within the next year or two due to age, etc and I keep thinking that maybe it will make more sense as G gets older but there are a lot of time when I feel overwhelmed just dealing with him and I can't imagine trying to care for him and either being pregnant or dealing with a newborn. I try to tell myself that it will be a relatively short period of time that I will deal with that but it just seems like as G grows there are just different challenges that are equally stressful. Like if we are out somewhere, he doesn't want to be held and then immediately takes off running if you put him down. How do I chase him down with a newborn to deal with? These are just scenarios that I think about all of the time. I had pretty bad morning sickness too where just bending down to get clothes out of the dryer would make me sick so trying to pick G up feeling like that does not sound appealing. But I do t want to close the door on it completely just because the next 2 - 3 years might suck. I just don't know. I think H is good with one at this point and even if we decided to try for 2 there's no guarantee that I will get pregnant again either. Anyway, there are my rambling thoughts on the matter.
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