NBR: Help with ADD issues

[Lola]

I need some help with my oldest stepson. I know some of you are teachers and some may have similar issues with older children, so I thought this may be a good place to start. 

DH got a call yesterday from his ex, saying she had met with their 7 year-olds teacher. She stated that he has a hard time concentrating in class and is getting frustrated easily. Some background- He goes to a private catholic school. He has a July birthday and started Kindergarten right after turning 5, and struggled with some self-control/emotional issues that year. They decided to hold him back to re-do kindergarten when he was 6. They weren't sure if it was immaturity, or if he was struggling with issues related to their divorce and moms new boyfriend. He really did well the second time. This year, he is in first grade and this is the first time we are hearing about any issues in class.

We've know that he gets frustrated easily (like with not winning at video games). We don't see him when he does his homework or anything like that. Hes a smart kid. He scored highest on his standardized testing for his grade. But once he gets frustrated, there is no calming him. A few weeks ago we called and he was upset that his mom was making him work on his spelling. He only wanted to do his math homework. That week, he got a 65% on his spelling test. The next week, he had no problem doing his homework and he got a 100%. 

So, the teacher is suggesting that he get evaluated for ADD and start with tutoring. They are also going to get him in with a child psychologist to work on some coping mechanisms. She is also suggesting that next year we to send him to a special school. The problem is, that school is 20k a year, which would be difficult for us to swing. The other choice is to take him out of private school and send him to public school where he may get more help however DH is concerned that he would be "singled out". 

So, are special cognitive schools worth it? Is DHs fear of public school/special ed something we should worry about? 

Tl;dr: How to help ADD/coping mechanisms for 7 year old? 

[GrrArgh]

I don't have any experience but I just wanted to send good thoughts.

[sararl07]

I think the teacher jumped the gun by suggesting a special school with out a physician diagnosis or even trying a treatment...especially if this is the first time hearing about it.

[Lola]

jlhv1909 I thought they sounded pretty normal too, but I guess if the teacher is pointing them out, something must be going on. I know he gets frustrated when he gets things wrong, he doesn't take direction well because his feelings get hurt that he's doing things wrong. He has some other sort of ADD issues too- he has pee accidents somewhat often, mostly because he wont take the time away from what hes doing to go to the bathroom. He was medicated for overactive bladder, which helped with night time accidents, btu has been off of it for 2 months now. The hardest part is that we arent always kept in the loop. His ex doesn't tell DH when she is having these meetings, so he isnt there for them. He has requested that he is, but she says "its not a big deal". This is the first time this year we are hearing of anything, and I feel like this has probably been brought to her attention before now. It would be nice for us to know how we could help when he is with us. We arent really sure how to handle him when he gets so worked up.


The school they are suggesting is this: www.collegeschool.udel.edu/ It is pretty close to where he lives. They said he would probably need 2 years there. I think it is sort of a worst-case scenario, if tutoring doesn't help for the rest of the year.

Eta: This is a description of the school:The College School serves students in first through eighth grade who demonstrate learning, attention, mild social/emotional, and/or mild behavioral issues that may impact school success. Our students flourish in a supportive environment that promotes confidence, individuality, and a spirit of self-advocacy, helping them become proud and confident learners.

Students diagnosed with reading disabilities, such as dyslexia, have been particularly successful at The College School. This success is attributable to the systematic, multisensory reading approaches utilized by teaching staff, as well as to the frequency of daily reading instruction these students receive. While the goal of The College School is to return students to a traditional school setting in two to three years, many remain through the 8th grade, as the unique blend of a challenging curriculum and a personalized approach to learning is unparalleled. 

[isolemnlyswear]

DH has ADHD and is a successful engineer. I want to let you know that having ADD or ADHD does not mean he won't be something great or is slow in school.

Getting him evaluated is a great idea. It if course does not mean you need to medicate him if he does have ADD. There is a ton you can do with behavior modification. The psychologist should be able to help with those ideas.

I do not think a special school is necessary at all... when it comes to school or chores know that people who have ADD do not use the same brain pathways that non ADD people use. They are usually emotionally driven to compete tasks. This would explain his spelling test...

I would encouraged you to send him to a facility that specializes in ADD. Do not have his pediatrician diagnose him. They mean well but are not specifically trained like a psychiatrist is.

[Lola]

Thanks isolemnlyswear. I totally agree. DH is a little Add and he is successful with his career. I think the toughest part for us is feeling like we have to make the "right" decision but that there might not be one. He has an appt with a specialist at a children's hospital for evaluation. Meds are definitely not an option right now. Behavior mods are the first step. Thanks for your input!

[littlemissmarla]

As a teacher I can't believe that she would even attempt to diagnose him with ADHD. If she had real concerns she should bring it up to the child study team and then someone from there should observe your child and then decide if they should discuss further testing with the parents. It also makes me sick that she would even suggest him going to a different school as if he couldn't continue to function where he is. I would speak with the school counselor/psychologist AND inform the principal about the things she is saying. Hoping everything works out and if he is diagnosed with ADHD, he can absolutely have a happy, normal and health life.

[Lola]

littlemissmarla I honestly didn't know that wasn't the usual course for how these things go! I feel like he's so young, how can they say he needs a different school entirely?? Thanks so much for your thoughts. We are going to talk to the ex about it. I'm thinking maybe this isn't the first time his behavior has been brought up, just the first time she told us about it.

[quinncat]

my 3 year old is going through a lot of issues right now. He has behavior issues, went 4 months without eating anything except drinking pediasure and has a lot of anxiety and has a speech delay. We are seeing multiple specialists which have included speech therapy, occupational therapy, a child psychologist, his pedi, and a GI doctor. None of them have even suggested a diagnosis. We are on the waiting list for a developmental pediatrician. They are the experts and the ones who will diagnose if he has something. I would be so pissed if a teacher said this to me. You should talk to his pedi and maybe get a referral if you are concerned.

The ladies on the special needs board are awesome and much more knowledgable than me. You should post this question over there.