Second baby Showers

[rory5280]

Are these becoming a thing? I feel like they are becoming much more of the norm. I have been invited to several this spring and have many friends who are planning them for their current pregnancy.

By shower...I mean full out showers. Not sprinkles. Registries, etc.

I try not to sound mortified by the thought of them when my close friends bring them up but I have always thought they were tacky and not appropriate in most cases. I do think there are occasions where it's completely appropriate however.

Are views of these changing? Do I need to change my attitude about them? Or am can I stay disgruntled about them? Lol

For the record I wont be having a second one regardless.

[tjanca22]

If we're talking full on showers, I'm with you and think they are tacky.
1. No one should be planning a shower for themselves, regardless if this is kid 1,2 or 10 and 2. you should have most of the basics already if you are on kid 2+.

I think it's maaaaaybe okay for a full shower if you haven't had a child in 10+years. Some baby gear expires and let's be honest, 10+ years is a long time to hold on to baby items. So I can understand in that situation having a shower for someone.

When it comes to registries for a second, I'm all for making one but not sharing it with anyone. It's a great mental checklist of things you need to purchase and you can get completion discounts. Why not save some money on things I know I'm going to need?

I say stay disgruntled!

[rory5280]

Just to clarify none of them are actually planning them for themselves. They are just planning on having them. Thank goodness because I would really be struggling if that was the case!

I agree with the long periods between kids too. My cousin is having a second one and it's been 8 years between kids and they've striggled with infertiltiy for the last six. So I am beyond excited for this shower.

[LizInFL]

I'll join you in Camp Disgruntled, haha. I tend to be old-fashioned and kind of an etiquette stickler, but I think wedding and baby showers in general are getting out of control.

I have been invited to "sprinkles" for 2nd babies over the last couple years that were basically full-blown showers. They were for good friends, so I would have given a gift anyway, but I do think it's a bit tacky to do the huge registry, etc. (especially when the 2nd child is very close in age and/or the same sex as the first).

I had a very small shower for DS given by a couple girlfriends; nothing in my hometown b/c we were living in the midwest at the time with H's job and my OB didn't want me flying back east due to some issues with my pregnancy. I did have a registry and we received lots of lovely gifts from family/friends despite not having a large hometown shower. 

eta: agree with y'all that there are some extenuating circumstances where a 2nd shower would make me less disgruntled (big age gap b/n kids, etc.)

[sweetmelissa5]

The traditional purpose of a shower is to welcome the woman into motherhood, so from that perspective, having showers for multiple kids is odd. I am not a fan of showers anyway, so while I smiled and thanked everyone when I was pregnant with my first kid, I would have been mortified to have one thrown for any subsequent kids. Registries, though, I've had for all my kids; I find this to be the easiest way to keep track of what I want to get (since there's always a few things that need to be replaced or new gear that I want to try out), and the completion discount is a nice bonus.

[LizInFL]

I'm not opposed to creating a registry for subsequent children for the reasons you mention sweetmelissa5...I guess my problem lies with sending it out on invites, etc.

Like, if a close friend or family member asked for the info, I'd pass it along, but wouldn't publicize the info in any way, if that makes sense.

[aggiebug]

It's becoming the norm and I hate it. I mean I can almost understand a sprinkle if your second kid is a lot younger or maybe if it's the opposite sex, but I generally decline going.

[goldenlove3]

I've never actually had to deal with a second shower yet but a bunch of my friends are pregnant with #2 now so we'll see how it all plays out. I think I would definitely be rolling my eyes if one ends up with a full blown shower but I wouldn't mind something small. Any excuse to just hang out with my girlfriends is fine with me.

[kleigh]

I think that a sprinkle for kid #2+ isn't too bad, assuming we are talking tea and cake or finger sandwiches, at someone's house, and no registry. But a whole other full blown shower, get outta here. What do you need besides attention? That was kinda mean but I'm just saying wouldn't you have most of what you need except clothes and diapers. And in some cases clothes you have if its a repeat gender.

But this begs another good question my friend and I were talking about, is it completely taboo to do a non-traditional shower? We both like the idea of like a barbecue or other Jack and Jill where it's not just baby bingo and measure my stomach and let's watch her open gifts. Is this an UO?

[ClassyMrsA]

kleigh I don't see a problem with a non-traditional shower. You're not asking for stuff, just having a party to celebrate the coming of a new baby. So why not? Maybe it's attention seeking, but having a kid is a big deal whether it's #1 or #5. Why are subsequent kids less exciting or worthy of a party? I get the gift stuff because yeah you should have stuff, but a party alone shouldn't get a side eye.

That said, we are not having a non-traditional shower. We are going to do a gender reveal bbq and while I'm for a party to celebrate the new baby, I'm not for two.

ETA: Wanted to clarify that a shower/big party should be thrown by someone else. Hosting your own is weird. Doing a dinner or something low key and fun as a last hurrah I think is fine to do yourself.

[aggiebug]

You bet I will plan a girls dinner or something before my due date as a last hurrah before #2 arrives. But that is different!

[dashook]

I'm generally against a full blown second shower, with narrow exceptions, which others have pointed out above. I'm 100% against people throwing their own showers, regardless of what # kid it is.

I will be making a registry for this baby for organization and discount purposes. The only way I'd share it is if someone like my mom or grandma asks.

[kleigh]

Apr 13, 2016 8:13:36 GMT -5 ClassyMrsA said:

kleigh I don't see a problem with a non-traditional shower. You're not asking for stuff, just having a party to celebrate the coming of a new baby. So why not? Maybe it's attention seeking, but having a kid is a big deal whether it's #1 or #5. Why are subsequent kids less exciting or worthy of a party? I get the gift stuff because yeah you should have stuff, but a party alone shouldn't get a side eye.

That said, we are not having a non-traditional shower. We are going to do a gender reveal bbq and while I'm for a party to celebrate the new baby, I'm not for two.

Definitely not saying they aren't as exciting or worthy of a party, they're most certainly exciting at anytime and I'm all for any reason to party, but to register for gifts and the whole nine, I think that's just attention seeking/greedy. My personal opinion.

[ClassyMrsA]

Apr 13, 2016 8:55:12 GMT -5 kleigh said:

Apr 13, 2016 8:13:36 GMT -5 ClassyMrsA said:

kleigh I don't see a problem with a non-traditional shower. You're not asking for stuff, just having a party to celebrate the coming of a new baby. So why not? Maybe it's attention seeking, but having a kid is a big deal whether it's #1 or #5. Why are subsequent kids less exciting or worthy of a party? I get the gift stuff because yeah you should have stuff, but a party alone shouldn't get a side eye.

That said, we are not having a non-traditional shower. We are going to do a gender reveal bbq and while I'm for a party to celebrate the new baby, I'm not for two.

Definitely not saying they aren't as exciting or worthy of a party, they're most certainly exciting at anytime and I'm all for any reason to party, but to register for gifts and the whole nine, I think that's just attention seeking/greedy. My personal opinion.

I agree. Hence I said as long as you don't ask for gifts.

[LizInFL]

Apr 13, 2016 9:08:41 GMT -5 @litera said:

Showers? No way. Excuse for a girl's night or lunch together? Sure, why not. No tiaras, no ribbons, no invites, no cake. DH and I are the youngest on both sides of the family (mid 30s) and a lot of the women are baby crazy. This is the last grandchild for everyone, niece/nephew so they are salivating. I'm putting my personal wishlist for this baby on Public, those who are savvy and want to do it, sweet, right on.

But sometimes I think women just want an excuse to plan something, throw a party, socialize. I'd be mortified to go through the shower thing again, we don't need that attention or anything else really. I did the FTM Mom and bought way too much crap the first time around.

I think there's a lot of truth in this. My mom's friends love doing bridal and baby showers for the daughters/DILs of their friends, and I think this is a huge part of it. Let's face it, there is a lot of sadness in this world, so I think they enjoy getting others together for a happy occasion.  

[LizInFL]

kleigh some friends of ours did a 'couples shower' when they had their first baby. It was fun...the guys BBQ'ed, there were no ridiculous games, people drank, and M&D to-be opened gifts. I wouldn't raise an eyebrow at something like that.

[cookswithwine9]

My friend had a "sprinkle" for #2. It was a lunch at a restaurant and people were asked to bring diapers if they wanted to bring a gift. I thought it was a nice way to celebrate a second baby.

[amberlie]

Agreed that second showers are tacky. I'll be having a registry... on amazon, but for my own personal use to get the % off and keep track of what I need. With an 8 month old, it's really not much except a second convertible seat at some point and second camera for our monitor. I'm dreading my MIL trying to plan a second shower. I know she will because she uses any and every excuse to invite everyone over to party.

[peanutmuse]

Alllllll the no.

On principle, I refuse to attend second showers, period. However, I have only honestly been invited to one. It's just not something my friends do. I have one tacky person in my life, and of course, that's the one who had a second shower. Her second child was 9 years after her first, unexpected, and the opposite sex. NONE of those reasons are good enough to have another shower. I mean, if your family and friends want to get you gifts, that's totally cool. But having a second shower is rude and tacky.

There is only ONE exception, IMO. If the woman is remarried and it is the father's first child -- in that case, the future grandmother and aunts and friends on that side have not had a chance to celebrate their loved one's first child, and a small shower would be appropriate. Again, that's my opinion. I come from a blended family, and I was old enough to remember how excited my step-grandmother was. That is the reason for my perspective on this.

[rory5280]

Thanks for all of the input ladies!  I am the first to admit that I'm a little old school and stubborn so sometimes I do find it necessary to take a step back level set with the changing times, but I just have not been able to get on board with this.  

I agree with the comments that showers are intended to be a welcoming to motherhood and a community coming together to get the new family on their feet.  I don't think it's intended to be a "supply me with everything I want for every baby I have".  Be smart...buy the bigger items gender neutral.  
 

On a side note, I am glad I asked this because I had not even thought about a registry to get the coupons discounts!  I forgot about that from last pregnancy!  

[cheshie6]

Well I am not wanting a first baby shower because I don't like being the center of attention, and I don't have many friends that are very close to my location so I feel like it's requesting too much to have them here and do presents. I think a sprinkle for kid #2 is OK but the last sprinkle I attended, we went out to eat and mostly gave gift cards and diapers! If there is a big age gap between the kids (BIL is 7 years younger than the next youngest and was a total oops) I think that is acceptable too! Otherwise it seems present grabbing and tacky to me!

I love the idea of a non-traditional shower! Jack and Jill sounds awesome!

[calindi]

I have seen a ton of second showers here, especially when it's a girl and the first child was a boy (because squeeeee pink lol).

I won't be doing a second shower no matter what. We quite simply don't need much - a double stroller, probably another crib, some nursery decorations, and another convertible car seat. And sure, pink frilly junk if it's a girl, but I have no doubt (shower or no) that my family will buy that stuff, and we can buy what items we want.

We do have an Amazon registry, currently set to private, just to keep track of a wish list or shopping list. We'll set it to the "if you have the URL, you can see it" setting at some point so if people ask for what we need, I can share it.

[hangry]

Yup, I'm in the no second shower camp (with exceptions). If a sprinkle means no registry, just a luncheon to celebrate, then that's ok. But I would specify, no gifts. Those that want to give a gift still will and those that don't, won't have to feel bad.
Somewhat related, H and i did the same thing for our "housewarming" and our son's 1st birthday. Since we live out of town from all family, we wanted to celebrate but didn't want gifts from friends. Some people brought a gift or something small, and others didn't, and that was ok. We just put gifts aside and hung out with everyone, which is what we really wanted.

[htk1113]

I like the idea of celebrating every baby if mom/dad wants to. I've never been invited to a baby #2 shower so, right now, my thought is whatever.

I threw a sprinkle for my friend's second and we had food, a little decor, some gifts (if guests wanted to bring them) and lots of conversation. I don't think I'm going to have a sprinkle for b2 but am not opposed to a BBQ. I'm not sure if I'll even do a "tea and see" thing. Ha! just thought of this since mh brews beer, maybe I'll have a "Brew and View" party after b2 is born.

I'm all for a Jack and Jill party no matter what number baby you're on. I like the idea of dad's getting a chance to show their excitement and celebrate with those they care about too.

UO? I'm not a fan of gender reveal parties, NMS. To me that's an excuse for another party.

[htk1113]

Apr 13, 2016 7:54:50 GMT -5 kleigh said:

I think that a sprinkle for kid #2+ isn't too bad, assuming we are talking tea and cake or finger sandwiches, at someone's house, and no registry. But a whole other full blown shower, get outta here. What do you need besides attention? That was kinda mean but I'm just saying wouldn't you have most of what you need except clothes and diapers. And in some cases clothes you have if its a repeat gender.

But this begs another good question my friend and I were talking about, is it completely taboo to do a non-traditional shower? We both like the idea of like a barbecue or other Jack and Jill where it's not just baby bingo and measure my stomach and let's watch her open gifts. Is this an UO?

It was hard for me not to do a girls only shower but my bf insisted on girls only so, we invited our close guy friends and those that couldn't make the "girls only" to our family shower.  I say stick to your guys, if you want to include h and all your guy friends in the celebration do it!  I think sometimes mom's don't realize how excited dad's are and that they might feel left out on celebrating this time with friends.

ETS: wanted to add, why not have a registry for a Jack and Jill.  If it's truly a shower for the baby.  Our guy friends bought us bottles and other really thoughtful things.