Boo friends!
Apr 13, 2016 19:09:27 GMT -5
Post by brachysira on Apr 13, 2016 19:09:27 GMT -5
I know we've talked about this, but making friends is so hard! I am in a moms' group, but the moms are mostly quite a bit younger. There is a large subset with 2 year-olds born in the same month who bonded when they all had newborns and these people lead the group. I have a 3 year-old and was one of the leaders before these people took over and so I am still officially a leader, but no one ever invites me to planning meetings or anything. That's okay with me because I can still post playdates and don't really want to manage dues or anything, but it kind of sucks that I am so unimportant that no one even considers asking me to do any of the group chores. Plus, when I do post playdates, they aren't as well attended as others. I was talking to another mom with older kids in the group and I said that it was hard to do anything too major because people tended to drop out (like if there is a field trip to a zoo 45 minutes away, 20 people will say they're going, but every single person will drop out by the time it is time to go), and she says, "that's why it's better to just plan things privately." Well, thanks for the tip, but you've never invited me to anything, and I have no friends to invite to things.
My best "mom" friend recently got a job so I never see her, and she's kind of flakey about getting together in the best of times. My only local pre-mom friend is moving across the country. Another friend just had a preemie and is unlikely to be in the area long, but despite this, she's my best bet for playdates right now.
I knew a couple moms of boys in my DD's preschool class slightly, so I arranged playdates with each of them at our house. Each came, but it's been a couple months a neither has reciprocated. I asked one if she was enrolling next year, and told her that since the preschool wasn't in my neighborhood, I really was only going to do it if we knew some people who would be in DD's class, and she was all, I don't know, too busy to think about it, and then she enrolled and had her friend enroll too, and we didn't get a spot.
I feel like maybe the nature of mom-friendships is just transient since people tend to get jobs or drop in and out of friendships due to baby-having, etc. and many SAHMs are such because their spouses are students, etc. and so they are temporary too, and so you just have to work on it all the time and never have the same friends for long... And maybe the other set of SAHMs in my area are local and so have friends from school that they see and perhaps have families in the area that form their main socialization...and so are not really available for friendships.
I just don't know if I should keep doing moms' group stuff which provides daily opportunities for socializing but without many chances to make real friends...is that what I can expect? Or should I keep searching, going to new groups, asking people I don't know at preschool for playdates, etc.? What's your experience with trying to make mom friends? Have you made any "life long friends" or are these more just people to spend time with during the long weekdays, and you expect you'll lose touch when it's no longer easy?
My best "mom" friend recently got a job so I never see her, and she's kind of flakey about getting together in the best of times. My only local pre-mom friend is moving across the country. Another friend just had a preemie and is unlikely to be in the area long, but despite this, she's my best bet for playdates right now.
I knew a couple moms of boys in my DD's preschool class slightly, so I arranged playdates with each of them at our house. Each came, but it's been a couple months a neither has reciprocated. I asked one if she was enrolling next year, and told her that since the preschool wasn't in my neighborhood, I really was only going to do it if we knew some people who would be in DD's class, and she was all, I don't know, too busy to think about it, and then she enrolled and had her friend enroll too, and we didn't get a spot.
I feel like maybe the nature of mom-friendships is just transient since people tend to get jobs or drop in and out of friendships due to baby-having, etc. and many SAHMs are such because their spouses are students, etc. and so they are temporary too, and so you just have to work on it all the time and never have the same friends for long... And maybe the other set of SAHMs in my area are local and so have friends from school that they see and perhaps have families in the area that form their main socialization...and so are not really available for friendships.
I just don't know if I should keep doing moms' group stuff which provides daily opportunities for socializing but without many chances to make real friends...is that what I can expect? Or should I keep searching, going to new groups, asking people I don't know at preschool for playdates, etc.? What's your experience with trying to make mom friends? Have you made any "life long friends" or are these more just people to spend time with during the long weekdays, and you expect you'll lose touch when it's no longer easy?