Do you feel like a Mom?

[roseinbloom]

Mom, mommy, mother, mama...do any of these shoes fit for you?

(Apologies to dads, but I don't think there are any here?)

[cinnamonsmiles]

It's still sinking in slowly, even after two kids.
I was telling someone about "my son and daughter" the other day and felt so strange saying those words.

[zombiesquad]

Apr 26, 2016 14:23:10 GMT -5 cinnamonsmiles said:

It's still sinking in slowly, even after two kids.
I was telling someone about "my son and daughter" the other day and felt so strange saying those words.

This. It's still weird to say "the kids."

[rachelilly23]

By the 3rd kid, for sure.

[nexttonormal]

Apr 26, 2016 14:50:13 GMT -5 rachelilly23 said:

By the 3rd kid, for sure.

Ditto this.
With my first, I felt like I was only watching someone else's baby. Looking back, it felt like MY mom was the one calling the shots in regards to my DD1. Not because she tried to take over, it was more because I was not confident AT ALL in any decisions, and looked to her for answers about most everything.
Now I'm all like, "I don't give an eff what you think, I'm doing things my way"

[roseinbloom]

I voted for confused but with a phone exploding with pictures.

I love saying "my son" or "my baby" and I call myself "mom/mommy" when I'm talking to the little bud, but despite using those terms I don't feel like a mom. I feel like silly old me with a small, sticky person attached permanently to my body.

For some reason when I was pregnant I thought having a baby would be the rite of passage to the mom aura. Guess not. It's interesting to see that it really takes time to sink in to the psyche!

[jewel441]

In some ways, I have always felt like a mom, I was just missing the kids. But it definitely feels a little surreal, your life changes so much overnight. Literally everything is different

[adorebel]

Apr 26, 2016 18:10:41 GMT -5 jewel441 said:

In some ways, I have always felt like a mom, I was just missing the kids. But it definitely feels a little surreal, your life changes so much overnight. Literally everything is different

Love this. 

And yes, as weird as it is to finally be a mom and say it aloud in conversation, I can look at my daughter and know in the core of my being that she is mine and I am hers.

[sctiger]

I do, but it's still a strange feeling to use words like my kids or my girls. It's hard to believe that I have two kids!

[sunny]

Apr 27, 2016 7:09:09 GMT -5 TheCoffeeNinja said:

It's just about sunk in now, 7 years/3 kids in. Most of the time I feel like someone's going to show up at any minute, say 'thanks for watching them' and take them home.

Oof, this gave me chills. I felt like this when DS was born, but it was mostly PPD talking. PPD's a real bitch. With 2 kids, I definitely feel like a mommy now. I can hardly imagine a time when they weren't in my life, even though there was such a time only 2 years ago. Being a mom has changed me a lot.

[halfahippy]

I had finally started to sink in that I was ds's mom, and now I've got 2. For the longest time I felt like was just watching someone else's kid. I'm glad to hear in not the only one who felt that way. I've always worked in childcare so I thought that was why I felt like that.
It is weird to say my daughter or my kids now. I had finally gotten used to "my son"

[rachelilly23]

Apr 27, 2016 8:46:53 GMT -5 halfahippy said:

SNIP*
It is weird to say my daughter or my kids now. I had finally gotten used to "my son"

This is me, since I had just boys and now I have a girl, so it's "the kids." I was used to being a boy mom, so now it's hard to see myself as a girl mom. I'm getting there though and I of course LOVE it

[rosetyler72]

Hasn't really sunk in yet. I still feel too young to be a mom (I'm not, almost 30) so it is weird still. I guess I'm just young at heart.

[katespade]

It hasn't sunk in yet for me either. I feel like people must look at me and think I'm too young to be a mom (I tend to be told I look younger than I am).

But then the funny part is we bought a zoo membership and the woman told me and H that if we picked one of the programs we "could give our nanny the third membership card." Which LOL that we would afford a nanny!

[miggg]

My problem right now is that I actually don't feel like anything but a mom. I don't really feel like a woman, a wife, a manager, a student, a runner etc. It's like my whole identity got sucked up. Working on finding the other pieces again but I think it'll take some time to find the balance.

[carissa325]

Apr 27, 2016 15:09:00 GMT -5 miggg said:

My problem right now is that I actually don't feel like anything but a mom. I don't really feel like a woman, a wife, a manager, a student, a runner etc. It's like my whole identity got sucked up. Working on finding the other pieces again but I think it'll take some time to find the balance.

You aren't alone.

[zombiesquad]

Apr 27, 2016 15:09:00 GMT -5 miggg said:

My problem right now is that I actually don't feel like anything but a mom. I don't really feel like a woman, a wife, a manager, a student, a runner etc. It's like my whole identity got sucked up. Working on finding the other pieces again but I think it'll take some time to find the balance.

Totally feeling like this lately. All H has been able to say is "you're such a good mom!" While I appreciate it and it's the bulk of my time especially while on maternity leave, it would be nice to hear I'm still good at all the things I did before I was a mom and still do.

[songbirdsinging55]

Apr 27, 2016 15:09:00 GMT -5 miggg said:

My problem right now is that I actually don't feel like anything but a mom. I don't really feel like a woman, a wife, a manager, a student, a runner etc. It's like my whole identity got sucked up. Working on finding the other pieces again but I think it'll take some time to find the balance.

This for me too. I know I will get back to feeling a little more like myself but it will take some time.

[rosetyler72]

How are all you coping these days? I feel so overwhelmed and out of control a lot of the time. It doesn't feel like things are getting on any kind of schedule and I overreact to every little thing. Normal or should I maybe talk to Dr about PPD?

[paloslee]

Apr 27, 2016 15:09:00 GMT -5 miggg said:

My problem right now is that I actually don't feel like anything but a mom. I don't really feel like a woman, a wife, a manager, a student, a runner etc. It's like my whole identity got sucked up. Working on finding the other pieces again but I think it'll take some time to find the balance.

Feeling the same way.

[paloslee]

May 2, 2016 22:00:09 GMT -5 rosetyler72 said:

How are all you coping these days? I feel so overwhelmed and out of control a lot of the time. It doesn't feel like things are getting on any kind of schedule and I overreact to every little thing. Normal or should I maybe talk to Dr about PPD?

Hugs! I can't say if it's considered "normal" but I know I feel overwhelmed at times too. When I think things are going good all of a sudden I feel like I'm back at square one. I'm sure with time things will feel a bit smoother How old is LO? Mine is 9 weeks and it's a bit easier than it was at the beginning. Please feel free to talk with us or loved ones or even your doctor if you're feeling down.

[sunshineshades]

May 2, 2016 22:00:09 GMT -5 rosetyler72 said:

How are all you coping these days? I feel so overwhelmed and out of control a lot of the time. It doesn't feel like things are getting on any kind of schedule and I overreact to every little thing. Normal or should I maybe talk to Dr about PPD?

How often? With dd1 I looked at things as if there were more good days than bad things were probably fine. Not sure how true that is though. All your feelings are normal it depends how strong they are and if they are taking over.
Fwiw we took months to get any kind of schedule with dd1 and I haven't even started to try this time (5 weeks). It's really all just following lo's lead right now. They're too unpredictable.

[roseinbloom]

rosetyler72 and anyone else wondering about baby blues/ppd/PPA, I really recommend picking up a copy of This Isn't What I Expected. It goes through a lot of symptoms for each and helps you identify what you are going through and possible treatment options if necessary. There's a section for partners to read too.

Please, please, please talk to your doc about this if it's interfering with your life. I went from overwhelmingly suicidal to being manageable with therapy and drugs. It's your hormones, not you, and needing help does NOT make you a failure as a mom.

I held out longer than I should have on taking medication because I thought it was a failure on my part if I had to take drugs. The difference was night and day--proof that it really is hormones out of whack and NOT YOU.

There's no way I could have dealt with what has gone down recently without it and my husband would probably be a widower with a tiny infant. That's horrible.

So again, there's no shame. If you're feeling bad about things, even if you think it's "normal" or your embarrassed to admit needing help to the people in your life, please find someone to talk to about it, read the book, and don't be afraid to get more help if you need it.

Hugs.

[SheilaTheTank]

Daycare director called me "Keira's mom". I guess that makes it official.

[rosetyler72]

roseinbloom, thanks for the book suggestion and encouraging words.

[FunniBunni]

+1 for only feeling like a mom. Just did the math, and I've been a mom for almost half my life. Yike.

It is just starting to sink in that this kid is mine though. At first I felt like I was babysitting, but it feels more real now. I was pretty jacked after birth.

[jess9802]

I do feel like a mom, though I have an occasional moment where it hits me and it feels sort of surreal. I think becoming a stepparent first plays a part. DH and I have been together for seven years, and he has a son from his first marriage. From the beginning of our relationship we were family oriented, even though my SS didn't come to live with us full-time until 2013. What's stranger to me is how spread across the parenting spectrum we are - SS will be 17 this year, just went to junior prom, has a job, a car, and a girlfriend. Then there's DS1, who's almost four, and of course the baby. I don't feel like I fit in with the preschool moms or SS's water polo moms....